• Member Since 18th Feb, 2017
  • offline last seen 20 minutes ago

Alexshy


A nerd, system administrator and gamer. In for TR and Skyrim... ahh... yes, almost forgot - team Fluttershy... umm... if that's OK with you.

T
Source

A common human Alex gets transferred to Equestria. Desperate to return home at first, he starts noticing himself changing. Time comes for him to decide for Equestria destiny. Will he conform? Which path will he choose? Are Celestia's fears justified?

Here is the story of a human, despite being an alien in Equestria, not being an outcast, a door mat or a toy for ponies. His misery comes from inside, painfully at first he accommodates. Equestria changes him and time will come to return the debt.

Previous version of the cover: Here

Chapters (19)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 122 )
Comment posted by Syroc deleted May 9th, 2017
Comment posted by Alexshy deleted May 9th, 2017
Comment posted by Alexshy deleted May 9th, 2017
Comment posted by Syroc deleted May 9th, 2017
Comment posted by Alexshy deleted May 9th, 2017

Ok... When is next update?:pinkiehappy:

8193409
Planned today, if't be true nothing holds me back.

first also good work so far

I can see twilight already sending letter to Princess

8215322
Something like:
“Dear princess Celestia!
Today my friend made a stupid decision to go to the Everfree forest after the noon, risking to linger there after sunset. I failed to convince her against. I could go with her, but I’m afraid of snakes and cockatrices. It seems I failed at studying Friendship. Please don’t send me to the unicorn kindergarten...”

8215368
A bit more explaining about dangerous human but everything else seems right.
Also I didn't expected that quick response :twilightsmile:

8215371
Well, as thy comment was attached to Ch2. Neverfree, I supposed that Twi couldn’t know about the human at that moment :twilightsmile: The example is what she most likely would start with anyway :rainbowwild:

The stars befall to arrange tis way :raritywink:

I am ... on the fence for this story. First of all - it is painfully slow. The first two or three chapters are like ... pouring molasses. Just not flowing. But ok, its slow, I can live with that.

What I have a problem with is your hero. You have promised us, and I quote:

human, despite being an alien in Equestria, not being a outcast, a door mat or a toy for ponies

And this aspect is simply not there. The ponies are doing whatever they want to him and he just shrugs his shoulders or maybe says something weak, and the proceeds to be a doormat. Why did you let him be locked up by Celestia? Why is he not objecting to science experiments that you are foreshadowing as somewhat ... how to put it ... disconcerting? Just why is he such a doormat?

While the idea and his powers are somewhat original (but why is he "the special human"), he is just hopeless HIE blob of a character.

I guess this story is a promis of future greatness that is now not there. Something like "The diaries of a madman". But Nav is not a doormat from chapter two and he very quickly becomes badass.

What I am trying to say is this: Your story lacks conflict. And conflict is what drives the story. And if you want to say something about "my conflict is there, its just suble" ... nope ... its not there.

And now, to not be only negative - I like the interactions between your characters. Because while the protagonist lacks backbone, the rest is well fleshed out, they feel alive. Also, from technical standpoint, your writing is good. Its easy to read and it is fun to read.

<tl;dr> So far this story is strongly "meh" but it has a lot of potential.

Well... If't be true and thou wantest 't all and at once, then I shall disencourage thee aplenty - I'm not planning to rush the whole story planned in a couple of chapters. Mine deepest apologies 'bout stating such a turn down.

As for "backbone lacking"... Please putest thyself into his place, at which hour the only way to reach home is Celestia's benevolence, in its turn depending on if't be true "the human" volunteers to cooperate. Namely to find out if thither is a single mean of transferring him without bucking up half of Equestria. And with returning home being his almost only wish in those chapters, thou readest, he doesn't have much of a choice. He will come thorugh a certain break... to grow some "callus", for thee to notice his spine finally :trollestia: No major spoilers here, as if't be true he could finally get back on Earth, thither would be no story at all, so tis obvious - he's bucked up with his initial wish.

Further on thou shalt see that he is making his own choices (not just dragging a cart on AJ's farm :rainbowwild: ), and IF't be true thou findest those episodes weak, I'll be extremely grateful to find out thy insight accompanied with some vision on improvement.

Same about the conflict. But fear not, valorous sir, I still hope I won't turn that into 3 billion words "saga" :pinkiehappy:

Receiving a well stated and argumented feedback is great and a nice contrast with some trolls, which unfortunately exist on this site as well. I shall definitely pay more attention to what thou mentioned... and hope to hear more of elaborated feedback anon.

