• Published 25th Mar 2017
  • 1,773 Views, 46 Comments

Shining Armor is Best Colt - Damaged



Shining Armor is my name, and my comfortable life is rudely intruded on by a little filly. Wait, who is "Twilight Sparkle"? I am talking about Mi Amore Stinky Plot!

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I Stink!

Stealth was out of the question. This was worse than when SuperStallion was hypnotized and became evil. Using my magic I threw open the front door and slammed it suitably behind me. The stairs were no obstacle, I charged up them without even giving it a second thought. I gave my bedroom door the same treatment as the front door, slamming it soundly behind me.

"Shiny? Are you okay?" Mom's voice came from the other side of my door, but there was nopony alive I wanted to see right then.

"Go away, Mom." I fussed at a box in the corner of my room and found that old copy of SuperStallion. Floating it over, I held it up so my eyes were hidden behind it.

Of course, Mom wouldn't be a mom unless she opened the door to find out what was wrong. "What happened? Did somepony do something bad?" Of course somepony did, Mom, it was me the thought was bitter.

"No. I don't want to talk about it." I hated each word because they made more tears come. I turned the page to see SuperStallion stealing candy from a filly, a scene that had puzzled me in the past—fillies were not meant to posses such things—but now even the word "candy" made me think of Cadance.

"Okay Shiny-dear. When you feel ready, come downstairs—I made cookies." Of course Mom would use cookies; she literally made the best cookies on the whole planet. I gave a little sigh, now my eyes and mouth were watering.

"Thanks, Mom." I stayed steadfast, my eyes unable to make sense of the comic through the distorted lens of tears. My bedroom door opened and closed again, the sound of heavy hooves leaving made me relax only a fraction. "I am such an idiot."

"Yup." Cadance's voice made me jump a full foot off the bed. My comic went flying and I ended up on my hooves facing down the intruder. "You left your things in class." She twitched a wing, showing that she had my bag on her back.

"Go away…" I stopped myself just before I called her "stinky," and even the thought of it made more tears rush to my eyes. My voice wavered and I could barely get a sound out. "I just want to be alone."

"Well, you can be alone if you want." Cadance stepped closer to my bed, and hauled my bag off her back. "But if you are, can we be alone together?" I turned my head and glared, unable to tell if she was rubbing my own misdeed in or not.

Looking at Cadance, studying her face, I could see the quickly rubbed runnels of fur that trailed from each eye. I could still see the frown—or how she would frown if she weren't smiling now—that she had worn in class, when I told her what I had done. "That's stupid." I was so sure of my logic that I forgot to gather my beloved comic from the bed.

"Well, now we have both done stupid things today." Cadance plucked up the comic before I could grab it, and now I didn't dare without risking tearing it up. "SuperStallion Issue seventy-five?" She turned around and plopped down on the floor beside my bed, her back to me. "It was another storm-filled night in Maretropolis. SuperStallion, in his guise of Colt Kanter, was relaxing in his apartment when…"

