Chapter 3
Coco’s mystery mare had gone all out to earn all the brownie points she could, Rarity or not.
The mares at the mane salon said much the same thing as Sweet Caress—a mare wearing a brown overcoat and hat came in, left no name, made an appointment in Coco’s name, paid with gratuity in advance, and promised more if Coco was sufficiently satisfied. But with a few slight differences.
“She sounded a bit posh,” one of them said. “Not quite deep Canterlottan, but definitely high class. She mentioned a couple things about the décor, actually.”
Another had chimed in, “I got a look at her mane and tail as she left. It was a lovely shade of purple, like Princess Celestia’s royal banners! Oh, and those curls!” She stamped a hoof. “If she hadn’t been in such a hurry to leave, I’d have loved to ask how she kept them so well! There wasn’t a hair out of place!”
“But what about her coat?” the first gushed. “Have you ever seen such flawless color? As white as first snowfall!”
At the time, Coco went through a mental checklist. Most of the mares she knew didn’t sound posh, so she could strike their names from the list. Thankfully, Suri’s name was among them—she sounded more valley mare than posh. And she’d sooner talk up how she was going to wow somepony than pause to comment on somepony else’s décor. Or hard work in general.
Actually, she’d probably go on about how brilliant she was for choosing the salon. Maybe Coco wasn’t quite over her time as Suri’s understudy.
Who could blame her? The mare was a horrid pony.
She put that to the side in favor of looking herself over in the mirror. Her mane was cut short and washed with such attention and care it felt like she were running her hoof through silk as she fastened her flower clip. A small smile played upon her lips. Her candidate list had narrowed considerably. There was but one name remaining.
It was either her, or a pony of impressive coincidence. Coco could only shake her head, chuckling as she donned her favorite periwinkle collar with white trim and red neck tie. Perhaps her typical look, but her not-so-mysterious mare had said they weren’t out for a formal dinner.
Not to mention she felt like some sort of princess with all the pampering she’d enjoyed. A little familiarity would help bring her down off cloud nine—hopefully.
Probably not, but at least she tried.
Coco took a deep breath and glanced over at the clock resting on her nightstand. Five forty-five. If she remembered correctly, the Winter Moon was about a thirty minute walk through Little Neighpon.
“Better early than late,” she muttered one of her mother’s favorite phrases as she rose from her cushion and strode toward the door.
It was time for her dinner date. And high time she confirmed her suspicions as to her mystery mare’s identity.
She smiled. “Wouldn’t this be the perfect time for that string quartet again?”
Her walk took a bit longer than expected. Coco levied blame on a crowd of rather obnoxious tourists blocking the sidewalks so they could gawk at the bright lights in Time Square and snap poorly shot pictures of a particularly tall building, or a strand of Chineighs paper lanterns of all things!
Perhaps she was being a bit too judgmental. After all, she’d been just as excited when she first moved to Manehattan from Bridleton with her mother.
Still, they were between her and a date with a nice mare, so she felt justified in being a tad huffy. She even dared to push through the crowd and assert herself when a couple of the louder tourists tried to cut her off. A true Manehattanite knew how to put a shoulder into a pony trying to cut across and run them into a marquis.
As soon as she entered the Winter Moon, Coco felt her heart leap. The walk had been worth it.
The lobby had been designed in to look like a show of Neighponese architecture—there were matching torii gates leading to the twin dining rooms with low tables and kneeling cushions, polished wood fashionings that framed Neighponese artwork, pottery, and old weaponry (models, of course), and a tiny bonsai tree. To her delight, there was even a koi pond! With real koi!
One even saw fit to leap out of the water and flick a few droplets of water which landed on her nose. Coco wrinkled her snout, giggling as she brushed the droplets away with the back of her wrist. “Somefish is feeling playful today,” she said, imagining that her new friend was grinning like a naughty foal as he circled back and darted past her once more. “Do you tease all your guests, or am I just special, hmm?”
It darted back, swimming close enough to the surface to flick its tail and send another tiny splash, this time aimed at her legs.
Coco scooted back and fixed him with a stern glare. Though she suspected the smile tugging at her lips ruined the effect. “Rude,” she scolded, earning another splash in her general direction. She clicked her tongue and turned away, sticking her nose in the air. “Well, if that’s the way you’re going to be, then I won’t mention how beautiful your scales are. So there!”
Her aquatic friend seemed to shimmy, which she assumed to be the fish equivalent of blowing a raspberry, then shot off toward a few of his friends, no doubt to share a laugh about the pony he’d splashed.
