• Published 8th Apr 2017
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Paging Doctor Sparkle! - Quillamore



Twilight Sparkle is one of the foremost doctors in Equestria, but it only takes one mistake to banish her to the worst post possible: Ponyville Hospital.

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Episode Sixteen: Paralysis by Analysis

Twilight Sparkle, M.D.
Canterlot National Hospital, Day 32, sunrise


They say there’s nothing more terrifying than stepping into an unfamiliar hospital. I’ve never quite been sure why that is, but that’s what everypony always tells me about my job. They wonder how I’m able to manage moving from one to another without my soul leaving my body. Ordinary ponies get so scared by this sort of thing that somepony convinced our director to have a Nightmare Night haunted house event at our hospital in a few weeks.

I’ve never felt so ordinary before in my life, and every step I make in Canterlot National reminds me of that. It shouldn’t scare me, it shouldn’t be unfamiliar, and most of all, I shouldn’t be calling Ponyville Hospital mine. I keep telling myself that, but nothing changes.

At the very least, the patient is stable. He’s even woken up a few times, though he’s still not quite aware of what exactly happened to him. Sunset Shimmer spends hours by his side, testing him for all matters of factors before ruling out drug influence once and for all. I’m only able to help out a little, since I’m not technically employed here anymore, but I’m at least trusted with the IV drip--either that, or the pony supposed to be handling it clocked out for the night.

Neither of us--Sunset and I, I mean, not the two ponies that should really be us the day after a date--really know what to do with Scarlet. To be fair, though, she doesn’t really know what to do with Canterlot National, either. Every once in awhile, she just stops and stares, as if she’s never been in a hospital this big. But the fact remains that she hasn’t really talked since the rave incident, and that makes me realize just how terrible I am at reading ponies.

Is she really trying to avoid me, or is she just too wrapped up in the patient like a normal doctor would be? Or does she just feel weird being trapped in Canterlot National, a monument to the pony I used to be?

To the pony I still am, I correct myself. Ponies like you don’t make mistakes, and they don’t give up their dreams to follow some mare.

As the events of last night begin to wear down and the patient settles once more into sweet sleep, I sit and wonder if Canterlot National is still my dream after all.

I’m not sure how long it takes me to notice, but Scarlet eventually trots back into the emergency room I’m in. She’s spent most of the morning making her rounds around the hospital, letting Sunset show her around as if she was interviewing for a job here. Boy, wouldn’t that make my job easier.

Anyway, she’s come back with another ice pack, since our caped convalescent has been going through them like crazy. That’s just about all she’s allowed to do here, since this place’s general elitist attitude doesn’t seem to tolerate “lesser” doctors like her. I never really noticed it before I saw everypony react to her, but ponies at this hospital definitely have sticks up their noses.

Unfortunately, I happen to say that out loud, under my breath, and definitely within Scarlet’s earshot.

“Hey, it’s not like you were any different back then,” she mutters, sitting beside me and keeping watch over the patient. “I’m the only thing separating you from them, you know.”

I swear, if any other pony would’ve said that to me, I would’ve given them a piece of my mind. But instead, I just curl up closer to Scarlet, silently telling myself that this was how our first date should have gone.

“I know,” I say teasingly. “But you don’t have to brag about it.”

“Maybe I do. A month ago, you were some big shot doctor kicking and screaming about working in Ponyville, and somewhere down the line, I made you fall in love with me. Somehow or another.”

“You’re not supposed to fall in love on the first date. At least, that was what my parents told me. But, I mean, I am an adult now, and that is how I feel, even though I could totally get my heart broken in the end. Not that I’d care about that sort of thing.”

By the time Scarlet responds again, I realize I’ve taken the bait, bait that’s far more dangerous than just her trying to get me to admit I’ve fallen for her. In all my time with her, I’ve always been able to tell that she’s somepony who hides her emotions, and I’m somepony who lays them all out. Which means that anytime she acts this calm after this sort of drama, there’s really a storm brewing in her heart.

