Friendship is G.I.

by KnightMysterio

A Royal Welcome

Friendship is G.I.
Chapter 6: A Royal Welcome
by Jonathan “KnightMysterio” Spires

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The sky…
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It had been a shock at first, but most of the Joes had adjusted to flying in the chariots, although they all seemed rather nervous.

“You sure you’re okay?” Twilight asked.

Duke grimaced. “Apologies,” he said. “Most of us are used to flying in planes, not chariots with open backs that you could easily fall out of.” The lightest vehicle he had ever flown in was a jet pack, and then he had control.

Twilight frowned. “It really is safe...” she said.

Spirit was the most relaxed, even seeming to enjoy himself as he leaned into the breeze, his braids flapping in the wind. “Do not fear,” he said. “The wind is with us, I feel.”

“Easy for you to say,” Mutt said, sitting down in the chariot and hugging Junkyard, who seemed far to eager to look over the side of their conveyance.

Beach Head was holding onto his chariot for dear life. He was trained to fly in jets, but he was a ground-pounder by choice. Being in an air vehicle this open was making him nervous. He glanced around, seeing others in similar positions. Rock n’ Roll and Lifeline were both crouched down like Mutt was, Roadblock looking seasick. Private Conner was clinging to Duke, who was doing his best to stay upright. Lady Jaye seemed to be holding her own, although she was visibly uneasy and kept glancing towards the back, and Mainframe seemed annoyingly fascinated by the whole process. And of course, Snake-Eyes showed no reaction, the ninja standing stock still with his arms folded, the wind flowing over his streamlined suit easily.

Friggin’ ninjas, Beach Head thought. Probably asleep, for all I know.

Everyone’s attention was distracted from their issues with the air chariots when they approached a shining city on the side of a mountain. “Beautiful...” Lady Jaye said softly.

Twilight smiled. “That’s Canterlot. The capital of Equestria,” she said. The Joes were too distracted to take note of the horse pun.

“How in the world is it not collapsing down the mountain?” Mainframe asked, visibly confused. “With the way its hanging out, any support struts would be heavily weighed down. Especially with… is that a river flowing through it?!”

“There’s heavy magical reinforcement,” Twilight said. “After you meet the Queens, I’d be happy to show you around.”

“Oh yes, darlings!” Rarity said excited. “Our hometown of Ponyville is quite lovely, but Canterlot is the cultural center of our nation! There’s so many restaurants, boutiques (including my own), and wondrous historical sights to see!”

Duke smiled. “We’ll see how things go,” he said. He glanced down to Private Conner, who had stopped clinging fearfully to him. It was starting to get awkward. They set down in the city, Beach Head pulling up his balaclava to fully reveal his face, leaving it as a knit cap instead. The Joes all took in the sights, lavish buildings and richly dressed ponies all three tribes watching with fascination as they landed. Eventually, they ended up in the courtyard of a massive castle. Checking to make sure their gear was holstered or otherwise stored away, they stepped out, Roadblock visibly happy to be on the ground again.

“Don’t care how, don’t care why, this Joe only gets in planes to fly!” he said.

Twilight gave him a curious look. “Rhyming?”

Roadblock chuckled. “Sorry. I only do it when I’m nervous nowadays,” he said. “Did it all the time for a couple years ‘cause I thought it made me sound cool.”

“It didn’t,” Rock n’ Roll said, smirking. “It really didn’t.”

“Mind the sass, or next time I make cookies I give your share to Beach Head,” Roadblock warned.

“I wouldn’t mind that. You make damn good cookies,” Beach Head said, smirking.

“You are both horrible people,” Rock n’ Roll grumped, the other Joes laughing.

Rainbow Dash glided down towards them. “Finally,” she said. “Thought you guys were never gonna get here.”

“Some ponies like to see the sights as they travel, Rainbow Dash,” Rarity said, quirking her eyebrow at the rainbow-hued pegasus.

Rainbow Dash snorted. “Yeah. I call them ‘slow,’” she said, chuckling at her own joke, Rarity rolling her eyes. “Anyway. Everything’s set up inside. The Queens, Sunset, the Wonderbolt commanders, some nobles who insisted on being there because snobs… Had some folks I didn’t know were coming show up too.”

Twilight blinked. “Really? Who?”

Rainbow Dash grinned. “You’ll see,” she said. “Let’s go.”

Rarity and Twilight both frowned, but decided to roll with it. Even Rainbow Dash wouldn’t pull a prank in the presence of so many members of the nobility, right? The Joes followed them inside, in awe of the beautiful surroundings.

“The artistry in the columns alone...” Lady Jaye said softly.