Before Coco could reply in kind, she heard soft hoofsteps approach.
“Miss Pommel?” a mare asked, her Neighponese accent playing on the last syllable.
Coco turned, her ears stood up. “Er, yes? How did you know it was me?”
A smile spread across the mare’s cherry blossom cheeks. “The lovely mare you’re meeting left a description so we could look out for you. And she did not exaggerate one bit.”
Blinking, Coco tilted her head. “What about?”
“You have a lovely cream coat, and it truly does bring out your mane.” With a slight bow, she stepped to the side and gestured toward the dining room to the right of the koi pond. “If you would please follow me, I will show you to your table.”
It took all her self-control to ignore the burn that arose in her cheeks. Coco forced herself not to look down at her hooves as she asked, “Did my friend leave a name, by chance? She’s been playing a bit of a mystery game with me today,” she added hastily.
“As a matter of fact, yes.” The mare’s eyes danced. “She asked that we refer to her as ‘Coat and Hat Mare,’ and said that you would understand the reference.”
Coco pursed her lips. If her guess was wrong, cross wouldn’t even begin to describe her mood. “I do,” she said with a heavy sigh before striding into the dining room.
She followed her guide as they passed a trio of waitresses, who bowed and muttered soft greetings in their native tongue. Coco smiled and nodded in kind, though her eyes flitted about the room like a falcon, searching for just a glimpse of snow-white coat or a curl of purple mane.
It took but a second for her patience to be rewarded. At long last.
Her heart hammered in her ears and her knees shook like jello in the midst of a stampede of raging buffalo.
There she was, just as Coco dared to dream. Her coat was as pure white as fresh powder snow, her mane and tail a regal purple that put noble houses to shame, and each magnificent curl was so perfect, so pristine stylists across the land would cast their tools aside and weep at their inability to imitate. And those eyes …
Dear Celestia, those eyes.
Coco would wager the pegasi of Commander Hurricane’s legions would’ve happily fought in the Cloudiseum for the honor of their attention, just a moment to gaze into those gleaming sapphire eyes and be lost in their splendor.
Rarity rose from her place at the two-seater table with a smile as brilliant as the full moon. Her eyes shone with mirth as Coco drew near. “Good evening, Coco,” she greeted. “Did you enjoy our game?”
The burn spread across her face. “If it’d been anypony but you,” Coco began, fighting a losing battle against the smile that tugged at her lips, “I would’ve walked out of this restaurant and sworn off dating for a year.”
One perfectly trimmed brow disappeared behind the curl of Rarity’s mane. But her smile didn’t falter. “Well, then,” she said, “I should think myself quite fortunate to be me.” Turning her attention to the hostess, Rarity bowed her head. “Thank you, Hanabi.”
Hanabi returned the bow, though she dipped a bit deeper. “My pleasure. Enjoy your meal, ladies.” She took two steps back, then turned and trotted toward the lobby with a merry swish of her white and pink tinged tail.
Leaving Coco alone with Rarity.
Finally.
“Please,” Rarity said, gesturing to the cushion across from her as she took her seat, “join me. I hope you found your day relaxing.”
Coco slid into the seat, smiling and shifting to get comfortable. “It was … nice. Exactly what I needed, I think. I was tired. Exhausted, really.” She heaved a sigh and shook her head. “This project has really been taking a lot out of me. I’ve been going full tilt for two or three weeks straight!”
Rarity bobbed her head. “Oh, I know that feeling all too well.” Her smile turned sympathetic, she reached across the table to pat Coco’s hoof. “I’ve had my share of deadline grinds. I thought I might lose my mind on several occasions, if I could be perfectly honest for a moment.”
Just a moment? After today, Coco would give her tail for an hour. “That makes sense,” she said with a weak chuckle. “Did you ever imagine these deadlines feeling like the walls were closing in? Or like there’s a runaway taxi headed straight toward you?”
“Never in my wildest dreams. I thought it would all be fun and exciting and carefree!”
“Oh, good! So … I’m not the only one who wishes she could have a talk with her younger self and give guidance?”
“Heavens no! I think all of us have that, but it’s not exactly possible.” A contemplative look flashed across Rarity’s face. She brought a hoof to her chin. “Well, Twilight did mention using a time travel spell once or twice. And so has Starlight …”
Coco’s brows shot up. “I don’t suppose we could—”
Rarity held up a hoof. “I’ve asked them both before. They’ve said no.” She wrinkled her snout and shrugged. “I thought it might be a way to get a leg up on some inspiration, but there is a slight issue with paradoxes and time loops, or so they’ve said. I don’t possess near the magical inclination they do, so I took their word for it.”
