A Game of Dodgeball

by JesterOfDestiny

A Game of Dodgeball

An old gym stood not far away from Ponyville. It used to be part of the school, but once the school moved, the old building was left disused. And while this old abandoned school was almost in complete ruins, the gym was still in surprisingly good shape. The paint was falling off, some of the windows were cracked and the lighting stopped working ages ago. Other than that, it seemed like a pleasant little gym.

But it wasn’t standing unnoticed. Seven ponies and a baby dragon took note of its existence and decided to check it out. That’s right, these seven ponies were our favourite six pony friends, plus Starlight Glimmer and Spike.

The rusty door creaked loudly as they opened it, the knocking of their hooves echoed through the empty court. They were all looking for things that may seem interesting. Applejack was testing the walls. It was as sturdy as it needed to be. Fluttershy was checking up on a bird family who decided to nest in there, with a wasp nest not too far away. Rarity was peeling off falling paint, coughing lightly as some dust fell from the bare walls. Rainbow Dash was looking around the empty equipment storage.

It turns out, it wasn’t entirely empty. She found two rubber balls, both in very good shape, if a bit dirty.

“Hey guys, I’ve found something.” She called out to the others. They all gathered expecting something amazing. “Look, two perfectly good balls!” She said excitedly. The others weren’t so impressed.

“So?” Starlight reacted. “It’s not like we don’t have enough balls back in Ponyville.”

“I’ve got them stashed all over Ponyville.” Pinkie added.

“But, we can’t just leave perfectly good balls forgotten here.” said Rainbow Dash.

“I agree.” Rarity said, while cleaning one of the balls with a magically levitated handkerchief. “They do seem to be the in better shape than anything around here.”

“And what do you suppose we do with them?” Twilight inquired.

“We could give them to the children of course.” Rarity answered.

Rainbow looked around. “Or, we could play a game of dodgeball.” She said, as a grin appeared across her face.

“Dodgeball?” Rarity asked with scepticism.

“Well, count me in!” Applejack declared. “I’d love to kick Rainbow’s tail.”

“And I’d love to see that happen!” Rainbow responded.

“Don’t worry, you will!” Applejack replied and they were locked in a glare-off.

“Count me in too!” Starlight announced, thinking she could beat both of them.

“Won’t that be a bit unfair though?” Twilight interrupted the competitive spirit. “She has deflected lasers before, she will easily deflect a rubber ball.”

“And you can fly.” Spike added.

Applejack thought for a moment. “Hmm good point. What do you say Rainbow?”

“Alright, no magic then.” She declared. “You can only use your horn for throwing.”

“And no flying.” Applejack added, looking at Rainbow Dash, who just noticed she was hovering in the air this whole time.

“Fine, no flying either.” She said while she dropped to the ground. “Who else is in?”

Spike and Pinkie quickly decided to join, followed by Starlight who considered the new rules for a moment. Twilight, after seeing the majority of her friends join, decided to join too. Rarity pondered for a moment.

“I suppose a quick match won’t hurt.” She said.

Now all eyes were on Fluttershy. “Uh, I think I’ll just watch.” She said timidly.

“Aw come on, Fluttershy, it’ll be fun!” Pinkie encouraged her.

“Oh, I don’t know. I’m not really into competitive games.” Fluttershy objected.

“Don’t worry ‘Shy,” said Applejack, “it’s just a friendly match. We won’t go hard on you.”

“And if you don’t like it, you can just leave the game and watch.” Rainbow bargained with her.

Fluttershy thought for a moment. “Okay, I guess a round won’t hurt.” She joined as timidly as she could.

“So how will the teams be arranged?” Twilight asked.

“Teams? Nah.” Rainbow replied. “I vote for a free for all. Every pony for themselves, if you’re hit you’re out.”

“I like that.” Applejack answered. “And if you’ve got the ball, you can only go three prances.”

“Deal!” Rainbow responded.

Everypony else thought for a moment, but they quickly agreed on these new rules.

Now that they’ve got the rules down, it was time to start the game already. They scattered across the gym, Twilight and Starlight levitated the two balls in the middle, then smacked them together, sending them flying to opposite sides. Applejack reached for one of them, but Pinkie jumped over her and grabbed it, then immediately went for Applejack. She dodged quickly and the ball flew between her head and her hat, that was still suspended in the air. She took an impressed look at Pinkie, once the hat settled. The ball bounced from the wall, right in front of Fluttershy, who then grabbed it.