Twilight smiled. “Some of the finest craftsponies in Equestria built the palace,” she said. “There’s a lot of history here.”

Rainbow Dash almost kicked open a door in front of them. “Here’s the AWESOME history, though.”

“Ah,” Rarity said, amused. “The Hall of the Elements.”

“Hall of the Elements?” Private Conner asked, curious.

“Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Applejack and I represent the six Elements of Harmony. Loyalty, Generosity, Kindness, Laughter, Honesty, and Magic, with Spike as the Guardian. The first five create the sixth, and are born of Friendship, which our society is founded on,” Twilight said as they entered. The Hall itself had statues of the Six as well as Spike, all in poses suitable to them. Rainbow Dash’s statue was dynamically posed, looking as if it was ready to take off. Applejack’s was tipping her stetson in a friendly manner, while Pinkie Pie’s had a bright, wide smile on it, a party hat on its head. Fluttershy’s was smiling demurely, its eyes half-hidden by its mane, and Rarity’s was posed elegantly. Spike had a scroll and a sardonic grin on his face, while Twilight stood in the center, wings spread dramatically.

Lining the walls were stained glass windows, each depicting the six in a dramatic event. Mainframe’s attention was drawn to one with a rather mismatched creature on it. “Who’s this?” he asked.

“Discord, the God of Chaos,” Rarity said. “He’s become rather fun to be around, but when we first met him...” She trailed off, shivering.

“The weirdo loves his pranks… Problem was, back then, they usually involved reality warping, body horror, and doing stuff to your head that I don’t like thinking about,” Rainbow Dash muttered, the Joes trading uneasy looks.

“Discord was the reason we all got together,” Twilight said. “I’d only started making friends with everyone after the Queens reassigned me to Ponyville to manage the Summer Nights Celebration. We eventually came together, realizing how much we needed each other, which gave us the strength to reawaken the Elements of Harmony and defeat him.”

“After that,” Rarity said, gesturing to each of the windows, “it becomes something of a long story, darlings.”

“We’d love to hear it, if there’s time,” Lady Jaye said, smiling.

“Hopefully things will go well,” Twilight said. They left the hall, Rainbow Dash pointing out adventures that glorified her in particular. She failed to notice Beach Head’s increasing annoyance with her. Finally, they made their way to the main hall. Inside was the strangest menagerie of creatures the Joes had ever seen. And considering the lives they had led, that was saying something.

Sitting on the thrones in the center of the room were two winged unicorns, like Twilight. One was huge, almost the size of a regular horse, with a white coat and flowing mane and tail the color of an aurora. A sun adorned her flanks, and a benevolent smile was on her face. The other, the smaller of the two, was a deep, midnight blue, her flanks adorned with a crescent moon in patches of dark sky. Her mane and tail resembled clouds of night sky, with stars glittering inside them. Both wore peytrals, hoofcuffs, and tiaras, gold for the larger, light blue for the smaller. A third alicorn, bright pink and wearing regal robes, stood beside a white-coated, blue maned unicorn stallion wearing what the Joes guessed was a military dress uniform. Standing around them were more unicorns, glad in regal garb, many of them with expressions of arrogance that made Beach Head want to punch all of them, especially the tall, blonde-maned one. The only one who didn’t look like a snob was a monocle-wearing unicorn with a blue mane and a stylish mustache. Sunset stood between the two winged unicorns and the regular unicorns, smiling warmly at the soldiers.

Standing beside the Queens, though, was a tall, blue dragoness with an impressive wingspan, wielding a scepter with a red crystal in it. Next to her was a black, insectoid-like creature with brightly colored antlers and a frown on his face. From the way he held himself, the Joes could tell that he was a soldier.

“Oh my God, everything’s so cute!” Rock n’ Roll said quietly. “The big ponies are cute, the bug pony is cute, the dragon is cute...”

“Hush,” Lifeline said. Although from the amused reactions of the queens and the pink alicorn, and the mildly amused/annoyed expressions of the bug pony and the dragon, they heard Rock n’ Roll’s comment.

Sunset bowed. “Honored soldiers of G.I. Joe, I welcome you on behalf of our noble and mighty Queens to Equestria. You are our honored guests while you are here, and we shall endeavor to make your stay a pleasant one.”

Duke saluted, the other Joes following suit, although a stunned Private Conner had to be reminded to join in the salute. Several of the gathered nobles bowed, and began chatting quietly among themselves as they looked them over. The bug pony and the unicorn in military dress seemed to approve of what they saw, nodding and smirking after a moment, while the dragoness still seemed uncertain, narrowing her eyes as she looked them over. The pink alicorn gave them the most stared at all them, smiling a little when she looked at Lady Jaye and Snake-Eyes. The blonde, pompous-looking unicorn had a growing scowl on his face.

