Broken Mirror

by GMBlackjack

XXVI - Progress and Darkness

>>The final confrontation.

The entirety of this story has been leading up to this. In the Concretion it began; in the Concretion it will end. The great evils will be confronted, and the heroes will triumph in the end.

Or will they?

How can you be sure?

Do you think that because they've lost so much that a failure here, right at the end, would be cheap? Would go against the entire point?

But how can you be sure?

The story might not 'end' here. There might be more. Endings are lies, after all - just like beginnings. No confrontation is truly final. Time goes on, things are left unresolved, conflicts rage on... as always.

Always.

Never take a climax for granted.<<

~~~

The Starshell flew through the air, right out in the open, surrounded by six points of rainbow light, rainbows that deflected everything that came their way. Bullets became stone. Lasers became incorporated into the shell of magic.

"This is working amazingly!" Starlight cheered from inside the virtual expanse. "Shields at 1% and holding!"

>>I expect the damage sustained already will take the ship out eventually even without further damage.<<

"Our structural integrity is down," Maud said.

"Eh, this is just faster than walking," Starlight said. "We could get there just with the power of the Elements. INVINCIBILITY. Man, I'm glad that worked. I was this close to just bailing."

>>More acceptable than dying for no reason, I suppose<<

"See, M gets it. ...What are you anyway?"

>>An artificial intelligence.<<

"...I've always wondered if that was possible."

>>It isn't. But tell that to Diane.<<

"So the secondary magic does transcend?"

>>In a way. I am what she could not have because of the Nightmare Fuel - but I have already used this metaphor enough. I grow tired of its repetition. The Concretes do enough as it is, running like ants to and from the same locations hour after hour, day after day, year after year. Nothing changes, nothing alters, nothing matters but poorly-applied 'progress'.<<

"Not even that matters in the end," Maud said. "We are self-destructive, a doomed part of nature. If we achieve our goal, we will eventually halt everything."

"How so?" Starlight asked.

"Once we irradiate magic, we will cease to find a common ground amongst ourselves. Our internal hatred must unleash on something - if not magic, then it will be our fellow Concrete. There are not enough of us who can resist the urge. Most cannot even try."

"How do you do it then?"

"I was created to be completely objective. I see things with no bias. I have no drives at all."

"...Why do you help us then?"

"Simple logic states I shouldn't help a doomed endeavor."

"Ah."

>>She has issues attaching to anything - she cannot feel, express, or even believe in good and evil. She is pure logic - a nihilist. Nothing matters to her whatsoever, she just does what makes 'sense' to her, even though that 'survival' aspect she uses so often shouldn't mean anything either.<<

"I had to choose between living and not," Maud said. "I decided to live."

>>I suppose that means there is something illogical in you then.<<

"Simply that logic cannot help there. Nothing matters, so by what criteria would I judge if I want to continue living or not?"

"Okay, stop it, you're making me existential," Starlight said.

Maud obliged and M stopped rolling text.

"There it is," Starlight said. "The central tower." The central tower of the Concretion looked exaclty like all the other skyscrapers in the monotone skyline. It was just in the center.

>>Ground floor.<<

"On it... Crap, teleportation is fried."

>>Just ram through the wall.<<

Starlight blinked. "...Sure. Why not." She pressed a button, pushing speed to maximum. The Starshell rammed through the outer wall - and several other walls after that. It eventually gave out, losing flight capabilities and screeching to a stop along a black metal floor. The Starshell's lights went out, using the power it could spare to deposit Maud and Starlight on the ground.

The six Element bearers set themselves down to the ground, their elements no longer glowing. The eight mares took a moment to look around the area they were in. It was a huge room - a black metal floor that matched a domed black ceiling far overhead. Green lights dotted the walls, filling the room with an eerie illumination. Dozens of metal railings lined the area above them, mostly obscured in the darkness.

There was something large on the far side of the room they couldn't make out - and they didn't care either. Their gaze was drawn to the Tree of Harmony instead, sitting there in the center, glowing a soft blue. Thorny vines grew around its base, dark magics coursed through its branches, and several machines were affixed to it - including one holding a giant shimmering lens.

