Displaced and Disorderly

by Miki

2 - Assemble The Team - Punch Drunk

“Hiiiisssss” came a sound from within a small cutout in the side of the canyon.

“No! Noooo bad kitty!” Discord scolded as he snapped and summoned a spray bottle. He sprayed the bottle into the hole and the spray of water elicited another loud hiss and a swipe of a gray spotted paw that swiftly retreated back inside.

“Nuh-uh! Ain’t comin’ out!” came a feminine and infuriatingly whiny voice, “You're a meanie ya weird thing! You was hurtin’ the green horsey!”

Carolyn slapped Discord on the leg with her forehoof.

“That ain’t helpin’ there,” she whispered to him before she knelt down.

“C’mon, he ain't gonna spray ya again,” she said as she looked around inside, “and he was only helpin’ m --”

“-- KITTY PUNCH!!!” interrupted the voice as a lightning fast paw jabbed out and cold-cocked her square in the muzzle. Carolyn reeled back and attempted to stand upright, but she failed. She stumbled for a bit then fell over, completely knocked out cold.

-------- Earlier --------

“So you’re sayin’ that there’s me, some cat lady thing, and a sorcelator that ya’ brought inta’ this world,” Carolyn said as she trotted alongside Discord.

“That’s right,” he replied before he mumbled under his breath, “whatever a ‘sorcelator’ is.”

“Eh? Ya’ know, like you AHH --” she said as she pointed with her hoof and stumbled face first in a clatter of metal and feathers, “-- fuck. Ya’ know, like you! Able to do weird shit with ya’ mind.”

She stood back up and continued to trot along side him and keep pace.

“First off, this --” Discord said as he stopped short. He snapped his talon and a nearby rock turned into a frog that let out a small croak and started hopping away.

“-- is called ‘magic.’ Second, it is far more powerful than the ‘weird mind stuff’ from your world. Third, you would do well to respect that power lest it bite you in the flank later.”

Carolyn seemed to be taken aback by Discord’s sudden outburst and the two stood in silence for a short while before they started walking again.

“Hey,” Carolyn chuckled, “I ain’t judgin’. I just wasn’t born with that stuff so I wouldn’t know, aye? I got nothin’ against Psions so long as they ain’t fuckin’ with my head.”

“Ugh,” Discord groaned, “just keep your eyes open. One of them should be bright blue and the other should be… well, cat-like.”

While the two continued to walk along the riverbank, an unnoticed figure slinked out of sight. Unseen in the shadows, a gray, white, and black bobcat ducked from rock to rock. It crouched in its hiding spot and eyed the frog from earlier that was happily hopping along next to the river.

“Punchypunchypunch,” it whispered as it drew closer to the frog. The frog stopped and croaked as it found a good place to bask in the sun next to the riverbank. The bobcat slunk again from rock to rock, still staying out of sight but still whispering to itself.

“Punchypunchypunchpunchpunch.”

“Wait a sec,” Carolyn said as her ear involuntarily swiveled around. She held out a hoof and stopped walking.

“Did y’all hear somethin’?”

“Hmm?” Discord hummed, “no, can’t say that I did.”

The bobcat, meanwhile, stopped moving and whispering. It eyed Carolyn as she looked and crept around, listening for any other sounds. All that was heard was the babbling water of the river and the soft croaks of the newly created frog. Carolyn feebly attempted to open her right wing to bring her blade to bear.

“Damn,” she cursed, “ya’d think that something attached to my fuckin’ body would be easier ta’ use.”

She looked around one final time then sighed.

“Ah well, guess it was nothin’. Not the first time I’ve jumped at spoops.”

“Think of it like doing push-ups and sit-ups at the same time as a human,” Discord said as he pumped his upper appendages forward and back, “it should be about the equivalent muscle group in your new body.”

Carolyn listened and then her forelegs bent down as she tried to imagine it. Slowly, her wings started to open, but the strain was clear and evident on her face.

“Here,” Discord said as he walked over and motioned to her wings, “may I?”

Carolyn scoffed and grinned as she relaxed her back muscles, “Usually they take me to dinnah’ first.”

“Oh don’t make this weird,” he pouted as he took Carolyn’s right wing and gently extended it to its full length, the metal blade gently clicking and the articulated metal joints softly creaking the whole time. Carolyn’s face, however, was contorted in pain.

“What tha’ fuckin’ -- fuck!” she cursed. “Feels like tha’ muscles have never been used before.”

“That would be because they quite literally haven’t,” he replied.