Sunset fluffed her wings, Twilight stepping up to the platform with her. “May I present to you their Majesties Queen Celestia and Queen Luna, the Sisters of the Sky, Eternal Rulers of Equestria for the past five thousand years!” she said, smiling happily.

That definitely caught Lifeline’s interest. Immortals? They showed no signs of age…

Celestia, the larger of the two alicorns, smiled and nodded in greeting, while Luna, the smaller yawned. She then blushed, a sheepish look on her face. “Forgive me,” Luna said. “Our powers are tied to the day and the night respectively, and as such our sleep cycles are in a similar situation. It is difficult for me to be awake at this hour.”

Mainframe stepped forward. “I’ve worked the night shift many times myself, your Majesty,” he said, “as have many of us. We understand perfectly.”

Luna grinned. Twilight stepped forward, continuing the introductions. “You have already met Princess Sunset Shimmer, seneschal to the Queens.”

Sunset smiled. “It’s good to see you all again,” she said.

Twilight gestured to the pink alicorn and the blue maned unicorn. “The Empress and Emperor Elect of the Crystal Empire, Mi Amore Cadenza and my brother, Shining Armor,” she declared.

“It’s an honor to receive you,” the pink alicorn said. “On behalf of our nations, I bid you welcome. And while I’d like to dispense with the formalities, I know Twilight will get fidgety if we don’t follow her outline.”

Twilight blushed, Shining Armor ruffling the smaller alicorn’s hair. Cadenza smiled. “So instead of insisting on just my nickname, you may refer to me as Empress Cadance.”

“Thank you,” Lady Jaye said. “You honor us with the privilege.”

Cadance just nodded, smiling. Twilight went back to her introductions. “Prince-General Pharynx of the Changeling Swarm, Chief of Internal Security, Fierce Right Hoof of King Thorax and the reformed Queen Chrysalis,” she said, gesturing to the bug pony.

Pharynx just nodded. “Should be interesting to see what soldiers from another world are like,” he said.

“We’ll try and live up to your expectations, sir,” Duke said, saluting.

Pharynx nodded. Twilight moved on to the dragoness. “Queen Ember, Lord and Master of all Dragonkind,” the purple alicorn declared.

“And if any of you think yourselves dragonslayers, good luck,” Ember said, sneering. “I’ll stomp any one of you.” The nobles, save for the mustached one, looked offended by Ember’s comment, while Pharynx just rolled his eyes, the Queens, Cadance, and Shining looking amused.

Lady Jaye, ever the strategist, was able to read the situation and realize what Ember was going for. “Well, you certainly know how to make friends,” she snarked, tapping her nose and making a gesture behind her back to Snake-Eyes. The ninja nodded, discreetly backing into the shadows of the hall as Lady Jaye stepped forward boldly, folding her arms and smirking, making sure all attention was on her.

Some of the nobleponies looked shocked at this, Ember grinning slowly. “Friendship is for ponies,” she said. “I give respect to the strong. You think you can measure up?”

“Strong in might or strong in skill? Because you may have the might,” Lady Jaye said, grinning as Snake-Eyes reappeared behind Ember and booped her in the muzzle, “but I think we have the skill on our side.”

“How the heck!?” Ember said, her wings flaring as Snake-Eyes flipped off of the dais and rejoined his teammates, fistbumping Rock n’ Roll and Roadblock in amusement. The other nobleponies were shocked as well.

“Didn’t even see him move...” Pharynx said, visibly impressed.

“Our associate here is a ninja, and one of our finest,” Lady Jaye said. “I figured we’d let him show off a little.”

Rainbow Dash looked visibly excited. The blue-maned noblepony with the mustache chuckled. “He’s certainly an impressive one,” he said, adjusting his monocle. Ember chuckled, finally smiling, deciding she approved of the humans. The blonde noblepony just scowled.

Queen Celestia chuckled. “I can appreciate the gesture, but next timte, give us warning, please,” she said, gesturing the armored guards who were all looking at Snake-Eyes with alarm.

“Apologies,” Lady Jaye said. “It won’t happen again under our orders.”

The Queens both understood immediately, trading amused looks. Luna yawned again and shook her head. Twilight, fidgeting a little, looked to Celestia, who nodded as she began to introduce the various nobleponies. The only two that really stood out to the Joes were the arrogant-looking one, Prince Blueblood, and the monocle-wearing noblepony, Fancy Pants.

Queen Celestia nodded regally. “We are pleased to have you here, and hope that this meeting can be the beginning of a true friendship between your world an ours,” she said.

