• Member Since 17th Feb, 2017
  • offline last seen Mar 3rd, 2019

General_Rommel


The One Brony Out of All the Nazi's

T

(EDIT: I'm putting this story on Hiatus because I'm gonna lose my Chromebook to the school, and I won't be able to write any more chapters, once I get my own computer, THEN I will Un-Hiatus it and continue writing chapters. Don't worry, As a true Ger-Mane Brony I WON'T forget about this story, I promise)

A general and his crew with their Tiger II, lead a convoy of: a Tiger H, a Pak 44, a Puma armoured car, an Opel Blitz, a Wirbelwind AAA tank, a Panther D, and a hostage M4A3E2 Jumbo (American Heavy Tank).
They had to retreat to a mountain range covered in snow after a fierce battle in Belarus. Whilst the general and his convoy, work together to find and regroup in this snowy wasteland.

Then they are hit with something strange, and unknown, and are somehow transported to a strange land of colors, which, is otherwise known as Equestria, which seems to inhabit small, colorful horses.

No one knows how they got there, but they're just... here somehow?

As a German WWII nation of war will they be able to keep peace with the Equestrians? Or will the ponies not accept them, and try to fight?
And if peace is to come then how will this convoy come back home?
We'll only see...
The Mane 6 will not be happy campers when they find these guys.

(First story as a non-writer, so commentary on problems is highly appreciated)
Gore Tag because of death and blood, don't worry there's no super descriptive death, usually at the most, descriptions of wounds, but nothing TOO descriptive.

Other Main Characters: Spike, Starlight Glimmer, Griffons, Royal Guard, Wonderbolts, CMC, and Changelings

Chapters (12)
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Comments ( 86 )

The jumbo is not a heavy tank, it's still a medium.
(I'm guessing you got that classification from War Thunder, but it's only classed that way for balance.)
Other than that, ill start reading.

Multiple grammatical errors and the dialogue just doesn't fit with the characters, they act more like a bunch of teenagers than professionally trained twenty-thirty somethings. More detail could be added, as always, and once again the Jumbo isn't a heavy it's a medium.

Other than that, seems decent enough for a first-time writer. You seem to have the historical aspects of the vehicles down great, wich is a rare thing. Keep trying, you'll get better.

First story as a non-writer

Isn't this statement in the description contradictory? For once you write your first story, you are no longer a non-writer. :trollestia:

I encourage you to continue. :raritywink:

The story line is very much rushed, but it's understandable as it's your first story. Still, you should really get an editor, plenty of grammar mistakes.

I also highly doubt that the Germans would try to reason with the Americans, even if they are a rescue group (In which it surely wouldn't be a convoy of tanks that could be used on the fronts, especially the Tiger II.) I doubt a General would be assigned either, an Oberleutnant perhaps, or at most a Major. Especially if they were SS.

Killing off one of the Mane 6 that fast? That escalated quickly...
8105547

The M4A3E2 "Jumbo" was an Assault Tank by classification, which the design was essentially a mix between aspects of heavy tanks and infantry tanks. With the purpose of breaking through enemy infantry lines and used as support tanks. There was a later model of the Jumbo which implemented the installation of a 76mm Anti-tank gun to add to it's tank fighting capabilities.

So technically he is just in calling it a heavy tank, as it is usually classified as a heavy tank over a medium tank due to the extra armor plating, different turret design, and slower speeds; even if it was only 3-4 Miles slower than the other M4 variants, and that most assault tanks are usually just heavier variants of smaller tanks or hold aspects of Infantry Tanks such as the Churchill "Heavy" tanks.

8106277
I have never heard of anyone calling it a heavy tank, it's always a Medium or Assault tank, and it was never officially classified as one.
Anyway, since we are talking about Germans talking about the Jumbo, they would just call it a medium, since it just looks like a different model Sherman to them.

8106310 By "classified" I meant most people see it as a heavy tank, though it officially classified as an assualt tank. A mistake on my part for my wording.

