This story is a sequel to Unfriendly Competition
Lemon Zest: Crystal Prep's looniest lover of ludicrousness and local lady of looking after lackies. Currently the student with the third highest grades in the school.
Sunny Flare: A student devoted to doing her best in school, works hard to maintain her GPA, and will not tolerate unnecessary nonsense. Currently: fourth highest grades in school.
They are definitely not dating.
That's probably the only thing they can agree on...
Cover art by Maran-Zelde. Part of the Oversaturated World.
Chapters (13)
"And the Bacon God is dating her. Or her avatar or something. Been a while since I watched that one."
Definitely looking forward to seeing where you go with this, because I haven't the foggiest idea as is.
Nice description!
Asking spells what they want? Are spells alive too?? We really don't know much about the magic system beyond the surface, like who can do what and stuff...
... IIRC, we haven't seen anyone use pure Earth magic, have we?
8122324
What is Twilight's connection with Earth Magic, actually? *shrugs*
Huh, I guess Mars is called Ares in their universe. Are all the planets switched from Roman to Greek?
Hermes
Aphrodite
Earth (Terra maybe? Earth is middle English rather than Roman or Greek)
Ares
Zeus
Chronos
Caelus (assuming the only Greek planet becomes roman in this universe)
Poseidon
Dis Pater (not considered a planet anymore but was once).
As for the power scaling, well I don't know how far magical teleportation can go but even when Twilight was supercharged with Alicorn power at best she seemed to be able to teleport over continental distances, say 2-3000 miles. You'd need about 100x the power to get to the moon, between 15000x and 75000x as much power to get to Mars and 26,000,000,000,000x as much power to get to the next solar system over... so yeah, you need a lot of power.
"... and it's favored avatar had the top GPA here until she transferred to CHS."
"..."
8122434
I find myself reminded of the solar system from Alien Legacy all of the sudden...
8122434
That depends on whether power consumption scales linearly with distance, which isn't necessarily the case if we're talking space warps and such. Is it 3,000 times easier for Twilight to teleport one mile than 3,000 miles, and 3,000,000 times easier for her to teleport five feet?
(Heck, that's not true about _normal_ space travel: since objects in space just keep going sans friction, as long as you reach escape velocity, it costs no more energy to get to Alpha Centauri than it does to Pluto - it just takes a wee bit longer.
)
8122434 Eh, even if you can't simply teleport to "Mars" being able to teleport to the moon or an orbital base is a huge advantage when it comes to space travel and will help make exploring/colonizeing the solar system much, much easier. After that your civilization can concentrate on solving interstellar travel.
8123339
Rockets leaving Earth's atmosphere never hit escape velocity, you could even leave Earth at speeds slower then a metre a year if you wanted, you just need the constant thrust working upwards.
8122434 Dis Pater? Why not just, you know, Hades?
8124273
Interestingly Hades is also Greek. Hades was the older of the two names for the same god and eventually became the name of the underworld rather than the god that ruled there.
8122434
Heck, it would be gamechanging enough just to skip all the atmosphere shenanigans. Teleporting to a stable orbit shaves all the crap you need to launch that far out off your ships.
8124054
Well, yes, but continuous thrust _does_ require constant energy expenditure. [1] And starting from a planetary surface requires enough impulse to get your ass off the ground in the first place.
[1] Are we assuming magical energy source here? Because we seem to be assuming magical energy source.
Oh oh, if you teleport to another planet you have to consider that apparently you keep your velocity and/or impulse (my physics brain just shut down). Either way earth travels with an average of 107208 km/h (66615 mph) adding in rotational speed of the planet (depending on your relative position to the equator and to the sun that varies) that is quite an impulse you got there. On the other side you have the speed of mars 86868 km/h (53977 mph). Depending on the directions of those, you'd launch youself into the not-air, scrape yourself over the surface or just go splat on the ground. So that's something that has to be taken into account. UNLESS the magic adjusts your relative speed on the start-planet to the one on the target-planet. That would be quite an easy fix. Just food for thought.
Other than that, I kinda wanna see what is going to happen to'/with Cinch after the disaster at the friendship games.
Also let the shipping commence.
Well, I just learned two new words.
In any case, this promises to be surprisingly cute. Indeed, this chapter has already fulfilled some of that promise.
How did i MISS this wonderful story!
Um... The subject of the study is not supose to know that it is being studed.
I expected beter from you Moondacer.
It amuses me how you have Lemon Zest being Cinch's niece.
In my headcanon, Cinch is Sunny's aunt. Anyways, glad to find a story about my favorite underrated shipping! 
AHHHHH!!!!! Awesome!
I don't think I'm going to continue reading this story. I wasn't grabbed by the first chapter, but I read on. The second chapter failed to capture my interest, but I read on. This chapter, however, is where I'm stepping off. I'm having a difficult time putting my finger on exactly what makes me dislike this story, but I have a few ideas. First, neither of our main characters has struck me as very interesting. Second, I'm not enjoying the setting, with its poorly-exposited re-writing of how the human world works, and all sorts of unnecessary references to strange relationships and characters that don't easily fit in the setting. Discord? I could see it working, but only if he got some sort of introduction, rather than a quick name drop by one of the characters, and little more.