The Joes all traded pained looks. “...Which brings us to the reason we agreed,” Duke said. “We’ve come to discourage attempting to establish relationships with our world.”

Ears drooped from the ponies, and the pompous blonde looked even more irritated. “You spoke of this to Princess Twilight,” Luna said. “Forgive me, but we must ask again… Is it really that bad?”

“The current leader of our country is… ridiculously corrupt,” Lady Jaye said. “We’re trying to oust him, but its taking time.”

“The general situation in our world altogether is unstable,” Duke said. “Especially in our country, which is run by a heartless, racist, homophobic, power-hungry, money-worshiping-” Duke winced as Lady Jaye poked him HARD in the side. Duke coughed, and continued. “We worry he might try to exploit your world and its resources for political and monetary gain. Quite frankly, your society seems idyllic in comparison to ours at the moment. We’d be much more comfortable if your people weren’t exposed to our world.”

Twilight looked especially crestfallen. She’d heard it before, but hoped that something would have changed. All the ponies looked rather unhappy, while Ember and Pharynx looked uncertain. Eventually, Sunset stepped forward.

“You’ll forgive us if we’re not pleased with this news,” Sunset said. “This project was meant to be an attempt to share our values with other worlds, to foster even greater Harmony. To have a failure right off...”

Mainframe stepped forward. “Science rarely gets results the first time around,” he said. “This time was a failure, sure, but you got the best case scenario out of this failure – a warning from people who wouldn’t mind being friends.”

The ponies in the room all brightened at this. “This is true. Well,” Queen Celestia said. “Then in the spirit of friendship and Harmony, let us show our appreciation for this warning by-”

“Why are you masked?” Blueblood asked, glaring at Snake-Eyes.

Snake-Eyes blinked, surprised at being singled out. He started to sign, but Blueblood snarled at him. “Don’t you wave your hands at me. SPEAK!”

“Blueblood,” Celestia said warningly, “calm yourself.”

“He is dishonoring you and your sister, Aunt Celestia!” Blueblood said, getting angrier and angrier with every passing second.

“Blueblood, we were informed of-” Luna started.

“It’s disgraceful!” Blueblood interrupted, too on a roll to listen to reason. “To come before royalty with your face covered! You cannot trust one who doesn’t show their eyes!”

“Prince Blueblood-” Lady Jaye tried.

“Silence, female!” Blueblood said, trotting forward, Lady Jaye looking at him with shock. Junkyard started growling at the Prince, as Beach Head, snarling like a tornado about to land, started to stomp forward. Snake-Eyes glowered at the Prince behind his visor, one hand reaching for one of the ninjato on his back.

“Blueblood, STAND DOWN!” Shining Armor ordered. “You’re not helping!”

“Snake-Eyes has a perfectly good-” Duke started to say, Blueblood cutting him off again.

“This is an insult to the Royal House of the Sisters!” Blueblood said. “To come in with your face covered! I will not have it! I will not have it!” Before anyone could react, even Snake-Eyes, Blueblood’s horn flared with light, magic grabbing onto the ninja’s mask and yanking it off.

Exposing the ruin of his face to the gathering.

“Sun and Moon...” Celestia said softly.

“Sweet merciful Tartarus,” Ember said, choking a little. She never knew someone could get that MANGLED…

Snake-Eyes, taken completely off-guard, staggered back, his ruined features twisting with shock before he crouched down, covering his face. The other Joes, hands going to holsters, surrounded Snake-Eyes so he could have privacy. Roadblock, living up to his name, formed the largest barrier, glaring at Blueblood.

The Prince staggered back, shocked at how badly ruined Snake-Eyes’ face was. Beach Head, growling like a summer storm, stomped up to him and held out his hand. “Mask,” he demanded.

“H-Huh?” Blueblood stammered.

“MASK, STUPID!” Beach Head roared. Blueblood yipped, frightened, and levitated the mask into Beach Head’s outstretched hand. The ranger stomped back to the gathered Joes and gave the mask to Snake-Eyes. The hateful glare in the ninja’s eyes would haunt Blueblood for the rest of his life.

Duke, his voice and expression as cold as winter, explained. “Snake-Eyes was caught in the explosion of a helicopter, a gasoline-powered aerial vehicle, while saving the life of a teammate. He lost his face and his voice in the accident. When he does speak, he uses what we call sign language. One of us will translate for him as need be.” His eyes narrowed as he stared at Blueblood hatefully. “Snake-Eyes is a hero a thousand times over, and has saved our unit and the world on more than one occasion. He has earned the right to a little privacy when it comes to his injuries.”