If she knows I’ve caught on, she doesn’t show it. Instead, she just keeps talking on and on about how I’ve loved her for even longer, maybe even since we met. I know that isn’t the case, but I humor her, because I know I’m about to hit her with something harsh.

“Hey,” I finally whisper, “do you have any idea how anything’s supposed to go after this?”

Scarlet just scoffs in my face and waves her hoof dismissively, as if I have no clue what I’m talking about. With that expression, she almost looks like the pony I used to call my rival a month ago.

Even after such a short time, that pony still feels as far away as my time at Canterlot National did. And yet again, I’m reminded of the fact that if I stay here, I’ll never get to know her other facets, the way I did when we investigated Featherfall. For a short while, that idea seems even sadder than leaving Canterlot behind for good. And then I correct myself before things get too dangerous.

Faust, I tell myself, when did I get so sentimental?

“Second date, obviously,” Scarlet says. “Surely you know enough about relationships to know that’s how it goes, right? Though next time, I’d really prefer not to spend half of it in a hospital, as much as I love my job and all.”

I blush suddenly, and I’m no longer sure if it’s out of embarrassment or romantic bliss.

“That’s not what I meant. I mean...you know where we’re at, right? And you know who went up to us at the con? In case you’re not aware, that’s the new big shot at my old hospital and she wants me back. But for some reason...I’m not happy, and I wish I knew why.”

With a sigh, I finally whisper, “I know the old Twilight would have been.”

For once, Scarlet doesn’t have a quip in her arsenal that could handle any of this. All she can do is stare straight into my eyes as if they could disappear at any moment. For all she knows, I realize, they probably could.

“I wish I knew,” she answers. “It’s probably not the answer you wanted, but it’s the answer you’re getting. For that matter, I wish I knew why I’m not rejoicing at the idea of you leaving. Maybe that’s just how much we’ve changed in the last month, or maybe I’m just overthinking stuff.”

She lets out a long sigh, checks the patient’s vitals for the umpteenth time, and continues talking a few minutes later. I don’t even bother to speak before that.

“I tend to do that, really. Overthinking’s practically my specialty, and it always has to be when ponies could drop to the ground at the drop of a hat.”

Scarlet squeezes my hoof, a gesture I’m not really expecting this early in the relationship, and whispers, “Did I ever tell you about the time I had to take accounting?”

Suddenly, the room becomes hotter than a furnace, and I can’t help but wipe my hoof against my brow. While Scarlet misinterprets this for the slightest of seconds, thinking that I’m pulling away from her instead, I don’t give her any time to doubt it any further. My hoof fits softly back into hers, and for a minute, I forget to even respond to her question.

“What does this even have to do with my situation?”

“Maybe if you listen, you’ll find out.”

She sticks out her tongue ever so slightly, and I’m transported back to our rivalry again. To all the best parts, all the times we argued when we really meant to bicker and never took each other too seriously.

“Anyway,” she continues, “back in college, I thought I’d take accounting as an elective. Now, before you call me a nerd like you aren’t one yourself, I had bigger dreams back then. I wanted to be a hospital director so I could really shove things in my family’s face, and I figured accounting could help me with that. Didn’t quite work out the way I planned, though.

I suffered through that class, and for the longest time, I didn’t know why. I’m good with numbers, and I could get all the budgets in order. But when the tests came, I had to pull all-nighters just to get a B. One day, right before an exam, I asked my professor what a term meant, and he looked at me like I’d sprouted a third eye.”

“And I thought teachers were supposed to have better manners than me,” I mutter with a grin.

“They do. Well, you’re getting better, and he definitely did. But he looked at me funny because I asked him what ‘cost of goods sold’ meant. I knew how to calculate it, but I didn’t understand it. I knew there had to be something more to it than what I was getting, but the professor just shook his head, smiled, and said the definition was in the word. It’s just the cost of the goods that you sold, and nothing else.”

“So what’s that mean?”

“Sometimes there is no ‘understanding’ something. Sometimes, the solution’s right there, and you think so hard that you don’t see it.”

