• Member Since 13th Jul, 2013
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Bakmah Genesis


Insanity is only those of the vivid imagination


T
Source

Twilight never found time to read through the rather dated library in the Crystal Empire. During a trip out to the Empire, the alicorn decides to spend some time in the library. However, upon making the shocking realization that the Princess before Cadence has an almost exact likeness to herself. When trying to dig deeper, she is denied by Celestia. What exactly is she hiding?


I had this hiding in my docs for almost a year, completed. Dunno why it was never posted, so here we are.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 28 )

I want to knew Shining and Cadence, reaction to learn the truth about twilight

8108518

I'm with you Shining and Cadence are going to go spastic about this.

Spacecowboy
Story Approver

This really comes off as more than a lead in to something else, rather than a simple one shot. Interesting enough concept, though, but leaves too many questions to be asked without answers present.

8108544
I have considered continuing it, I have been in the writing mood recently

8108540 and candance going to be like "so I foalsat my grandma.......and u never told me"
and most likely feel slight guilty of take over her grandma empire.

8108560 please do,

also how come none of the crystal pony remember how twilight was or is after they all remember stuff

8108581
Because, most of them knew she died during the take over of the Crystal Empire. To them it is just a coincidence that she looks similar.

8108589 ahh ok, well I do hope u make this more then a oneshot...
it remind me of another story that end after 3 chapter in which twilight was cadnace mother and sombra was her ex husband, it was call queen of crystal or something like that.

This went real weird halfway through.
Nice story though.

There are two things about this story.

On the first level it's a discovery of who Twilight actually is, a journey of tracking down an odd story and finding a myth of old was your own history. It then ends with a big fluffy family pony pile.
Then we get to the implications...
first off the princest. Whoo boy, the story literally doesn't exist without it. I'm fine with it as I always thought of Luna and Celestia as two 'warrior' sisters, not blood sisters(when you fight the legions of hell beside someone, you get pretty close). But then the research. It's not dipping your toes in, it's full-blown necromancy at its core. Celestia wanted to bring her daughter back, and fuck the afterlife or whatever exists in this world. Then there's the question of memories. It's never implied that Twilight remembers this stuff so technically it's still not the same mare, even if Twilight is a match genetically. It actually gets kind of spooky as I think about it. The mare's still dead, they just have a clone of her running around now.

I THOUGHT this looked familiar! You had me preread it AGES ago!!!!! And, I was promised a sequel where she told her friends and family.:twilightsmile:

First: jarringly poor grammar sprinkled irregularly throughout.
Second: Replacement Goldfish can be an interesting trope to play with. But the tone of the narrative implies ( a ) You want the reader to feel there is nothing at all morally or psychologically dubious about Celestia having done this. ( b ) Twilight herself has no issues with it.

This is both a huge strain to suspension of disbelief and leaves me feeling "so what, then?" If the point is to make the story a quiet polemic in favour of cloning, it's kind of limp. If the point is to give a backstory why Twilight is the Chosen One, it's a detail that doesn't really further her character development any. Its just an exotic detail to add to her background that has no particular significance or relevance.

Third: You cover so much headcanon exposition here it overpowers the story. Either there needs to be more flashbacks and snippets giving emotional weight to the headcanon exposition (and a longer word count/slower pacing), or there needs to be less exposition in the first place and more character interaction.

Spacecowboy
Story Approver

8108560
A few folks have already hit on some important points, but if you do write more, you'd probably do best to scrap this and take sections of it and introduce it into a long story piece meal. Been thinking on it for the last four hours or so, and there's a few reasons why I suggest that.

To begin with, all of this literally boils down into a single question. "What if Twilight were the reincarned child of love magic incest between Celestia and Luna who also formerly ruled over the Crystal Empire?" Bit of a mouthful, but I've seen stories with far worse questions guiding them. The issue becomes that the way it is presented, we are forced to accept things that you present to us, very briefly, lest our disbelief ruin the entire thing. The 'far too many questions with no answers present' point I remarked on comes into play here.

Is Twilight truly reincarnated, or simply reborn with no memories? If it's the latter, it's not really 'their' Twilight anymore, now is it? If she is going to get her memories back, how and when? Why wouldn't Cadance recall her own mother? Why would Celestia raise Twilight the way did? Why and how did Night Light and Twilight Velvet accept raising Twilight, and did they know? ... and that's without even digging into things. Because of this, while you present an interesting idea with this concept, as a one shot it just doesn't really seem to work.

