• Published 4th Apr 2017
  • 9,383 Views, 257 Comments

Summer Bound - Windsocks



Kenneth is your average everyday person, all up until he was tossed off a boat and into an insane asylum. Unable to speak nor learn their language, ken decides to stick by the only two ponies that he can communicate with.

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Chapter Nineteen - Jokes on You

When Celestia said she had ‘tons’ of paperwork to do, she really wasn’t kidding. After a nice relaxing walk back from The Coffee Bean we were caught off guard by the massive piles of paper that were strewed across her desk. Even Celestia herself was surprised by the amount of paper that adorned her desk.

“I hope you know that I’m in no way obligated to help you with this,” I comment, already turning on my wheels to get the hell out of here.

It’s at times like these you have to think about number one, and there was no way I was going to willingly place myself into this fiasco. Nevertheless, my attempts at escaping were thwarted almost instantly when I heard a distinctive chime echo throughout the room. Taking my first roll I felt a small pulling sensation on my chair. Looking back I could see a golden aurora enveloping the two handles. To be honest, I really didn’t know what I was expecting, maybe there was a small part of me that actually thought that escaping was even an option.

“Seeing as the work piled up while I was gone saving you. I think it's safe to say that you are in some way obligated to help me with this.” Celestia reassured with a stern yet playful quirky smile, “Not to mention that since you’re wearing the tiara right now, that makes you acting princess.”

I rolled my eyes, “That’s all nice and dandy but in case you haven’t noticed I'm a male, not a female, so it would be a prince, not a princess. Let's not even get into what would happen if you left me in charge for a single day.”

Covering up a chuckle, Celestia replied, “I don’t know, Princess Kenneth does have a nice ring to it. Just don’t tell Luna, she’ll be furious that you were able to take my tiara off so easily.”

This caught my attention, “Where is Luna anyways?”

“She’s probably in her room sleeping like she normally does. Night court maybe dull with fewer ponies coming to visit, but that doesn't mean she has any less paperwork to do than me.” Celestia commented as we both made our way towards the table.

Grabbing a handful of documents I straighten them out before placing them in front of me, “So how does the paperwork ‘work’ here? Shouldn’t you have ponies that sort through this?”

“I actually have three ponies that sort through the documents. Believe it or not, this is about ten percent of the documents that were hoofed in. Either the other ninety percent got scrapped or was pre-approved by my staff. The only documents that I have to sign off on personally are building requests and royal loans.”

Nodding to her response, my mind went back to what she said before, “So why would Luna be angry that I got your tiara?” I questioned tilting the headdress to the side. Who knows I might start a new trend for princesses to look more hip.

Sadly by the time Celestia opened her mouth again, she had pushed it back upright with her magic, “Ever since I and Luna were foals she has always been pulling pranks on me. Every day, one after the other -of course it was all in good fun- but she does tend to go a bit overboard with them. Like this one time she tried to place a firecracker in my toilet.”

I gave Celestia a deadpan expression. Maybe it’s true, royalty really does suck at pulling pranks. Putting a firecracker in the toilet is almost as old as pulling the fire alarm. Well, I guess that would be new here seeing as they don't even have fire alarms, but I digress.

“So back to why Luna wants your tiara,” I state getting back onto the topic.

“Right, so one of the pranks she’s always trying to do is to steal my tiara and do mother-only-knows-what to it. But every time she tries she fails, it's quite comical actually how many different attempts she’s made. To tell the truth, I think she just over thinks all of her plans.”

“Ah, so it's like a long-term sister-bonding event. Nevertheless, I’m more interested in you and Luna as foals, I can only imagine the adorableness.” I comment causing Celestia to visibly cringe.

Levitating over her own stack of papers; she instantly gets to work, “Princesses aren't supposed to be adorable. We’re supposed to be serious and kind.”

“It’s hard to believe you when you say that, you're practically a walking stuffed animal.” This caught Celestia's attention as she looks at herself than towards me, “counter however you want but you can't hide the fact that you still hold a high level of adorableness. In fact, I'm pretty sure ponies as a species can’t stop being adorable for a single minute.”

Celestia didn’t respond, and how could she? I had left no room for her to continue the topic. So as an act of mercy I changed the subject for her, “Either way, what are the plans after we finish going through this mass of paperwork?”

Chuckling she responds, “You speak as if we’re going to finish this all in a matter of hours. We’re going to be here all night.”

My expression drops as I roll the wheelchair back, “In that case, I’m going to go get some snacks from the kitchen.”

“But didn’t you just eat at The Coffee Bean?” Celestia pondered.

I let a smirk graze my lips, “are you saying you don't want something then?”

Lowering her head she answers, “a slice of vanilla cake.”

“That's what I thought,” I comment rolling myself out of the study and back into the hallways of the castle. My tiara was gone in golden poof the moment I crossed the threshold of the room. I was actually quite surprised that I was able to wear it that long.