On the other side, Rainbow grabbed the ball, then saw that everyone else has run away from her. So she pranced three times towards the middle and aimed for Fluttershy, thinking she could get an easy hit. Thankfully she saw what was happening, and in a burst of panic, she threw the ball and hit the one flying towards her, sending both balls flying to the side.

“Nice save!” Rainbow remarked once she realized what happened. Fluttershy only responded with a shy smile.

On the left side, Rarity ran for the ball and caught it before it even settled. On the other side Starlight and Spike were running straight for the ball. Spike dived and grabbed it, then aimed. Rarity saw it and threw her ball towards Starlight, but it only hit the wall behind her head. Then it was caught by Twilight, who dived in from the side. While Spike was distracted, Starlight ran away next to Fluttershy. Twilight attempted to throw the ball back to Rarity, who stepped to the side and the ball only hit the wall behind her. Meanwhile Spike took three steps towards Twilight and threw, hitting her in the flank. She looked at him, as he made finger guns at her. She only responded with an eye roll and a smile, then walked off the court.

Now both balls were without owners. The one that went for Rarity, was bouncing back towards Spike, so he grabbed it. The other went towards Rainbow, who tried to grab it, but Pinkie dived in, before she could get to it and aimed. Rainbow could dodge it by an inch and the ball hit the wall behind her, then bounced back into her hooves. Pinkie backed away as Rainbow eyeballed her and threw. But Pinkie arched her neck backwards and the ball flew right above her.

On the other side of the court, after missing Pinkie, the ball bounced on the floor and Applejack caught it. She had Pinkie right in front of her, so she threw it at her. But Pinkie was still in her dodging position, with her head curved backwards. She saw the ball flying towards her and flopped to the floor, narrowly escaping it.

In the meantime, Spike took three steps towards Rainbow and threw, right at the same time she did. But she didn’t see Rarity coming from the side, who caught it in the air. She gave Spike an evil smile, then launched the ball towards him. He ducked and the ball only hit the wall behind him. But it bounced back into the hooves of Rarity, so she tried again. Spike tried running away and he managed to jump over another throw.

Rainbow caught up with the ball that missed Pinkie twice. She then aimed at Rarity, who was distracted and hit her on her hind leg. Rarity was disappointed, that she was out this early and sat down next to Twilight.

One ball was rolling along, after missing Spike. It rolled pretty far, far enough for Starlight to reach it. She picked it up and then aimed at Fluttershy. She got scared and brushed up to the wall. Then Starlight threw, but Fluttershy was quick enough to duck under it. Suddenly, Spike appeared and caught the ball bouncing off the wall and he aimed at Fluttershy too. He took three steps towards her, but Fluttershy took many steps at the opposite corner of the gym. The ball flew towards her, but Applejack dived in and caught it. He then aimed at Starlight and threw. But Starlight was quick enough to dodge it, then gave a cocky smile to Applejack.

The ball bounced to the other side of the gym, where Rainbow was. Because she was the only one on this side, she had both balls to herself. She grabbed one and threw it at Pinkie. She grabbed the other one and threw it at Applejack. Applejack dodged the one going for her, while Pinkie grabbed the one going for her. But now they were right next to each other. Pinkie reacted quickly and threw it at Applejack, who wasn’t so fast, and got hit on the side.

“Aw, shoot. Guess, that’s it for me.” She said and walked off the court.

The ball was in the air, flew above Pinkie and hit the ground between her and Spike. The other one was bouncing towards the corner Fluttershy was in, so she grabbed it. Starlight saw that and ran to the other side, where Pinkie and Spike were competing for the other ball. They charged towards it, but Pinkie was faster. She grabbed it and hit Spike right away, who sat down on the ground from the force of the throw.

“Aw man.” Spike groaned, then got up and walked off.

The ball bounced off of Spike, towards Starlight, who caught it and threw at Pinkie. But once again, Pinkie was quick enough to dodge it, so the ball flew towards Rainbow. She grabbed it right away and looked for her next target. She saw Starlight and Pinkie covering next to each other and Fluttershy covering in the corner, with the other ball in her hooves.