It was a brilliant sight despite the unnatural additions. It was obvious the beautiful being was barely holding onto its life, the soft glow nowhere near as brilliant as the Otherworlders remembered.

"Time to return the Elements," Fluttershy said, taking a step forward.

"One more step and I destroy the Tree," the Doctor's voice boomed. A large overhead light snapped on, revealing the Doctor, Diane, and a third pony that Pinkie recognized as Marble standing on one of the railings above them. Marble had her face in a computer, smiling a strangely genuine-seeming smile. Both the Doctor and Diane were in full armor - pink and brown - and the Doctor had a remote in his hoof. The mares were confused for a moment about how Diane had gotten here so quickly - drones maybe?

"And how are you going to do that?" Rainbow Dash demanded.

"With this!" Marble shouted with a bizarrely chipper voice, pressing a key on her computer. Another spotlight came on, illuminating what stood behind the Tree. In a mansion-sized glass box stood a creature with four legs and two arms. One of its arms was completely mechanical, and its entire back was lined with rods, tubes, and a few screens. The chest was covered in knobs, wires, plates, and displays, and the tail was a sharp razor. But what was most striking was the head - two gigantic horns between which was - instead of a face - a giant screen, buzzing softly with static. Its horns were latched to the ceiling by wires and the many protrusions were pulsing softly in magic, alien colors. The entire beast sat there, in the back, motionless.

"T-Tirek!?" Rarity yelled.

The Doctor nodded. "So you are aware of him. Good. Then you know that one of his most unique abilities is to drain magic. All I have to do is give the order with this remote, and his horns will be activated and drain every last ounce of magic the Tree has right now. Which isn't much, mind you, we keep it low so it can't interfere with anything."

Fluttershy shook her head. "If you destroy the Tree the Nightmare Fuel will be unleashed!"

"Which would be problematic, I admit, but once I drain all the power from the Tree and your Elements, Tirek here should be able to drain the Nightmare Fuel itself. Annoyingly, I'll have to control Tirek manually since Diane's little AI is no longer up for the job, but it's a risk I'm willing to take. Those zebras will get what's coming to them, you can be rest assured."

"And then you'll turn Tirek on Equestria," Rarity said.

"Yes. And then the world itself. That was always the plan. Ever since Tirek was provided to us, I knew that he would never be used to destroy the artifacts - and knowing what I know about the Nightmare Fuel now, that seems to have been a wise decision. I always knew he would be used to bring progress to the world. No more hindrances, no more relations, just the world and us to experiment on it."

"And kill each other in the process," Maud said.

The Doctor turned to her. "You were a mistake."

"It means something when the pony you made to be purely logical betrays you."

"It means logic is a flawed ideal," the Doctor asserted. "Progress is what we need. It is the way to truth."

"You all seem to be living pretty big lies," Pinkie observed.

"How so?"

"Well, look at it like this. You all hate each other, yet you work together. You hate magic, but you use it in secret. You say you want to progress, but when ponies come up with ideas you don't like you reject them. That sounds like a lot of lies to me."

Marble gave a giggle at this but didn't look up from her computer screen. The Doctor ignored her.

"That is all because the general population is foolish. Only the elite should have any say. The rest are just cogs in the machine."

"Right there," Fluttershy said. "Right there. That is why we can't just let this happen. You treat ponies like cogs. They aren't. They have hopes, dreams, faults, likes, dislikes... Even you have these things, however corrupted they might be. Ponies have worth, they are some of the most unique beings in existence, and we can't let them just become a footnote!"

"I expected as much. But what are you going to do? You come closer, I destroy the Tree, and with it all your hopes. I'd rather keep it for study, but my hoof can be pushed. Think about what you're doing- you could be dooming the world to the Nightmare if you continue on your path. I'm sure that's worse than what I have in mind. If Maud is correct - and I assure you she is not - at the very least if I get what I want there will be ashes to rise back from."

"We''ll kill you long before you even get around to that," the Inspector said. "One of us is going to get a shot off on you, even if you're on your best guard."

"Then the Nightmare Fuel will reign."

"I'm sure we'll find some way to use Tirek to stop it," Starlight said.

"Not if he's busy trying to kill you," the Doctor said.

"We'll blast him with rainbows," Rainbow Dash said.