As I rolled out of the room the long halls no longer looked daunting to navigate, but instead held a nice homey feel to them. Ever since I got most of the castle mapped out, finding things like the kitchen was as easy as asking a guard or two. Who was I kidding? After the first two turns, I was lost again, the walls turning back into their ominous form. I felt as if I was a child lost in a mall wandering around trying to find his mother.

Vowing never to reveal my inability to remember the castle’s floorplan to anypony I rolled through the door leading to the kitchen. To my utter surprise, there was only one pony inside which was poking her head into one of the refrigerators. Now you didn’t need to give me any hints as to who she was, the large black splotch on her rump told me all I needed to know.

Rolling up to her as quietly as I could; I positioned myself on the other side of the refrigerator door. Looking over I could see her moving around different foods with her muzzle muttering things to herself until she came across the large vanilla cake sitting at the back. With a devious smile, she moved in to grab it.

“Going to prank Celestia huh?” I questioned causing her to bang her head against the fridge.

Abandoning the cake altogether she pulled her head out and glared at me, “Tis none of your concern what I do in my spare time. Not to mention thou is already trotting on thin ice, pulling such a stunt could have easily ended with your death.”

“Don’t cut yourself on the edge there Luna,” I commented causing her to scowl at me more, “Either way if you’re going to do what I think you’re going to do with that cake. Then I got an even better idea.”

“Like thou can read me so ea-”

“You’re going to spice it up with some hot sauce or something and then give it to your sister,” I bud in.

“-sily” she finished looking both impressed and depressed at the same time, “Art I really that easy to read?”

“Yes but that's not the point, the point is I can help you. Not to mention it would look really suspicious if you were the one to give her the cake. If you gave it to me you would have way better odds of pulling this off.”

“So what is thy price?” She asked.

“If I pull this off, with no hitches mind you. Then we go back to being on equal terms.” I quickly reply.

If I could get Luna’s trust back and prank Celestia in the process you’re going to bet your bottom dollar I was going to take it. After all, from what I hear it’s not going to be all that hard to pull off a prank with Celestia. She has that air of cluelessness around her when she's focused, and boy am I going to make her focus on something.

“Like my trust can be so easily acquired,” Luna scoffed.

“I can get you her tiara,” I teased.

“What's the plan,” Luna snapped.

“Alright, I’m going to need a carriage, rope, two suits of armor, location of two ponies, and some Saran Wrap...”

Luna looked at me like I was crazy, the troubling thing about that was she was right.


The interior of the carriage was lit up red by one of the two fake unicorn guards. I sat in my wheelchair at the end; my hand grasping onto one of the nearby rope handles. “Alright, let me be absolutely clear! This may be my prank but you all know about the consequences.” The two guards nodded, “Alright so gather around, every second is going to count on this one.”

Each of the guards shuffled in their seats to get a little closer. The carriage hit another bump in the road causing me to stumble a bit in the chair. “You have the rope right?” I questioned the unicorn on the right.

Nodding she levitates it with her blue magic, “I still can’t believe we’re actually doing this! Can you believe it, Ruby! We’re going to prank the princess!”

I slap my forehead with my palm.

Thankfully Ruby was the voice of reason, “Sapphire! He told us to keep in deep cover! Who knows who’s watching, Ken is doing this for our own good. If the princess doesn't know who we are she’s not going to hunt us down later on.”

Before I could say anything more the carriage jerked to a stop, “We’ll times up, you know where you’re going?” I question grabbing my package. With both of them nodding, I opened the door and got out albeit more awkwardly with the chair. Awaiting for us on the other side was Luna, she was holding the Saran Wrap to one side and another package on the other with her magic. Giving her a small nod and a smirk we all went our separate ways.

Entering the castle my heart rate started to skyrocket. At any moment this plan could flip upside down and end up with me, Luna, Ruby, and Sapphire spending the night in the dungeons. Well, to be honest, I half expect me to be thrown into the dungeon for what I’m about to do.

The two-minute journey to the study felt like two hours as I counted each full rotation of the wheel. I knew I had to be calm and collected entering or she’s going to know the moment I step in. Reaching the door I grasp the handle and took in a large breath. Opening the door I come to see Celestia nose deep in her work. Of course, when I entered, she looked up and questioned, “you were gone for quite a while there?”

Code red, she’s already onto us! Reveal something personal to get her off our case! “Got lost,” Oh great she’s never going to buy that! Even though it’s somewhat true... Quickly think of something else! “Well I got you your cake, do you always have some just laying around?”

“Of course!” Celestia started with a bit too much enthusiasm, “Can’t be the castle of royalty without some cake now can it? I have our chefs make one every month.” Celestia lectured as I placed the cake down in front of her.

“Seems a bit excessive, nevertheless here you go. Just plain old vanilla cake.”

“And what's wrong with vanilla cake?”

“Nothing, it's just that some people like to eat porridge and bread with nothing on them every morning.” I continue the topic as I watch her take a nice bite out of the slice.

