...Out
A week passed before Vinyl heard a knock on her apartment door.
She looked up from her makeshift breakfast of chips and cheap beer, and glanced at the clock. It was late by any other pony’s standards, and almost time for her to get ready for her next gig.
“Vinyl?” called a voice that made her stomach wobble.
With a deep breath, she heaved herself up from the bar stool, walked to the door… and paused. Her heart, mind, and stomach warred against each other, like some kind of sick remix gone wrong.
Long moments passed in silence. Then she squeezed her eyes shut, undid the chain, and opened the door.
“Hello, Vinyl.”
When she opened her eyes, the flowers were the first thing that she noticed. It was a nice bouquet: big enough, but not too big. It was full of variety, but still showcased a few well-placed red roses.
Then she looked up at his face, studying the gentle smile on his muzzle, the faint lines at the corners of his eyes, and the way his goatee seemed a fair bit longer than she would expect for only a week of growth.
He chuckled and raised a hoof to his jaw. “‘The Bearded,’ you know. Never have been able to get rid of it.”
An awkward silence fell over them. The only sounds were of their breathing, and of the crinkling cellophane that the flowers were wrapped in.
“Well… come on in,” Vinyl said at length. “You’re looking pretty good for a walking, talking historical figure who probably spent the last week getting worked over by the guards.”
He smiled, and entered, setting the flowers down on the bar. “Actually, the worst part of it was this new Princess Twilight of yours. At first I thought she was just being thorough, and trying to understand potential impacts to the timeline. But she didn’t stop there! She kept me for days, and you would not believe the things she tried to ask about me!”
“Heh. Guess she fangirls pretty hard for ya.” Vinyl shut the door and took a breath. “The guards went pretty easy on me, all things considered. Maybe they felt bad cuz I was laid up in the hospital for a couple days getting my head looked at.”
Star Swirl touched a hoof to her shoulder. “I’m deeply sorry about… hurting you with my shield spell. I hope you know that didn’t go at all the way I’d planned.”
“I figured. No harm no foul, right? Anyway, I just… told them everything. Didn’t see much point in holding back. So then they brought me back here after I got out, and had me show ‘em where I found you. Took a bunch of readings and stuff. Then they said I should keep quiet until I heard more.”
He nodded. “Understandable. I’m sure this sort of thing doesn’t come up very often, and Celestia would want to keep it quiet when it does.”
“I dunno, there was more than one reason why I left Ponyville.” She took another long, deep breath. “Which brings me to the other thing: Octy paid me a visit while I was in there.”
“Oh.” Star Swirl’s smile stayed fixed, but his expression became heavy with unspoken questions.
“Yeah, I told her I was taking up with homeless old dudes now. She said that my life choices were ‘disappointing, but not surprising.’”
Star Swirl snorted, then broke out into a laugh. “Okay, you had me for a second there.”
She grinned, but only for a moment. “I actually told her about the bottle. How I kept it, and I never, ever thought of opening it, until some doofus came and opened it for me. Octy seemed down with that. She’s… doing good. And for the record, she was glad to see me spending time with somepony ‘mature, albeit a bit murder-y.’” Vinyl paused. “She actually did say that one.”
“I’m glad that you could talk with her again.”
Vinyl shook her head. “I got to say some things I needed to. Like I told her she was right; I move way too fast when I move, and I don’t always think things through. And that I regretted letting that do what it did to us. Because I still wish that I hadn’t screwed things up with her.” She looked at the floor. “And you should know… even now, there’s still a part of me that wishes I could make things right with her again.”
“I understand, and I appreciate your honesty. But whatever you may have done pales in comparison to my own rank irresponsibility. If I had taken adequate time to check my time-scrying, I might’ve realized it was showing me just one possible future that Starlight Glimmer’s actions could have created, and I might’ve gained a sense of just how hazardous and inexact it would be to try jumping into such a heavily disrupted probability space.” He sighed. “Imagine my embarrassment upon learning that your Princess Twilight had already dealt with the situation months ago.”
“Heh. I guess going off half-cocked is kind of our thing,” Vinyl said.
Their eyes met, and Star Swirl took a breath. “Vinyl, I can state unequivocally that I regret overshooting the time when I could have made a real difference with Starlight, as well as failing to anticipate that memory loss could be a side-effect of such an intense jump. I also regret trying to harm a pony who’s well on her way to becoming a positive influence in Equestria.” He shrugged. “But to be honest, I still don’t regret doing everything in my power to try to stop the end of the world. And I certainly don’t regret meeting you.”
Vinyl paused and looked over at the flowers. “So… you mean it isn’t over?”
“I’m sorry?”
“I figured the only way I'd see you again is if you wanted to tie up loose ends. I mean, don’t get me wrong, those look tasty… but like you said, you don’t stay in any one place for long, right? You’ve gotta go and do your whole… legendary-historical-figure thing.”