“I am so sorry about this,” Luna said. “I had no idea our nephew would be so stupid.”

“Auntie!” Blueblood protested.

“Leave,” Celestia said, glaring at Blueblood. “You have shamed us this day with your actions. Return to your mansion and reflect on what you’ve done.” She sneered. “You have a LOT to think about.”

Blueblood looked around for support. The few that were his friends were pointedly looking away, while Fancy Pants and his cohorts looked furious. Twilight looked pained, while Sunset’s glare was as intense as the Joes. Pharynx and Ember were just sneering at him, while Cadance was giving him a disappointed look. Shining just shook his head.

“You have no allies here,” he said. “Get out.”

Ears down, head lowered, and tail tucked firmly between his legs, Blueblood left the room. “I am truly sorry,” Celestia said. “Our nephew has a history of bad behavior. But he had been so well-behaved as of late...”

“You did not deserve to be treated as such, Sir Snake-Eyes. We shall make restitution for this, I promise you,” Luna said, Celestia nodding in agreement.

The Joes still looked irritated, especially Snake-Eyes, who quickly signed “Just keep him away from me,” but they all decided to accept this.

“You are a very brave man, to continue on after such an injury,” said one of the female nobles.

“I do not want pity,” Snake-Eyes said, Duke translating. “I did my duty. Was I badly injured? Yes. But I am alive. I have a woman who loves me waiting for me back home, and disciples and sword-brothers studying the ninja arts alongside me. I am happy with my life, and content in my work.”

Luna nodded in approval. “A fine way of looking at things,” she said.

“But still, our failure to account for Blueblood’s behavior demands restitution. You are already our guests. We shall prepare a gift for each of you upon your return to your world,” Celestia said.

“We appreciate it,” Beach Head said, “but don’t blame yourselves for your nephew bein’ stupid. If he had any sense, he wouldn’t have spoke up.” Lady Jaye flinched, but thankfully the Queens seemed unoffended.

“True, true...” Celestia said. “Well. I suppose that we should transition to the royal dining room. There will be others there, along with some reporters, I… Is something wrong?”

“...No, your Majesty,” Duke said. The Joes, used to working in secrecy, had flinched at the mention of reporters. “On our world, the existence of our unit is supposed to be very classified, although I think we all realize how unique we are on this planet.”

Celestia smiled. “It is good, then, that the portal to our world is situated in… what did you call it, Twilight? The ‘motor pool?’”

Twilight nodded. “It’s what they call the storage and repair area for their land-based vehicles,” she said.

Luna grinned. “I look forward to hearing more about them. Internal combustion engines… How novel!” she said.

Celestia nodded. “Indeed. Now, as for the dinner tonight, Twilight and Sunset told us that you are omnivores, so we’ve made meat dishes available-”

“Ah, on that...” said a voice. Everyone turned, seeing Spike coming up to the group. Junkyard barked happily, going up to lick the young dragon as he passed. “Good to see you too, Junkyard,” Spike said, smiling and petting the rotttweiler. He quickly frowned, though, bowing to crowd of royals. “There’s actually a problem with the feast tonight. One that’s just come up.”

“Oh no...” Twilight said, worried.

“What’s wrong?” Sunset asked.

“The meat chef was in an accident while on his way in this evening,” Spike said. “The roof of his apartment in the city caved in.”

Celestia frowned. “Is he badly hurt?” she asked.

“Do we need to send healers?” Luna asked. “Were there other injures?” The Joes took note of this, impressed and pleased that their first reaction was concern for the chef’s health.

Spike shook his head. “Nopony else was hurt, and his injuries were minor, thankfully. He’ll be fine with a week’s recovery, but he was levitating several large objects while it happened, apparently moving a bookcase and a chair, so he’s suffering from backlash. He can’t use his magic until it restores itself.”

“Forgive me… backlash?” Lifeline asked.

Shining tapped his horn. “If a unicorn’s horn is struck hard enough while glowing, it causes the magic to release itself in a burst to protect itself. It leaves the user unable to use magic for a few hours,” he said.

“Which means there’s no one to cook tonight’s meat dishes...” Twilight said, biting her lip.

“Why is that an issue?” Mutt asked.

“We wanted to make tonight’s meal comfortable for you. Ponies, for the most part, do not eat meat,” Celestia explained. “Pegasi can eat fish if nothing else is available, and alicorns such as myself and my sister are omnivorous, but the vast majority of ponykind is vegetarian. And due to ancient instincts which many have trouble with...”

Mutt nodded, realizing. “Working with raw meat is something ponies have trouble with...”

