- Member Since 22nd Oct, 2016
- offline last seen Oct 18th, 2018
Bronyonfire101
I'm what's you call, a person who loves music, my OC's name is Black Widow, and prefer HIE stories
Bronyonfire101
Joined 22nd Oct, 2016 ·
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8095103 hey!
8095103
Oh I get it
Prego
Interesting premise; though I don't think it had enough detail to make it excellent. It was still rather enjoyable to read. You are having a little trouble with the grammatical side of things, as well as the small misspellings littered throughout. Try to spend just a little more time looking the story over, and that should fix the grammatical problem; but don't let that be a deterrent. Keep writing, and keep improving.
8095103
Better not let Wuten see that.
8105552 I hope not
...Is that a typo in the description?
8105825 thank you for notifying me
Keep in mind that this only took me about 3 hours to finish
8105827
And I missed that "Suger" should be written as "Sugar", it seems.
The writing is legitimately atrocious. Please, proofread at least once before you submit.
8106065
I dunno.
Kind of had that first fic/shitfic feel to it.
These ponies don't obey the laws of Biology at all.
8106636
It's your honest opinion
And again keep in mind I was in a tight schedule
8106177
8106911
A re-write in 1st person or 3rd limited, and an editor could make it into something fun. 2nd person is an objectively bad style, as you've completely removed the protagonist. Throw me a PM if you want a macro editor for a rewrite or another story.
Oh sweet Celestia too many foals to be responsible for
8114563
You know that i re-read this, I did a pretty bad job of it, but as one might say, there's a sequel coming not sure when but it will
8332664
i hope the kids arnt just ponies but are more like centaurs or something like that would deffinatly be more intresting
8587959
Hmmm?
8589164
To be fair this is my first fic
Had no idea there were that many strict critics on MLP stories... Jeez..
8623466
Yeah if you don’t write a good enough story they start to get all pissed because you didn’t write something they liked or they gave you some harsh cretics
Were dem sperm high on caffeine or what.
'Takes a breath' okay!, okay, okay, okay, okay okay. 'breathes in'
Me: YOU TOUCH MY WAIFU!! HE TOUCH MY WAIFU!!
Another me: He touch your waifu? DONT TOUCH HIS WAIFU!!
Anon:no!
Me: (Indistance shouting about not touching his waifu while punching and slapping him)
Anon: NOOOO!! 'Dies'