Paging Doctor Sparkle!

by Quillamore

Episode Nine: Endemic Pandemic

Twilight Sparkle, M.D.
Ponyville Hospital, Day 20, early afternoon

Dr. Starlight Glimmer--or whoever the hay she really is--is far smarter than any of us had accounted for. Between her schemes and our clients, it’s taken Redheart and I at least a week to pin down her operation, but now that we have, her days are sure to be numbered.

Ever since our visit to Cloudsdale last week, Redheart and I have had to work in teams just to crack down on this case. Whenever the two of us have time, we look into different aspects of the Featherfall affair--she collects information on Starlight from the skies, and I stay down on Earth in Fluttershy’s makeshift analysis room. As it so happens, small-town pharmacists only carry so many tools for drug research, so we’ve had to make do with what little we can find. In the meantime, there’s a single goal that all of us share--to lay in wait for anypony curious about Featherfall and to warn them otherwise.

So far, nopony’s mentioned the operation since we uncovered it. But, as Rainbow Dash wanders in the pharmaromatherapist’s for the umpteenth time today, I can’t help but reflect on it. If Starlight’s really seeking to extend her influence past Cloudsdale--and judging by her ambitious miracle drug, she most certainly is--it’s only a matter of time before word of it reaches Ponyville.

I don’t quite know why, whether it’s out of general concern or some impossible love for this city or what, but somehow, something about that scares me far more than it would’ve just three weeks ago.

In any case, I’m shook out of this stupor by Fluttershy’s needlessly loud analysis contraption, something she picked up from who knows where. In most of the books I’ve read, pharmacists simply use dyes and particular chemical reactions to determine a drug’s content, but the device she’s using now is a whirring heap of gears and beakers. With the history this town has, I’m almost tempted to think she made it herself, especially considering how she’s launched herself into this investigation.

The machine’s humming finally dies down, and Fluttershy hastily places the remaining solution under a petri dish, not allowing a single atom to pierce the air.

“Dang,” Rainbow Dash whispers softly. “Those are some killer reflexes you’ve got there. Never knew you had it in you.”

She flexes her wings a bit in a brief show of bravado before cringing in pain yet again. I keep telling her that she needs to rest them, but just like Fluttershy, she insists on following me around anyway. If I’m not careful, everypony in town will end up working on this case soon.

“I don’t,” Fluttershy replies. “But I can’t let any of this stuff get anywhere around us. I’ve been going over the numbers for days, and everything points to this drug being contaminated with Cutie Pox. It’s an outright biohazard, and every once in a while, even I’m too afraid to get close to it.”

At least that explains part of the delay, I almost mutter to myself as Fluttershy eyes the pills with the utmost fear. I swear I even see her shudder a few times, as if the bottle could jump out and eat her at any moment.

While I do wonder how she managed to graduate pharmacy school with an attitude like this, I quickly remind myself that I likely would’ve reacted the same way towards the stuff in any other situation. After all, the only known Cutie Pox viruses are locked up in a secret facility, to my knowledge at least. Anything less would be an immediate danger to Equestria, possibly even larger than Discord himself.

But somehow, the knowledge that it’s Cutie Pox is almost a relief to me. It’s far from the unpredictably complex drug I’d imagined in my worst nightmares, and more importantly, the results are documented. Ponies fear the virus so much that, were I just to tell all of Ponyville what the new medication contained, there’d be no chance of anypony taking it.

Excepting, of course, as always, Rainbow Dash.

“Cutie Pox?” she mumbles in between laughs. “Really? That sounds so made-up! ‘Don’t get too close to colts, or you’ll get the Cootie Pox!’ Seriously, what’ll you doctors come up with next, Pretty Plague? Fancy Flu?”

Any hopes that Dash’s wing injury will give her a sense of gravity or humility have already flown straight out the door. Even as Fluttershy gives her a surprisingly strict look, Rainbow goes on as if mocking the gods themselves.

“Oh non! J’ai mal à la tête, et maintenant, je parle français couramment!”

While I don’t know enough Fancy to quite catch what Dash is saying, I can still tell that it’s far from serious. At this point, I’m not sure if she’s using humor as a defense mechanism, or if she really is this stupid, but clearly one of us needs to educate her on the dangers of this disease, and fast.

“This is no laughing matter!” I finally yell. Just about everypony else in the pharmaromatherapist’s office turns to stare at me, and I realize all too late that I’ve attracted far too much attention to myself. “Cutie Pox is a serious disease, and if it isn’t eradicated anymore, then who knows what could happen?!”

Thinking quickly, I hold up Scootaloo’s bottle of pills, figuring I’ll inform the villagers just in case they really have lived under a rock when it came to this disease.