He gave her a deep smile. “Well, that’s the great thing about being a time-travelling legendary-historical-figure, isn’t it? I don’t have to go back today; I just have to go back eventually.”
Vinyl’s pulse pounded. “You’re serious.”
She felt a gentle touch on her chin, and looked up into his eyes. “I am. And I would like to give… whatever this is… a proper try, if you’d be willing. No more desperate rushing about. I know you dislike going slowly, but perhaps it would be nice to take our time for once?”
Vinyl stole a glance at the clock, then groaned. “Ugh, your timing sucks… I’ve got a gig here in a little bit. I guess… like, we could do something tomorrow…?”
Star Swirl shrugged. “I liked the music that you played for me. I might enjoy seeing how you… ‘lay waste to a dance floor,’ if you’d let me accompany you.”
She smiled. “You sound like an idiot when you say that.”
“Come on, go easy on me. None of this exists where I’m from.”
“...I still think you’re kinda sexy,” she blurted. The two of them blushed, and Vinyl looked away. “I mean… I dunno…”
“I feel the same,” he breathed. Then he moved his hoof over her lips and smiled. “Very well; if you’d prefer to spend some time before your show… perhaps get a bite to eat or something… I can assure you that time travel is relatively safe over short distances. Is there anything in particular that you would like to do?”
A tingling sensation worked its way through Vinyl’s chest, and a huge grin plastered itself across her face. “Yeah, I can think of one thing that I’d like to do…”
She leaned in close and raised her lips toward his, and time soon fell away as they became lost in a warm, insistent kiss, which both of them committed to with passion.
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That was...unexpected. What a strange ship. I did like it though.
8086532 Thanks for checking it out!
What can I say, it's fun to take two really unlikely characters and see if there's a way to make 'em work together.
8086554 Yeah, I wish I could write like that. This was fun to read.
This ship is 100% Cloverlestia approved.
Luna, however, might be feeling some residual disgruntlement. <_<
8086580 Glad you enjoyed it. You're much too kind!
8086895 Perhaps a Luna X Puddinghead fic would be in order. Room Enough For Pudding?
...Unless that jumps the track and lands in really awful innuendo... 
8087442 Well, bear in mind that if Vinyl stopped to fully think things through, none of this plot would've turned out as it did.
In all seriousness, it was interesting and challenging to write such an impulsive character and to try to showcase their best aspects while giving them some moments of depth and character growth along the way.
If that was in the original, I don't remember it, and I knocked something over with the force of my lulz.
8088061 It wasn't! At least I don't think so. You can thank FOME for the idea; I picked that up when I did my reading of his story Rerouted last year.
Perhaps the most out-of-nowhere ship I have ever seen.
I love it. Instant favorite.
Well this was unexpected. Good, but unexpected.
One of my favorite crack pairings to ever come out of the Writeoff, now expanded and improved. The wine bottle's involvement is clarified, the Octavia angle has a more satisfying conclusion, and the couple gets a bit more time to develop. Well done all around. (And the use of a few terms was either flattering or delightfully coincidental.)
Thanks for brining Starscratch to Fimfic.
8086895
Luna x Commander Hurricane? If no one's done a story involving Hurricane titled Whirlwind Romance, that clearly needs to be rectified.
Enjoyed the story, still sorry Starlight Glimmer wasn't reduced to her component molecules...
8088577 Thank you for the love!
This one was a lot of fun to work on.
8088740 At risk of being a horrible shill, my back-catalogue is rife with unusual stuff. Straw X bag-o'-flour, anyone?
8089261 A pleasure!
I like your idea, too.
8089378 Aww, I couldn't do that to her. I know she isn't everyone's cup of tea, but I'm fond of her.
8089784
Heh, yes, I've seen your library, even read some of it, I think I'm scared ;)
Oh, I did forget to mention one sorta over sight in the story, the matter of him going back. Dunno if its fanon or canon, but Starswirl technically never died, or at least history has no record of it. Maybe the princesses are keeping it a secret for nation security reasons, but that's unlikely, so you could've had him tell Vinyl that actually the last day he shows up in the history books was two days (or whatever number you choose) before he left, so actually he shouldn't/can't go back.
8090346 I think you're right, I think fanon and what little canon there is agree that he vanished rather than died. So I would submit that this provides as good of an explanation as any: he went to the future, fell in love, and eventually settled down.
I'd hesitate to say that he couldn't go back, though. Part of me wants to write a sequel where he takes Vinyl back and she terrorizes the past through the power of dubstep. But then part of me just wants to write a sequel period, because now I ship 'em and they barely get to do much here.
Ah well, glad you've seen the back-catalogue at any rate. What can I say, I write about offbeat stuff!
8090428
Keep in mind when I say he can't, I mean that in the subjective way. He now knows that history says he disappeared, so if he goes back, he'll alter history. Of course that assumes he goes back as himself, perhaps a bit of manscaping, manescaping, other body mods that are hip (dock piercing? Recently saw that in a pic), avoiding Canterlot, and going by the name Nova? Maybe asking Starlight for cutie mark help, I wonder if her spell could be altered to switch his left and right cutie marks (I'm assuming he's like Dash and his cutie mark is directional)?