Despite the pain, Discord continued to work out the stiff wing muscles. He extended the wing out, then gently folded it again. He extended the wing out, then gently moved the wing up and down, then made it do small circles before closing it again. Eventually, through numerous repetitions, the muscles were worked out well enough that Carolyn was able to open and close the appendage on her own.

“See? It’s not all that hard. A foal could do it,” he said as he let go.

Carolyn held back a tear of pain as she tried to put on a tough act.

“Y-y-yeah. F-f-f-foal… right…” she said as she motioned with her head toward the left wing, “Could ya get tha’ otha’ one?”

Discord nodded as he walked around her and proceeded to do the same to the opposite wing.

The bobcat, on the other hand, had lost interest in the frog the minute Carolyn yelped in pain the first time. It bade its time, waiting for the opportune moment to attack. Its hind-quarters wiggled and its tail flicked and darted about as it watched him seemingly hurt someone. As soon as Discord had turned his back to massage Carolyn’s other wing, it bolted out. Its brow furrowed into a scowl and it locked its gaze squarely on Discord.

“Punchypunchypunchy,” it whispered as it began to charge.

“Punchypunchypunchy!” it whispered louder as it drew closer, drowned out by Carolyns moans of pain from having her left wing worked out.

“PunchypunchypunchyPUNCHY IMNAPUNCHYA!” it yelled as it pounced, claws exposed, towards Discord’s backside.

------- Now -------

“Alright,” said a clearly annoyed Discord as he pulled Carolyn aside and away from the hole, “that is quite enough little missy.”

Discord then gently smacked Carolyn across the face and shook her, but Carolyn didn't even stir.

“I never thought she would be this difficult to deal with and she’s not even the deadliest one,” he said as he lightly slapped her again. Still Carolyn did not stir. He rubbed his paw down the length of his face and then snapped the fingers together, summoning a dog catcher’s leash. He kept his talon at the ready, took the leash in his paw and stuck it in the hole, triggering a torrent of screams and hisses as the leash thrashed about.

“Meaniemeaniemeaniemeaniemeaniemeaniemeaniemeanie,” the bobcat repeated over and over again as it tore its claws into the leash and eventually darted out of the hole. As soon as Discord saw a mere whisker of the animal, he snapped his talon and an open cage appeared directly in its path. It collided with the bars on the opposite end and the bars to the entrance slammed shut.

The bobcat was having none of it. It pounced, hissed, screamed, and it only grew louder.

“MEANIEMEANIEMEANIEMEANIEMEANIEMEANIEMEANIEMEANIEMEANIEMEANIE --”

“-- OH WOULD YOU PLEASE PIPE DOWN!” Discord yelled as he snapped his talon again and a muzzle appeared around the animal’s mouth. The bobcat continued to thrash about and paw at the muzzle, but to no avail. Discord, meanwhile, nursed a fresh set of nasty claw-marks on his backside and waited for the animal to tire out.

“I’m getting too old for this nonsense,” he groaned as Carolyn slowly started to stir.

“Di’ shomeone get the plates o’ tha’ ride that hit me?” she said as she lifted her head. Then she promptly plopped back down and looked at Discord, who lazily pointed to the still thrashing bobcat.

“You’re kiddin’ me,” she groaned as she worked her way back onto her hooves, “that had to have been some hit.”

“She doesn’t call herself ‘Punchy Cat’ for nothing Carolyn,” Discord deadpanned. “Meet Taki Rhiki, the cat lady thing I told you about.”

For all intents and purposes, Taki resembled that of a rather large bobcat probably a hand or two shorter than Carolyn. But considering that Carolyn, and really any Baywalker, wasn’t all that tall to begin with, that wasn’t saying much.

“Ah… what’s with the muzzle?” she asked.

Taki had since given up on thrashing and instead opted for reaching her forepaw out at Discord and swiping furiously just inches away from his leg. Discord, on the other hand simply looked Carolyn dead in the eye, snapped his talon, and the muzzle disappeared.

“MEANIEMEANIEMEANIE --” and then snapped it again to make it reappear and bless their ears with sweet silence.

“Gotcha,” Carolyn mused as she trotted up to Taki, “let me handle this. She don’t seem to like you a whole lot.”

Discord groaned and rested his head on his paw as he sat down. He winced in pain, then promptly stood up again and leveled a glare at Taki who continued to swipe in his direction, but Carolyn only chuckled and turned to Taki as well.

“Hey there!” Carolyn said, “Listen, I know you’re probably confused and scared, but can ya’ calm down a bit? We’re friends and we need ya’ help.”