"You sure that'll work? On a being that has been eating magic slowly from this Tree for years?"

"No," Rarity said, "but we still have to try."

"Listen to yourselves. Listen to those emotions of yours. Those feelings that you 'have to' you 'must'. That there's no other option. The idiocy of loyalty - what does it accomplish? Everypony sacrifices, nopony gains. When the best thing to do is to give up and walk away - it continues. It screams. it turns you into slaves - slaves to each other, slaves without benefit. That's what this 'friendship' and 'harmony' you talk about so much is. A self-staffed prison, a prison you all stay in by choice. You limit yourselves, you take sides, you lower all your strengths. You are standing here, right now, with all the power in the world. You could walk away right now and I doubt I could stop you. You could go and make a life for yourselves for whatever ideals you hold dear. But you don't - instead, you are here, about to do something stupid."

Starlight blinked and hung her head - but said nothing.

"You know I'm right. You're seeing it. The others limit you! there is no benefit to-"

The Doctor's head was cut clean off. It fell off the railing, trailing blood all the way down. It hit the ground with a clank, denting the helmet. Everypony's eyes widened in astonishment.

Diane sheathed her sword. Marble looked up to her. "...Does this mean I can go back to my lab now?"

"Yes," Diane said.

"Yay!" Marble cheered, picking up her computer and trotting away. "Good luck!"

Diane shook her head at the receding form of her sister. She leaped down from the railing and landed smoothly next to the Doctor's head. "It would have been better for you if I had some loyalty to you." She kicked the head away, out of sight.

Fluttershy blinked. "...Thank you."

"You put the rocks in the damn Tree already," Diane spat. "I'm a traitor now, might as well go the rest of the way." She forced a laugh. "Look at me, craaaaaazy!"

Pinkie walked up to her, putting a hoof on her back. Diane twitched, looking at it like it was some alien parasite. Pinkie smiled. "I knew you had it in you."

"...Sure."

"...Why?" the Inspector asked, staring in disbelief. "...Why?"

"He was wrong," Diane said. "It does give you strength. I've seen it in your group. A strength. A reason." She looked into the distance. "Built to understand, cursed to not experience."

Fluttershy smiled. "We can help you with that, Diane. But first... Let's banish the Nightmare Fuel."

"Hold it," a horrid voice said. Everypony stood still. Rainbow Dash dropped to the ground, breathing heavily and menacingly.

Twilight's eyes went wide. "Anubis! Show yourself!"

"Gladly." The armor around the lower half of the Doctor's body turned a sickly black. It leaped off the body, congealing with the helmet, twisting into a black blob. With a flash of green, it became Anubis the zebra, holding the Doctor's head in his hooves. With a flash of black, he appeared between them and the Tree. The remote was in his other hoof. It was impossible to tell which of the marks on his body were actual stripes and which ones were scars.

Everyone froze, fearing what he would do.

Diane spoke up. "He doesn't know the code, otherwise he would have done it already." She facehooved after she said this for effect.

"My dear, that's wrong..." Anubis said, his voice soft but still disturbing, somehow more alien than Amplify's. "You facehoof then make the comment."

"And I'm'supposed' to say sorry after messing up, but I hate you, so fuck off."

"I'm afraid that won't be happening."

Fluttershy stepped forward, Element glowing. "Get out of the way. You do not want to face the Elements of Harmony head on."

"I think you need to turn around and check on your Loyalty. She's looking a little... Out of it."

Everypony turned to Rainbow Dash. She was breathing heavier than before - clutching her chest, wheezing in pain. "It... It feels like my wing's getting ripped off agaaAAAAAAAAAAA-" she roared as inky black magic exploded from where the Element had given her another wing, destroying what she had only just regained. Her legs became shrouded in shadow, dark vines clawing at her flesh, melting her limbs from the ground up.

Twilight lit her horn, Element glowing in response.

"I wouldn't bother. You'd just blow out your horn again. I'm aggravating the old wounds Zecora made, re-awakening their magic," Anubis snarked.

Diane flew at him, launching missiles, lasers, bombs, more missiles, and swords. Anubis just raised an eyebrow, creating a shadowy shield of vines blocking everything and blowing Diane to the side. The shield seemed to ripple with the faces of dead zebras.