Definitely a sequel would be fun and I for one would enjoy seeing it.
OK, but keep your eyes on her, and make sure you still have your wallet.
Okay, so, this wasn't bad, but it was less satisfying than what I was hoping for.
Your technical skills are excellent. The weakness of this story lies in the structure and focus. Simply put, there isn't enough interaction between Vinyl and Star Swirl to justify such a deep emotional connection, even though that is the core of the story. The "love" part of this love story is just very rushed and kinda jarring - they seem to go from strangers who are at most mildly flirty to suddenly being quite serious about each other. It sorta felt like there were several chapters missing between the second and third that would have accounted for that.
You focused more on Star Swirl's mission, which is nowhere near as important because that's not really what this story is actually about. The result is that Vinyl and Star Swirl's feelings didn't come across very well for me and the story just doesn't have the impact it should have.
It was a good attempt, but I think you need to work on your storytelling, particularly when it comes to this kind of character-driven stuff.
8092354 I appreciate your comment and I'm sorry the story ended up disappointing you. I might argue that there are elements of the connection in there, but I have no real desire to stand here and disagree with feedback.
This story was unusual both from structural and character perspectives, given the adventure-as-MacGuffin thing and the fact that Vinyl doesn't seem to have a lot of depth and Star Swirl doesn't know who he is for a lot of it. Ultimately I don't regret experimenting with those things, but I get that it might not be everyone's cup of tea. If it helps, the way I see the relationship working hinges on this line at the end:
Both of these characters are very much leap-before-you-look types. Both of them make questionable decisions in pursuit of what they think is good, and both are prone to making a mess as a result. But each also recognizes that each other is trying, and they see the genuinely good qualities in each other, and they're generally willing to let those qualities help them overlook the other's boneheadedness. But maybe part of the problem here is that there isn't enough contrast between these two boneheads despite their vastly different backgrounds. Or, as you suggest, maybe it just needed enough room to breathe.
For what it's worth this did end up helping me learn quite a bit about writing romance, which ended up helping a lot with Heavy Rock, the chronologically-next story that I wrote.
8092453
Disappointment is a strong word. I do think you seem pretty talented.
Oh, there are. And, I dunno, maybe some people do hit off that well that fast. More like, I couldn't quite see the process, so the story didn't really make me relate to their feelings.
Experimenting is good, you learn a lot that way. Wouldn't say it "wasn't my cup of tea", though - this was pretty darn close to my cup of tea. That's what made me interested in the first place.
I've been planning something fairly similar, as a matter of fact, and the issue of selling a believable romance in a fairly short time frame has been my main concern. So, like, I know what you tried to do here is pretty tricky.
Fantastic idea, but this needs to be about twice as long as it is. It's way too compressed for anything to have a solid effect by the end.
8119972 Thank you for the comment and review! This one was fun to write and educational about how to do a romance that takes two characters on a journey of getting to know each other, falling for each other, etc. Previously I'd written more one-sided romances where I didn't need as much time & complexity to set things up. But yeah, it was probably too short to let things breathe fully. It also had the deck stacked against it with the amnesia and uncertain mission; it hurts that these two can't be themselves in the beginning, because one of them doesn't know who they are.
But hey, didn't suck.
And the lessons I learned from writing this came in super-handy when I did my next romance (written after this but released before it 
), which does a serious take on almost as cracky a pairing, and which certainly benefits from having about 3x the length.
Dude! You and your totally unexpected ships! Keep it up, please, love stories or not.
I agree with Fervidor about the story being too fast and just "happening". And PresentPerfect correctly identified why, it was too short to let the plot develop properly. Not that it had to be long, just a bit longer than it actually was.
Please, if you feel inspired, then do write the sequel you talked about, it sounds interesting, and now that you've experimented with this and "Heavy Rock" I am pretty sure it will be a much more satisfying story for you (as well as your readers
).
Question. Given Twilight's involvement with all things Star Swirl, will Vinyl end up with a rival for the bearded flank? Also, I'm fairly certain Celestia and Luna know Star Swirl personally, especially if you take the comics as at least some sort of pseudo canon, what happens if they meet ?
Anyway, even though you are learning on the ponies here, you show some promise as an author. If you ever think you have a more serious story floating about inside somewhere don't dismiss the idea out of hand, okay?
8199448 He's older, no question. Though I believe at one point he says he's not that old.
8197141 Thanks!
what an odd ship... Anyways, nicely done. like, 6.5 out of 10 well done. though you did kind of loose me at some parts.
I apologize for invalidating your story description.
...
9738321
Ohh, of course! It’s finally time
enoughto update that!That was super sweet! Kinda ruined the suprise for myself by reading the descriptions, but still lovely. Thanks for the story.
I almost feel as if I was born to read this.
God bless you.