Celestia nodded. Sunset stepped forward, and said, “We usually keep one pony who’s trained enough to work with meat on staff. But due to their accident, we may have to leave meat dishes out...”

Roadblock stepped forward. “...Well, heck,” he said. “I can cook for you.”

The gathered royals all traded looks. “We appreciate the offer, Sir Roadblock,” Luna said, “but it would be rude of us to impose on a guest.”

Roadblock scoffed. “Nah, it’s fine. I like cooking,” he said. “Half the reason I came over here was to learn about the cuisine.”

“Roadblock, in addition to being a heavy machine gun specialist, is also a gourmet chef,” Lady Jaye said.

“We’ve been trying to get him to try for a contest called Master Chef,” Duke said, “but he said he’s not willing to leave the army for that long.”

“I came to serve,” Roadblock said. “I’d love the opportunity, but service to my country and my unit comes first.”

“Good man,” Shining said, nodding in approval. Pharynx seemed pleased with Roadblock’s response too.

Celestia and Luna looked thoughtful, chatting quietly with each other for a moment. After a few minutes, Luna said, “You are willing to cook the meat portion of tonight’s dinner?”

“Yes, your Majesty,” Roadblock said. “I was hoping to see your kitchens anyway. This just gives me an excuse.”

Luna chuckled. “Then you may,” she said. “Spike, if you would be so kind as to show Roadblock to the kitchens?”

Spike nodded, petting Junkyard one last time. “Sure thing. If you’d come with me, please?” he said, waving goodbye to Mutt and Junkyard. Roadblock left with Spike, disappearing between the doors as they closed.

“You’ll be impressed, I’m sure,” Duke said, smiling. “The days Roadblock takes over the kitchen are highlights of our week.”

“If army chow in your world is anything like it is on our world, then the stallion must be a hero,” Shining Armor commented.

“You have no idea,” Lady Jaye commented, the group chuckling.

Private Conner, meanwhile, had just been staring at everything in wide-eyed awe. “...I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to this.”

“Something wrong there, Private?” Beach Head asked quietly. For him.

Private Conner yipped. “N-No sir, I just… Well, when I was reassigned here, I was already taken aback by how little traditional army regs are followed...”

“Who’d you catch neckin’ first?” Beach Head asked, quirking an eyebrow.

“...Budo and Jinx,” Private Conner said, blushing.

“And you got away with it?” Beach Head asked, impressed.

Private Conner glanced over to Snake-Eyes, the ninja visibly smirking beneath the mask. “...Well, considering that Snake-Eyes had me be Jinx’s practice dummy for a month during hand-to-hand...”

Beach Head shook his head. “First thing you gotta know about this unit – we’re not your normal unit. We’re a team of specialists. On top of that, we’re effective. So lettin’ the little things go, as much as it annoys me, is fine.”

“I guess…” Private Conner said, looking uneasy. “First that, now an alien world...”

“Remind me to tell you about the first Star Brigade missions, kid,” Rock n’ Roll said, coming over to the two as Celestia and Luna led the Joes and other court members into the dining hall. “This is nothing by comparison.”

Meanwhile, Roadblock entered the Royal Kitchens. The hall was as big as the Master Chef studio, and twice as shining. Ponies of all three tribes milled about, moving food and pans to get ready for the feast tonight. Fruits were being chopped, noodles cooked, vegetables broiled, and more. Nearby, Pinkie Pie was supervising the creation of several large, decadent-looking cakes. And Roadblock could tell by smell alone that everything was fresh.

“...This is what Heaven looks like,” Roadblock decided, grinning widely.

Spike chuckled. “The Canterlot Kitchens are some of the most well-stocked in the land,” the young dragon said. “Anything that doesn’t get used gets donated to needy families in the city.”

“Oh yeah?” Roadblock asked, impressed.

“Been that way since the Ascension,” said one of the cooks, stirring a sauce as he looked Roadblock over curiously. “When the Queens’ mother tragically died and they agreed to share the throne in her name.”

Roadblock nodded. “You’ve got some good leaders,” he said.

“The best,” Spike said happily. “The meat station is over here.”

The cook, a unicorn with gravy brown fur and a jar of tomato sauce as his cutie mark, frowned. “One of the guests is helping with the cooking?”

Spike nodded. “Yeah! Apparently he’s a gourmet chef on his world,” he said.

Roadblock gave the chef an amused look. “You seem awfully comfortable around an alien,” he said.

The cook quirked an eyebrow. He briefly glanced away to taste test his sauce, and nodded, setting it aside. “We were briefed on your group coming over beforehand. Plus, looking at you now, you remind me of a minotaur with no horns. I’ve worked with them before.”

Minotaurs now, Roadblock thought. This place has friggin’ everything.