Pinkie leaped over Rainbow Dash, the Element of Laughter glowing brightly. Pinkie grimaced. "I think... I think... No, I know Dashie's going to be fine!" She pushed her hooves into Rainbow Dash. "Come on! Come on! Reality doesn't matter!"

Anubis actually looked concerned for a moment, wondering for a moment if Pinkie could actually do it. Then he smirked. "I must say, it is wonderful to have your god help you with things. Not even powers beyond understanding can compare to the Nightmare Fuel. That was a good try though, you almost had me."

Rainbow Dash reached out and grabbed Pinkie by the neck. Her flesh oozed over Pinkie's shoulder. "Kill... Him..." She groaned, slipping into a puddle of herself, dripping.

"Dashie! I need to save you!" she yelled through her tears. Her hooves were actually inside Rainbow Dash now, the pegasus was that insubstantial. Rainbow's eyes began to elongate.

"I'm done Pinks!" she gurgled."Done! I'm failing one last time! Just... Just stop! I'm done! I've failed!"

"No, you didn't," Starlight said, face stern. "This isn't a failure. Not here. Not now."

"Stop trygig to... make meg feel begger..."

"No. We would not have gotten here without you. You flew. You succeeded in doing what you were denied. And right here?Right now?" She leaned in to whisper in her ear. "You're distracting him."

"I..."

"Sh..." Starlight said. "It's a secret."

"O... Kaaaay...." She smirked as her body melted around her, her remaining wing losing all shape. "I magggeg thag..." She closed her eyes, and her face was no longer able to form a coherent expression. She flattened into a puddle of blue, red, and rainbow amongst the shadowy vines, getting all over Starlight and Pinkie's hooves. She would not move again.

"Nice, comforting the failure as she died," Anubis said. "But I don't see what I could be distracted from."

"Ask yourself one question," Starlight spat. "Where is the Starshell?"

"The wha-"

The Starshell decloaked right behind him and then it self-destructed, creating a miniature mushroom cloud, engulfing him completely.

"...How?" Twilight asked, gawking.

Starlight smirked. "Sent some magic power to the Starshell and a few simple commands. I had been building up power in it for some more complex maneuvers over the last few minutes... But the opportunity to use the self-destruct just presented itself, so I acted." She sighed. "I'm going to miss that ship."

"We can make another one!" Pinkie said.

"Yeah. That'd be nice."

"We can't make another Dashie..."

There was a moment of silence as the ponies continued staring at the explosion remnant. The light eventually cleared - revealing a black dome. The black dome vanished, leaving behind a slightly singed Anubis. He scowled. "You know the nukes are stored nearby. You might want to be careful."

Starlight gaped. "H-How?"

"I have a god at my back."

Starlight grabbed the Element of Loyalty and stuck it on her neck. "Now Fluttershy. Now!"

Fluttershy nodded, floating into the air, brimming with magic. Her element glowed bright... as did Twilight's, Rarity's, Pinkie's, and the Inspector's. For a moment, Loyalty glowed around Starlight - and then it popped off, rejecting her.

Anubis laughed. "Did you really think you could replace Loyalty? You? You've never been loyal to this group! You never really cared about the reason behind this! You were just along because you didn't see much of a choice!"

Starlight looked at the Element of Loyalty, pained. Then she threw it away. "Brute force it is then." She lit her horn.

Pinkie produced two swords that were far too big for her. The Inspector cracked her hooves, encasing them in magic. Twilight created a pair of magical hands. Diane picked herself up the ground, readying all her weapons. Rarity kept her eyes wide open, looking for anything she could do. Maud stayed back, observing.

Fluttershy took to the air, her eyes shimmering with power. "We're going to kill you."

Anubis grinned. "Bring it!"

Fluttershy Stared, creating whirlwinds of power around him. Pinkie's swords came down on either side of him, and the magic hand crunched everything into the ground. Starlight accelerated herself, firing off hundreds of shots mixed with Diane's volley of bullets and missiles. The Inspector leaped in, uppercutting Anubis with enough force to knock him into the railing above.

"That should have severed your head," the Inspector said as Anubis landed.