As much as I want to think that’s irrelevant to my situation, somewhere deep inside, I just know that it is. So, even though everything inside me screams to dismiss her, I send a smile her way.

“Maybe that’s how it is with me,” I say. “If it was any other pony or a patient I had to deal with, I’d weigh out the pros and cons before making a decision. But now I’ve gone straight into panicking.”

As soon as I say it, Scarlet shakes her head and boops me on the nose. I can’t say anypony’s ever tried that on me, but somehow, it’s not as annoying as I always thought it’d be.

“That’s what I’m trying to tell you,” she sighs. “No worrying. No pro-con sheets. No thinking. Just go with what your heart feels. If my heart would have been in control, I would’ve known that it was just my emotions running wild, and that I didn’t need to know what ‘cost of goods sold’ really meant.”

“But this means so much more than just that time. I mean, it’s not like your whole life depended on that question.”

“Maybe your whole life doesn’t depend on your question. Maybe that’s just the way you’re thinking in the moment. But no matter how you go about it, one thing’s for sure--nopony’s actually asked you anything yet. So things are exactly how they were before.”

As if to illustrate this, she takes the cold pack off the stallion’s head, and he sighs in relief. From what I can tell, he’s already recovered enough to where immense cold is an annoyance to him, rather than a remedy. Something’s been beating at his head, and now the weight is off. Exactly how things were before.

“Sunset Shimmer told me she needed me here,” I say. “Doesn’t that count for something?”

“Not until you hear from a higher-up. She can want it as much as she likes, but until the director gets involved, you’re still with us in Ponyville.”

I nod in understanding, even though the answer should have been obvious. Just seeing this place, it seems, was enough to send me into a frenzy, a place where logic didn’t exist. So, at least, that’s one crisis averted.

But what happens when they recruit me for real? Will I ever be ready for that, even then?

“So that means my answer from last time still stands. We’ll go on a second date, get so sappy the whole town knows about us before too long. We’ll learn about each other’s lives, and save others in the process. Maybe one of us will snoop too far into the past and try to fix the other’s issues. Five bits says it’s you.”

I don’t even dignify that with a response, instead choosing to stick out my tongue like a schoolfilly.

“Either way, when I first met you, I promised you that I’d either drive you out of Ponyville or make you stay. If Canterlot National’s really foolish enough to steal our brand-new doctor away at this point in the game, I’ll have them know that one of those promises still stands.

“If they really want to take you away from us, I’d love to see them try.”

****

Twilight Sparkle, M.D.
Ponyville Hospital, Day 40, early morning.

A week goes by, and I still don’t know what got into Scarlet then. I can still remember the challenging glint in her eyes, the way she stared down Canterlot National as if it could respond. The way nothing, not even her new Healer Moonlight figure, seemed to take her out of that mood.

She thanked me for it later, almost as if she didn’t realize she had it before. That in and of itself is enough to make me wonder if Scarlet, like her patient, had ended up in some sort of heat-induced daze. But really, I don’t have time to think about it, or to feel much, for that matter. Ponyville Hospital has more patients than ever, and until something else comes up, they’re obligated to me.

Ponyville needs me. Scarlet needs me. And for a week or so, that’s enough to chase any thoughts of Canterlot out of my head.

That is, until I check my daily mail and see Director Celestia’s all-too-familiar stationery. The one thing that could pull me out of Ponyville at a time like this, and it appears right on schedule.

Even before I open it, I know what it says. Apparently, the doctors monitored me the whole time I was at Canterlot National, and they think I’m ready. I’ve changed. Softened. Improved. Proven myself. Won.

I’m not ready. I haven’t changed. I still need time, training, skills, Ponyville, Scarlet, Scarlet

As I let the letter float to the ground, my victory feels more like surrender.

Author's Note:

And so, the final arc of our tale begins. Even though we all know what Twilight will pick in the end, I hope the journey proves entertaining for everyone.

Also, I really enjoyed writing the fluff for this chapter. Scarlet's anecdote is based on one of my own experiences in college, lol.