Ok...it's not the worst one shot I've ever read, can't say it's a good one though.
I know others have already pointed it out, but you need to work on your pacing. This could have been great, you just need to learn to slow things down a bit. Flesh out the relationship between the characters and don't just have a bond suddenly form between them.
Spelling seems ok, can't say anything for the grammar since I suck at spotting mistakes for that.
Again, slow things down, there's no rush with anything, just take your time with stuff and make sure the pacing is at the very least decent. It's very hard to read and a lot of the time I'm left scratching my head trying to figure out what's happening.
Fun fact, spraying yourself with water doesn't provide any thermal protection from a fire. There's also a good chance of getting steam burns, and end up cooked like a lobster.
"Awww, do ya have to?" Apple Bloom gives you the adorable pouty pace. Applejack recognized that face. It was the same one she gave Twilight when she first came to Ponyville.
The type of cuteness that can qualify as weapons-grade...
"Ya know, Ah wonder how the others'll react to us gettin' engaged." AJ says.
"My guess is they might feel both happy and surprised. I just hope Big Mac doesn't get mad at me." you reply, holding AJ close to you in a warm and loving embrace.
"Ah ain't mad." said Big Mac's voice. Your eyes shot up when you saw Big Mac in his black tank top and black sweats, leaning against the open barn doorway with his arms crossed and a smirk on his face.
"You heard us, didn't you?" you asked.
"Eeyup. Ah think it's about time mah sister found herself a special somepony. Ah look forward to the weddin' day." Big Mac gave you and AJ a simple wave as he headed back inside the house.
It's tricky to see how the oc's family has fell apart ever since his little sister die, that's messed up
AppleJack do know how to deal with strangers/thieves even she doesn't know his curious intention, one thing I know is that if it wasn't for AppleBloom, it'll go down the bad way. At lease they make up for that.
for what i can see is that he is taking in pretty well
“Anyway,” Applejack began a moment of awkward silence. “It’s obvious that one apple wasn’t enough ta fill ya up, sugarcube. Lucky fer y’all, Granny Smith should be jus’ about done with dinner.”
So.. fast.. wait.. I can't catch up, slow down pacing!
?
Will the baby be just a toe?
8099569
That was actually what I was thinking.
Maybe a finger or a kidney or something.
8099801 Awww, look at that, the baby has my renal cortex.
I have an idea title for a next story with Rarity
The gem of my heart
Ok...it's not the worst one shot I've ever read, can't say it's a good one though.
I know others have already pointed it out, but you need to work on your pacing. This could have been great, you just need to learn to slow things down a bit. Flesh out the relationship between the characters and don't just have a bond suddenly form between them.
Spelling seems ok, can't say anything for the grammar since I suck at spotting mistakes for that.
Again, slow things down, there's no rush with anything, just take your time with stuff and make sure the pacing is at the very least decent. It's very hard to read and a lot of the time I'm left scratching my head trying to figure out what's happening.
8099947 Good idea.
Um ... what? How can an impregnation be slight? It's either there or not.
I'm sure Applejack doesn't say 'partner' so much.
8104720 I guess I should've added "Sugarcube."
8104869 Mixed it up a bit, sure. Overall though the characterisation was good, just a teeny bit quick, but others have said that.
Fun fact, spraying yourself with water doesn't provide any thermal protection from a fire. There's also a good chance of getting steam burns, and end up cooked like a lobster.
8107404 It was suppose to delay the fire from burning him alive, but hey, can't blame a guy for trying.
8099947 I'm sure you've realized that The Gem of My Heart is ready for you to read.
Can you do Fluttershy next after Rarity
8130232 Alright, then after that, I'll work on Rainbow Dash next
Yay
You get hit by a car while saving a kid you get 2 choices one go to equestria or be come a spirit detective. This guy chose the getting laid path
8346291
you recognized the Yu Yu Hakusho reference, huh? Good eye
Definate step up from the previous one, nice job.
8369321
Anything to please my readers
I am the 100th like! Muahahahahaha!!
8446246
Hey, I know you, you're the writer who made those "Equestria Girls Reunited" clopfics. I loved how you put so much detail into them
8446471Why thank you! Love your series! (Hands out a six pack) Have a drink!
Uh AJ you realize I'm not interested on you.
Lovennit
The type of cuteness that can qualify as weapons-grade...
And something that made me laugh out loud!
How does the sister 8 years and dies at 6 years old that doesn’t make any sense
Wait nvm I read it wrong my bad
9083768
it's alright
It's tricky to see how the oc's family has fell apart ever since his little sister die, that's messed up
AppleJack do know how to deal with strangers/thieves even she doesn't know his curious intention, one thing I know is that if it wasn't for AppleBloom, it'll go down the bad way. At lease they make up for that.
for what i can see is that he is taking in pretty well
Boy life is cruel for this poor guy.
But he didn't eat the apple...?