Derpy Hooves Steals a Muffin Truck
Admiral Biscuit
Naturally, word of Pinkie Pie's exploits were soon known all around school.
Since the theft of the Entenmann's truck had been consequence-free—as many things are in magical horse girl land, other CHS students tried similar shenanigans.
Sonata, unsurprisingly, stole a taco truck. After she put the tagline “Taste Sonata's Juicy Taco” on her truck, she was never lacking for customers.
But that's a story for a later time.
This is a story about a certain grey-skinned blonde girl with derpy golden eyes.
Like all the students at CHS, Derpy had heard all the gossip. Even if she hadn't, everyone except Snails had noticed how the entire student parking lot was now full of delivery trucks, food trucks, and various service vehicles. And Flash Sentry's Camaro.
Anyhow, Derpy was walking home from school one day. She couldn't get a driver's license because of her vision, and while she she could have taken the bus, she didn't mind walking. She liked meeting people on the street, and she had dreams of one day being a mail carrier.
They say that fortune favors the bold, and that's generally true. Fortune is a capricious lady, though, and she sometimes just favors whoever happens to be in the right place at the right time.
Thus it was that on her way home, Derpy saw a delivery truck that practically had her name on it—there on the side, in big letters, it said “Muffins.”
It also said other things, which we'll get to later.
Derpy crossed the parking lot, not with any sense of malice; she just wanted to get a closer look at a muffin truck and perhaps bask in its glory.
While she was basking, she happened to notice that the keys were in it.
Derpy is a good girl, but she's no saint. Besides, this is consequence-free magical girl land, so of course she stole the truck.
Despite never having driven a motor vehicle before, she had no trouble with it--the controls were simple and intuitive. She was conscientious enough to keep one eye on the road and one eye on her mirrors at all times.
It was only when she'd arrived safely home, parked the truck, and set the parking brake that she went back to check her booty.
She'd had a vague suspicion all the way home that things weren't quite as they seemed. While she didn't have as good a nose as a pony version of herself would have had, certainly with an entire 16' Utilimaster full of muffins she should have smelled something.
Woe unto our poor protagonist, for when she went into the back of the truck, she discovered it was full of hockey puck-shaped breakfast bread. She'd accidentally stolen a truckload of Thomas' English Muffins.
“I just don't know what went wrong,” she moaned.
MORAL: Fortune can be a cruel bitch.
Truly the greatest tragedy of our time.
Though this is consequence-free magical
horsegirl land. She can probably exchange it for the truck she wanted.Poor Derp's.
Truly no one cares what the CHS student body gets up.
Sonata's tag line is glorious.
Well...that's not completely useless. I mean, slide some sausage, egg, and cheese on one of those things, you have a tasty breakfast...
I mean, silver lining and all, right?
I can't believe that you got away with that line in a Teen rated story.
Aww... if Flash is feeling left out, he should steal a General Motors vehicle transporter. (Provided nobody steals a wood chipper first...)
(I am reminded of this video...)
Muffins can give them to that nice teacher Doctor.
8361722
But he already has his own pilfered Jelly Baby truck. (Or "lorry." Whatever.)
c2.staticflickr.com/4/3476/3220858366_bed2b50ca9_z.jpg?zz=1
Well, she can use them to bake pizza muffins! Still salvageable!
Booo
You missed a golden opportunity here for it to be an undercover FBI van parked whilst they investigate the mysterioslus delivery truck heists plaguing the town of magical girl land.
8361379
I know, right?
There's actually a pretty good chance of that, to be honest.
8361424
They don't! Demons and ancient evils ravish the school whenever the plot demands; why would they worry about a parking lot full of delivery trucks?
You know damn well you'd buy a taco off that truck.
8361428
That's fine for some
poniespeople, but I don't think that would be a proper breakfast for Derpy.i.pinimg.com/736x/bd/e8/13/bde813f03bddb2a126aa51c738042906--ponies-my-little-pony.jpg
8361463
What? It's technically non-sexual. If anyone interpreted that way (and I assume everyone did), that's hardly my fault, now is it?
One of our jokes in one stunt show I'm in is "If your kids got that joke, it's not our fault!" Said by the whole cast, in unison.
8361530
Flash is such a good guy, he never would. He (and Snails) are probably the only students who didn't. Maybe Sunset, now that she's reformed.
And he reminds me of this video, which I love very much:
Even though it's not exactly related.
(pretty sure there's a PMV of it, obviously with Twilight)
8361722
They'd probably go well with his tea, wouldn't they?
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8362184
Mmm, pizza muffins. That sounds good!
8363757
I was considering other heists. Applejack doesn't steal an apple truck, because they already have one on the farm. Fluttershy steals the dog catcher's paddy wagon, and adopts all the dogs therein. Rarity steals a fabric truck. Tree Hugger steals a pot truck, and is disappointed when it contains actual pots. And of course, Twilight steals a peach truck.
But I'm not sure that I really need to continue the franchise, y'know?
8368461
I would steal the damn truck and its driver to boot.
8368473
That phrase is also said by the performers at King Richard's Faire, a very nice Ren Faire that takes place for 8 weekends in September & October in Carver, MA.
8368486
Oh? But I see an incomplete tag there.
I really like all of those ideas. I think you could probably continue it, or even get community additions. Does Octavia steal a truck of chellos? Does Vinyl steal a boat-load of doughnuts?
What if Cheerilee stole Applejack's Apple Truck with Big Mac inside?
8369798
It's like all the other "Not Another" stories that I have--I'll add stuff when I think of it, but there's no overarching plan. It's just a collection of shorts.
What if Big Mac stole Applejack's Apple Truck with a cardboard cutout of Twilight Sparkle inside?
i.imgur.com/mIH8A.png
8368522
I would, too.
8369282
I'm sure we're not the first theatre group to come up with it. And it is a good phrase.
I do love the idea of a parking lot *full* of delivery trucks. And there used to be a knife/scissor sharpening truck in my hometown, he was pretty handy.
11674041
That would be such an amazing high school. There was a person in college who occasionally drove a restaurant's publicity van, which had the name of the restaurant in big letters on the roof.
I've never used a sharpening truck, but I could see the advantage of having one around. There is one I see around her occasionally. There's also a mobile pet grooming van I see on occasion.