It's almost as if the world freezes as her chewing slowly stops, her eyes immediately shoot towards me. The phrase ‘betrayed by my best friend’ told purely in emotions here. A couple seconds pass as she stares at me her eyes starting to water. I can tell she's trying to keep it in, but Luna must have put something really strong in there.

Then it happens, her expression changed from shock to anger as she gets up. This was it, my time to shine! Getting up before her, I slapped her on the horn and bolted it towards the door. Celestia was too dazed to use magic gives chase. Opening the door I duck under it and turn around just in time to see Celestia slam into the Saran Wrap covering the upper portion of the door.

I want to laugh, I really do, but Celestia's hair was now starting to catch fire causing me, in turn, to fear for my own safety. Even the Saran Wrap covering the door started to burn up as she slowly got back up. The entire time her eyes were fixated on me.

I never thought I would be so scared having a plan work out so perfectly. Turning around I once again bolted it down the hallway. My wheelchair going surprisingly faster than I originally thought. Either way, I shook my head and focused on trying to remember Luna’s instructions. was it left or right that was the fastest way to get to the main hall? Guessing right, every pump I put into the chair, Celestia gained two hoofs on me. By the time we reached the main hall I could feel her breathing down my back.

Ignoring the uncomfortable feeling, I kept pumping. The guards doing what they do best which at this moment was staying out of Celestia’s way. It seemed like Luna did her job and told them what they’re about to witness.

“NOW!” I yell passing the last two guards.

A small chime rang throughout the air as a thin rope spanned the width of the hallway. Skidding around I turn just in time to see the fire in Celestia’s mane disappear as she realizes what's going on. Stomping her hooves onto the marble ground she attempts to slow herself down. Sadly, for her, the marble flooring was slippery and she soon found herself tripping over the rope.

Just before she hits the ground Luna pops out from the hall and places a banana cream pie where her face is about to be. To be honest, that wasn’t in the plans, but I will have to admit that it was a nice touch.

With a sickening splat, Celestia's face impacts the pie. Acting fast Luna ties up the rope around her hooves and takes her tiara off her head.

“HA HA! We have finally acquired thy crown!” Luna yells out in triumph. That, however, was quickly followed by a large gulp as she quickly teleports out of the room. Looking towards Celestia I can see the cream vaporize off her face as well as the ropes that were tying her down. The look on her face no longer held any mercy as she once again locked eyes on me.

“RUN!” I yell.

Ruby and Sapphire light their own horns and teleport out, not only that but the rest of the guards have seemed to have done the same thing. Thus leaving me alone in the main hallway with Celestia.

“Now now, it was just a prank bro,” I state sheepishly as I slowly start to back away from her. Thinking I could catch her off guard I quickly turn around and bolt it towards the exit. To my astonishment, I make it outside, but I'm no longer in my chair. Instead I see it getting smaller and smaller bellow me. Looking up I can see Celestia stare off into the distance as she brings me higher and higher into the air.

Then for the first time since the prank begun she spoke, “Did you know most of the time when a pony is dropped from this height they die from the fear and not the impact. After this, you’re going to wish I sent you to the moon.”

I gulp down and try to reason with her, “What are you going to do? Drop an already injured person?” I yell over the gale of wind. If anything, I know Celestia is too kind to do something so cruel.

As I said that her horn glowed brightly and I could feel the pain in my body slowly start to disappear. This was the first and probably the only time in which I begged for the pain to come back to me.

“No, I’m going to drop a perfectly healthy human,” Celestia corrected me as she let her grip on me loosen. My eyes open wide as the realization that she's actually going to let me go settled in. Sadly before I could say anything she released her grip on me.

“Why is it always in these types of situations that you decide to heal me!” I yell falling away from her.

As if to mock me Celestia dives down next to me. We were now both falling upside down looking at each other. Celestia with a smirk on and me with a terrified expression, “What do you want! Anything! Just say it! Just let me live till I'm 40!” I yell out looking between the fast approaching ground and Celestia.

“Anything?” Celestia ponders for a while, she actually looks like she's giving it a genuine thought.

“YES FOR CRYING OUT LOUD JUST SAY IT BEFORE I BECOME A PANCAKE!” I yell as loud as I can.

“Eight o'clock, The Coffee Bean tomorrow and dress nicely,” was all she said before I found myself sucked through the cosmoses straw and spat out into my room in the castle.

Utterly confused I stood up and looked around my room and found out that yes it was indeed my room. Walking over to the bed I flopped down backward on it and looked towards the ceiling, “Did I just prank Celestia and get a date out of it?”

As I my mind continue to spin I proceeded to move over to the side of the bed and vacate what little food I ate today out of my stomach.

Author's Note:

I seem to have a bad habit of doing four chapters then taking a long break. Someone needs to slap some sense into me. I can only imagine how annoying it is to wait for a new chapter to come out.

Either way like the story if you haven't already, and comment whats on your mind. If you feel like disliking it please comment why. How else is a person supposed to improve?