"As I said. It's nice to have a god on your side." Shadows swirled around him and he shot out dozens of magical death vines - only for Twilight to stop each and every one. Pinkie and Diane impaled Anubis' sides simultaneously and Fluttershy kicked him face-first into the ground. Starlight slowed his speed down to a crawl and shot a dual laser into his eyes.

And yet, he got back up again, black goo dripping from his sides rather than blood. "I... That hurts."A ring of black energy shot from his body, knocking several of them over and breaking Starlight's leg. It was a quick fix though, just a fast rewind spell back to full health.

"You know..." Diane said. "Why don't we just put the things in the Tree? It's not like he can stop us."

Anubis roared. "NO!" He barreled towards Twilight, only for Pinkie to impale him again and toss him to the side.

"Good point," Twilight said. "Everypony, to the Tree!"

"No no no!" Anubis yelled, sending out tendrils of darkness - only to find each one stopped by Rarity's magic. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! REEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" He began to wretch in agony - but he smiled anyway.

Starlight levitated the Element of Loyalty to her with her magic, running after the others. Pinkie tossed a grenade behind her, encasing Anubis in fire. "Run! Okay Tree, prepare for some Elements!" They closed in on the Tree of Harmony...

...Only for a wall of shadow to block them.

WE CANNOT ALLOW THAT.

Everypony paused, turning around to look back at Anubis. They saw the smiling carcass of a zebra being consumed by dark tendrils shooting from the ground, dissolving him down to the bone, burning the flesh into nothing - and then using the bones themselves. A loose conglomeration of translucent black sludge, dark fire, and zebra bones stood up. Its shape wasn't even remotely quadruped - the skull floated somewhere in the middle, the tail bones spread around the top, and the ribcage hung out the bottom. WE WILL DO THIS OURSELVES.

Rarity wanted to puke - of all the things she had seen in this world what stood before her was definitely the most wrong. Was this the evil behind the Nightmare Forces back home as well? The idea terrified her considerably.

YES. FEAR US. WE ARE YOUR NIGHTMARE. It grew in size exponentially, increasing the size of the bones within it as well. Magic specks like stars could be seen forming in the inky blackness as it grew... and grew...The Nightmare created a limb composed of leg bones and the pelvis, bringing it down to crush them. Twilight's massive hands met it - but the attempt was futile. The hands vanished and the dark sludge washed over them, burning their flesh.

Diane's armor protected her - she unleashed a whirlwind of attacks from her suit, chopping off the limb, only for it to return at the base of the Nightmare. YOU ARE POWERLESS AGAINST US.To prove its point, the Nightmare set everypony on fire - then extinguished them just as quickly. WE ARE BEYOND YOUR POWER! WITHOUT YOUR LOYALTY YOU ARE NOTHING!

Pinkie produced a giant bucket and leaped at the Nightmare - scooping parts of it into nonexistence. The Nightmare grabbed her. GRAINS OF SAND ON A BEACH, PINK ONE. The Nightmare threw Pinkie to the ground, which she gracefully bounced off of.

Fluttershy went up to the skull and Stared. It leaped out and knocked her in the head, tossing her down.

Twilight and Starlight tried every spell they knew - ranging from minimal effect to none at all. The Inspector was even worse off - she couldn't damage the corrupting creature with her strength, nor her magic.

Diane frantically looked around. "We need a plan!"

At that moment, Rarity got an idea. "PINKIE! Give Diane the Element!"

"What?" Diane yelled, baffled.

Pinkie's eyes widened. "Oh... That's an idea!" She tore it off her neck and slapped it on Diane.

"What is this supposed to - AGH!" She gagged. She could feel magic flooding into her - something she had never felt before in her life. She saw patterns... gaps...bars... grids... vibrations... pink... She took a step back. "...What."

"Try pulling something out of your mane!"

Diane reached in - and pulled out a chainsaw made of crystals. She blinked. "How am I the Element of Laughter if I never really laughed?"

"Because you can't - and you try anyway!" Pinkie grinned, taking out her own chainsaw. "HAVE AT THEE!"

The two bounced, defying gravity, driving their chainsaws deep into the goo of the Nightmare, tearing it apart. They made for the house-sized skull, swimming through the shadows as if they were just water. It a few swift motions they disintegrated the skull and leaped out.

