Arrow 19 Crew Count: 20
Captain: Marshall Bennett
Head Technician: Patricia Dean
Head Scientist: Erica Dean
Head Medic: Troy Storey
Head Astrophysicist: Stephanie Mettz
Diplomatic Representatives: Alec Willey (American Union), Troy Storey (Australia), Erica Dean (European Union), Trisha Powell (United Kingdom)
Representative’s Log: Alec Willey
March 17th, 2262 @ 23:37, GMT
We have just arrived in the Omega Centauri II system to what has been nicknamed the ‘Opposite World’. Though it was later named Equus, it still holds the nickname of Opposite World because of how it seems to defy the laws of logic. My expertise is in computer programming, not stellar physics. But it doesn’t take an astrophysicist to know that an object of lesser mass is supposed to orbit an object of greater mass. Not the other way around.
This is the first log entry using the new communication system. Trish and her father helped to develop the technology for long-distance communication. It’s far from instant communication. We’ve estimated that the communications take anywhere from a few days to as long as a month for the other end to receive the entry. From what I understand, the hard drive of this computer is capable of creating a connection with a “twin” computer (for lack of a better word). The hard drives create an artificial wormhole. It’s only a few micrometers in diameter, but it’s a connection nonetheless. Regardless of what this communication system does, the intent is to give this computer to the… (Would they be called Equeeshians?) The locals of the planet. In any case, if we’re going to have interstellar allies, it’s only fair that we have some means of communication.
As glad as I am to be on this mission (I’ve wanted to be an astronaut since I was a little kid), I still don’t think I’m as deserving of it as others believe. Sure, I’ve been tested and trained in space travel in order to go on this mission, and I know my way around diplomacy. But I only got recognized because of my father’s involvement in the military. Speaking of my father, he’s also the captain of this mission. And if you think that the captain being my father earns me special attention, you’d be right. That is if by ‘special’ you mean ‘lack of any acknowledgment whatsoever’. As far as he’s concerned, this crew only has 19 members. [EDIT: DELETE LAST THREE SENTENCES]
Sorry about that. Personal issues like that belong in my personal logs.
Anyway, the crew was told not to make any log entries on this computer until we reached Equus. That way, GSA can make a better calculation of how long it takes for transmissions to travel at this distance. Technically, we weren’t supposed to start using this computer until we landed on the surface. But the intent is to test the distance. But we’re now within a million kilometers, so the difference would be minuscule. We still got another day or so before we enter orbit. But as far as I’m concerned, our mission has started. And if you don’t like it, you can [CENSORED].
Sorry about that. I guess being stuck in this oversized soda can for six months is getting under my skin a little. I don’t know, maybe I’m just tired. It’s late after all. Normally I’m a night owl. But we’ve needed to get up early the last few days for preparations.
[END LOG]
Representative’s Log: Trisha Powell
March 19th, 2262 @ 08:21, GMT
I see that Alec has already made a log entry. I don’t know if he mentioned in the log entry why we’re on this mission. But here it is. Obviously, because of the last Arrow mission, ‘Lone Ranger’, we couldn’t just have a crew of one again. It’s still a relatively small crew, but we have everyone and everything we need. Anyway, we’re here for two. The first is because the Global Space Agency wanted to send proper diplomatic representatives to Equus. We’ve got representatives from North America, Europe, Asia, and Australia going to the surface, because the ships only have four seats. But there are representatives from Africa and South America on the crew as well. We’d take representatives from Antarctica. But I don’t know how penguins can act as representatives.
Alec: “Ha ha. Very funny.”
Trish: “Why so serious, Alec?”
Alec: “You took that from that movie from the twenty-first century, didn’t you?”
Trish: “You liked it and you know it.”
Alec: “How can I know something if I don’t know I know it?”
Sorry about that. Alec’s being grumpy this morning.
Alec: “I’m not grumpy.”
The second reason we’re out here is as a rescue mission to retrieve captain Randy Edwards.
The reason I got noticed for this mission was because of my help in the mechanics of how the new communication system works. My grandfather was the one who came up with the original concept of the WHC hard drive. But my father and I were in charge of developing it. Basically, the WHC hard drive uses an artificially created wormhole to communicate. And in order to keep the wormhole stable, we use quantum fibers. In short, the WHC drive allows for the universe’s strongest wifi signal.
Alec: “Are you making a log entry explaining to GSA what they already know?”
Trish: “Well, I was supposed to make a log entry, but I didn’t know what else to say.”
Alec: “What about entering orbit?”
Trish: “Oh yeah.”
Sorry again. Alec isn’t a morning person. So his attitude in the morning is bollocks.
Alec: “My attitude is not…wait. What’s ‘bollocks’?”
Trish: “It means you’re being a grump.”
Alec: “I’m NOT a grump!”
Anyway, we entered orbit over Equus last night. And tomorrow, we’re going down to the surface. Only four of us will go down to the surface. Me, Mister Grumpy,
Alec: “I’M NOT GRUMPY!”
…the head scientist, and the head medic. Both myself and Mister Grumpy…
Alec: [incomprehensible grumbling]
…both have scientific knowledge. And Alec…
Alec: “Thank you.”
…has some medical training. But our main focus is on diplomacy.