I wanted to tell her to go away, and I would have used bad words to do it, except then my thoughts beat me with what I had done. Telling her to go away was every bit the same kind of thing that I had already done. Instead, I turned around and stared at the wall, ears turned to listen while I remembered every perfectly drawn panel of the comic.

~~~~~+++++~~~~~

"… I will never do that again." Cadance had been really good at reading, better than I would have been. She hadn't even stumbled on the made-up words in the comic. "That's actually pretty cool."

I jerked my head up and looked at her. "What, really? Fillies are meant to like the cute comics, the…" I shuddered for more than just effect, "pink ones." I was confident in my dislike for pink, right up until my brain interrupted with the question, Then why did you spend all day drawing pictures of pink fillies?

"Ugh, don't get me started on that!" Cadance sounded genuinely annoyed. "The nice ponies I was living with last seemed to think that is what a little filly would like. Luckily I had a friend who did like them, and swapped as many as I could for BatMare."

She had my full attention now. "BatMare? SuperStallion's greatest ally? Oh dang I love those!" I had to rub the last of the tears away from my eyes to yank a box from the corner of my room. "I have all of them!"

"I never got to read the first one, I…" She trailed off, her mouth staying open just a little as she looked at me. At last she closed her mouth into what was a wide smile. I suddenly had to look away, I couldn't stand looking at her grin, nor could I work out why my cheeks were feeling hot. "How about I trade ya?"

My ears twitched at the question. "Whatcha got?" I turned back and saw my special school book held in Cadance's pink hoof. "That's already mine!"

"Nope, some of these things in here are clearly mine!" Her voice was infuriating, and stupid. I suddenly remembered what some stuff I had drawn was, and felt that heat in my cheeks again. "So, you get the book back for the comic. Except for one."

"Gimme my book back!" I railed against the idea of bartering it back, that it was stupid and was literally a loss for me. I snorted a few times in annoyance, staring at my greatest foe ever. "Alright, but you have to read it again." She has infected you with cooties, she is controlling your mind, Shining Armor! my thoughts drove a wild jab of panic into my system, if she was really taking control of my mind how did I know everything wasn't her doing, just like Doctor Control-o in the comic?!

"Deal!" The word snapped me out of my panic for a moment.

I looked down at the BatMare #1 floating beside me. It was in a special plastic slip, and Dad had told me I wasn't aloud to touch it with anything but magic. "Here." It tore at my heart to give it over, but I did, I deserved to lose something after what I did today.

"This is a first issue?" Cadance's eyes were huge as she stared at the comic in its special sleeve. "I'm not supposed to even touch this, am I?" The question took me by surprise.

"Nope. Here, I'll hold it so you can read." My horn sparked to life, and I gently drew the comic from the plastic slip and carefully opened it. Laying down on my bed, I held the comic up so Cadance could read it.

"I'm BatMare!" We could both see the comic while she read, and I found myself shifting a little to get comfortable. " 'You're a freak!' one of the—"

"Shining!" Mom's voice interrupted Cadance and got both of our attention. Opening the door, I saw a surprised expression on her face before she schooled it into a smile. "Dinner's ready, you two." She turned and left us.

I closed the comic back up and, when Cadance held up the plastic sheath, I slid it back reverently. Part of me hoped she would give me the comic back, another part was sure that she shouldn't. My mind flew to the end of the SuperStallion #75, where Colt Kanter made up for his day that totally wasn't his fault, by doing things for the ponies he had been mean too. "Let's go have dinner."

Walking downstairs, I saw Dad and Mom were already at the table, and were looking at each other in an odd way. Climbing up on a chair, I had the oddest feeling I was being watched. Looking up from my dinner I realized my greatest fears were realized. "What?" Three sets of eyes were locked on.

"Nothing, dear." Mom tried to hide a smile with a mouthful of food.

I turned to Dad next, who quickly looked to Mom, then down to his own food. At last I turned to Cadance—who winked. My mouth dropped open, ready to demand what the joke was. Slow down. Think. What would SuperStallion do? the thought pulled me up short. Of course, he would cover his identity, relax, act completely calm, and do something to put the heat off. "I saw Flash and Cheerilee hugging today." Perfect, complete distraction.

"Well, they are at that age." Mom winked to Dad, and then Dad winked back. I was safe, though.

Then something ate at me. I looked to Cadance and remembered one of the things SuperStallion never compromised on. Inhaling, I opened my mouth. "But I did something bad today." Mom and Dad both turned their heads to look at me. "I… I made the other foals not want to play with Cadance."

"It was okay." Cadance's voice startled me so much my snout nearly hit my potatoes on the plate. "He said he was sorry." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. She was covering for me!

"Well, that's the main thing." Mom smiled at me, the "parental stare" that had started to form faded completely. I looked to Cadance, and got another wink.

Dinner wasn't really a race this time, not when nopony else could keep up with me. I was sitting up straight, trying to make sure everypony knew I had by humming. "You could start on the dishes if you want?"

"Okay." My acceptance got a surprised stare from Mom and Dad. Even I was a little shocked at it. But I headed for the kitchen and its relative safety from odd looks and filly-winks.

~~~~~+++++~~~~~

"Shining?" Flash's voice caught me by surprise. I stopped trotting. "Shining," Flash leaned in and cupped his hoof, keeping to a whisper, "you know there is a filly beside you, right?"

"Well duh." I puffed out my chest. "Just the coolest filly in Canterlot. Don't tell anypony, but she reads BatMare!"

"You know I can hear you, right?" Cadance's words yanked us out of our huddle.