She motioned to Discord with her wing and continued as Taki looked over at Carolyn and brought her paw back in the cage. She sat down and listened, but her tail was still fluffed out and twitching back and forth wildly with her ears still splayed out on her head.

“Look, I know snake dude over there can be a bit of a dick --” Discord interrupted with a snort and a huff “-- but we need ya. Still don’t know the full details as to why, but I’m not from this world either, so let’s work together and do what we need ta’ do ta’ get out of this shit-show, aye?”

Taki looked over at Discord, then back to Carolyn. Then back to Discord. Then back to Carolyn. Then she looked at the ground and huffed. She motioned her paw to the muzzle and placed it back down with a hearty slap.

“Yo, snakey-boy, can we get this thing offa her?” Carolyn asked.

“My name is Discord, Patterson,” he said as he snapped his talon and the muzzle disappeared.

Taki breathed a sigh of relief as the muzzle disappeared, then she brought a paw up and cricked her jaw from side to side to work out the muscles and groom her fur.

“I hear ya, I wanna get outta here too,” she replied. “Last thing I remember is I was napping in a tree outside the pub when poof! I woke up in the middle of this canyon in this body.”

She shook her head and scratched behind her ear, then licked at her paw before she continued.

“I mean, I was just questing around Eorzea and then suddenly poof! I was here! What tha’ hell gives?!”
Carolyn looked over at Discord with a quizzical expression.

“That’s somethin’ I’d love to know myself, but right now we got one more person to find before we can do anythin’, aye?”

“Aye, aye -- I guess,” Taki said with a lazy salute.

Carolyn nodded at Discord and with a snap of his talon the cage disappeared.

“Now then, shall we move on?”

Carolyn bowed her head in a mock curtsey.

“Lead the way oh disorderly one,” she said.

Discord then turned around wordlessly, then he groaned as he turned back around and held up a talon to stop them.

“Oh, and by the way you two, your third companion may be less than reasonable at first,” he said.

“Hows’ that?” Taki asked.

“Let’s just say,” Discord sighed, “that she’s a bit of a hothead when it comes to things changing around her.”

“You!” came a voice from out of nowhere. In a flash, a new figure appeared and everyone near Discord was scorched with a searing hot blue flame. All of them shielded themselves from the blast as best as they could, but the smell of burning fur and feathers permeated the air as all were singed. When the smoke settled, there stood a blue unicorn mare who’s fur faded to a solid white around the fetlocks. A cracked pattern permeated through the fur across her entire body into exposed skin that almost looked like stone with the cracks around her flank coalescing and forming the chinese symbol of fire. White stony flares seemingly erupted from the skin underneath her eyes, and her eyes and mane were a solid white. Her mane rose and fell from the intense heat that radiated from her body and on top of all of that, all could tell that she was pissed.

"Speak of the blue devil and she will appear," Discord deadpanned.

“So you are the one who did this to me,” she said as her horn glowed white hot with heat and she summoned a pair of blindingly bright swords made of blue plasma. A wicked and enraged grin crossed her face.

“Defend yourself," she said as she charged.

Author's Note:

Skills
Kitty Punch - Just a lucky surprise punch.
Flame Teleport - 5 Step Traverse with no chargeup timer. Character may expend 1 Physical Power Use to deal 4 Heat in a 5ft AoE upon exiting the Traverse. This effect has a 5 minute lockout.
Pyrokinesis - The character's "Evolution: Unnatural Weaponry" Boon counts as flame weapons. The character has control over reshaping this quantum energy into any form of their choosing by role playing and concentrating for 15 seconds. This allows the character to change between any appropriate physrep for representing and utilizing the Unnatural Weapons, from a small knife to a one handed hammer to a two handed shredder to a rifle to a hand gun and everywhere in between or outside. Additionally, the character may also utilize a second Unnatural Weapon and Dual-Wield these or create an Unnatural Shield following standard Shield Rules. The shield counts as an equal rank Brutal Shield for all other mechanical purposes. Both the second Unnatural Weapon and / or the Unnatural Shield can also have their physreps changed as per this ability as well. While Evolution is Active, the concentration role play time to change the Unnatural Weapons or Unnatural Shield is reduced to 5 seconds and the shield counts as an equal rank Riot Shield for all other mechanical purposes. Finally, the character deals +2 Damage with Evolution: Unnatural Weaponry.

Comments

[Miki]

As a general update for those who enjoyed it the first go-around, the story is back and has been revised. The stage is set, the players are all in place, and it's time for the mayhem to begin!

Please enjoy.