Well, I don’t have much else to say today. So I guess I’ll just say over and out.
Alec: “You do know you don’t have to say “over and out” when…”
[END LOG]
Personal Log: Alec Willey
March 19th, 2262 @ 13:17 GMT
Why did you all put me on a crew with Captain Bennett? At least when I was younger, his ignoring me could’ve been from not being around. The last time I’ve seen him was when I was three. Now he’s actively ignoring me. I’m here and he still doesn’t acknowledge my existence.
I’ve lived nearly 28 years without him, so it doesn’t bother me that he’s ignoring me. What does bother me is the fact that considering the conditions, him ignoring me makes it feel like he doesn’t even consider me as part of the crew. It’s been six months on a mission, where he only had direct contact with nineteen other people. And he has actively interacted with eighteen of those nineteen people. Six months, and I’m the only one he actively ignores.
I honestly don’t care if he doesn’t treat me like a son, because I had no intention of treating him like a father. I wouldn’t even care if he were an [CENSORED] towards me because at least he’d acknowledge my existence! But Marshall doesn’t even treat me like a crew member! That’s right, I didn’t call him ‘captain’ there, because he doesn’t deserve it! If he isn’t gonna treat me like a member of this crew, then I’m not gonna treat him like a captain! He has made it clear that he doesn’t consider me a member of his crew, so in return, I’m not gonna consider him as my captain!
Why? Why did the higher-ups at GSA put me and Marshall together? Did you think that being father and son, we’d work well together? Or was it just random chance? I personally believe there were others more deserving to be on this mission than I am. And considering the situation, I’m wishing I wasn’t chosen.
Whenever Marshall has ordered me to do something, it was basically what he had everyone do at the time. And I wouldn’t even hear about it until someone else told me. If he’s not gonna command me, then I refuse to do anything else he has me do unless he tells me directly. If I have to hear about it through someone else, then as far as I’m concerned, it doesn’t apply to me. If you want me to do what Marshall wants, then you’ll have to take it up with him.
I’m gonna go apologize to Trish for how I acted earlier. She’s a nice person. It’s just that she’s a little too excitable.
[END LOG]
Medical Log: Patricia Storey
March 19th, 2262 @ 18:38, GMT
First thing tomorrow morning, my husband, Troy, will be accompanying the crew of the landing party. The group had come in for examinations before their descent. And they’ve all check out fine physically. However, I feel it’s my duty to note an observation. During the past few weeks, I’ve noticed Alec has been becoming more and more irritable. My husband and I have been friends of his for a while now, and Troy can tell when something is bothering him. And if something’s bothering him, he’s usually willing to tell him (if Troy hasn’t found it out beforehand).
I think six months of being cooped up in this ship is starting to get to him. And that’s what concerns me. As I’ve said, we’ve known him for a while. And he’s never shown signs of being the type to get irritable under these conditions. In fact, he tends to like his personal space, and watching the stars in the sky tends to soothe him. And being in an environment where he’s constantly seeing the stars should help soothe him. In fact, perhaps it does and I’d hate to see him if we weren’t traveling the stars. Either way, it’s odd behavior for him.
I just recently looked up the personnel files on him, and I saw that he’s the son of the Captain. It’s strange that he hasn’t mentioned it. I’ve known that he hasn’t seen his father since he was just a little kid. But I never knew beforehand who his father was. Perhaps there’s tension between them. But that wouldn’t explain why he’s only now getting agitated by it. Perhaps it’s a combination of several factors. One of them may even be that his birthday is coming up next month, though I don’t see why that would bother him in any way.
From what I’ve heard from Captain Edwards’ logs, one of the… (sigh) …one of the…ponies (I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that. Part of me is still convinced this is all an April Fools prank or something.), Pink Pie would most likely be willing to throw him a good birthday party. Then again, Alec is a bit of an introvert. And from what I understand, Pink Pie is the complete opposite of an introvert and may overwhelm him. I guess it depends. Alec isn’t a complete introvert. I guess we’ll just have to see and wait until the time comes.
I don’t have much else to say, so I’ll end this log here.
[END LOG]
Down on the surface of the planet of Equus, there stood a large crystalline form that resembled a tree. The old treehouse library had burned down when a rogue lightning bolt struck the tree. The fire was contained, but Golden Oaks Library was beyond repair. But the fire did trigger Captain Edward’s PTSD when his ship exploded to activate. Thankfully, the Tree of Harmony offered to give Twilight a new home.
Twilight had become a princess after finishing an old unfinished spell from Starswirl the Bearded. This feat of magic caused a metamorphosis that gave her wings, making Twilight a winged unicorn. And just recently, she had been acting as the parole officer to Starlight Glimmer.
Randy Edwards now lives on his own in Ponyville, being offered residence. Twilight offered to let him stay with her. But he knew that he couldn’t rely on her forever. Thankfully, he was able to develop a translation device, though he has been picking up more and more of the Equestrian language. He realized many of the vocalizations he thought were beyond a human’s vocal range actually were not. Still, there were still a decent number of vocalizations that he couldn’t make. Thankfully, some ponies could understand what he was trying to say. Then there were times when he got laughed at, either because of bad grammar or saying something different from what he intended to say.