"Really? You read BatMare? Pfft!" Flash strutted up to Cadance and looked at her suspiciously. "I bet you don't even have one with you now. A real fan would—" He froze, Cadance pulled out a comic—thankfully she wasn't bringing the #1 to school—and showed him.

"Told you she was cool." I put one foreleg over Flash's back. "Now, we need a plan. We have to make sure everypony in school knows how awesome Cadance is as quickly as possible…" Inside, SuperStallion stood proud again. I puffed out my chest and trotted beside my two friends, barely noticing the tingling on my flanks.

Author's Note:

Christmas Day, 2016 was when I came up with the basic outline for this plot. Talking with friends, discussing cute and silly ideas. I hope everypony had a good laugh as Shining Armor learned quite a bit from this little situation. What is in for his future? By the time Twilight Velvet tells him the good news, I think he will be a bit more comfortable around fillies.

Of course we all know the tingling on his flanks was just a horse-fly or two, and who can guess which of the drawings that Cadance got to keep?

Ultimately, just a fun little write. Be well everypony!

~~~~~+++++~~~~~

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Awesome ponies who are already helping to keep me in keyboards and rum:
Canary in the Coal Mine
Daremo
Mary Rowland
Boulder
A.P.O.N.I.
Mephia
Nils
Ian
Dio-Drogynous

And special thanks to the following, for careful eyes and friendly words:
Jeffh4
Vutava
Cross Lament

Comments ( 22 )

This was definitely a cute and fun little story.

nice cute story. same it had to end but slice of life stories can be just as good long as short... sometimes better short... most of the time better short

8050183 He's right, Shining Armor. And then parts of you will grow, and be in her :raritywink:

Awww. Shiny is so adorably guilty. Love them bonding over comic books.

By the power of d'aww!

Very nice story. Maybe we'll see some more colt Shiny in the future? :twilightsmile:

The cooties got him! :raritydespair:

8057707
XD They sure did!

It's a very cute story idea, I think the idea of colts and fillies telling a story is something most of us really like.

The innocents of the story.

8057717

Derpy is a name, though, so that's different.

8057798

It's not actually a synonym for derriere, is what I'm saying, except when we fans use it that way as a weird, kinda dumb joke between one another. There's no logical reason Shining would associate the word "plot" with someone's butt.

It's like a kid insulting someone by going: "Your theme looks stupid!" or "You have a tiny pathos!"

I mean, it's not a big deal, I guess. It just kinda bothers me when I see people do this.

This remained super cute throughout :twilightsmile: I loved this story, and it's a great depiction of Shining and Cadance's younger years. Curious about something, though; Velvet's comment of "Well, they are at that age." makes me wonder how old these characters are. I was imagining approximately seven or eight (or the horse equivalent thereof if you headcanon they age differently than humans), but that's a bit younger than what I would call that age.

8060211 Well, look to the show and how mature the CMC are around the time they get their cutie marks. They are late bloomers, I know, so I pictured Shining as being a little younger than them. He is on the cusp of working out that the world isn't quite how his younger-self saw it, and that there is maybe more to fillies than how stinky they are.

So I would pitch Shining and Flash as around 10-12 in this, but initially acting a little younger because they are still able to get away with it, and having had anything to shake their worldviews yet (although Flash seems to have Cheerilee giving him some pointers).

8060311
Far enough. I guess it's just because I didn't realize Shining was on the cusp of getting his cutie mark until well after I had already interpreted his age. Not that it's a problem or anything, I was just curious what your intentions there were :ajsmug:

I'm very impressed with Shining. He understood what he did was wrong and tried to fix it. As someone who nearly lost a person very close to me to one-and-a-half decade of horrible bullying, I was a tad upset with him before.

Headcanon accepted. Shining only married Cadence to get his first edition comic back. Most definitely not because Count Von Stink infected him with cooties.

Very good story, written wonderfully. A new favourite.

Side note: I have no idea what the effects of cooties are as when I was young, nobody in my school gave a crap about gender. Never experienced youthful sexism.

Adorable from start to finish. Glad I finally read it.

Precious! This was great.

10400986 Glad you enjoyed it! :twilightsmile:

god at this point my arteries qualify as blunt objects, thanks for that btw
in all seriousness, this story was fucking adorable.

This was a very cute and fun story, I really liked the references to Superman and Batman as SuperStallion and Batmare. :)

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