“Doctor Redheart and I recently came across this medication at Featherfall Clinic in Cloudsdale. It has been illegally manufactured without the consent of the Crown by one Starlight Glimmer, who claims it can speed up a foal’s cutie mark retrieval process. Well, it most certainly can, but should your foals take it, they will not be able to stop earning cutie marks.”

A few murmurs of interest arise amongst the audience, almost as if I’m putting on a show for everypony in town. Just like Rainbow Dash, most of them think of the contagion as a blessing rather than a curse, and some even clamor for the bottle. Before I can lecture them further, however, Fluttershy steps in with her quiet, yet strangely commanding, voice.

“After days of research, I can confirm that each of these pills is spiked with the Cutie Pox virus, something that’s never been attempted outside of the vaccination process. Verified doctors are able to severely weaken the germs we use in our vaccines, so our systems can build up immunity as quickly and efficiently as possible. But it seems Starlight Glimmer’s process wasn’t strong enough, and most of the viruses inside the pills are strong enough to attack foals’ vulnerable bodies. Should a foal take one of these pills, cutie marks will begin to spread throughout their body, and they will be forced to simultaneously perform every new talent the disease gives them.”

This fact in and of itself is enough to give most ponies pause, and I can practically see their minds going over the implications of this toxic medication. However, just as everything seems to be under control, I hear that same annoying voice that’s plagued me all day.

Really, I ought to have more sympathy for Rainbow. She’s been conned by the worst sort of medical system, forced into increasingly dangerous situations, and now she has to deal with severe burns and an ailing sister. But with the way she’s been acting all day, it’s becoming increasingly hard to think that way.

“Yes, Ms. Dash?” I ask in a voice that’s far more clipped than it has the right to be. Then again, she’s also the one holding her hoof straight into the air like a schoolchild.

“So, this scary Cutie Pox thing...it just makes ponies do a bunch of silly stuff at the same time?”

Before I can utter a single word of explanation, she shouts, “Boy, would I love to see that! That sounds hilarious!”

“Trust me, it’s not.”

“Oh, oh! I’ve got something for you. If Cutie Pox gave you the talent to run a marathon and fly super fast, how would you pull that off? D’ya think it’d be some weird hovering thing or something? I mean, it’d almost have to be.”

I don’t know what I hate more right now--Dash’s meaningless distractions themselves, or the fact that one of them actually makes an insane amount of sense. I’ll never admit it to her face, but if Starlight’s pills ever cause an Equestrian cataclysm, looking into talents that should cancel themselves out will have to be my first priority.

Regardless, controlling crowds seems to be the one thing Fluttershy doesn’t excel at, and so I’m forced to cut off the discussion as soon as possible.

“Let me cut to the chase,” I mutter, barely masking my irrational anger. “Cutie Pox is a virus that infects other cells to a mind-boggling degree. If left unchecked, it will gradually force every cell in your body to produce new cutie marks, and do nothing else. It is far more comparable to cancer than to any other disease known to ponykind. It will not kill your foals in and of itself, but it will lead them to develop further complications, from exhaustion to Tartarus knows what else. We’re still studying what it did to the last ponies it messed up. And also, there is no known cure. So I would appreciate it if we all sat down, looked at ourselves, and really thought about why there’s so much pressure to get a cutie mark in this town that foals would literally kill for one. Does everypony understand?”

Before I can tell anypony not to spread the news across town, they’ve already fled in fear. They always say a doctor shouldn’t spread this sort of panic, but for once, I feel like it’s for the best.

I leave Fluttershy’s office, give Dash a single poke of support, and head off to check on Redheart’s progress. As always, my first step is to check her case book, the one and only time she’ll ever allow me to glimpse into her life. No matter how this case might separate us, we’ve agreed on two universal things. A sort of modified Hippocratic Oath, if you will.

Step one: do no harm. And step two: document everything.

****

Doctor Redheart’s Notes
Glimmer Investigation--Day 6

After only three days with her, Doctor Glimmer has already asked for a private meeting with me. If you’ll recall, my past few encounters with her have been strictly public affairs, as cut-and-dry as any interview. Tonight, however, she’s as unpredictable as ever.

“You sure seem to be interested in our services,” she says to me, flashing her signature grin. “Perhaps a bit too interested, I’d say.”

“It’s for the good of my patients,” I quickly correct her. “As Ponyville’s chief physician, it’s my duty to know about neighboring towns and their medical systems.”

“I think you and I both know that isn’t true. You’re taking an unhealthy amount of interest in my clinic, and you haven’t been Ponyville’s chief physician for...quite a while, actually. My methods may not be ethical, but after the stunt you pulled six months ago, I’d say you’re far from ethical yourself.”

Any fear about my cover being blown is dispelled just about as soon as Starlight places her cup back on its saucer. Her face, as always, is stuck in a smile, except this time, a far more devious shadow crosses it.