Randy had been given a pair of prosthetic legs that Twilight built. And even though she couldn’t enchant them to move at Randy’s will, seeing as humans had a natural resistance to magic, she was able to enchant the legs to anticipate movement based on Spike’s legs. They weren’t perfect and certainly couldn’t give him the same amount of locomotion that he lost. But considering that he was able to walk again, it was still an advantage.
Randy was outside that night, looking through his telescope at the night sky when he noticed something. It wasn’t a star, so his first assumption that may it was a comet or something. But it was too close to the planet. It wasn’t until he saw blinking lights that he realized what it was he was seeing. It’s been five years since Randy has last seen a human. And now, four years after the Arrow 18 was sent back to earth. Randy increased the magnification so that he could see the ship in more detail. It was hard to make out, but there was no mistaking it. Written on the side of the ship was “Arrow 19”.
Immediately, Randy ran the best he could to Twilight’s crystalline castle. When he arrived, he knocked on the door furiously. Randy was thankful at this moment that she was a night owl. She answered the door to see Randy with an excited expression on her face…as well as a few cuts and bruises.
“Randy, what happened to you?” Twilight asked in concern.
“Have you ever tried running with these legs?” Randy said with a chuckle, not even trying to contain his excitement, “Have you looked through your telescope recently?”
“No. Why?” Twilight asked. Randy gave her the coordinates. She pointed her telescope in that direction and saw something she remembered seeing four years ago, “They‘ve come to get you! You’re going home!”
The joy of the news quickly began to fade as the realization sunk in. He was going to leave what has been his home for over four years.
“If I know GSA, they’ll probably want to stay for a while to do their own research,” Randy said, “So it’s a fair assumption that I’ll still be here for a little while longer.”
“In other words, it’s just delaying the inevitable,” Twilight sighed.
Captain’s Log: Marshall Bennett
March 20th, 2262 @ 07:38 GMT
The team of four representatives going down to the surface will be boarding one of the two transport vehicles. I’ll be seeing them off at 08:00 hours. They’ll be taking the Blue Pegasus down to the surface. The second transport, the Black Griffon, will stay here in case something goes wrong and we have to assist the ground team.
The ground team will be made up of our head scientist and linguist, and representative of the European Union, Erica Dean, our head medical specialist and technician, and representative of Australia, Troy Storey, the scientist and head of the team who developed the prototype for the new communication system, and representative of the United Kingdom, Trisha Powell, and the fourth… the philosopher, and representative of the American Union, Alec Willey. Personally, I don’t think we should have someone who has a profession of having their head in the clouds. [EDIT: LAST SENTENCE DELETED]
I’ll save my personal opinions on the matter for my personal log. For now, it’s time for me to see the ground team off, so I must go now.
[END LOG]
Blue Pegasus Video Log/Transcription: Descent
March 20th, 2262 @ 08:07 GMT
[INITIATING VIDEO FEED]
(Troy) “Is everyone strapped in?”
(Erica) “Yes.”
(Alec) “Yeah.”
(Trish) “Ay, captain!”
(Alec) “This isn’t Star Trek, Trish.”
(Trish) “I know. But that doesn’t mean we can’t have fun with it.”
(Alec) “Well, at least Troy would make a better captain than the one on the Arrow.”
[SYSTEMS CHECK…]
(Erica) “There’s no need to be disrespectful.”
(Alec) “Tell that to him.”
[SYSTEMS CHECK = PASSED]
[AUTOMATED SYSTEMS CHECK…]
(Alec) “I wouldn’t call ignoring the existence of a crew member as ‘respect’.”
(Erica) “He’s only showing you the same respect you’re showing him. He’s the commanding officer of this mission, therefore he deserves our respect.”
(Alec) “Respect is earned, not given. One’s rank doesn’t ‘earn’ respect. Besides, I’m not the one who started it. I never gave him any reason to treat me no better than a piece of luggage.”
[AUTOMATED SYSTEMS CHECK = PASSED]
[SYSTEMS READY]
[INITIATING LAUNCHING SEQUENCE]
(Alec) “In fact, how many orders have you gotten from him that came straight from him, and how many have you gotten that you heard through someone else?! Because I’ll bet the ratios you give are higher than mine!”
(Erica) “Alec…”
(Alec) “In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if, in his logs, he refers to this as being a team of three plus one piece of cargo! AND GUESS WHO’S THE CARGO!”
[LAUNCHING SEQUENCE = SUCCESSFUL]
(Erica) “Alec, calm dow-”
(Alec) “DON’T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN! I AM SICK AND TIRED OF BEING TREATED LIKE-”
(Erica) “TROY NEEDS TO FOCUS! AND HE CAN’T WITH YOU SHOUTING IN HIS EAR!
(Alec) …
(Erica) “If you need to vent your frustrations, do it after we land on the surface where we don’t have to worry about someone focusing on the ship’s systems.”
(Alec) …
[BLUE PEGASUS’ DEPARTURE FROM ARROW 19 = SUCCESSFUL]
(Troy) “Alec, take a few deep breaths and cool down a little. One of the reasons you were chosen for this mission was because of your ability to use rational thinking to override emotional irrationality.”
(Alec) *slow deep breathing*
(Trish) “Are you feeling better, Alec?”
