• Published 25th Mar 2017
  • 1,771 Views, 46 Comments

Shining Armor is Best Colt - Damaged

Shining Armor is my name, and my comfortable life is rudely intruded on by a little filly. Wait, who is "Twilight Sparkle"? I am talking about Mi Amore Stinky Plot!

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Fillies Stink!

I looked from my mom to the pegasus filly. "Why does she have to live here?" Even I could tell my tone was petulant, but I didn't care. It was all stupid. "Fillies stink, Mom." It was a known fact, after all.

"Shining Armor!" Mom sounded upset, but I was more upset so I won. "You will apologize. Not everypony at school has family in Canterlot. Now, say you are sorry to Mi Amore, young stallion." She had her best frown on, which came close to trumping my own.

"Will not!" I glared at the pink pegasus. "She can stay at the school, or up in the castle!" As my mouth closed, I felt a flash of magic as something was teleported right inside; I knew the flavor, soap. "Mom!" The word was lost around the horrible lump of "bad taste" in my mouth.

Mom had won, soap trumped all the angry I could summon. She rubbed the soap inside my mouth and with me unable to talk, laid down the killing blow. "I will scrub the naughtiness right out of you, Shining. Now apologize to Mi Amore."

"P-Please, call me Cadance." My attention snapped to the filly as she spoke. There was so much pink to her it hurt my head just to look. I wanted to spit the soap out at her and levitate her away. "And please, it's okay." I froze, along with the soap.

"He still needs to apologize." I looked away from the "pile-of-pink" towards my mom. Her gaze was uncompromising, and ready to light me on fire if I kept up the behavior that spawned it.

When the soap disappeared, I knew I had to say something, and it would have to be a "good one." I sighed. "Sorry I called you stinky." I hung my head. Admitting that a filly wasn't stinky was just about the worst thing a colt could be made to do.

"Cadance will be staying in the spare room. You are going to help her with her bags, like a good gentlecolt." Mom's tone brooked no arguments, not that I could raise any now.

"Yes, Mom." I struggled and fought with my magic, eventually getting the pink stream to reach all the way up my horn. Focusing on the biggest bag, I levitated it up. Making sure I had a superior smirk on my lips (even if they were still dripping soap suds), I looked to Cadance. "Just tell me where you want it."

"Thank you." Cadance's words were typical of any filly, but a look at her face almost made me drop her bag. She looks cute I thought. The three words undeniably mine, but felt so foreign that I was sure it was mind control—probably to do with her cooties.

"Y-Y-Your welcome." I galloped, full pace. I had to get away from her so she couldn't see the blush on my cheeks. The temptation to throw her bag as hard as I could was great, but it was just too heavy to. Setting it on the floor just inside the door, I turned and had her right in my face again. "It's over there." I gestured with a hoof. "What did you have in that, bricks?" Yeah, that was totally why I blushed and thought she was cute, I was lifting a huge load of bricks around that the filly kept to make colts look stupid.

"My school books." She walked past me, unzipping the bag to show me she wasn't lying.

I squinted at the volumes, trying to spot the one that dealt with mind-control by cooties. Without a better look I wouldn't be able to recognize such a horrid tome. Then I realized how quiet it had gotten between us. My hooves itched, and without another thought I bolted, racing for my own room and slamming the door. "Stupid, stinky fillies."


Comics. Comics could take me anywhere, and let me be whoever I wanted to be. Today I was SuperStallion, who watched over Maretropolis. I saved lives and was the coolest pony ever. I may look like just a unicorn, but I could fly using my own magic. I zoomed around the city in my head, weaving through buildings.

"Help!" The cry came from the top of a nearby roof. Zooming up I slammed down, one foreleg slightly bent in the best superpony pose ever. "Help, please!"

My head snapped around, my eyes narrowing on the owner of the voice. A pink pegasus wearing a skin-tight suit. My eyes narrowed. "You again?! What is this, some kind of—"

"Trap? Yes." As she spoke, her voice no longer colored with fear, the ropes snapped closed around me. "Like this? Impervium rope; not even SuperStallion can break it." The mare stepped closer, seeming to shrink as she did. "Dinner's ready."

I froze, blinked, and lowered my comic. Cadance had the door open and—judging by the way she carefully hadn't actually stepped into my room—clearly knew "the rules." Putting my comic down, I jumped off my bed and started walking for the door. I summoned my best "superpony" voice to reply in. "Thanks." My voice broke at the end of the word, making it sound silly. "Stinky plot."

"No problem, SuperStallion." When she said the name, my heart skipped a beat, then a second. "Last pony downstairs has to do the dishes."

"You're o—" The rest of my reply was lost in the sound of buzzing wings as Cadance raced off in a cloud of what I knew would stink horribly. "B…" I held back from the bad word; moms could hear those words no matter where in the house they were said. I summoned my dignity (more like scraped what was left of it from the floor), and followed Cadance downstairs.

"… and Shining said he wanted to do the dishes with me tonight. I really just want to help." Cadance's voice was horrible enough, but the words made my head jerk up in surprise.

"You didn't try to talk her into helping you?" Mom had focused on me, but my mouth was hanging open. She must want to infect me with more cooties I thought.

"Oh no, I asked him!" Cadance smiled up at Mom, and I saw the doubt melt away. More mind control; how far would this spread? "May I set the table?"