"...That was different," Diane said.

"Yeah! It's called fun!"

Diane paused - then decided a smirk was the best response.

The Nightmare grabbed the two of them. YOU THINK THIS POWER CAN DEFEAT US? YOU DID NOTHING! WE STAND ABOVE YOU MORTALS!The two pink ponies were tossed onto the metal ground in such a way that it should have killed them. It didn't. WE ARE THE DREAM THAT LURKS IN THE MINDS! WE ARE WHAT STARS FEAR TO FACE! WE ARE THE DEPTHS OF THE MOST HIGH! WE WILL NOT FALL BECAUSE OF THE ACTIONS OF BEINGS LIKE YOU! The Nightmare raised its limb, ready to crash it down on the two pink ponies.

A giant mechanical limb grabbed the Nightmare. Tirek. The cyborg centaur's arm had broken out of the glass box, and the rest of it soon followed. The screen where his head should have been came to life, displaying a line of text.

>>What about one like me?<<

The Nightmare recoiled. YOU THINK THAT BODY YOU... YOU ALWAYS DEFIED OUR EXPECTATIONS.

>>It is in my essence.<<

YOU ARE JUST AS FOOLISH AS THE REST. The Nightmare lashed out with three tentacles, each one stopped by a magic beam sent from M's new horns. M began to drain magic from the nightmare, flooding it right into his screen.

>>Foolishness is an arbitrary word defined only by what the user thinks is wise. It is equally likely you're the fool, and me the wise one.<<

The Nightmare slapped Mwith its girth, slapping his body to the ground. YOUR BODY DOES NOT HAVE THE STRENGTH. EVEN WITH ALL THE POWER GAINED, IT STILL PALES IN COMPARISON TO US THAT LIVE BENEATH THE EARTH YOU STAND UPON.

>>This is not all I'm bringing to the table. You control the earth.<< All the panels in the various walls flew open, revealing giant guns brimming with power. >>I have spent my entire life gaining control of all technology.<<

All the guns let loose, hitting the Nightmare with the force of an army.

>>And the dark god dies, beaten by a triumph of technology, not magic. Ponies will grow past their superiors, having to kill them or control them, refusing to bow to any authority. Perhaps this is their doom - if they are their own masters, they invent their own purpose. But the other option is slavery.<<

M barely caught the Nightmare Fuel's speed attack. The amorphous black blob seemed hardly damaged by the onslaught.

TECHNOLOGY IS AN EXPERIMENT WE ENGINEERED. A FAILED EXPERIMENT. IT BRINGS US NOTHING BUT ANNOYANCE. NO MORE WILL PROGRESS BE CONSIDERED. YOU WILL BE THE LAST OF YOUR KIND.

>>You really are as strong as you claim to be.<<

WE ENGINEERD THIS WORLD FROM THE ALLEYS AND GALLOWS - WHAT DID YOU EXPECT!?

"Someone who wasn't so easily distracted!" Pinkie yelled, tearing the Element of Laughter from Diane and throwing it into the Tree of Harmony - where the other five Elements already waited.

The Nightmare screamed in some eldritch tongue that hurt the ears of those who heard it. It bounded for the Tree of Harmony, tentacles outstretched.

The Tree of Harmony lit up, banishing the dark vines and magics on it in an instant. A beacon of light shot into the roof, lighting the dark room like the sun. The harmonious holy glow burned the Nightmare Fuel's sludge, pushing it back with immense force.

NO NO NO NO WE ARE THE NIGHTMARE OF ALL NO NO NO NO THIS IS NOT FEAR THE MIND NO MORE NO MORE PART SIH OTNI NELLAF EVAH OT SLOOF LLA ERA UOY REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE It tried to attack the Tree of Harmony one last time, but Fluttershy Stared at it.

"No," she said. Calmly. But authoritatively.

The black sludge of the Nightmare vanished with that word - leaving only the giant bones to fall to the ground and shatter. The white shards of bone spread in all directions, creating an arena of death. The floor bowed and cracked, shaking the foundation of the building - but it stayed standing.

Pinkie felt the drain on her soul go away. "WOO-HOO! WE DIIIIIID IT!" She took out her party cannon and blew confetti everywhere.