(Alec) …
(Trish) “Alec?”
(Alec) …
(Troy) “Let him be for now. It’s how he calms down, by becoming unresponsive. For him, it’s kind of like a meditative state.”
[INITIATING ORBITAL DESCENT]
(Alec) …
(Trish) …
(Erica) …
(Troy) …
(Trish) “If the Blue Pegasus has an automated system, then why do we need a pilot?”
(Alec) … “The automated system can act as an autopilot and make calculations and adjustments to compensate for human error. But it’d be foolish to put the lives of people in the trust of an AI without someone there to monitor the system. And if something were to go wrong with the automated system, we’d need a pilot to fly the Blue Pegasus to safety. In short, no matter how sophisticated an AI is, it will never truly be able to replicate human intuition.”
(Erica) “That’s another reason for him being chosen on this mission. His understanding and ability to research what he’s getting involved in.”
(Trish) “Wow! What else do you know about the Blue Pegasus?”
(Alec) …
(Troy) “You should take that as a compliment. Alec chose to answer your question before he was finished cooling down. That’s not something he’ll do with just anybody.”
(Trish) “Oh, okay…I think.”
(Alec) …
(Troy) …
(Erica) …
(Trish) …
(Alec) *laughing*
[ENTERING EQUUS’ ATMOSPHERE]
[EXPERIENCING HIGH TURBULENCE]
[VIDEO FEED INTERRUPTED]
…
…
…
[ATMOSPHERE SUCCESSFULLY ENTERED]
[HIGH TURBULENCE ENDED]
[VIDEO FEED RESTORED]
(Erica) “…were having a mental breakdown or something!”
(Troy) “I think when Trish asked that question, the shift in the topic was so jarring that his frustration was just gone.”
[INITIATING ATMOSPHERIC DESCENT]
(Troy) “Coupled with the fact that he tends to feel good after venting like that…”
(Trish) “He couldn’t help but laugh.”
(Alec) “I’m sorry if I worried you, Erica. It’s just when Trish changed the topic without any warning whatsoever, I just thought it was so random.”
(Erica) “Well, at least you’re back in a good mood.”
(Alec) *typing on a computer screen*
(Trish) “What are you doing?”
[SYSTEM NAVIGATION ACCESSED]
(Alec) “I’m accessing the ship’s navigational systems.”
(Erica) “You’re WHAT?! You don’t have authorization to-”
(Alec) “The ship is programmed to land near the capital city. But I don’t believe that’s the wisest choice. I believe the best option is to land near where the Ravenstar originally landed. They would be more familiar with what to expect. Besides, the capital city is still within travel distance.”
[WARNING: NAVIGATIONAL SYSTEMS HAVE BEEN ALTERED]
(Alec) “There, the automated system should guide us to the original landing site.”
(Erica) “You know GSA won’t be pleased with you messing with the ship’s programming like that, right?”
(Trish) “Aren’t you the one who said that the reason Alec was chosen was because of his ability to study what he was getting into? He got into the Blue Pegasus, so he must have studied its systems, including how to access and modify them.”
(Alec) “And even if the higher-ups are displeased with what I did, I think they would agree that the ends justify the means in this case. And it’s not like I’m causing damage. After all, they’ll understand my reasoning once they watch this video themselves.”
(Erica) “What video?”
(Alec) “You mean you didn’t know we were being recorded? I personally took notice of the camera over there as we came in. *points to the camera* I’m sure that it’s just for monitoring descent and ascent procedures though, to make sure that everything went smoothly, and learn from mistakes made if things didn’t go smoothly. *looks towards the camera* That is only what it’s used for, right?”
(Erica) “And what if they’re used for more than that?”
(Trish) “Then he’ll do what he did with the navigational systems.”
(Alec) “You’re a fast learner.”
(Troy) “That’s one of the reasons she was chosen.”
[APPROACHING DESIGNATED COORDINATES]
[INITIATING LANDING SEQUENCE]
(Troy) “Everyone, brace for impact!”
(Alec) …
(Trish) …
(Erica) …
(Troy) …
[LANDING SEQUENCE = SUCCESSFUL]
=WELCOME TO EQUUS, TERRA SQUAD=
(Erica) “I wasn’t expecting a greeting. And why wasn’t I informed of the name Terra Squad?”
(Troy) “Because there wasn’t a greeting, and we weren’t designated as Terra Squad?”
(Troy)(Erica) *looks towards Alec*
(Alec) *grinning smugly* “I thought we deserved a title with a little more flare than “ground team”. And don’t tell me you don’t think it sounds good. And it’s generally the same thing. Terra means ground, and squad means team. If GSA has a problem with it, then they can speak to me directly.”
(Trish) “I like it!”
[END VIDEO FEED]
Awesome to see more of this universe :)
One thing I saw that messed with me for a moment:
Twilight had been given a pair of prosthetic legs that Twilight built
I don't think Twilight should be who received the legs.
I don't normally see errors, as I suck at spelling at whatnot (thank you spellcheck) figured I would point that out though
Cant wait to read more.
One of the greatest fan fictions of all time continues!
8107925 Thanks for pointing that out. I fixed it.
Randy was outside that night, looking through his telescope at the night sky when he noticed something. It wasn’t a star, so his first assumption that may it was a commit or something.