“Name’s Gravy Train, by the way. I’m the head saucier,” the cook said.

“A pleasure,” Roadblock said, moving along to the meat station as Gravy Train went back to work. Pinkie Pie waved to Roadblock from the pastry section, although she seemed distracted by helping manage the cakes.

“Here’s the station,” Spike said. “The meat locker’s behind you. There’s a spell inside to keep everything as fresh as the day it was bought.”

“Of course there is,” Roadblock said, chuckling. He looked over the equipment. Standard stuff, although the handles of the pan were rather long, and had what he guessed was a heat-resistant pad over it with slight stains. Drool stains, he realized. They have to hold them with their mouths or hooves when they can’t use magic.

Well, he could work around that. “What did they have prepared for tonight?” Roadblock asked. He remembered one of the ponies that visited the base mentioning that cows, pigs, and the like were sapient here...

Spike went into the locker and brought out a large cart filled with thick slabs of reddish meat. “Giant cobras,” he said. “Just got them in, too. The griffon that runs the butcher shop in town was overjoyed that we bought so much.”

“A butcher shop,” Roadblock said. “In a pony city.”

“Well, not all of Canterlot’s residents are ponies. There are griffons, diamond dogs, a few dragons since Ember came to power...” He sighed. “We really want to start integrating changelings, but the majority is still uncomfortable with them after the invasion before Chrysalis was overthrown. Long story.”

“I bet...” Roadblock said. Giant cobras, he thought, trying not to laugh. “Griffon butchers specialize in big monsters, eh?”

Spike chuckled. “Yeah. Historically, they’re something of a warrior culture. Moreso now that the griffon leadership is helping everygriff overcome their natural greed and remember what they were like in the past,” he said. “Griffons like it when their meals come from something that could eat them right back.”

“Farms must be very interesting in griffon country,” Roadblock said.

“You have no idea,” Spike said.

Roadblock looked over the meat. Well, I’ve cooked snake before, he thought. “Let’s see what I can do with this.” He cut off a strip from one of the steaks, added some salt and pepper, and fried it in the pan. Once it was browned, he ate it. Not bad, he thought. Little gamey, but maybe if I add the right spices… He kept the steak he cut as his tester, frying it up a few different ways, until he was satisfied with the flavor.

He smiled, and began to prep large steaks for himself and the other members of his team, chopping up some vegetables and frying them to act as the garnishes. Some of the cooks were coming over to watch him work. They were curious, and some looked ill from seeing meat get cooked, but they were all fascinated.

He smiled at Gravy Train, who seemed the least squeamish. “You ain’t bothered by this?”

Gravy Train chuckled. “The sauce that got me my cutie mark was gravy made for an ambassador from Abyssinia. Bipedal like you, but cats. I still make it from time to time, just to keep in practice. You wanna try adding it?”

Roadblock nodded. “Never hurts,” he said. “If I had more time, I could do more with this.”

Gravy Train nodded, levitating over the jar of dark brown sauce. Roadblock took it and opened the jar, trying a spoonful and smiling. “Hey, that’s pretty good,” he said. “What’s in it?”

“Trade secret,” Gravy Train said, smirking.

Roadblock laughed, understanding completely. He sliced up a quick strip of cobra steak for Spike, pouring some of the sauce on. “Here you go, big man. Whatcha think?”

Spike happily accepted the steak, and took a bite. “Mmmm! Pretty good! Could use some gemdust, but that’s just a dragon thing.”

Roadblock nodded, and added the sauce to the steak. He plated everything he had cooked, setting them up on the counter. “Nice. Anyway, someone find me a serving tray so we can take these out,” he said.

One of the waiters came up to him. “Please, sir, allow us,” he said. “You’ve helped us out by cooking the meat dishes, but you’re our guest. Let us serve you.”

Roadblock chuckled. “All right, all right,” he said. “It’d be rude to turn down hospitality anyway.”

Gravy Train smiled. “We’ll keep everything warm, don’t worry,” he said. “We just want to make sure everything’s served together.”

Roadblock nodded. “I’m definitely coming back. This kitchen is AMAZING,” he said, grinning as Spike helped him find the dining hall. The Queens, with Sunset and Twilight, sat at a large table on a dais, while the nobleponies, guests, and the Joes were all sitting at a larger, longer table. The Joes all seemed to be chatting amiably with the various nobles there. Mainframe and Lifeline were both talking shop with Twilight and Sunset. Shining and Duke were getting along famously, while Snake-Eyes had the attentions of both Ember and Pharynx. He was apparently teaching ASL to Ember with the help of Spirit. Roadblock took a seat next to Mutt and Junkyard, petting the Rottweiler as he did.

