- Member Since 20th Jan, 2017
- offline last seen 10 hours ago
Fangren
A 32-year old gay trans girl. Got back into the show thanks to a friend and bingewatching. I've got quite a few things planned...
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Love it. Short and sweet. The characters feel organic and alive as much as I feel they should, and they're both vocally and physically vibrant and expressive. All I could ask for, for a late night easy read.
If I were to get nitpicky (which I apologize for in advance but the author notes make it sound like you do want some sort of feedback), I'd say two things. First, most of the exchange between Limestone and Pinkie in the beginning to middle feels like it's exposition for a much bigger plot (which I assume you're doing in a way, if this is the fifth of a series), but to be fair, you did need some sort of topic for the conversation. And well, it can still be perceived as normal conversation anyway, especially if it's been a while since they've seen each other, making all these details and explanation make more sense.
Second, your writing seems to be at its best when you're not using uncertainty in your sentences. Sometimes it's warranted, of course, you use it well for all the first half and it's a very human thing, but then there's moments like this:
So many instances in a short amount of time kind of breaks the flow, or so I feel.
Not nearly enough for me to not love this short story for what it is, mind. Keep up the good work. ^^
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I'm glad you loved it! Regarding the first thing you mentioned, you're correct that this and the rest of my EqG oneshots (there's gonna be nine total) are all part of a much bigger plot, though in what way exactly is something I'm trying to keep quiet about for now. However, the exchange between Limestone and Pinkie actually wasn't written with that specifically in mind! It was basically just something I figured they'd naturally talk about since, as you said, it's been a while since they last really saw each other. Plus it was a good way to establish Limestone's place/role in the EqG universe, and thinking about it more it's definitely something I wanna revisit in the future.
As for the string of uncertainty at the places you mention...well, I figured Pinkie was gonna have to be uncertain given the subject matter. Some of it I think I could change without it feeling off to me (her uncertainty about whether or not her friends all have jobs, for one), but the rest...not so much. Sorry if it broke the flow a little for you, but I'm happy it wasn't enough to seriously detract from your enjoyment.