Whatever she has planned for me, it’s far more than just calling me out for spying on her.

“So I suggest you quit lying to yourself and admit it,” she whispers. “You’re impressed with the way we run things here. You see a new start at Featherfall. And you know...I’d be more than willing to give you that chance.”

Everything in me wants to show surprise, but I remain as composed as usual. Fake it until you make it, ponies always say, and I have a distinct feeling that this time, faking it will give me everything I need from this case. Because, just from that very suggestion, Doctor Glimmer unveiled her first red flag.

“I’d love to,” I tell her. “But that’s impossible. Having somepony cast a spell on me every few days to let me walk on clouds is one thing, but commuting is out of the question. I’m not a pegasus.”

What happens next is at once predictable and unpredictable. A ball of light emerges from Doctor Glimmer’s forehead, and it slowly begins to cover her entire body. The next thing I know, her wings are gone--and a horn pokes straight out of her head.

“Neither am I,” she drawls, drawing ever closer to me. “But it’d be awfully inconvenient if anypony else were to know about it. I can teach you ways to stay here forever, but I fully expect something in return.”

“I won’t tell.”

“That’s not all I’m expecting from you. Your partner, Doctor Sparkle, is pretty accomplished where I come from. And so, I didn’t just give you those pills to treat Scootaloo. I know nopony will believe me if I publish my findings myself, but if I were to have her backing…”

I nod helplessly, knowing exactly what she’s getting at. We were weapons to advance her schemes all along, or rather, Doctor Sparkle was. I was nothing.

Just “nothing” enough to gain her trust. Just “nothing” enough to hit paydirt. So, against my better judgment, I accept her offer.

“I’ll do my best to convince her,” I tell Doctor Glimmer as I leave, mirroring her devious glance, “so just sit tight.”

****

Twilight Sparkle, M.D.
Ponyville Hospital, Day 20, late afternoon

Even minutes after reading Redheart’s notes, I’m still looking at the book in shock, and the pony in question simply shoots me a smile and trots onward. However, from what little I’m able to register of the incident, I know I’m not going to let off that easy.

“You actually agreed to it?” I ask her without thinking.

There’s a million other questions I should be pressing her on, but somehow, that one rings out more than the rest. I’m not really sure what I’m feeling--fear, shock, or something in between--but I know one thing for sure. Whatever it is, it’s not betrayal. I may not have known Redheart long, but I know she’d never go along with Featherfall’s schemes.

I’m not quite so sure about the rest, though.

“Only to get the facts out of her,” Redheart replies. “And to relay them onto you, of course. She said not to tell you, but she never said I couldn’t write it down. Document everything, right?”

She winks, and I can tell that she honestly thinks she’s figured Glimmer out. That she can jump through enough hurdles, and her promise won’t matter anymore. But something tells me that somepony powerful enough to change her race on a whim, for her own purposes, isn’t going to let Redheart go that easily.

I tell her just that, and my partner tells me she has it all covered. Now that I’ve properly warned the town--or at least warned them to the point where they’re too scared to touch one of those pills ever again--my job here is finished. Just go back to the patients, the everyday grind, and let her handle the rest.

I shouldn’t feel this way, I know. This is Redheart’s case, after all. I always knew this was going to have to be something for her to prove on her own. But somehow, watching as she prepares to go out on her own and face that monster again pains me to see.

Because it means that helping Redheart get her job back has stirred something in me. I don’t know what it is yet, but it isn’t the selfish desire to get back to Canterlot I thought it was. It isn’t fear for the Ponyvillians either, or at least, not quite. If it’d been just two weeks ago, I would’ve felt this way because I didn’t trust Redheart, but now I know better.

As she steadily trots out the door towards enemy territory, towards territory not even her tricks can fully comprehend, I feel like I’ve finally found the answer for myself.

My patients aren’t the only ponies I want to protect anymore. Somehow or another, she’s become somepony completely outside the system I’ve drilled myself on all my life.

I call out, or at least try to. I sprint towards the balloon, hoping that maybe she won’t make the wrong choice. Or if she still does, that I can be there to protect her anyway. But even then, it’s still too late. She’s off into the clouds, and here I am on Earth.

So I go back to my hospital, the one post I have where I can forget about everything. Where the implications can never pierce my mind. Glimmer’s certainly should’ve been the ones troubling me, but somehow, the thoughts I have towards Redheart strike me more. Even then, I walk inside and put on my battle face once more.

Fake it until you make it.

Author's Note:

In which Redheart speedruns IYGALL and its shady deals.

And so, we start getting into the real romance of the matter, no matter how much Twilight denies it. I really wanted this to be a comedic part, but I figure we can have more of those once Starlight's defeated. Anyway, Twilight just needs to stop being such a Tsundere and realize that Redheart's smarter than she gives her credit for.