“Did everything go okay?” Luna asked.

Roadblock nodded. “Yes, your Majesty. Everything will be coming out soon,” he said.

“What’re we having?” Rock n’ Roll asked.

Roadblock grinned. “Giant cobra steaks,” he said.

All the Joes laughed at that. Pharynx blinked. “What’s so funny.”

Lady Jaye giggled. “Forgive us. Our group is meant to be a counter-terrorist operation. And our primary nemesis is a group of people called… well, called Cobra.”

Rainbow Dash grinned. “I getcha,” she said. “Ownage by proxy.”

“Something like that,” Spirit said, sipping some of the provided wine.

“What are they like?” Pharynx asked.

Beach Head shook his head. “Worst of the worst,” he said. “Any form of terrorism or criminal activity you can imagine, they’re involved in.”

Private Conner frowned. “I’ve only been involved with minor skirmishes in them, but I’ve read reports on their officers. Cobra Commander, the overall leader of the group, is a lunatic. Destro’s principled, but he’s way too interested in weapons design. And Zartan, one of their spies...” Conner shook his head. “I’ve only heard rumors, but let’s just say Snake-Eyes has a very good reason to hate the sneaky bastard.” He raised his glass in toast to the ninja. “I hope you give him everything he deserves when you catch him, sir.”

Snake-Eyes just nodded, briefly losing himself in a revenge fantasy.

“Hm…” Celestia said, frowning. “Another reason to avoid your world for now, if Cobra is as bad as you say...”

Mainframe smiled. “I’m sure that future expeditions will go better,” he said. “And hey, look at it this way! You got advanced warning from us, right?”

Luna and Celestia traded smiles. “True, true… Many thanks, Mainframe,” Luna said.

The doors to the dining hall opened, and many serving trays were brought out, bringing dishes for everyone, including a tray dedicated to holding the snake steaks. The waiter in charge of those served all the Joes, pausing when he found himself with one extra plate.

“Uh...” he said.

“Gotta be for Junkyard,” Mutt said, Roadblock nodding in confirmation. He gently pushed the excitable canine back, Junkyard realizing that this plate was for him. “Lemme cut it up for ya, ya bum,” Mutt said as he cut the steak into bite-sized pieces. “Knowing you, you’ll probably try to swallow the thing whole.”

One of the nobles commented quietly to the Queens on the inappropriateness of having a dog at the dining table. Celestia scoffed and told him to leave it alone.

As Mutt predicted, when he set the plate down, Junkyard practically inhaled his food. Mutt laughed, petting his rottweiler, while everyone else sat down and enjoyed their dinners. Duke smiled as he glanced around at his team, all of them casually enjoying themselves and getting on with the pony nobility. Maybe things will work out after all, he thought.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Comments

[InfinityShark96]

Well, I’ve found myself enjoying this more then I thought I would. Never expected to find a G.I. Joe crossover here(how silly of me to think that).

The character interactions alone make it worth it.

Some of the AU elements took me by surprise(Celestia & Luna being queens, Sunset being here and an Alicorn, Chrysalis being reformed, etc.), but I can deal with it. I’m guessing some of these draw from G1?

President Roy Flush, wonder where that inspiration came from...?

I’ll keep my eye on this one, it’s fun to read.😁

[Scratchpad]

It is enjoyable. And appropriately timed too. Was just wishing for another chapter.

[Fetch]

Meanwhile, near Griffonstone, a giant cobra suddenly vanishes.

Three seconds later, at Cobra HQ, Dr Mindbender's lab is trashed by a giant cobra.

[Shadow_Wolf]

Always happy to see an update on this and as always it was definitely worth the wait. Hated what happened to Snake-Eyes (he was always my favorite Joe) but if it hadn't been Blueblood it would have been done other nobles that pulled the stupid.

Looking forward to more

[Starcat5]

10325456
...yeah, but I still wish that it was somepony other than Blueblood. The "butt monkey Blueblood" meme really needs to die in a fire.

[Freewing Alchemist P]

So worth the wait.

[FanOfMostEverything]

Maybe things will work out after all, he thought.

Doom! Doooom!

Very interesting to see the differences in this world. No Lunar exile, changelings staying with their classic palette even after the reform, Chrysalis turning over a new life, quite a few influences from the Triptych Continuum... And one of the worse Bluebloods in probability space. Yikes. Hopefully the next portal in the quest for multiversal friendship bears more immediate fruit.

Though first they need to deal with Duke tempting fate.

[FleetlordAvatar]

Zartan is already here isn't he?

[Zane Wolfe]

10341645
My money is on Conner.