// might i suggest slowing it down and trying to put more into the events? no rush nor epic fast moments needed, so flesh it out as much as you can and clean it up with some readers thoughts ^_^ // good story and keep at it. :twilightsmile:

8107926 this is WONDERFUL! I've been trying to get this story approved for quite some time.
it's nice to know that there are people out there like YOU to give out suggestions and give nice comments

8106277 sorry for the rush, but I can't seem to get a story-editor-guy-thingy
and no they're not reasoning with American (There are Brits too), but these are PONIES
if Generals Lapiz's troops were able to fight, he would've done so considering their English speaking
but he cared for his men and didn't want any harm to come to them, just like how twilight did in the end of the second chapter

8105632 thanks 4 the support, and yes, I now consider myself a secret story writer
none of my parents know about me being a Brony and writing storeys in the middle of the night :twilightblush:

8105547 no if you look at the wiki it's still heavy considering it has heavy armor, and yes I play Warthunder but this story isn't based off that, because of the balance issues in the game, this story wouldn't be very realistic

ye know I've JUST noticed I posted the 2nd Chapter on April Fools XD that was NOT intentional

and the reason the fight between the two forces was rushed was out of fear from the ponies, if the Mane 6(5) knew what they were dealing with in the first place, then they would've put up a fight\

Twilights gonna do ALOT of studying tonight

8109384 Figured the men crewing the Jumbo would have been American (That's what I was referring to. Not the ponies, sorry if I confused you.)

And I agree with what slendergun stated, no need to rush the plot, barely two chapters in and there is already a battle going on between the Germans and the Ponies. As far as Editors, I could have sworn there was a group dedicated to finding editors; though I might be mistaken.

As far as Lapiz not wanting to risk his men is understandable, I still think that just killing the enemy would have been more efficient and less risky than sticking your head out the copula and trying to reason over the sound of gun-fire. :rainbowlaugh:

But hey, who am I to tell you how you write your stories, I'm just here trying to give some insight is all.

8109407 yeah, but now the Germans just brought ANOTHER powerful nation into their war:rainbowlaugh:
First, they break the peace agreement with Russia: that pulls a powerful country into their war, then the Japanese bring the Americans into the war, now it's the Equestrians? are the Axis forces ever gonna learn their lesson?

and sorry for the rush, but it wouldn't be approvable if I would've left out a part with ponies, because in the first chapter they aren't included, so i had to make a 2nd chapter

working on the 3rd chapter, I'm gonna TRY to slow it down a bit

8109407 and his men weren't able to fight as well, remember? they are a rescued group

8106310 it looks a tad different than a Sherman, the Jumbo is bigger, has a different shaped turret (On the back side), and it's got almost twice as much armor, but the Cannon and Machine Guns are still the same as the Sherman

Please continue

8118416 I will I will, but I might be putting this on hiatus because I've been told that I've been going too fast, and my grammar is (Roll your "R") Brrrroken,

so I will try to write more stories to get better, but if a lot of people enjoy it the way it is, then I won't put a pause on it

but don't worry, I'll NEVER quit on this story, it was my favorite story idea (That's why I wanna put a pause on it, because i wanna have it PERFECT, but if it's currently enjoyable, then I'll continue WITHOUT putting a pause on it)

8118416 but ill MOST DEFINITELY be putting a SUPER LONG pause in a few months: take a look at my latest blog to see what I'm talking about

Before I read this, what is the Dark tag for ?
And how bad does it get ?

Some grammatical errors but Practice creates masters

I read once that German tank commanders had a high sense of honor. There was a story of a battle weary stranded M-3 Sherman tank encountering a troop of Royal Tigers. The M-3 Sherman opened fire on them, but the shells impotently rebounded off the sturdy armour. But after the M-3 Sherman stopped its firing barrage, the crew of the M-3 Sherman thought for sure that they were doomed, but the Royal Tigers did nothing. The tank commanders of the Royal tigers knew that the Sherman was no match for them, and to shoot them would be dishonorable. So it makes sense that the tiger commander helps the Jumbo tank.