'commit' should be 'comet'. I actually had a whole lunatic Paranoia-style reply lined up before I came to my senses about this.
The Princesses Are Your Friends™.
Uh, why? Pony-Earth have lot of other inhabitants that not equine. I'm pretty sure that the would object about naming planet over ponies.
Oh and their world actually named Earth :).
IIRC humans in Arrow 18 don't have "natural immunity to magic". They have immunity to several magic effects like Luna dreamwalking, cockatrice stare and lots of others but not "total magic immunity".
Mfw I scroll through fimfiction and find this!
I loved Arrow 18! I can't wait to see how this well go.
Did the Admiral endorse this sequel?
8108176 I'm accepting to any corrections you'd point out, so I'm glad you didn't go into anything overboard. And thank you for pointing that out. I'd rather be corrected than to hear a rant about what's wrong with my story (unless it's legitimately constructive criticism).
8108267 Admittedly, I might be mistaken about what Randy actually named the planet in the original story. But I'm not the one who came up with the idea for that name as being the name of the planet. And besides, calling the country "Equestria" is just as bad. And that's canon. In any case, the name wasn't my idea.
Although I won't deny that as being canon in the show, when in the show have they ever called the planet "Earth"? If your answer is "Earth Ponies", the word "Earth" doesn't just refer to the name of our planet. It also refers to the ground in general. And as a final note, in the original story of Arrow 18, it's confirmed that it's a planet that's NOT Earth. Although, would you feel better if I add an "Alternate Universe" tag? I was thinking about doing that anyway, considering the inconsistencies with the canon.
That's what I meant by "immunity", because just because you have an immunity to something, it doesn't mean that something can't come near you. But to be fair, I didn't specify that. So how do you feel about me editing it to say "natural resistance"? And the point of what I said was to point out that Twilight wouldn't be able to use magic to enchant the prosthetic legs to act on his will.
8109448 I did ask him about it, and he pointed out that there is already a sequel that he endorsed that's intended to leave things open for sequels. Arrow 18: Supplemental. So if he considers this story to be part of the canon of his story is debatable. But to put it simply, AdmiralTigerclaw himself told me how to translate the pony language.
8109743
In "Hearth Warming" episode when AJ/Smart Cookie pointed that Pinkie/Puddinghead holding a map upside down Pinkie answered that "The Earth is round, there is no up or down!".
And considering that word "Earth" more or less just mean "something under our feets" I doubt that humans are only one who called their planet like that. Most likely all aliens home planets are named "Earth" in their native tongue.
I think that "resistance" sound better that "immunity".
8109871
Okay, fair enough. But that's another reason to add the "Alternate Universe" tag.
Well, that's assuming that their dialect and reasoning would be similar to ours.
Quantum Entanglement is an odd piece of phlebotinum to allow for instant communication. We are already on the verge of functional quantum computers, and I'm fairly sure quantum entanglement has already been achieved under lab conditions. At the time this takes place, with FTL travel in existence, quantum entanglement would be the phlebotinum equivalent of 'nuclear' stuff in the 50s (and how it's viewed today). 'Quantum Connectivity' utilizing computers should already be in use.
Additionally, the problem with entangled particles is that they cannot transmit usable information. A much better piece of explanation would be to say that new communication systems were developed that could utilize Quantum Entanglement for FTL comms.
Also, you wouldn't have prototype computers utilizing it. You'd have prototype communication systems attached to computers. After all, computer =/= transmitter.
<BACKS THE FUCK UP, SITS THE FUCK DOWN, FUKKEN' READS DIS BITCH>
Holy shit, a sequel?!
MUST
READ
8111778 Does the real world science really matter in Star Trek science babble? The original story did just that, science babble. Besides, the "quantum connectivity" is part of the hardware of the computer, so it wouldn't be a program. The name is a description of what it does. And besides, it's not the same as a quantum computer (though it would require the usage of a quantum computer). The only reason I'm using the quantum entanglement idea is because I once saw a video describing how federation ships in Star Trek can communicate instantaneously over long distances using real world science.
Why do authors feel the need to make what should be highly trained professionals behave like their in the back of the school bus. Would it be to much for characters that don't argue all the time on the most idiotic topics.
8114269 If you're talking about Alec, technically he's not a "trained professional". And besides, his issues are in fact part of something unrelated.
8114269
It's the stress man...
They're going toward something that "should" be a black hole.
In a system that "shouldn't" be stable.
To a star that "shouldn't" be orbiting a planet.
On a planet that "shouldn't" support life.
To a world where ponies "are" the dominate life form.
Those are the facts...they need something silly to argue about.
Or maybe you can show a good story with professional astronauts, fimfic or otherwise...
This story is a mess and it really looks like you failed to think things through and do your research just about everywhere.
