The mystery of the missing scooter

Fox Clan23 stories ·3 members

The mystery of the missing scooter

After Scootaloo's scooter has gone missing its up to the girls to find it. They may even earn their cutie marks!

Please keep in mind its my first story, and sorry it is so short! There will be more stories though!

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 10 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 10
- Newest First
- Oldest First

Rabuiods

Rabuiods #1 · Jul 9th, 2012 · · ·

Cute story! I enjoyed it.

Neuex

Neuex #2 · Jul 9th, 2012 · · ·

Decent short story. Good start as a writer. Consider yourself lucky, I kind of want to see you grow as an author.

There were a few small mistakes here and there, but everybody who writes has those. I liked the idea of jumping from the paragraph, it was cartoonish enough to be something that i'd see on the show.
I'm gonna follow ya to see where you skills take ya.

Magicolt808

Magicolt808 #3 · Jul 9th, 2012 · · ·

Foxxy Here With A Special TV Writing Offer:

You need to start indenting your paragraphs if you want to get serious.

You shouldn't type actual numbers, unless you really have to.
ei. Five Hundred > 500 //// Seventeen Thousand, Ninety Three Hundred and Forty Two < 17,930,042

You kinda overuse the word Filly, ei "The filly Diamond Tiara"
My teachers tend not to call roll like that, "That kid Gabe Wilson? Is he here? Has anyone seen the kid named Gabe Wilson"

If youre serious at writing, make your page breaks all the same, and preferably in the middle of the page.

Other than that, it looks amazing. My first FIMFIC story was a collab so I don't really know what it's like, starting from scratch, but you did really well

-The Kid AskFoxxy

mageli7

mageli7 #4 · Jul 9th, 2012 · · ·

Ya the problem was with the whole paragraphs is that my tabs key is broken and my teacher said to me that any sentenve in dialouge is a new paragraph, I'll work on that a little.

But everyone who has read thank you so much, I tried to make this one happier then most things I write.. You may expect a small srk story from me now and then along with some romance, thank you all for reading!

mageli7

mageli7 #5 · Jul 9th, 2012 · · ·

About the filly thing I tend to use it because I always feel like the mane 6 dont know anypony even though Pinkie has greeted everypony... force of habit

undeadocelot

undeadocelot #6 · Jul 11th, 2012 · · ·

this was a nice short story write more like it

Mr. Camera Pony

Mr. Camera Pony #7 · Jul 13th, 2012 · · ·

882377 TEACHER????? For school? Maybe, you can reply. I usually like dark, sad, and death stuffXi have a good extra sentence for the end of any story with a happy ending. "And, then, they got mauled by rabid dogs."
883413 I always use CMC. I fuse they're easier to make die.