And thank thee for faving :twilightsmile:

Addendum: Oh, thou could dislike a few episodes in the next chapter, as he is to cooperate... yeah, again. Sorry 'bout that. Thou don't start a riot, in which hour thou art the only "prisoner", dost thou? :raritywink:

Comment posted by Tailgunner deleted Jul 6th, 2017

Tis seriously amuses me.
Folks, who really suppose that NOT being a sociopath (or even ponyphobe) equally means being "a doormat". C'mon, guys, a doormat means slightly different traits. Oh, BTW, are you living on a lonely island? No. Oh, I'm so sorry,.. "doormats" and "humansuckers"! :trollestia:
90% of HiE chars (especially those who build relationships with ponies) are "doormats" in that perspective then. I won't make my OC rude, specifically psychotic or unnecessary violent, just to avoid some personal value judgement, apologies!

N.B.: not addressed to any of the comments below

...I have no real problem with the content of this story based on what I've read so far. I'm willing to continue and see how things progress.

But please, for the love of all that is holy, get an editor. It took me three times longer to read this chapter than it should have because I constantly had to stop and decipher what exactly you were trying to say.

Your story's grammar is very poor.

8300755
Can't say that about thy stories. I guess, because thou hast none. Thy blogs confirm mine suspicion though.

Dam. He's like a player lol. I wonder what he is going to do with them two.

8351800
Love, cherish and never give up on :raritywink:

It's not nearly a half of the story :pinkiehappy:

Luna is an experienced mare, she knoweth 'bout Fluttershy, but doth rush or stress things not, she shalt have, what she needeth calmly. Fluttershy is another story, she is not that patient... But everything settleth down eventually, dost worry not.

“You know me, dear,” Twilight tried to hold back a tired yawn, it was after midnight already. “I write only facts and it’s up to princess to decide, what that means and what to do with all that.”

.....LIES :trollestia:

*laughs* tis her words, not mine :raritywink:

“Fine,” Luna told herself with a small but meaningful smile. “I waited for a thousand years to be saved from Nightmare Moon, what I forsooth have learned is waiting. I can wait again, but I won't wait passively. And time will show...”

Thats not creepy at all

Not meant to be forsooth :twilightsmile:

Tis a romantic adventure story, not a thriller. The phrase refers to Luna being able to... get the human in her loving hooves, not some menacing plan involving him. Naturally, if't be true Luna mastered something, then 't is patience and meticulous realization of her plans.

If't be true I add more, thither shall be [more] spoilers! Not going that vista yet.

8301305
ye be speaking in the older talk. I think that was planned

8377141
I'd rather say, tis was inevitable :twilightsmile: I'm lazy, don't want to control myself tightly each time I write Luna's lines, so I stick to her style, for it to come naturally in the book.

8377144
i think it is actually kinda funny for those who couldn't understand thine ways of speaking

8377298
Mine most sincere sympathies are with those poor souls, in the earnest.

i like the story but the parts with luna more :P :derpytongue2:

8448452
I'm trying to give both girls deserved attention. Luna may look more attractive due to her experience and tactical approach forsooth, but Fluttershy shalt gain throughout the story. Yet she shalt need certain triggers for that, not very pleasant at first. But in the end of the day both... Well... I shall spoil no more :pinkiehappy:

8448772
ok thanks for summing that up ;):twilightblush:

i can't wait for princess celestia's reaction and twillight's when luna and alex dance at the ball.:derpytongue2::trollestia::rainbowlaugh:

8452207
That shalt be more than thou can expect... the whole court either, in the earnest. :pinkiehappy:

8248092
but i like a 3 billion story... then i have finaly something to do :pinkiecrazy::twilightblush::trollestia:


p.s. it's a reaction for the coment from 15 june**

p.p.s.
look twilight :moustache: i grew a moustache!.. urg where is the reverse spell!! :facehoof:

*looks at the Book Cover*

Why does F.S. have a horn ?

8500317
Tis the mystery of the century!!! :trollestia:

I kid, I kid; check the description to mine series Fluttertease (the description is enough, if 't be true thou wantest to avoid explicit plot).

Another variant of the answer: Cause she deserves! or Cause she's now a Fluttercorn!

Why does everyone in the picture look bored?

8563530
I forgot to add Ronald McDonald to mine story, so did mine artist. Apologies!

If seriously: They are facing the apocalypse - nothing to smirk about.

I'm really impressed about your literary talent Alexshy. Keep it up!

Comment posted by The Guardian Friend deleted Nov 21st, 2017

If someone likes or even loves Fluttershy will never forget this chapter ! Something beautiful!

A bit less interesting chapter for me than the earlier ones but still very good.

Amazing book. After reading this chapter I was sure that I'll read "The Guardian" not only once but many times!

Comment posted by The Guardian Friend deleted Nov 25th, 2017

I didn't even expect that I would have the opportunity to read such an interesting and beautiful book about ponies.

I'm very very curious about what will happened during his today sleepwalking. I stopped reading the text exactly here: "After about ten minutes Alex appeared in the dimly lit corridor, behind the door of his room." I will have fun by rest of the day trying to guess the next events!:twilightsmile:

8585615
Shan't be disappointed, mine friend, in the earnest :twilightsmile:

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!