“That’s …” Her ears drooped. “Well, that’s unfortunate. In many ways.”
“Indeed. If I’d known then what I know now about the industry, I could’ve tweaked my original style to something more fitting the fashion at the time. But c’est la vie.” Another shrug, Rarity tossed her mane over her shoulder and gave a dazzling smile that could’ve melted the frost covering the Crystal Empire. “It’s nice to dream, I suppose. And it would be just a tad unfair if I were to use my friendship for gain like that.”
Coco blinked. As if she needed any further confirmation that Rarity was worlds apart from Suri, there was another. Fair play in the industry. And not pressing her friends into things they weren’t comfortable doing.
A thought came to her. Rarity had provided her with a day of relaxation, free of charge. Unattached to anything related to her part time work at Rarity’s Manehattan boutique.
Completely out of the blue.“Why’d you do it?” Coco asked slowly.
The smile ran away from Rarity’s face. She blinked twice. “Pardon?”
“Everything today,” Coco continued, “it was all lovely, and relaxing, and I’d been wanting a day like this for so long. I needed a day like this, or I’d have gone stark-raving mad in my apartment one night.”
“We’ve all been there,” Rarity replied.
“Yes, but I’ve been careful not to share it with anypony I work with. And I’m almost certain I’ve never mentioned it in our letters.”
Across the table, Rarity squirmed. For only the second time, she looked away from Coco. Her eyes flitted down to the seam of her cushion as if she hoped to take refuge in a frayed stitch or two. “Mare’s intuition!” she said in a rush.
Coco set her jaw. “Mare’s intuition, my cutie mark,” she retorted, a smile tugging at her lips. Rarity liked to play her little mystery game, but it seemed she didn’t quite like when somepony put her under the microscope. Not directly, at least. Coco placed her hooves on the table and leaned forward. “You’ve played me all day, ‘Coat and Hat Mare,’” she teased. “And I didn’t even know you’d be in town. Don’t you think it’s about time to lay your cards on the table?”
The tiniest of blushes colored Rarity’s cheeks. “I may have come here hoping to surprise you.”
Coco’s ears twitched, she felt the burn return to her cheeks, but she didn’t back down. “W-Well, I am considerably and sufficiently surprised. And satisfied, sufficiently satisfied too,” she added, recalling her discussion with Sweet Caress and the mares at the mane salon. “But if you only came to town yesterday, how would you have known?”
A line of red spread across Rarity’s snout. She sucked in her lips, then mumbled something inaudible.
“What was that?”
“I checked in with a couple of the mares at the boutique after my train arrived,” Rarity confessed. “They said you’d been so busy lately that you were having to scale back your hours a bit, and that you looked exhausted and stressed. And … I felt I was already here to see you, so I could … help.”
Again, her ears twitched. “Here for me?” Coco repeated. “Not here because you heard that I was exhausted or stressed. Here to see me, and then you decided to give me a day of relaxation?” At Rarity’s nod, she felt the burn spread again. She could almost imagine her creamy ears turning a bright pink. She swallowed.
That string quartet could chime in at any old time.
And wasn’t this the part where she, the main character of this ongoing romantic drama, was supposed to have some flight of inspiration to say something perfect for the moment? Where was her inspiration?
Curiously absent when she needed it most. How typical.
Fortunately, Rarity didn’t suffer that same loss. She licked her lips and looked up, her sapphire eyes full of passion. “I wanted to ask you to dinner,” she said softly, “but when I heard how stressed and exhausted you were, I came up with a little surprise to help you unwind so you could enjoy a well-earned day off. And, well—” she coughed, shifting in place “—I will confess that some of my motives were a bit selfish.”
“H-How so?” Coco squeaked.
Rarity took a deep breath and said, “I intended to ask you out on a date, and I hoped letting you relax for a day would help you enjoy yourself a bit more so things could … lead to something lasting.”
Coco would’ve been surprised if her face hadn’t gone as bright red as Hearth’s Warming lights. Her mouth worked wordlessly—now, of all times! Of course words would fail her when faced with a scenario straight out of her romance novels.
Stupid things never came with a how-to guide should it happen in real life.