To start, your crew selection is a disaster. Not only do you have random civilians with no real reason to be there, but you are also missing the diplomatic and security teams that should be there. This is primarily a diplomatic mission after all, so there should be a team of veteran diplomats drawn from most major countries to establish formal relations with the ponies. Security is similarly essential to deal with the known dangerous creatures in the Everfree in addition to the normal security and honor guard duties required for any diplomatic mission, so there should be a team drawn from the best spec ops units from all around the world with the firepower needed to deal with any contingency. That security team should also be supporting other roles with the obvious example being a PJ pulling double duty as the secondary medic for the mission in support of the primary doctor (who will be selected for both the ability to patch Randy up and respond to any emergency), so you really needed to do some serious research to identify necessary skills and units to put this together. To make things even worse, your crew is acting extremely unprofessionally, especially the captain, which is totally implausible for such an important and high profile mission which should have the absolute best the entire planet has to offer on board since every one of those slots are going to be a huge point of national pride with insane competition for each one.
Moving on, your technical stuff is a total disaster. Not only did you pull out the usual quantum communications stupidity which has no reason to be in the story, but you managed to make it sound even dumber than usual, spout pointless exposition about it, and then had everyone act like they were out of communications with command anyways. Similarly, your comments about the autopilot make it crystal clear that not only do you have no idea how it works and what it's capable of, but you didn't bother to do even the most basic research into the subject or you would have realized that a lot of the things you called impossible were done decades ago. This stands in stark contrast to Admiral's work which is built on a combination of personal knowledge and extensive research to build out the background of the story, something that is plainly obvious in the failure chain we worked out to kill the Raven at the end of the last story.
Last, you completely failed to consider the implications of the first story on canon. I just spoke about this in depth with Admiral (who hasn't read this yet), and the result is a complete derailing of everything after season 3. Starting with Equestria Girls, having Chrysalis and her changelings hanging around with an extra injection of pragmatism from Randy will probably get Sunset caught before she can escape through the portal which will leave her in Equestria and send Randy on a pointless excursion through the portal to see if it's a shortcut home. Moving on to the season 4 premier, Randy and Chrysalis won't get flustered by Discord the way Twilight did, so they'd wind up getting real answers out of him and basically ending the plot right there since he's very much flutterwhipped so the Elements would remain in play going forwards. Moving on to the season 4 finale, Randy and Chrysalis's influence will probably be enough to tip Discord's judgement into not betraying the ponies since he was on the edge anyways, and if not Randy will either gun Tirek down with his pistol or help the ponies build a simple canon to shred Tirek with grape shot and cut that plot off early as well which means the library will survive and the eyesore of a palace will thankfully never be a thing. Moving on to season 5, Randy won't be directly relevant in the premier due to his lack of mobility, but you can bet Chrysalis is going to be providing support and putting lessons learned from Randy into practice so there's a very real chance she will just use a disguise to get close and rip Starlight's throat out (quite possibly literally considering her fangs), and the only real alternative is Starlight getting locked away in some deep dark dungeon for the rest of her life since she's almost certainly not getting away from Chrysalis and her changelings (seriously, just imagine trying to hide from an army of changelings who can look like anyone). Even if she does manage to get to her attack on Twilight in the finale, that has the same possible end states with the additional possibility of getting shot on sight by Randy, so she's definitely out of play. Beyond that there's not a whole lot to say since little baby death star will be largely unchanged, Chrysalis will have long since become an ally, and Starlight will be gone for seasons 6+. It's probably also worth mentioning that there's a very small chance that the rest of the girls could also get refits alongside Twilight since Randy and Chrysalis will beat proper safety practices into Twilight in time to avert the chaos of magical mystery cure so the spell will be properly studied and understood and will thus be guaranteed to work properly the first time, but odds are the end result will be largely the same.
Beyond the larger plotline alterations, extended interaction with Randy and Chrysalis is also going to have implications for characterization as are the events of the previous story. Everyone is going to pick up at least a little more pragmatism from working with the highly pragmatic Randy, and Chrysalis's ruthlessness will also get spread around the group. On top of that, the accident is going to give everyone a serious shock and give them an object lesson in the importance of proper safety procedures which is going to have serious implications for their worldview and by extension their personalities, especially for Twilight and Rainbow Dash who will do some serious thinking about their own recklessness.
8128182 I won't claim to have everything right. And I will admit to ignorance of how things work in government agencies like this. But I also believe you were a little too quick to judge my intent. The lack of a proper crew was intentional. But to be fair, I had forgotten to point that out. I may not know what a proper crew would be. But I knowingly didn't make a proper crew. I edited the description of the story to account for this, and thanks for making me realize what I forgot to explain. Also, you're assumption that this is a diplomatic mission isn't entirely true. Though it's not wrong, the main intent, as the title suggests, is a rescue mission. As for the lack of a security team, you assume that the crew isn't trained in self defense. For example, one of the science officers (Erica) is also an ASL teacher and a linguist. "Science officer" is just her main role in the crew. As for the civilians, I won't deny that I am taking liberties. But how I see it, if you want to send someone to represent your planet, the most accurate representative wouldn't be a government official, it would be a civilian. And the civilians weren't chosen at random. They did get noticed because of what their fathers have done. But they were just two of several candidates. The reason they were chosen for the mission is because they have what it takes. They had to be trained in how to run the ship's systems and work in micro-gravity just like any other member of the crew. In short, "veteran diplomats" represent the government, not the people. I apologize if I'm wrong about how diplomats work. But if nothing else, now you understand my train of thought. As for a defense against the creatures in the Everfree, each member of the crew was trained in self defense. And even though I never pointed it out yet, they will agree not to go near the Everfree alone. And if they do go in, it will be in groups. Safety in numbers. And besides, recently, the Everfree hasn't been that dangerous. Perhaps it's because of the tree of harmony being re-energized. As for the crew being unprofessional, I doubt you've seen enough of the crews actions to properly make that assessment. Granted, they don't act fully professional. But that's only because of the 6 months on the ship together. With nobody else to interact with, the majority of the crew have become more like a family than like co-workers. And in turn, they have become more casual with each other. (Keep note that I said the "majority" of the crew.)