Now, I know others have pulled off one shots that aren't self contained, and made them work, but this one just doesn't quite work. Hopefully this gives you some food for thought, along with some of the other criticism. Interesting idea, but a one shot alone, with the current ideas, is not enough to make it truly satisfying or fulfilling.

8109025
Thank you for the criticism. I have been out of the writing game for awhile and this, as the description says, was a year ago about when I kinda left FiMfic for a bit. Since I have been more active, I probably will recontrusct this and make it a seperate, spiritual successor to this and hopefully I can give it a better run than it has now.

8109025
No disrespect is intended, but could you please black out the question. It spoils the story before it's read and until more than a handful of commentators had shown up it is very noticeable. Thanks... sadly, I probably won't be reading. I have awkward memories of a character called Pea Krampus (or similar) that turned me off to the concept in general.

Would be a million times better as a long fic but not bad as a short one. Feels way too fast and leaves too many questions to be truly interesting but neat idea I guess.

8109704 he doesn't have to do anything. If you don't like spoilers, then just don't read the comments before reading the story. Simple as that.

Several it's that should be its. You misspell Twilight Amore the first time as Twilight Armor, leading the mind to a very different sibling union, and there's no correct form of the name for about the next half of the work.
The characters don't feel like themselves, just acting out what needs must to enact the plot. And, once the facts are laid bare, because of what they are…the only consequence is really the resemblance that is the hook that's in the blurb. Nothing will really come of it, except perhaps incidental things like Twi taking steps to no longer be stoppable in entering libraries…but she's already willing to go on sneaking missions. Celestia already had a pattern of withholding information, so it won't affect their relationship. Twi was already trying to get Luna out of her guilty funk, and was a friend, so it won't affect their relationship. She's already babysittee and sister-in-law to Cadence, so it won't change their relationship. Maybe some teasing. BBBFF not being a real B won't matter to Twi, nor will her parents change…not that they've shown up much.

So no, don't really like it.
8110543
Certainly on computer, going to the comment field shows one or two comments. Many people write comments while reading the story. There being only one chapter, all comments will be shown.

It's a matter of courtesy.

8110608 really? Cause I have a computer and it doesn't show comments when page opens. I just scroll down enough to click on the chapter. It's not down enough to show comments. And even if it does for others, they don't have to read the comments.

8110631
At the time, space cowboy's comment was the first one I had seen. Not to mention Admin's, Author's, and blue lights almost always attract the eye. I usually have at least four stories and a youtube video up in my browser at any given time so when I finally looked at the story page I was disappointed.... I mean there's a stack now so it isn't an issue. But, still. One shouldn't remember a crack fic nor be reminded of a character who was the child of Discord, Luna, Celestia, and Chrysalis, born in an orgy so attractive she made everyone vomit.

sequel please.

im curious on what the reaction of Shining Armor, Cadance, Twilight's mom and dad and her friends will be.

I like it, it's cute, it has it's twist if a little predictable, and I liked the depiction of each of the characters. I kinda agree with spacecowboy, I think that this could be fleshed out into a fullblown story rather than a one-shot. I'd love to hear about Twilight Amore's upbringing, the reasons behind Luna and Celestia choosing to conceive a child and more. Fill this story, make it something wonderful. :twilightsmile:

This was... something. A strange idea, no doubt, though I could see it working. The way you carried it out, however, just didn't do the concept justice. I would also suggest possibly investing in an editor or pre-reader to polish your stories up.

Either way, congrats on the feature and best of luck on your future writings!:heart:

So this makes Flurry Heart her... great-grandchild?

You know there's only one music clip that goes with this story.

The only thing Twilight worried about since then was how she was supposed to tell Shining and Cadence she was actually their grandmother...
Now that I want to see. XD

This is definitely interesting. I would love to see you revisit this woth a longer story.
I half expected you have Celestias favorite cake be Armors favorit, like it's her favorite because it reminds her of her... idk just something I expected for some odd reason...

Still though, make a second one with her telling Cadance. I would love to read it!

I half expected Celestia and Luna to just erase Twilight's memories, but then again this story thankfully doesn't have a dark tag on it...

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