Rarity’s smile faltered. “Would that be—”
“Yes!” Coco cut her off, her voice barely above a whisper.
Like magic, Rarity’s ears perked up. Her smile returned in force. “I—oh, you’ve no idea how happy that makes me!” She let out a relieved sigh.
How happy it made her? Coco would’ve laughed if she weren’t afraid it might hurt Rarity’s feelings. “That was supposed to be my line,” she said, ducking her head until her chin touched her chest.
Chuckling, Rarity gave a rueful smile. “We’ll just have to share it, then. And hopefully it holds through the night.”
It had indeed held through the night, much to Coco’s undying delight.
Her tail swished gaily, flirting against Rarity’s flank as they walked side by side into her apartment complex. Those gorgeous sapphire eyes flitted to meet hers, a playful smirk played upon Rarity’s lips as she arched a brow in a silent, teasing question.
A deep blush colored Coco’s cheeks, her throat tightened. “Um …” She ducked her head and offered a shy smile.
Rarity brushed her shoulder against Coco’s, her smile spread. A teasing, tickling sensation brushed over her right flank, circling her cutie mark. Rarity’s tail.
Coco was almost certain the string quartet would be reaching the upbeat, lively tune that always came at end of the play. The part where the couple walked back to the mare’s apartment. They’d always stop right outside her door, the mare would fiddle with her keys, a silent cue for her suitor to lean forward and kiss her for the first time.
Could her luck be so good?
She dared to add a little turn to her step, just enough to brush along Rarity from shoulder to waist. A subtle little move that earned a happy hum and another playful flirt against her flank.
Her heart leapt. Tiny Romantic Coco appeared on her left shoulder and gave a cheer, “It just might!”
A small part of her wanted their walk to take forever. If the hallway could seemingly lengthen to endless proportions as it did when she came home from the gym, or running around Manehattan, Coco would almost thank fortune. But then Romantic Coco stopped cheering long enough to rear up, place her tiny hooves on Coco’s cheek and whisper, “If it takes too long, you might not get that kiss! Remember! Fiddle with those keys!”
Fiddle. Right. That was key.
They came to a stop before apartment number 39. Coco bit her lip, willing her tongue not to tie or her throat to tighten when she spoke. “I had a wonderful night—well, day, Rarity,” she said. Butterflies flitted about in her stomach. She shuffled in place and took note of just how soft the carpet felt against her hooves.
Not nearly as soft as Rarity’s coat brushing against hers, nor as pleasant.
She took her keys out, then turned so her back was to the door, facing Rarity. She took note that the mare was taller—not so much that she had to crane her neck, but enough that Rarity angled her head to look down. Romantic Coco took that moment to whisper a few visions of herself wrapped in Rarity’s hooves as the taller mare dotted her cheeks with kisses, helpless at the affectionate onslaught.
“I’m glad to hear that,” Rarity said, pulling her out of the daydream. The dazzling smile was upon her face again. Coco felt warmth fill her chest. “I had a wonderful time with you as well.”
Coco ducked her head and pressed her lips together to hide a smile, but her efforts were in vain.
“Fiddle with those keys!” Romantic Coco reminded.
She did. Turning her keys over in her hoof so they jingled and clinked together, Coco shifted her weight from left to right. She looked up again, gazing into Rarity’s beautiful sapphire eyes. “I’d like to do this again sometime. If you’re okay with it, I mean!” she added in a rush.
Rarity flicked her ears, her eyes flitted down toward Coco’s hoof. Beaming, she took a step close, then leaned down and pressed her lips against Coco’s.
Romantic Coco squealed and danced a jig.
Coco tilted her head back and to the right, letting out a deep, contented sigh through her nose. Her hooves trembled, she reveled in the soft touch as Rarity deepened the kiss. A warm tongue teased and ran along her lip. Coco shuddered before responding in kind.
Rarity gave throaty purr, bringing a hoof up to caress her cheek.
They parted all too soon. Coco gasped for breath, her chest heaving as she stared into Rarity’s eyes and licked her lips to savor the taste.
“I’d be delighted,” Rarity whispered.
And the string quartet kicked into overdrive.
Coco felt a grin spread across her face as she turned and inserted her key into the lock, turning the latch with a twist. An idea leapt to the forefront of her mind, she shushed Romantic Coco and glanced over her shoulder. “Rarity?” she began.
Rarity raised her brows. “Yes, dear?”
“Would you …” She licked her lips. “Would you like to come inside for coffee?”