The issues with the "technical stuff" is the result of being a work of fiction. Again, I admit that the "quantum connectivity" is part of me taking more liberties. But it is based on an actual thing in quantum physics, which has been used to explain how different ships in Star Trek can communicate instantly, regardless of distance. However, the reason the ship isn't in communication with GSA is because the computer with the with the quantum connected hard drive is not integrated with the ships computer. The computer is intended to be a gift to ponies so that they can keep in contact, regardless of how far away they are. As for the autopilot, I don't know everything about autopilots. I just know that it's to allow a computer to act as the pilot. How I see it, no matter how sophisticated an autopilot system is, I don't believe you should put your full trust in a computer. Just because technology makes life easier, it doesn't mean you should let technology live your life for you. Besides, what exactly did I say was impossible? (If I made such a claim, I honestly don't remember.)
I'm sorry if I'm not as knowledgeable as Admiral. But even if my science is fictitious, there is still logic behind it. The fact is that I'm not trying to be as good as him, because I think that's pointless. (He's just that good) I simply hope my story's entertainment isn't shameful to his original story.
Where I understand you're previous criticisms, you're claim that I failed to consider the implications of the first story on canon is false. Although I haven't ironed out all the details of how the first story would change the canon, there's a reason why I put the 'Alternate Universe' tag on the story. For starters, I believe the season 3 finale would still happen (if a bit different). When it happened could be different. But In short, I believe that Celestia had that planned. (I assume the original takes place after the season 3 premiere?) Considering that the Equestria Girls movies aren't canon to the show, they never happened. I probably wouldn't make the season 4 premiere and finale the way you implied. But yes, they would've been different. I don't know how I'd have the season 5 premiere and finale. But how would you feel about Starlight living with Twilight in season 6 as being a form of parole? In any case, I have taken what affects the story would have had on canon into consideration.
I do appreciate your input, and understand that you want to help. But keep in mind that I don't consider this story an "official sequel". Unless Admiral approves of the story himself, this story can be described as a fanfic of a fanfic.
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In that case, you shouldn't be writing this without doing extensive research to remedy the problem. All the information you need to do this right is available free online, and failing to look it up is a clear sign that you don't really care about your craft. Basically everything you said is blatantly wrong, and all of the information to say why is easily found in seconds on google so I'm not going to waste my time here.
As for the technical details, you are full of shit and trying to bluff. I took a course in quantum mechanics in college, and the physics of quantum entanglement makes using it for FTL communication fundamentally impossible. This isn't a case where there is some workaround, this is a case where the physics simply doesn't work like "science" fiction writers try to claim it does. There are ways to get around the problem and make FTL communication possible, but this isn't one of them.
Moving on to computers and autopilots, computers are almost always better than people. Large UAVs like the Global Hawk and Reaper are usually capable of at least automatic takeoff and landing, and the Global Hawk regularly flies entire missions with no one at the controls. The greater precision of the Reaper's autopilot allows it to operate from significantly shorter runways than a human pilot would need, and do so more safely since human error is removed from the equation. Most experts expect the global airliner fleet to shift to fully autonomous aircraft in the next few decades because human error is by far the most common cause of accidents so it makes more sense to trust a computer than a human pilot, not less.
As for canon, while Twilight will still get her wings, that is about the only major thing that won't change. As I said before, I hammered out the details of this in a call with Admiral the other day so you can read the summary of what will happen there. As for Starlight specifically, assuming Chrysalis lets her live which is by no means certain, Chrysalis and Randy will make damn sure she gets locked in the deepest, darkest hole they can find for the rest of her life because she has proved she is far too dangerous and delusional to risk going free so there is no way she could possibly be hanging around like in the show, especially considering their influence on Twilight should help her see that letting Starlight loose is a terrible idea even without their direct input.
8130502 In all honesty, I didn't even realize "quantum communication" was as studied as it is. I didn't even realize "quantum communication" was a term. If I had known that, I would've used that and not "quantum connectivity". I assure you I made no bluff. If that were the case, then by definition, that would mean that I'm trying to convince you that I know something when I actually don't. It's true that I don't have proper knowledge. But I'm not trying to convince the readers that I do. (I didn't eve know what FTL stood for before I looked it up.) But if you'd like to compromise, what if I were to have it use an artificial wormhole instead?
I won't try to claim I'm right. But I'm only wrong based on today's standards. It'd be foolish to assume that the government 250 years from now will be the same as it is today. I'm not claiming it won't. I'm just saying that making that assumption is foolish. considering that times change. (And considering the BS going on in the government today, we may need some change in order to survive.)
