A lonely ponnequin, bound by the laws of physics, stood still among the livelihood of one marvelously hospitable owner, Rarity. Over the course of its stay, it watched her maintain a tireless routine while still managing to make time for her friends and family.
By studying Rarity's interactions with others and the hard work she put into her dresses, the ponnequin grew to know her. As the days passed, it was soon overcome with a longing to experience the wonders of life beyond the four corners of its home, to achieve everything that she had that it could never hope to attain.
Through these extenuating circumstances, it began to ponder the meaning of its existence. Would it ever know what it felt like to walk or talk, or would it be destined to remain forever still?
Special thanks to the following people for making this work possible!
Proofreader:
Pre-readers:
Lome
Free Shavacado
diealein
link4
Also special thanks to everyone in the Reviewers Cafe for emotional support throughout this journey.
You are a fucking writing god, keep it up dude
8546758
Whoa, thanks!
I’m not much into deep philosophical pieces, but this one was an interesting read nonetheless, with a very nice message at the end
The grammar and spelling are solid, the descriptions detailed, but not too long, and the characters act like their show selves. If I were to point out something that didn’t sit well with me, my only complaint would be Pinkie. She seemed a little bit too careless about Mr. Ponnequin’s mouthless state, something I assume she should be familiar with ever since Magic Duel.
8547987
Color me impressed. You don't want to know my original thoughts on this piece.
Let's just say that I had lost total confidence in myself as a writer and leave it at that.
Edit: On a personal note, I don't think Pinkie would be careless about an individual's feelings in general, but I do posit that it is possible for her to do something like this with Ponnequin specifically. She does have a tendency to break through the barriers and get right to the core of an individual's actual problems. I believe she might do this to break through Ponnequin's delusions of being like everypony else and, at the same time, show that she can still treat him the same way. I realize my interpretation of what Pinkie would do isn't suitable for you, but that's at least my line of thinking.
P.S.S: I wanted to let you know this because, even if my interpretations are completely wrong, I do at least put a lot of thought into my decisions regarding characters. For all intents and purposes, I am them for a couple of days after I complete my projects. I have a couple of citings that lead me into my interpretation of Pinkie Pie, including the one you cited.
I hope this was helpful.
8548106
I should sometimes watch the nitpicks I write... The mouthless issue was the only problem that I found off in Pinkie's character, the rest of her, including the fourth wall breaks, cake stash in mane and her ability to cheer up the Ponnequin in the end, was perfectly fine with me. Remember that this is not some strict research paper that requires one line of thinking. This is fiction, you have there all the possible space for thinking and character interpretation, which is clear that you use a lot. There are simply nuances that people can (and sometimes should) disagree in.
Well, I think you should trust yourself more
8548483
Hey, I heard somewhere that being humble is a good thing to have. It's slowly coming back to me. It was a part of a curve that shows joy at the beginning because you think you know it all.. and then there's a low point where everything comes crashing down and you think you don't know anything at all...And at the end, when you've actually learned stuff, then you're happy again. I forget what it's called now. I should look it up if you're interested in it.
Anyways, I'm currently overcoming that low point.
8548675
Still, it’s far better than having overly high expectations 
Well, I have seen many people that got stuck in the lowest point, so a little encouragement could help anyway
I think you don’t have to look it up, your explanation was enough to clarify.
I'm not a philosopher. Well, I don't think I am. I dunno. But still, this is damned deep in the best possible way. it's got meaning to it. I feel better for having read it.
While I definitely liked the review from the Cafe, I'd like to add on it.
- The second part, unlike the first, seems to be slightly boring.
Just a feeling. An overall principle of writing tends to say you need to build tension towards the end, and I don't see much of it here.
- The obvious culmination with Pinkie.
I felt somewhat discouraged when the reviewer called it "painfully obvious". Cuz I still don't get it in full entirety, and re-reading doesn't help.
- How is Ponnequin able to identify emotions?
It is explicitly pointed out in the text that he doesn't know what love or care feels like but knows it when he sees it. How so?
PS. Can a ponnequin become a cutiemark crusader?
8663688
I apologize for not being able to appeal to you. I guess I still have a long way to go, whatever strides my proofreader says I have made this past year.
I'll do my best to assuage you on some of those bullet points, but I'm afraid it boils down to my storytelling skill needing improvements. Granted, this genre wasn't exactly in my comfort zone. But still...
That being said, I'll get on with it. The first two bullet points matched up exactly with my proofreader's and my own qualms with this story, however we could not hash anything out without sacrificing some other element I was going for here. I was simultaneously going for this slow but thoughtful meander through life and an unwillingness to stop in order to delve deeper into anything other than the surface. This decision stems from my empathetic nature to step into a character's shoes and try to understand what they're going through. While this does deviate from the philosophical pursuits that I was going for, I chose to allow those thoughts 'linger', as it were, as opposed to grinding out the underlying root cause of his turmoil and thereby create the level of tension you were hoping for.
While I can't say that what I did was "right", but this was the design choice I went for. And I apologize that my choice did not pay off for you. I'll work harder next time with just as much consideration as I went into this project with more takeaway from your review.
As for the third bullet point, I guess I have a flaw there that I can't justifiably explain. I tried my best to extract all the emotion from him while giving the emotion to the audience of his lack of it. In some ways, this was extremely difficult on my part. I must state, though, that that is no excuse for my failure to address this, no matter how hard I tried to not let this happen. Heh... three complete revisions later and more than two thousand edits from a full team...heh...
Again, I apologize.
P.S. I'm fragile.
I have no idea if anything I said here was akin to sullying the good name of storytelling. I hope not.
P.S.S. Ponnequin a CMC? Sure, why not?
P.S.S.S. Have a heart, for I love everyone I meet.
8663830
Hey, there's nothing to apologize for. The next one will be better, and the one after it, better still. That's how practice works.
Remember when someone tells there are issues about your work, they are talking about your work, not you. I'm trying to offer another perspective to it, is all (if it makes any sense).
8664580
It is a personal failure of mine that I am not already there, at the end goal of where practicing must take me. That end goal, in fact, is nonexistent. Even if everyone else considered every one of my latest releases to better than the last, I consider them all to be just as deplorable as the last. I don't mean to make this comment to receive any pity. I have simply defeated myself and my abilities to improve by this point.