The final nail in the coffin, however, was Sonata. It feels very strange that she's agreed to take time out of her schedule to teach a language to two strangers that she was hostile to just seconds before. It reads as a decision made out of literary convenience by the author, rather than one made for in-universe reasons by the character. Maybe later the reasons behind her actions will be provided, but right now, they feel sorely lacking. If this were canon Sonata, I could imagine it being fairly easy to convince her to teach our main characters the language, but this story's Sonata is not the one we know from Rainbow Rocks. Her dialogue feels bland, without any sort of personality to set it apart from any of the other characters in this story.
For that matter, let's look at this line to see the sorts of questions and problems it brings up:
Sonata has earfins? Okay, that could work, but that seems like something that one of the other characters would react to! Instead, this detail is hidden in the middle of an expository monologue by Sonata, a full page after we were introduced to the character. Did the other girls not notice until now? Have they noticed at all? Sirens don't seem to be a common sight in this world, but are earfins somehow common enough not to warrant notice or comment? Even if it's rude to comment on things like this, wouldn't that have been a pretty big clue to, umm, whoever said—"Sonata... wait. Are you working with uncle Discord?"—that she was a siren, and therefore maybe working with Discord, before the name provided that hint? (I'm guessing that Lemon said this line, but it's hard to tell; the dialogue from all three characters sounds the same, ignoring Sonata's wavetongue gimmick.)
It feels like the author knows exactly how this world that they've created operates, but that the reader is supposed to sort of know how it works. There are certainly lots of clumsy statements where a character tells us about some specific of the world, but I haven't seen much in terms of their behavior that shows me how people are supposed to act in this world. And when this exposition is crammed in the mouths of whatever character happens to be convenient, it only adds to the problem where dialogue from different characters all sounds the same.
Phew! That went on for way, way longer than I meant it to! So, good luck with your story, and I'm sorry if this comment feels like an overly dramatic, "Pay attention to me, for I don't like your story!" sort of comment. I simply thought that it would be more useful for you to get the negative feedback, rather than for me to just stop reading.
BRILLIANT!!!
...remind me, can the sirens breath underwater again?
Sonata teaching... That's going to be interesting. A bit like Rainbow Dash explaining how to fly; she'll be trying to put instinct into words. At least the language itself will offer some structure.
8174806
Oh dear. It seems you aren't aware that this story is part of a larger continuity. That "part of the Oversaturated World" in the decription—and, for that matter, the sequel line—are there to alert you to that. Click the link in the description for details.
8174829
Yup. A second epiglottis arranged like organic French doors can seal off either gills or lungs depending on whether it's open or closed.
8175071 Sigh. Yep. Not sure how I missed that. It only just starts to address my complaints, but I really do feel dumb for missing that.
8175728
Eh, to be fair, this is one of the less "plotty" stories I write. There are points I want to hit, but no arc.
Woah. Nice info on Siren culture, such as it is.
Are Sirens a Fairy Type??
Is it likely that the sirens died from depletion of males?
Well, the thing with Lemon Zest is that it's a whole phrase, and it refers to the flavor, so Sour Excitement and Sunny Flare, which would be something like Sun + Sudden-Light.
Typos:
therabouts
english
(N)eighponese
And now I want to translate my own name to wavetongue.
Do like Tolkien and make it posible.
8183948 Actually I think it woud be Sour-frut of peel or Peel of Sour-frut and Bright-sun of sudden-light or Bright-sun of Bright-flame.
8183969
Nice ideas!
...
The communication to magic thing, reminds me of the stuff from Chapter 1, with how Equestrian Magic is negotiation, sorta, while Human Magic is brute force-ish.
This was an amazing chapter. Worldbuilding and character development in one makes for a happy Thought Prism.
8183949
I mean, how many words do I need before I can consider a conlang complete?
WORLDBUILDING YAY!!!!
....i bet one of them is near the ocean....
I honestly feel bad at this point. You think about the sirens much more thoroughly than I do. I never liked them enough to apply this depth of analysis.
Also, I really do need to work on the reunion story. Even if I'll have to rework the beginning a bit now.
8184339
I blame A Touch Of Evil. I still haven't gotten nearly as far on the sequel as I want.
8184009 here Is a guide to createing your own language.
8183988 Equestrian is indid negotiate, but human was higely ritualistik, lot of sutelty or face back lash.
Wow, awesome chapter. My mind immediatly ran away with it and upon coming back was sure that, if Starswirl hadn't intervened Adagio would have been the GRANDMOTHER of a subspecies of siren and later of all siren but let me start from the beginning.
