- Member Since 12th Oct, 2015
- offline last seen Nov 23rd, 2017
Sean Shamrock
Who gives a shot anymore my stories suck and none of them are good, not to mention I have no reason to call myself an author or writer
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I hate it wen there is no reaction from a human being talked to by a alien cartoon pony. If an alien cartoon pony would talk to a normal human who is not a full blow bronie he would totally freak the fuck out.
8213713
To be fair, if you to laid there literally twisted and mangled A.) you would think that the alien ponies where a dream, and B.) be thankful for their help that you don't care what they are. However, I do see why that would make some people angry but their is a reason he didn't freak out.
I plan to reveal why in chapter 4 of Siren Wars (the sequel I'm currently writing.
8213713
Have no fear, any vague points or oddities like not freaking out when seeing ponies, and other things is intentional, after all this is book 1 of 4 so I kindly implore you to wait until story 2 is out and then give the constructive criticism you gave me.
Oh my God you finally released it! Yeeeee! I'm gonna start the first chapter right now!
I both loved and hated this. The time skips and perspective shifts really need like the [ hr] command to make it less confusing.
8220675
?
Also I'm glad you like it, but don't worry the second story that's connected to this is far more lengthy, this was my first time writing a 3rd person short story. Still glad you enjoyed it.
8220675
What is a hr command?
8221471
^ That is the [ hr] command.
8221585
Oh so you mean a break when it shifts between scenes? If so I was afraid to do that cause it "Didn't seem professional" as some like to say.
8223967
Yes, and when you take into account the fact that the only other way for it to not spin the reader on a webbook is to make the shift it's own chapter...
8224001
Thank you so much for the help I'll go back and check chapters 1 and 2 of book two and fix that, any other tips?
8224001
Do you feel the romance was to rushed or was the love at first sight trope good for a short story?
8224041
A little bit of both. Plus, Twilight would not make a great leader after that heartshattering experience. And aside from grammar and spelling, not really a whole lot else I could gripe on for a first attempt at third person short story!
8224194
Ya to be honest I don't know why I went with that, I was trying to be as depressing and as sad as possible, but now that I have a writing team and a grammar program I can slowly work my way into the swing of things.
What about Sean and Radiant where they good or do you think Radiant warrants an Origin story, also how do you feel about the polyamory relationship between Sci Twi, Adagio, and Sean?
8224209
I feel that Radiant and Sean warrant a bg, and the whole three way marriage thing? If it makes you happy, I don't give a f***!
8224228
Well Sean's Bg is gonna be revealed in book 3 but I can do a short origin story for Radiant since his life is 6000 years of confusing shiz
I asked about the two wives thing cause I didn't want Sean to seem greedy, their relationship deepens as the stories go one so yeah. Any other tips?
8224278
Beware the harem effect. That's what polamory tends to lead to. Also, make a sequel series using the kids/grandkids of Sean and co. That is something Id like to see, but doubt would get much appreciation.
8224383
I actually did wanna dwell on Starburst and Alpha Centauri (Radiant and Sunsets daughters) and Sean's son (Twilights) and daughter (Adgios) but I won't be doing a harem cause Sean loves and is loyal to Twi and Dagi, same with Radiant and Sunset.
8224464
Good! I have seen a couple polyamory turned harem fics on fanfic and fimfic. Sad really, they started off so good... And I'm curious about when the sequel will be released. Also... could you possibly mention the main protagonist of my story side series, Guardian of Dark Lights in Radiants bg? Just something sinple, like a name long forgotten or something?
8224509
I'm midway through chapter 3 of 6 so it should be done beginning of July, if you want I can give you the google doc and you can get a sneak peak or even help me a little cause I'm still new to 3rd person.
8224742
Well when it comes to writing, third person is my specialty! Are we doing omnipotent, omnipresent, or limited?
8224823
Uhhhh, I'm not sure, you'll have to read and find out out
8225545
Omnipotent is the all present one, the one that tells everyone's thoughts as they happen, omnipresent is the one that tells thoughts as they become relevant, and limited is story being told about someone else from your perspective.
8225623
Ok then I think it's Omnipotent
8225636
Hrm... That is, in my opinion, the hardest one because you have to keep track of everybody's thoughts and personalities as well as how they would react to how someone else is acting, or talking... Limited is a little easier in my opinion with omnipresent being the one you did with this one and my primary specialty for writing, but I'll try and help you out mate!
8225682
Ok then it's not Omnipresent cause book 2 is written in the same style as book one
8225700
8225682
It is omnipresent but it's not omnipotent
8225753
Thought that's what you meant. But my words still stand, I'll do what I can to help!
8225760
Great give me a few to get google docs set up and I'll pm you the link.
Alright, I read what you said below but reguardless there are some major flaws in this chapter (the kind that make someone want to stop reading). That being said, I'll hold on my constructive criticism - even if it could help. I just hope this guy has some serious flashbacks.
Also, to your comment, not true. If I was battered and broken, in a strange place, without knowing how or why I was there. I would assume the alien in front of me did this and lash out - out of fear - and I'm a pacifist, but, fear and pain is a hell of a drug. Your Neurons would be firing on all eight cylinders, each one saying, survive at all costs. Or I would think I was hallucinating, and still be afraid / lashing out.
8236209
Don't worry again the lack of reaction and all that is intentional because please remember that this is only part 1 in a 4 part series. The "flaws" are purposely put their so people will read the other parts in hopes that things will make sense. Keep in mind as well this is an Alternate Equestria that's the result of the Season 5 Finale and Starlight altering the time lines.
So serious flashbacks will be happening including one whole chapter dedicated to Sean. But that won't be until book 3 because book 1 & 2 build the timeline up.
However I appreciate constructive criticism so long as it's delivered maturely and positively instead of "Your shit sucks and here's why" i would criticism along the lines of "hey here some tips and some things I think you should change so the writing becomes better.
Really wish writers stop making our specie out to be so weak, after they say that they can fight. If non of you don't under what i'm saying. Read this shit over closely!
I need to go hit-up on some warframe after reading this. The Dark tags keep throwing me off.