• Member Since 11th Jul, 2014
  • offline last seen Nov 19th, 2020


Just a nice, polite Canadian.


A day following his horrific attack on both Canterlot and Ponyville, Tirek returns to lay claim on what remains. Including the dead.

Because they're all dead, right? Like, seriously, there's no way they could've survived that, right?


Chapters (1)
Comments ( 99 )
Pause #1 · Mar 30th, 2017 · · 1 ·

Tirek obviously doesn't understand:

People only die if they are killed.

I wonder if Losty would read this. There are dead bodies.

Yeah.... sorry your dark majesty but you were trying to hard with the joke as you kept escalating it. And the punchline was, to me, kinda obvious because of how hard your were pushing the point and because there were already recently quite few dead fics and it was just mater of time till this one happened.

I still like your work you evilness just that is one was a swing and a miss for me... please don't send me to the slave mines :pinkiesad2:

Dead accurate.

You had me groaning the entire story. Gg

Okay, so the cat in the house is currently worried about me. On account that I have this chest cold that likes to make me suffer via coughing. Which means that throughout this story I've been cough/laughing in pain. So much pain.

Yet, so funny. :pinkiehappy:

This was basically me as I read:


Eh, something like that.

Weird, but still funny enough for the upvote. :twilightsmile:

This story is weird. :rainbowderp:Foal, you are weird.:derpytongue2: This fandom is weird and I love it. :rainbowlaugh:Keep it up everyone.:rainbowdetermined2:
I guess you could say that Tirek got tirecked.
The plan that Luna came up with made Twilight look like a lunatic.
I guess that Discord's wooden personality just had to butt in.

I feel like I'm responsible for this in some way.

I… I have no words. None at all. Have a slow clap and some tears of laughter instead.

We veered straight out of Weekend At Bernie's territory directly into bat country on this one.

I like it. It's horrible. I still like it.

could you make a sequel:pinkiehappy:

I...I don't even.

Here. Take your filthy upvote and leave.

Was funny, but I sadly saw the ending coming. Personally would have loved it even more if there wasn't the twist. But meh, to each their own.

Still liked it.

Go to church

And so, from that day forth, Discord never performed chaos magic again.

Or had all that much fun, really.

So, that means from that point forward he must have... deadpanned everything? :twilightsheepish:

Have my fav and upvote you crazy, crazy man...

I am so confused right now.

Take your upvote. You deserve it.

The greatest fanfic this fandom could produce

This joke was dead on arrival.

Well, that was something else. :pinkiecrazy:

Some time later, in Appaloosa...

"Mayor Tirek's dead, Councilman Braeburn!"
"Damn it! I told him not to drink all those barrels of Buffalo Kumiss!"
"But what are we going to do?? We have that meeting with those big Fillydelphia investors today!"
"Don't worry. Just get some long wooden poles, rope, a small circus tent, and a few dozen strong ponies with no gag reflex. I have a Cunning Plan."

This is a thing now?

....sigh. :ajbemused:

"Is it just me or do all your plans involve strong ponies with no gag reflex?"

Luna smiled daintily. “Simple. All I had to do was teach everyone an ancient technique passed down from alicorn to alicorn. It can survive next to any attack. All one must do is dodge, duck, dip, dive… and then dodge once again.” She paused. “It’s the second dodge that always throws attackers off.”


One could say we're beating a dead horse with this genre but we're never gonna let it die.

that was so f*cked up and yet great. have my upvote. do with it whatever pleases you.

entertaining. I'm not sure I'd call it funny, per se, but it was, atleast, enjoyable to read. It ended on a twist that kind of... wasn't, and I honestly think it might have been better if you'd not gone quite so far in places(stick up the but, making out with a corpse) so it came across as more natural craziness, but it was still enjoyable.

Puppeteer Twilight brings to mind Tom Green in a certain film:


Don't worry. Just get some long wooden poles, rope, a small circus tent, and a few dozen strong ponies with no gag reflex. I have a Cunning Plan.


Is it just me or do all your plans involve strong ponies with no gag reflex?

Do not be daft! Some of his plans involve griffins with no gag reflex!

This is one of two terrible ideas that came to mind very early in the morning at work.



So... I see you've picked up your drinking habit again, buddy. :rainbowlaugh:

Disgusting. I should not find that funny... but I was laughing the whole way through. I'm messed up, but hey, at least it's good for laughs!

I laughed.

I went from :applecry: to :pinkiesick: then :rainbowlaugh: all in the span of 90 seconds!
Thank you dear author for making me feel like this. Please receive all my mustaches.

I swear if this gets onto the front page...

I have no idea how to feel about this.

On the one hand, this made me chuckle. So, kudos. You’re kinda funny.

On the other hand, I really don’t like the way Tirek talks here. He doesn’t feel like some powerful entity who knows how powerful he is and is coming in to conquer. He doesn’t talk the way the guy from the show did. Every one of his lines is so casual and out of character that I just can’t read them and imagine Tirek saying them. It’s just… off.

But then again, maybe that’s the point?

I dunno. I wanna give you the artistic license on this one but… there’s something to be said for staying in character, and I know several stories in here have had me in hysterics, clutching my sides and wiping tears from my eyes, without once breaking character.

This broke character, and still only got a chuckle.

You can do better.

Now, Twilight. I guessed her strategy from the beginning. It’s one I have employed very often. If you have an enemy you can’t defeat by traditional means, weird them out to hell and back. They’ll never bother you again. Works like a charm, every time. Twilight is okay here.

Luna’s line disappoints me as well, because while it is funny, it doesn’t sound like her, and I respect much more that which can be creative while remaining within the confines of its nature.

The last line gets a pass just because I actually didn’t see that coming. Clever. Subtle. Well done.

I... I'll just leave my upvote here and leave.

Wat. Da. Fug.

I need a drink...

... I don't know what I expected.

But it was probably something like this.

I am unused to the emotions i am currently feeling!

8063410 ...Too late for that. :raritywink:

What even?...


Have this upvote, I need a drink.

This is proof of what I like to call Asymptotical Hiatus Correlation. Let x represent time until the new episode and Y represent magnitude. As X approaches 0, the magnitude of both hype (H) and insanity (I) exponentially increase, and begin to converge along Y axis nearing a value of infinity

No, just. . .no.

I don't... why did I click on this...

Here... have my upvote... I think that's enough internet for today.

Come on Tirek, show a little backbone, it wasn't even THAT weird!
I mean, you just killed them all, what's so weird about seeing someone play with some bags of meat ? Villains these day, bunch of weaklings :trollestia:
It was just a lesbian horse kissing her dead girlfriend while said girlfriend corpse is being used as a puppet. Nothing worse than what's in japonese (pun intended) fiction. :pinkiecrazy:

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