Well, Rainbow Dash would make a good ace for the Luftwaffe. And a good scout for the group in that case.

The scene with the british soldier reminds me of this scene from saving private Ryan

8128524
Thanks for your nice feedback :pinkiehappy:
and yes she would be a PERFECT scout if it weren't for the Rainbow Trail she leaves behind, but besides that, she is perfect for the group at least

and I'm pretty sure you mean M4 Sherman, the M3 was an Armored car, and a Light Tank armed with a small howitzer (Same size gun as Sherman though, the same thing with that Armored car, the were both light Tank Destroyers so they both had bigger guns for a light vehicle)

Spoiler for the story, DONT READ IF YOU DONT WANT SPOILERS!!: Rainbow Dash becomes a traitor to the Mane 6. When you think about it, she loyal to her friends but is now loyal to the Germans. Oh Rainbow Dash, your many things, and one of them is: Unloyalty XD

8128481
OOPS! I didn't realize that it had a Dark tag, thanks for pointing that out. *REMOVES IT :raritywink:*
Spoiler but it does answer your 2nd question: Almost every nation except the Zebra nation gets involved, THATS how bad it gets XD

Thats a though General. And who can't resist to Pet Derby, she is cute.

8139306 yeh, he tries his best to pull through even the greatest of pains... unless it's an instant knockout from Rainbow Dash of course XD

8139424 Rainbow Knock-out! Her Hidden ability.

8139429 I wonder if she will now do it for fun, now that she knows she can knock a super tough guy out with a single whack

Rainbow Dash, plz don't over use this ability of yours XD

8139535 she would only use it when she has none other Choice

I wonder if it will work to disguise a tiger as tree. But

whatever the griffins may throw that them, the tiger commander would just say

Hah! They are scratching your paint job Helmut.

8144095 Don't be too sure, these are ELITE Griffon forces, though they still don't know what they're getting into.
Usually, their armed with Magical Weapons, such as Super-Razor-Swords, High-Speed ad AP Crossbows (Usually meant for hideouts and/or Forts made of thin stone and/or wood)

But those crossbow wouldn't even be able to penetrate a Pazner I's armor LOL

8144105 indeed. German engineering at it's best.

8144095 and when they move the turrets, they will have to put them on manual drive, meaning there will be no motor to control the Horizontal and Vertical Aiming, Also, meaning that will take a lot of strength to aim with the Tiger II's Turret

The barrels as i said, are just gonna be your everyday strong tree branch... or that's what it looks like...

8144107 I wish I could keep on having this lovely conversation... but I have Hit The Hay... or, Catch some Zzz's... or whatever you Americans have that phrase pronounced. I have to do that because I have a long trip to Phinox tomorrow, and o don't wanna be all drowsy for it. so I might message back tomorrow night...

8144108 The Panzer 4 was the only german tank that had a Electrically driven tower swivel, I know that problem. For the turret, the griffons won't know what it them until it's too late.

That must have putted Twilight into shellshock for sure, blurry vision and ringing ears. She can be lucky they didn't fire the MGs of the King tiger on her.

8146133 Lapiz had promised not to hurt Twilight, due to Rainbow Dashes pleads. and I saw your pun there: Shell-Shocking XD
88mm Cannon 'SHELL', ya know? or was that intentional?

also the Griffons were SEVERAL feet away from Twilight

8146140 Actually no, just had to though of the effect they use in movies whenever a grenade explodes near somebody or a tank shell misses, with ringing ears and such.

As long as the germans don't kill them, I'll be glad.

Please continue

8158453 Don't worry man, I'm still gonna post this daily, but if it take a sudden pause, then my latest Blog will explain what might've happend

8158584 I thought the last war fanfiction was the last one.BUT here THERES A NEW ONE!

8159837 Working on the next chapter ja

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