Diane gave a half-hearted smile. "Yeah. We did."

Rarity let out a sigh of relief. "It... it's over..."

Maud came out from behind her cover. "It is indeed over. "

The Inspector nodded slowly. "...The Nightmare has been erased."

Starlight and Twilight embraced.

"I thought we were going to die!" Starlight said.

"Me too!" The two of them laughed, holding each other tight.

Fluttershy smiled at first - but then frowned. She turned to M. "Thank you, M."

>>I do not need thanks.<< He said, leaning down to inspect the giant lens behind the Tree of Harmony.

"...I am wondering though. Why didn't you do any of that sooner? ...Didn't you say you couldn't control everything?"

>>Because you would have gotten a lot more suspicious of me, like you are now, and prevented me from doing this.<< He lit his horns, acting on the lens with his new body's magic. The Tree of Harmony screamed as a torrent of magical energy was torn from it, focused through the lens, and thrown into M.

M stopped just short of draining the Tree completely - leaving the slightest spark of energy - but it was still more magic energy than could be comprehended. He began to grow in size - both his mechanical and biological components.

The ponies looked up, fearful. M soon was too big to fit in the room, collapsing the entire skyscraper that was the central tower, forcing Twilight and Starlight to raise shields around everypony.

M stood among the Concretion, a comparable height to most of the skyscrapers.

>>It is time.<<

Comments

[Ponygood11]

Oh no. That's not good. Is M secretly evil? You bastard M!

[BleedingRaindrops]

"I was created to be completely objective. I see things with no bias. I have no drives at all."

"...Why do you help us then?"

"Simple logic states I shouldn't help a doomed endeavor."

This, right here, is the first thing in this story that makes absolute and total sense.

I hate it.

The Doctor's head was cut clean off. It fell off the railing, trailing blood all the way down. It hit the ground with a clank, denting the helmet. Everypony's eyes widened in astonishment.

Diane sheathed her sword.

Ah, finally. I was waiting for that moment. Though I fear you set it up too briefly. This particular trope requires quite a bit of work to feel earned, and I must say it didn’t here. Very much out of left field, sans a single scene. Perhaps that was your intent, but I doubt it.

"I wouldn't bother. You'd just blow out your horn again. I'm aggravating the old wounds Zecora made, re-awakening their magic," Anubis snarked.

Oh thank Luna, the zebras are actually somewhat remotely relevant. Here I had my money you were going to forget about them.

Is 'snarked' a word?

"No," she said. Calmly. But authoritatively.

The black sludge of the Nightmare vanished - leaving only the giant bones to fall to the ground and shatter. Pinkie felt the drain on her soul go away. "WOO-HOO! WE DIIIIIID IT!" She took out her party cannon and blew confetti everywhere.

‘The deuce? Did you seriously just flash over that moment? No pacing, just ‘blink’ done, show’s over, folks. Go home. Seriously. I knew the pacing would be rushed but seriously, that was ridiculous.

At least you had the sense to do something with M. It's been a while since I saw a literal deus ex machina, but let's just see where this goes.

[GMBlackjack]

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On your last complaint, I am not above going back and editing the pacing there.

That particular part WAS supposed to be abrupt - the shining light of the Tree of Harmony was supposed to be most of it. That being said, I can see that the particular scene wasn't as... colorful as it could have been. I probably will go back and edit for style, but it won't add that much. MOST of that pacing was intentional.

Maybe I could have handled Diane better. To be honest, these last five chapters were all direct mind-to-paper for me, it happened almost naturally. Unlike you I guess I'm not a fan of dragging it out - things change, and things change quickly.

And on the Maud point. Yeah, she IS the part of the story that is supposed to make absolute and total sense. She's pure logic. Everyone else is relying on *ahem* 'pathetic emotions' and such. Not that's she's right, mind you, but that's just what she is.

-GM, master of next update is the last one. Though it will be a chapter, epilogue, AND credits.

[BleedingRaindrops]

8465775
I'm not against stories that happen fast, but you took so long to build everything up, and then you did almost nothing with them. It's kind of anti-climactic, and I think you would have done better if you'd allowed more room to wrap things up. A lot of this feels rushed, or desperate.