Also, the French Dash says translates to, "I have a headache, and now I speak fluent French." As a bilingual person who can speak fluent French, I felt the need to use it at least once in my stories.

Comments

[The Bricklayer]

...Honestly, not sure what to say on this chapter. But glad Twilight's warming up to Redheart a bit more. Now, if only they could pull their heads out of their damn flanks and admit they like each other. Honestly, they're as bad as Bones and Booth at times...

[Vaguely Demented]

You have succeeded in making it sound like an appropriate plague.

[Quillamore]

8661931

I wanted to go with canon Cutie Pox, but realize it wasn’t “scary” enough. Hence the added explanation, and hence why Dash struggles to take it seriously at first.

[Vaguely Demented]

8661932
Makes sense. The part about it corrupting every cell would certainly be lethal.

[Always Breakfast]

If Cutie Pox gave you the talent to run a marathon and fly super fast, how would you pull that off?

"Better question: if Cutie Pox gave you the talents for free-diving and singing, how long would you live?"

[SWEETOLEBOB18]

8661994
Of all the words of tongue and pen
the saddest are these "it might have been"

[Greenhorn]

My methods may not be ethical, but after the stunt you pulled six months ago, I’d say you’re far from ethical yourself.

Hopefully, things would be clear before anypony actually become a victim of this unethical scheme.

[MagicLover2128]

I am suddenly picturing the tv show ‘Doc Martin’ for some reason.

[Quillamore]

8662230

While it does deviate a bit from the show later on, the fic was inspired by Doc Martin, and it shows a bit more in the first few parts.

[farsan]

I always felt that, in the Cutie Pox episode, Apple Bloom didn't actually catch the Pox (She wasn't contagious), but rather had Heart's Desire intoxication, which was more easily treatable by the flower that bloomed from the Seeds of Truth.

[the other sans]

Glimmer’s certainly should’ve been the ones troubling me

I feel this sentence is off for some reason... Might be the start. Just like Twilight starting to realise her growing affections for Redheart

[Black_Knight]

Twilight's relation with Redhearts remind a lot of Doctor House and Lisa Cuddy.

In fact Twilight reminds me so much about House that would have loved her during her explanation of Cutie Pox shouting "Eh Moron! F*cking Moron!" at Rainbow.

[Dragonwaz]

I'm kind of confused on how you've written Rainbow Dash. At first I thought you were writing her really stupid and useless, kind of like the mentally advanced series Rainbow Dash. Then it comes out she's doing all these odd jobs to help Scootaloo. Which made more sense, that the fear and worry would make her more gullible like that.

But now she knows Glimmer was scamming her right? Now she knows Glimmer was potentially crippling Scootaloo for life? Sent pills for Scootaloo to take that contained a virus? Twilight and Redheart are even explaining how debilitating and potentially lethal that virus could be and she's still joking and laughing about it? It doesn't really even come off as a coping mechanism so I'm left confused as to how dumb you are trying to portray your Rainboom Dash.

[Quillamore]

8669055

What I was trying to convey with her was someone who thought the disease wasn't something to take seriously. She eventually does take it seriously, but the idea of it was that the disease sounds so absurd that she wouldn't believe it at first. Sorry for the inconsistencies.

[Prismmirror]

I'm confused by why they can't grab a flier and go to the proper authorities. If paid medicine is illegal, or at least frowned upon, and they have clear evidence of the deceit from the advertised false disease, then what are they trying to accomplish? Twilight was/is the personal protégé of Director Celestia, so she should have some rather obvious pull with the ponies in power. Why the hell are they not just sending her a letter, day 1?

As much as you keep harping on the duo doing all they can to protect their patients, they really do a poor job of it. First it was Redheart with the book (don't just quickly use the solution; lay a trap for Twilight instead so you can gloat... or something) and now this. Avoiding the obvious solutions and dragging out conviction of Glimmer so that Redheart can "do something impressive". Meanwhile, Glimmer is spreading an incurable disease to children (but not Ponyville's foals, so it doesn't matter, right?).

...yeah, I just really don't get this.

[Scorch215]

8777100
I know old post but this is so accurate, they have more then enough to go to the authorities, they had it day one but the second those pills were found to be contaminated with a deady virus that would be ground for Starlight's clinic to be quarantined, everyone inside locked up till cleared and everything inaide of the builded tested.

Then charges brought upon some one effectivly spreading a bioweapon around since she modifed the virus.

Also how there hasnt been an outbreak of the virus with the clinic operating for at minimum 6 months, longer moat likely do to that only being when Dash became aware of it but the olace moat likely was open longer

The the source traced back to the clinic and it shut down long before Twilight and Redheart rver got involved.

Nothing about this makes sense.