Snow white ears perked straight up. Rarity’s blinked twice. “Coffee?”
“Or tea. Whichever you like. I have both.” Coco pushed the door open, then took two steps inside. Then, she angled her head to the right and fixed Rarity with a half-lidded stare and a small smile. “If you’d like to take me up on the offer, Coat and Hat Mare.”
That was enough. Rarity regained her wits, returning Coco’s stare with a smoldering gaze. “Well,” she began, stepping inside with Coco and brushing from shoulder to flank against her side, “far be it from me to decline such an enticing invitation from a beautiful mare.”
It took all Coco’s self-control not to loose an exuberant squeal as she kicked the door shut and locked it behind them, but she prevailed.
Okay, so maybe she let a tiny squeal slip. But who cared?
Eat your heart out, mom, she thought. I just lived one of my romantic stories!
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Why did you post this in
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well... i didn't expect this... xD i will add it to my list
Excuse me while I squeal over the cuteness.
Cute. Not a whole lot of dramatic tension. If she's supposed to have put all this thought into planning the day why did she schedule a Mexicolt lunch on the day of a hot date night?
8077917 I needed some fluff in my life after the drama surrounding one of my other fics.
8077660 Because screw the rules, I have ponies.
8077923
I second your motion on that. After the things I've put Coco through in my main fic...it was nice to actually see her happy.
*insert part where non-writer says "you have the power to make her happy"*
Fluff! Even better, adorable Coco-grade fluff! Time to like, favorite, and subscr-- er, follow. Should have done that after I finished your Spitfire/Twilight ship, really. These are some durn good pone words; guess I'll check out the rest of your work while I wait for more of them.
8078111 You have the power to make her happy.
/sidesteps the lightning bolt aimed at his head.
8078159
This is why you never cry to your friends about your characters.
8078169 Do yours assault you with images of them cuddling or kissing too?
8078174
Yep. Story ideas can be funny that way.
This was an adorable suprise. Love the bit with the strong quartet. I started hearing it myself by the end.
Also, while this is certainly more fluff than tension, I have to say it's not a very convincing mystery if Coco solves it before it even begins.
But, whatever. Cute story, bro.
8078415 Glad you enjoyed it. My intent was to have Coco more hopeful that it was Rarity, but I get what you mean. Cryo mentioned that I didn't really make it much of a mystery, but I needed some fluff in my life at the time I wrote it because some annoying stuff was souring my mood.
Thanks for reading.
8078517 I'm in Florida, we have Mexican and Cuban food here. I've eaten each before first dates before.
Went just fine each time.
8078517
Magic horse ladies do not pass gas. Your argument is invalid.
Yeah, trust me when I say time travel can mentally scar you for life - do you want to see a war-torn Equestria? Or a world where ponykind lives in the jungle, hoping to hide from Chrysalis, knowing your friend could easily turn out to be a changeling spy or assassin? Or an empty world, devoid of any kind of life?
Do NOT mess around with time travel, girls, unless you want to see your world collapse.
torii gates ,,, lol nice usage of torii xD loved it btw.
8078869
8078547 Snorted my tea. Thanks, Cryo.
8079350 Thanks. I thought it might look pretty/classy.
Perfectly fluffy.
I will always and forever be be utterly baffled that you didn't have Rarity respond with something along the lines of wanting hot cocoa instead.
Also, please don't tell me Rarity was actually surprised at the invitation. She's way more savvy than that.
8078869 Thanks ever so much for the breakdown. We so very desperately needed it. After all, how could any of us know there were such dire consequences to time travel? If only there were an episode out there to warn us…
8080423 A missed opportunity, truly.
And I prefer to think it more pleasant surprise that Coco would invite her inside with the thinnest of veiled offers. Not actual "omg this is such a surprise!" but "well, well, this is nice~" if that makes sense.
This is very cute
8080376 SUFFER!
This was so cute! I loved your characterization of Coco, and Mystery!Admirer!Rarity was delightful as well. :)
Really nice - and it was something that Rarity would come with!
But "Coat and Hat Mare", Rarity?
Really? You are a fan of mysteries - you could come with a better pseudonym! 
Nice.
Good little story here, a light and fluffy read. The mystery element wasn't as...mysterious as it could have been, but you nailed the cute factor. Most enjoyable.
Nice work, Bossbug.
This was incredibly cheesy and sappy, but in the best possible way. You've got a great little romantic day-brightener here
8081029
My understanding is that it was a reference to a specific romance novel. Probably a fairly popular one.