First of all I can't see Sonatas aggressiveness towards her siblings as a evolutionary desirable trait. What would happen if every siren lived like that:
- killing the mate after the coitus,
- only one surviving child per clutch.
It would mean that the population would stay the same overall except that there is one less male and only a (50/50) chance of new male. In the long run that could result in a depletion of males or that males develop a way to be born stronger (higher chance of survival in the cluch) and/or a way to survive the mating somehow.
But I wanna focus on Adagio, more specifically on this line:
Assuming that the survival strategy of the mother is handed down to the children (or at least in part) it would mean that more of Adagios clutches would have more younglings that would manipulate instead of fight likely resulting in more than one survivor per clutch. From here on out its a matter of generations till they would outnumber the rest of the sirens UNLESS they get killed off by the more aggressive ones. In other words it would be a desirable trait to be able to recognize sisters and cousins because those would be a lot more likely to be social. With such a trait also being passed down it would result in the clutch feeling most save in proximity of their own family while being affraid or at least wary of those of other families. (And as stated that would result them leashing out at them meaning soon enough there is only Adagios descendents left.) With the family spreading out and evolving further from each other, they'd eventually start fighting each other as they wouldn't recognize each other as "of their family". So we are looking at beings banding together to fight other beings banding together. Eyup, start of civilization. Kinda. (But starswirl saw that and was all like: "Nope.")
Again, all that is assuming the survival trick of the mother is to some degree handed down to the children. Also not taken into account is how being "the furthest [..] from nn" is effecting survival chances outside of the first fight to the death with sibllings and mating behaviour. Since we are not given any data on that, I am going with the assumption that those individuals have roughly the same chances of survival and reproduction as the others. Also not taken into account is how evolution works for beings that seem to be ageless.
As I said, my mind ran away with this one, it was a fun thought experiment though.
Also totally shipping your Sunny and Lemon, they compliment each other so well.
Good chapter, keep up the good work.
8185595
I'm sorry this wasn't clear, but only Sonata ate all her siblings. Aria and Adagio only ate most of their siblings. Also you're forgetting sirens could mate multiple times.
8185971 If the male dies at the end of it, he can't. So, if every siren was just like Sonata, every mating would result in one dead male and one new living child, ergo the population size stays the same no matter how many times she mates, since it always has to be a new male. That is why I said I can't imagine her behaviour could be a desirable trait evolutionarily speaking.
I kinda assumed that there would usually be more than one survivor per clutch and in case of Aria that was quite clear (can't have anyone bowing to you if there is noone left alive), in Adagios case I just assumed that someone instictively manipulative to leave some beings alive to manipulate, as a somewhat social creature to leave someone to socialize with even if they would just leave her alone later anyway. But still thanks for clearing that up.
I don't know why I was expecting just character development and fluffy shipping without a ton of absurdly-deep worldbuilding thrown into the mix.
One of these things is not like the others.
There it is again. Is there a reason for it, or are you just having trouble keeping track of the girl's name?
Might I suggest the Conlang Mailing List? It's a bunch of conlangers talking, basically. Great place to get help.
8186580 Oersaturated World? Without a ton of absurdly deep worldbuilding? What did you even open this story for then?
8191225
A sense of completion? I always look at sequels. Also I'm pretty sure it was like 2 in the morning when I first opened this story, so I wasn't exactly at 100%.
So, you don't capitalize languages? I've never seen that as grammatical... Don't people ask "Do you speak English?"
likelyhood > likelihood
Woah. This is still Incomplete! Cool!
...
You're not gonna mention the sanatorium, Sunny?
If she has a pony counterpart... I wonder what'd happen if she went to Elysium...
We know her family's rich, but we're not sure why, yet...
Yeah!
...
... Hmm... Not every porn actor's gonna be connected to the Wholesome, but I wonder if Crescent is... And what her full name is...
Typo:
incorperated > incorporated
I'm from Oklahoma, this is a fairly common topic of conversation year-round, though obviously more prevalent in the spring.
"So, what'd you do during the tornado? How close did it come to you? Any damage or did you just have to clean up some debris? Oh, well, need a hand when you're ready to put your fence back up?"
I've said those lines all multiple times a year.
8250287
Oh I live in the Oklatexas area too, don't get me wrong, but these girls don't realize how casually we take it.
To be fair, Cap'n Flint was noted as being nuts. The reason Silver and the others started looking for the map is they never got their share of the spoils. Flint just hid the whole lot and everyone was to scared of him to object.
8250287
Honestly, even as far north as Indiana, that's not really an uncommon conversation.
I can't help but feel that they're going about making Seatongue names in the wrong way. Rather than try to directly translate the words that make up their names, they should be going for descriptions of defining moments in their lives, most obviously their iconic epiphanies. Of course, even without magic actively enforcing that taboo, it may still feel too personal to share. I suppose that depends on the girls themselves.
In any case, Sunny may be warming up to Lemon, but it's not like she's going to divulge her whole life story. Yet.