And as rushed as you wanted that moment to be, that was more of a blink and you missed it type deal. I mean, this looks more like my own story notes than an actual scene. Shoot, here's some of the notes from my own ongoing story.

Gwen comments on Rainstream’s use of clouds, and says she should build her own traveling cloud home. Rainstream tells her everything she’s heard about Griffonia and what she wants to see. They eat a lot of sweets, and meet Gustav.

Compared to the moment in question, there's not a lot of difference between how these two are constructed. They're just lists of events, not descriptions of them. Abrupt intentions or no, the whiplash on this moment could snap necks.

[GMBlackjack]

8465799
It *IS* supposed to feel desperate. It's the ending.

That said, you may have a point there. Not sure exactly what I can do to fix it, but I'll keep it in mind in the future.

-GM, master of inklings.

[BleedingRaindrops]

8465806
Less 'desperate' as in the characters need to get things done or they're going to like, lose, and more 'desperate' as in "oh crap I can't figure out how to make this thing seem relevant. Um, let's try this. The readers will totally buy that".

Sort of like a Kangaroo Jack, shpeal. Where they sold the movie before they finished writing it, and ended up shoehorning in a few cheap gags to justify what they'd promised.

[GMBlackjack]

8465815

Huh. That's odd. I knew exactly how this fight would go almost from the very start of the story. What I was REALLY doing was "find a way to drag it out so we don't put the elements in the Tree instantly and actually build up a bit." I felt that, about the end of it, there just was no point writing more fight into it. I'm like "Okay, I've gotten my point across, anything else would basically be redundant."

-GM, master of inks.

[BleedingRaindrops]

8465819
The fight wasn't the rushed part. It was that it was the only part. You didn't use Diane nearly at all after she had her super cool robo suit debut. Anubis wasn't more than a myth until this moment, and the entire Zebra culture was just washed over. Heck, we barely had time to learn about the professor before he was no longer relevant. You're tossing your antagonists at the heroes faster than the various weapons Pinkie pulls from her mane, and dropping them just as quickly. You know, my favorite antagonist in this entire story was Farundael. She had a decent reason to exist, a decent buildup, got some great screen time, and actually fucking mattered. Like, she did something that turned out to be a big deal and took more than a single scene to resolve, and they didn't even resolve it! With no powers of her own, no percieved strength, barely a real threat, she caused more damage than every other antagonist combined, to include the emotional and existential trauma she inflicted on Twilight and the others after the entire incident. She was tragic. She was beautiful. She was a legitimately justified conflict that got an excellent resolution. And mind you, that build up took the entire first half of the story.

This is what I mean when I say this should have been longer. The stuff you actually took your time on? Was beautiful.

[GMBlackjack]

8465830

I guess you're right - maybe I was playing favorites with my villains. Anubis and the Doctor were never MEANT to be easy to look at or see for very long - but Diane was. I guess, in the end, the theme of the book didn't have much to do with them, they were means to an end. Same with Sombra and the rest of the Zebras - they exist, but I saw no reason to go into more detail. The characters wouldn't go there. Sombra himself was there only to make Twilight question herself and provide some assistance in the war.

The REAL climax I've been building up to is the one with M - spending the entire book with his little interludes and observations with the event that is about to come in mind. I do hope you'll at least enjoy that.

That said, you are right, I should have spent more time with Diane. Unlike the Doctor and Anubis, she wasn't supposed to be that shady or mysterious - she was supposed to be an active part. But by the time I got here I guess I was too fixated on working on M and, well, the interpersonal relations between the characters and the Concrete society.

Glad you enjoyed Farundael though. Would you believe she was an accident? I introduced her on a whim with no idea how she would play into the Fall of Neighagra Falls. But I went with it.

I dunno - maybe I planned too much ahead, or somehow not enough. Trying to figure out what I did exactly so I don't do it in the future.

-GM, master of O FORTUNA

[Keywii_Cookies55]

8465902

You know, this is sort of exactly what i was talking about back when you were first writing Broken Mirror. When I said that you can't have characters exist for the sole purpose of fulfilling the plot of the story.

I mean, obviously I wasn't good at explaining it which is just an issue of mine in general, but this is what I was talking about.