I Belong To The Shadows

by DragonMaster24921

The Survivor and The Shadow

Author's Note:

the song I was trying to use is called my demons by starset it's really good
update: I started using a doument checker so hopefully I can find any errors in my chapters from now on

“It’s always the first few days that are the hardest but I can gladly say I’m doing okay with what I got”

upon reminiscing upon what happens not even six days ago when that hole just appeared. It was so sudden it opened and closed next thing he knew the man was thrown from the walkway on the way home from his well old job even remembering the fact going into the factory that morning to work and upon being accused of performing below the parameters of the job he was assigned to even though he was trying his best fix what the other handlers couldn’t it was so infuriating to know he got blamed for something he didn’t even do.

“At least I still have a place that’s covered and I’m not in the rain and in this damn forest and I got food and water”

the man spent the first few days trying to find rations and some kind of liquid to drink that wasn’t deadly, Thanks to his time in the scouts surviving in the wild shouldn’t be hard so foraging for fruit and meat to keep his energy up which was going extremely well but each night was where things got odd, every night while he was making his evening meal the man had felt like someone or something was watching him. But this was the reality, not those crappy Paranormal Activity movies everyone was so terrified of, The man chuckled in humming a tune while his fish was being cooked over the small fire he made in the castle foyer.

“just a few more days then I can head into that castle on the mountain”

Whilst the man was sitting around the fire a shadow lingered dancing along the walls watching this thing eat and rest in this forsaken place like it was nothing, this was what the shadow found strange this bipedal creature had shown up and made this place a home for up to a week now. The shadow stayed at a distance but kept observing him during the days and mostly slept during the nights, he didn’t seem to be an immediate threat right now for now the shadow chose to observe him at least until he left.

A few days had passed until the man was resting up for the trek up that oddly shaped mountain making a knapsack hopefully giving enough prep time and supplies he could make it towards the monument since this was his last night he decided to set an alarm on his now useless phone of his and maybe a few songs since it was still at full charge laying back in on the stone floor he pulled the makeshift blanket he found out off the banners he pulled out his phone playing one of the few songs on his phone.

his voice rang out in the barren castle just enjoying this time of peace he felt like nothing could stop him from upping the volume in his voice as the song go even more intense and stronger as he let out more of the lyrics in a roar up into the night like a wolf howling towards the moon the man let his pride and emotion run free for the first time in forever.

all this passion along with the words this man was singing made the shadow feel at ease but also more confident in the plan is made. as the man gave out the second verse the shadow had taken shape forming an equine shape behind the man as he rose back to his feet letting the power of his song take him as he belted out the next verse while he sang the shadows from solidified. the man turned around and went absolutely silent as an ebony horse about his height with teal snake-like eyes and between the two figures until the horse did something h didn’t expect, she spoke.

“Um hello”

Well in a rational mind it was time to freak out but this man has seen some extremely weird things in the forest spanning from space bears and wood-wolves all trying to actively kill the man so this was new in a good way. The man slowly approached the equine inspecting the new being that had made itself known just in this last few minutes, did his singing bring this creature to him or was it here all time truly something new had come across his path hopefully this horned Pegasus or winged unicorn won’t try to kill him at least not painfully. upon closer inspection, the being was wearing armor that was not dented much but it still shows that this horse has seen some kind of battle but it wasn’t much to go on so taking a leap of faith the man decided to do the best thing to do, respond.

“Um... Hi”

The two beings just sat there looking at each other waiting for the other to make a move aggressive or otherwise. after a few tense minutes of waiting for both lean towards trying to goad the other in speaking than at the same time, they both spoke

“who and what are you?”

Again more silence waiting for the other to speaks

“My name is Joseph and I’m a human or Homo Sapien if you are being technical. I am Twenty-One years old and I am male from a planet called Earth more specifically The United States. What about you since you are unlike any other creature that I’ve seen since I got here?”

The equine had stayed silent for a maddeningly long time staring at the human male trying to read the man making sure that there was no deceit in the words he had spoken. after processing his words she carefully chose her words as she offered her response

“My name is Nightmare Moon and I am the ruler of this castle and the princess of the shadows and I am what is called an Alicorn both capable of flight and magic as you can see with my wings and horn.”

She spoke her sentence clearly and calmly flapping her wings but as she tried to take flight she hesitated and fell back to the floor chuckling as the man fell back on the floor in surprise as he got up to a kneeling position showing the respect to this supposed “princess of shadows” maybe if he stays in her good graces he will be allowed to stay in her home at least temporarily.

Comments

[Hein des Nisseroi]

Seriously, do a spelling check before you publish this.

[DragonMaster24921]

8063793
I'll go over it again for errors thank you for informing me

[DJSnakeBit3]

This story was just 17 extremely long run-on sentences. I even went and counted them. You need capitalization and correct punctuation if this is to go anywhere. That and this was just insanely rushed.

[DragonMaster24921]

8064195
Thanks for the info once I get and open moment I'll go back and fix it and have a friend min etc make sure there are no more errors

[rikithemonk]

8064195

I will be honest, this story concept has a great deal of potential. However, I do have to agree with you. I could be wrong, but I believe this Author to be fairly young and an inexperienced writer.

To the Author, I like the story Idea, and I like that you put some thought into this, however you really rushed this. Try not to rush from one check point to the next. When you reach the next check point, stop and expand on that idea.

Check point one. Your starting in the forest. Im OK with this. Personally I seldom read the before Equestria parts of HIE stories. Its seldom worth it. However you never show his thoughts or observations about the forest. You never describe the forest. Those first few sentences could be made into several paragraphs with just a little patience and thought. However you do get a huge pat on the back for not having the OC fight a manticore or hydra in which the OC wins the fight with little to no effort what so ever. This is just a little constructive feedback on ways you can improve your writing.

What ever you do, keep writing. Authors grow by writing. Remember what is always said of the Great American Author Mark Twain. "He wrote more garbage than gems during his life, but those gems that he did write became true american literary classics." So what ever you do, don't sweat those stories that might not be your best work. This is a site for people who write for a hobby, and while there are some fantastic and talented Authors here, never forget that everyone here writes for fun.

The Monk

[DJSnakeBit3]

8093277 And there is nothing wrong with being young and inexperienced at anything. This is especially true with writing. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and track the story, but I do expect better. Here's a tip...When typing, you can let the computer catch most spelling errors and mistakes. However with that being said capitalization will be left to you. Don't make the sentences short and choppy like this one. Don't let them be extremely long run-on sentences that last forever and have no stopping point in sight and take up three lines then make ya wanna go back and count how many times it happened like this one. You have to find the delicate balance between them for it to work correctly and flow. Improve your description of things such as your character and settings. If you're in a region with a particular accent then give it to your character.
EXAMPLE: "Y'all should get ya-selves inside right 'bout now."
That's more southern but I live in Louisiana so that's the one I'm most comfy with using. I'm also happy with how your character didn't whoop a hydra's ass like it was nothing. (however entertaining it might sound) I'm sure you have great potential to be tapped into and used, and I hope you find it. Have multiple people look over it if you feel you made mistakes and wanna catch them or get a proofreader from the site. They really can work wonders to a bad story if ya get a good one and they know what they're doing. Here's to another budding writer on his way to improvement. Cheers! *Raises shot glass and downs it*

[Blaze the draconic mage]

More pls