“Come on, Fluttershy, you gotta throw the ball at some point.”

She pondered for a moment, then looked at Starlight and Pinkie and did a measly throw in their general direction. Pinkie just grabbed it from the air.

“Thanks!” She said, whether she was genuine or was merely taunting Fluttershy, was unclear. But it was clear that she wanted to get Starlight.

Starlight was running towards the middle, but realized Rainbow was there, so she stopped. She was right in between Pinkie and Rainbow and they both tried to hit her, but she could dodge both of them. One flew above her lowered head, the other flew under her raised hind legs. The balls bounced, but Pinkie and Rainbow could grab them once more. They aimed at Starlight, but missed again, due to Starlight’s superior dodging skills. The balls bounced and Rainbow caught one of them. Upon seeing Starlight's dodging skills, Rainbow decided to go for Pinkie instead, just before she could grab the other ball. But turns out, Pinkie also has superior dodging skills and she jumped over it.

“Nice try!” She taunted. But because she was too busy taunting she missed the ball right next to her and Starlight grabbed it. Pinkie was surprised, but she could just narrowly escape it, by leaning backwards. But there was another ball. The one Rainbow threw a few seconds ago. Starlight grabbed that one too and aimed at Pinkie once again.

Meanwhile, the first ball was bouncing towards Fluttershy in the corner. She grabbed it timidly. She looked at Pinkie narrowly evading another throw and saw her opportunity. She threw it at the distracted Pinkie and hit her on the leg, just barely.

“Huh?” Pinkie was loudly surprised, then looked at Fluttershy shyly waving at her. “See? You’re not bad at this!” She encouraged her, as she walked off the court.

The balls were rolling on the floor. Rainbow and Starlight caught them, then looked at each other. Then they looked at Fluttershy. Then they looked at each other with an evil grin and looked back at Fluttershy with the same evil grin. Her smile faded and she gulped. Starlight and Rainbow took three steps towards her. They’ve got really close with those three steps and they threw simultaneously. Fluttershy saw the two balls flying towards her and yelped. She flopped to the ground, just barely evading both balls.

While the balls were bouncing, she tried grabbing one of them, but Starlight was quicker. She threw it and even aimed downwards, in case Fluttershy would try covering again. But Fluttershy jumped to the side and escaped the ball. Starlight ran for one of the balls and threw it over to Rainbow. After Rainbow had it, Starlight quickly ran for the other one and grabbed it.

That’s when Fluttershy realized she was right between Rainbow and Starlight. They each took three steps and surrounded her. Then they threw, both at the same time. Fluttershy got scared for a moment, then jumped straight up in desperation, arching her body backwards. Her mane and tail flailed in the air, as the balls were flying with incredible speed towards her. While she was almost upside-down in the air, somehow, by an incredible fluke, both balls just missed her. One of them flew right between her muzzle and arching mane, the other right above her flailing tail, narrowly missing her flank. Then, like confused missiles, the balls hit Fluttershy’s adversaries square in the face.

Fluttershy landed on her hooves, her heart beating fast. Surprised by her own agility and the fact she didn’t feel any of the balls, she looked around and saw Rainbow and Starlight rubbing their faces. The rest of the group sat in silence, still recovering from watching Fluttershy do a flawless backflip. But they gathered themselves quickly and they cheered her on.

“That was incredible!” Spike exclaimed.

“And you didn’t even want to play.” Applejack jabbed her lightly.

Fluttershy blushed. “I guess it was kinda fun. And a bit scary too.”

“Yeah, it was scary how good you were.” Starlight congratulated her.

“So how about another round?” Rainbow offered.

“Oh, this was just enough for me.” She said and everyone responded with a disappointed groan. Then Fluttershy giggled. “I wouldn’t want to ruin your confidence by beating you again.”

And everyone laughed.

Comments

[OmniFox]

Oooh! What about bowling?!

[JesterOfDestiny]

8123199 I am not that familiar with bowling. I've played a lot of dodgeball, but not much bowling.

Maybe... at some point.

[Flutternight]

I loved this one! With how good Fluttershy is at Buckball, I'm not too surprised she won this.

[JesterOfDestiny]

8131578 Glad you enjoyed it.

[Flutternight]

8133189 Me too.

[Karan Dash]

A review, as promised.