The operative word is "almost". And yes, computers are faster, more precise, make calculations easier, etc. than people. But even Spock has made wrong decisions. Besides, UAVs aren't responsible for keeping peoples' lives safe. Or if they do, it'd be foolish for there not to be someone there to monitor the systems. Because regardless of how sophisticated an automated system is, if that system is responsible for the safety of lives, there had better be someone there to vigilantly monitor those systems, and be there in case the systems fail, or at the very least, make sure any backup systems activate. Removing human error does not remove system error. Yes, system error is far less likely. But if there is a system error, it can't correct itself in the same way a human can.
If Admiral has that view about imprisonment, then that would be the first strike I would give Admiral. And before you take that the wrong way, it's not because he's agreeing with you. It's because statistically, the countries with the lowest crime rates are the ones who put effort into reforming their criminals. So attempts at reformation is much more effective than just imprisonment. And since Arrow 18 takes place over 250 years in the future, it's more likely that if society has advanced to interstellar travel at that level, then they have advanced to putting effort into reforming prisoners. And since it's canon that she can be reformed, need I say more? If Admiral thinks the better decision in his canon is to either lock her up or execute her, then that's a sign that society took a step backwards in his canon. I wouldn't deny that they may be more strict with her. But I refuse to take that step backwards.
From how it looks, you have no desire to actually act as constructive criticism. I will take constructive criticism with grain of salt it comes with. But there's nothing constructive in using that kind of language, claiming I don't care, or not help someone to find what they need to look for. I am totally justified in assuming you are nothing but a troll. And considering that there has been news of someone making criticisms in the name of people who never gave their approval to do so, how do I know you speaking in Admiral's name isn't just you making a false claim? Can you get him to tell me himself if he disapproves of my style?
8131436 To be perfectly blunt, if you cared you would be looking things up on your own so I'm not going to waste any more time on you, but for the record Admiral acknowledged my help in this blog post, and I have also helped him with a number of other writing-related things including the technical details of the failure chain that killed the Ravenstar and a lot of behind the scenes work for Change is Good and Sleeping With the Girls.
8131514 Okay, fair enough. I'll put more research into it and do a rewrite.
d48
mate, its a story about magical space horses. and all you care about is the fact that he messed up the name of a syfi radio?.
A good start. I'm interested to see where this goes. I'm also pleased to see that a good deal of the spirit of Arrow 18 has been preserved here.
I do have some criticism for the scene on the ground, however. It feels too much like an info dump. There are things that are explained there that could easily wait for later chapters, such as how Randy got his legs. That would be something that could be recorded in a later log, perhaps even by one of the Arrow 19 crew. Part of what makes a good story is leaving things to the reader to think about.
That feeds into why I feel like the explanation of why Twilight is now in her castle and not the Library is very forced. I would recommend rewriting that bit and leaving the exact reason for Twilight's change in residence up for reader interpretation.
As for whether or not this story is cannon to Arrow 18... that's not my place to say. I will say that's it a plausible possibility, but we'll leave it up to Admiral Tigerclaw to declare if this unofficial squeal matches what he had in mind or not.
Art for Fanfiction
Please continue
From the description
From the chapter
You might want to fix that...
Sweet Celestia this crew is a train wreck. Alec is just such a petty unstable trashfire that I'm honestly not sure what's less plausible: that he somehow didn't wash out of the program before ever seeing the tarmac, that someone might have been delusional enough to handpick him specifically as a diplomat, or that he made it all the way to pony Earth without getting thrown out an airlock. You know high profile missions go to a lot of trouble in selection to avoid crap like that, right? Also playing cowboy and circumventing an autopilot is all kinds of Very Bad Idea.
I read the comments and saw you're pushing that this is foremost a rescue mission, and I guess you think that somehow lowers the standards or something? It kinda raises them way higher. But more importantly, rescue is fundamentally a very, very low priority here. They know the guy who's stranded is totally fine and not at risk or in any hurry, and that whoever they send is going to make historic contact and pave the way for long term relations. They're not going to pick a team that seems to be engineered to reach a critical mass of squabbling and family issues.
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You assume you know any of the characters' intent or the intent of the higher-ups. You assume that the characters are that 1-dimensional. You assume to know the dynamic of the entire crew based on the relationship between two members. You assume too much. I'm willing to answer any questions you may have if you're willing to hear me out.
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It doesn't really matter how many other dimensions someone has when literally the first one shown is that problematic to every conceivable mission objective. I'm sure Alec has reasons to be acting like a whiny unstable prat, and if his dad is enough of an asshole that he has to sanitize his own logs of randomly throwing spite at him then I'm sure some of those reasons are even jusitified.
But when mission control had literally the entire rest of the world to choose from, there's no context that justifies him being here, on the single highest stakes mission in human history, in this specific role, where his daddy issues and hair trigger screaming fits that he's apparently willing to go on during landing - the single most dangerous part of space flight! - can blow up on all of humanity for decades to come. His mere presence, before even looking at anyone else on the ship, is a time bomb.
Where is Dan Hawking. If I'm not mistaken wasn't he supposed to be on this trip to give Randy a pair of prosthetic legs?
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I think that was written by somebody else. After the end of the first story the OG author left the sequels up to the community.
The C.U.M nation!
Great story start, I can already say we have another unfinished gem on our screens.