I took a step onto the stairs and—likely due to the mind controlling cooties—completely misjudged it and started to fall forward. A cerise glow wrapped around me as the ground fell away, and my heart raced until I realized Mom had a good grip on me. I had managed to tumble in mid-air—expertly of course—so that when Mom floated me down to the bottom of the stairs I was upside down. Before I could stop her with my mighty magic, she kissed my cheek. "Be careful, Shiny."

"Moooooom…" I groaned as she set me back on my hooves. "Not in front of the F I L L Y." I made sure to spell the word out, knowing for sure that Cadance wouldn't understand that. It was no good, I saw Cadance's ears twitch and swivel as I finished and entered panic mode.

"It's okay, C O L T, I thought it was A D O R A B L E." Cadance's smug look was insufferable and dumb. Okay, maybe just the first one. Using her wings, she finished setting the table for four while I glared on.

At last something interesting broke me from my boundless focus and I ran into the living room. "Dad!" Lowering my horn, I charged. My hooves pounded like thunder, blood thudded in my ears like the sound of war-drums, and I slammed into the best dad in all of Equestria's magic.

"Dear?" He was calling out over my head, so I tried to poke my hoof up at his snout to silence him. "I found a raging barbarian, what should I do with him?" Lashing out again and again, I was unable to silence his words with my hooves. At last I grabbed hold of one of his legs with my mouth. "Dear! Help I have been injured!"

I growled furiously as my dad collapsed under me. "He got you again, huh?" Mon found me standing on top of Dad as he feebly waved a hoof in her direction. "Oh no, I am not going near him when you have stirred Shiny up. We have a guest, remember?"

"The foal the school needed us to look after for a few days?" My prey found its second wind and I tumbled from Dad's side onto the floor. Pouncing back, I was wrapped in pale-blue magic and held up by my tail.

Dad carried me into the dining room again and, flipping me around in mid-air, set me down on a chair. I started trying to leap at him again, but his blue magic kept me anchored to the chair. "Next time…" And of course, the moment I gave in he let go. Dads play dirty sometimes—which is awesome. I was all set to make an advanced strike on Cadance, when Mom floated in dinner.

The next few moments passed in a rush, and only needed a few grunting sounds—mostly agreeing—before my plate was completely empty. When I looked up, I saw nopony else had even gotten halfway through their dinner yet. "I win!"

"Shining Armor!" Mom sounded more impressed than shocked—it was awesome. "Since you found the need to make a race out of dinner, you can wait here until we are all done."

"Yes Mom." I gave a sigh and looked down at what I thought was an empty plate, only to find an extra helping of Mom's potatoes on it. Darting a look to my dad, he only shrugged. I knew the "completely not innocent" look he gave me, though, and our forehooves met in a soft clop.

The extra food let me pass the time without looking around the table, but I finished even that before Mom was done. Finally, she set her knife and fork down. "Alright Shiny, you may—"

I was off my chair and running, but wasn't getting anywhere. "Mom?" I recognized her magic as it held me in the air. "Dishes, Shiny." All four of my legs fell straight, limp, and lifeless. I have to do the dishes… close to a filly my thought was filled with despair and a loathing for the horror my life had become.

"It's not so bad, Shining. Look, Cadance is going to help." Dad pointed a hoof to the kitchen, where the pink pegasus was already running hot water into the sink. Clearly, Dad had suffered a turn. To think, cut down in the prime of his dad-hood. "Go on, the quicker you start, the quicker you finish."

A funeral march started to play—or it should have—as I dropped back to my hooves. Head down, I walked with slow, halting steps into the kitchen. I gave a sigh and reared up to start working on the plates.

"I'll do the drying. You will be better at washing anyway." Cadance sounded entirely too bubbly and happy; she was definitely up to something. Using my horn, I started lifting plates into the hot bubbly water, my mind zooming away from the task as I went. Grab a plate, scrub a plate, pass it on. "Thank you." It was all fine until she spoke, until she reminded me that a horrible, stinky filly was beside me. I replied in the only way that seemed appropriate.

"Phbbbbbb!" Flawless victory. Even when blowing a raspberry, superpony Shining Armor was the best at everything. Closing my eyes, I struck a pose. "I guess you helped, but—" I gasped as a splash of water hit my face. "Hey!"

Cadance looked right in my righteously outraged eyes. I was about to come back with a perfect one-liner (just like SuperStallion), when she beat me to the punch. "You're cute, Shining Armor." I froze up, I stared past her like she wasn't there. When she left, I had no clue, those two words kept rattling around my head like a pair of manic pin-balls. At last I unfroze and looked around for the evil cootie-sorceress.

Trotting out of the kitchen, I found Dad sitting in the living room alone, reading a book. "Where did she go?" My demands earned a surprised look from Dad.

"Cadance or your mother? Both went to their respective beds. Something a certain colt should be doing." Dad's words stoked the fires of rage higher.

Stalking to my own bedroom, I made a solemn vow. "I will never let that filly get the better of me!"

Author's Note:

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Awesome ponies who are already helping to keep me in keyboards and rum:
Canary in the Coal Mine
Mary Rowland

And special thanks to the following, for careful eyes and friendly words:
Cross Lament