Absolutely adorable, I must say. Also, possibility of a sequel?
derpicdn.net/img/2016/8/18/1227688/small.png
Exquisitely above average.
I mean this in the absolute best and complimentary way, mind you. While so many fandom-acclaimed writers on this site manage to only make me raise an eyebrow in mild interest at best on a regular basis, I have actually not been this genuinely impressed with a story--certainly not a shipfic--on this site in months.
And while I therefore take mad mischievous glee in the fact that evidently it takes all five of you forming the goddamned Megazord simply to impress me, (:3) it kind of sucks when looking for stories to entertain my starved heart. You have my utmost gratitude for creating this, and I enjoyed it immensely.
That said, I do have one piece of critique that almost brought down the story for me. That being: if I had to pick one part of this story as the weak point... well, actually, there is no choice, this story's bulletproof in every facet save for the restaurant scene.
All through the story, the prose expertly manipulates the emotions of Coco and the reader, giving Coco everything she deserves in life along a whirlwind of padded luxury, notes flowering with language, invoking lilac fields and sealed with kisses. We inch ever closer to the truth, to the white mare who we hope more than anything in the universe is behind it all. Clearly it HAS to be her, but life has an awful sense of humor, so, paranoid we must remain.
We get close. Heart audibly beats. A small respite from the tension is provided via a scene where Coco interacts with koi that is simultaneously one of the most immersive and heartwarming things I've read on this site.
And then... there she is. It's Rarity. In Coco's mind, the world is perfect forever--
...cue semi-professional dinner. Flat, sparse dialogue laced with cordial niceties. Questions and answers that have already been answered throughout the course of the story, either in words or via inference. A complete lack of body language outside of a couple of welcome gestures from Rarity that slipped in there. Chemistry, description, empathy and emotion fly out of the window. My eyes glaze over and I start skipping entire swaths of paragraphs despite myself.
This would all be completely admissible if, y'know. This were a meeting between a boss and one of her employees and they were on good terms. But Carmare Freaking Sandiego just sent Coco across Manehattan to be primped and pampered with romantic letters as her every guide! This is the worst time to switch to Ultimate Decorum.
Ladies they are, but as the story states, these two have goddamn needs around each other. Show the ladylikeness, but lace it with... well, the spice of two mares who are actually close enough to one another to trust each other during an all-day stunt like this. Show me that Rarity's working up to asking Coco to be her girlfriend. Show Coco barely holding back from taking Rarity on that goddamn restaurant table right here and now. And amidst all of this, all of the decorum, all of the tension... have them bond as friends and co-conspirators in their profession, as these two have nopony else in each others' lives who can hit all of these notches at once.
I might be biased though
Fortunately, the final scene approaching Coco's apartment picks up the save, and the satisfaction. But again, that only brings the restaurant scene into stark relief with the rest of the story. Instead of a climax, we get a cooldown, when arguably the climax should have been the restaurant and the cooldown here at the apartment instead (except not that much of one, because... :3)
Anyway, as I said above, despite my bellyaching, I greatly enjoyed this. Bout damn time someone gave Coco some real attention again. Also, there are a lot of little details running around regarding Coco's life and character I may or may not wish to steal. The worldbuilding, it was good here. :)
I said I was impressed before, and I did not lie--however this story came just short of leaving me actually moved. Alas, t'was not to be.
But this was freaking cool anyways.
8117300 As said on Discord, I appreciate you taking the time to write this out! And I do agree, dinner could have been better, but that's something I'll have to work on should there be another RariCo fic in the works.
Also, fimfic needs a Bookishbait tag. For reasons. Namely, this fic.
Basically what Bookish said. The restaurant scene falls a little flat, but everything else comes together quite well. I'm neutral towards Marshmallow Coco as a ship, but you definitely made this an engaging read.
8126937 Havin chatted with Bookish about her critique of the scene in detail, i must say that I agree with both of you. Honestly, this was a bit of a dip in my writing in terms of relationships. I feel I did decently with Coco in the buildup, but tripped on the final stretch. Something I'll have to address in future stories.
Thank you for reading.
Omg!
I have the hugest grin right now!!!!
I love this story so much!
Okay, that was quite adorable and a very good read too. Best story I've read in a long time. Good work!
Awwww. How adorable. Spike may have some qualms about this ship though.
9202040
Not if Sweetie Belle has anything to say about it.