First of all, something minor. I really felt that the way the story starts makes little sense. Why are the mane 6 going to this gym? What's in it for them? How did they find about this gym and why did they decide to go to it? I can't believe they just went to this gym for no good reason and having nothing better to do, they decided to play a game. The other thing that's odd is that the way the location is described, it sounds like the gym is standing by itself without other buildings around it: "an old gym not far from Ponyville." The story says it used part of the school. What school? The only school shown in the show is the one in Ponyville, so it can't be that one. Given the nature of the story, it is something minor, but still, it sounds so off. It would have made much more sense to have the mane 6 help clean a gym in Ponyville, maybe one where Rainbow trains or where the CMC train, and then have the game there. The fact that this gym is out in the middle of nowhere doesn't add anything to the story.

In general, the descriptions of the movements are ok, but there are a few places where the text fails at this and you don't know what happened with the balls. For example, there's a part where both Pinkie and Applejack get the balls and throw them at each other. Applejack gets hit and walks away. Then the text says, "the ball is in the air," which one? The one Applejack threw or the one Pinkie Pie threw? Then the text mentions that the ball flew above Pinkie and hit the ground between her and Spike. If it was the ball that Applejack threw, it would have been aimed at Pinkie, not above her, and it would have hit the ground before Applejack had said something and walked off. On the other hand, it can't be the one Pinkie threw either, because that ball hit Applejack. So, which ball is it?

But perhaps the biggest problem is the use of pronouns where names should have been used. I found this problem throughout the story and it made it a bit hard to read. The worst offender is:

"In the meantime, Spike took three steps towards Rainbow and threw, right at the same time she did. But she didn’t see Rarity coming from the side, who caught it in the air. She gave Spike an evil smile, then launched the ball towards him."

Who didn't see Rarity coming from the side? I guess Rainbow, but the way it's phrased makes it a bit unclear. What did Rarity catch in the air? The ball, of course, but there is no mention of a ball in this paragraph, plus which one? Who gave Spike an evil smile? Rarity, I guess. I mean, you kinda understand it, I guess, but the pronoun usage really needs to be checked and maybe change some of the phrasing.

There are also some awkward phrases that need to be worked:

"joined as timidly as she could." I have a hard time using timidly with joined. Maybe change it to hesitatingly, or timidly walking to where the others were.

"Now that they got the rules down." Again, in this paragraph the pronoun they comes without clarifying first who it's referring to. The 7 ponies and Spike, obviously, but they should be mentioned first before being substituted by a pronoun. Also, the story is told in the past tense, so the use of the phrase "Now that they got the rules down" sounds totally off.

"She took an impressed look at Pinkie." I honestly couldn't figure out that this means.

"her hat, that was still suspended." It should be, which was still suspended.

Also, a couple of instances where the text should say "was able to" instead of "could."

Story-wise, the concept is somewhat interesting but not deep, which works well anyway because it's a short fanfic. Unfortunately, once it was Rainbow Dash and Glimmer against Fluttershy, I could predict the ending. Again, it's a short fic, so it's not really a problem. It's a fun fanfic for what it is. I do think it would have been better if it were just about a regular gym in Ponyville rather than some abandoned gym outside of Ponyville, although you do forget about that detail once the action starts.

My scores:

Grammar: 6
Not terrible, but the confusion due to pronouns really irked me because it was so common.

Plot: 8
It was an ok story, fun for what it is. A bit predictable but that's very minor.

Fun: 8
I had some fun with it, although about 3/4 into it I kinda lost interest. It picked up once it was Dash and Glimmer vs Fluttershy. Again, a good story for a short fanfic.

[JesterOfDestiny]

8192120

Wow, thanks. Yeah, I can see the problems you mention now.

My idea was that the gym was part of a different school, that got abandoned because... reasons. I don't know why I decided to keep that detail vague. The setup was somewhat intentionally lame, I just needed an excuse to drop everyone into an impromptu dodgeball game.

And I can totally see the problem with the pronouns. It was honestly a bit hard to write for eight characters at the same time, especially when there's so much movement. See? This is why I needed to practice this.

I thank you for pointing out a problem, I haven't noticed. I really do need to step up my pronoun game. Thanks for that.

Your review should come soon too.

[Inferno demon Dash]

I love this idea and how it makes Shy a badass even if that's not how she normally is