• Member Since 26th Sep, 2016
  • offline last seen Yesterday

nickolas01

hola a todos, soy nuevo en esto y espero que les guste, mis historias, voy hacer un poco de todo

nickolas01 Joined 26th Sep, 2016 · Offline

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Comments ( 5 )
nickolas01
nickolas01 #1 · Apr 1st, 2017 · · ·
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8064627 That is friend, I'm Chilean and I'm using a translator and that complicates my story but I'll try to improve

LILDASHIEGRINGO
LILDASHIEGRINGO #2 · Apr 1st, 2017 · · ·
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"... I also always believed that my mother was the most ardent of all," said Shining Armor, when his father looked at him as he spoke aloud "... I said it out loud, did not I?" Said Shining Armor.

"... I also always believed that my mother was the most ardent of all,"

mother was the most ardent of all,"

ardent

Using big words now?

:rainbowhuh:Wot'n tarnation?

marinus18
marinus18 #3 · Jul 19th, 2020 · · ·
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Quite a few grammar errors

Long ago these two unicorns had not reunited as father and son, Shining begged Cadance to have this week free and when he could get it he joined his father, Night Light wore a white shirt and a pair of shiny black pants wore a Navy blue jeans and a black sleeveless shirt.

It had been so long ago since the two unicorns could meet as father and son again. Shining had begged his wife to have this week free so that he could meet with his father.

Also try to have a paragraph talk about 1 specific thing. Don't have a description of the circumstances and one of the characters in the same paragraph. Instead put the description about Night Light's clothing before you explain the circumstances. First describe the scene and then describe how it came to be. That helps the reader picture the scene itself and then you go on to what it means for the characters.

"So far, since the Flurry Heart was born is quieter than before," said Luminous "what about my mom?" Said Shining Armor.

"Flurry Heart has become quieter so far so that's good. But how is mom doing?" Also what is that "luminous" about? I would think it would be Shining armor saying that since you mentioned no other characters in the scene. However not only is that a bizarre mistake you also don't need to specify Shining armor speaking in the next line of dialogue. You only need to specify who is talking if it changes. Or were you trying to say "Shining said in a somewhat luminous tone"?

"I'm sure my mother would be a submissive when they get their asses and if Cadance gives a good blowjob that can not stand," said Shining Armor and now the one who bothered was Night Light.

What do you mean with "their asses"? As in doing anal? Or getting their asses up as in being about to be penetrated?


I usually am trying not to be too nitpicky with spelling/grammar but this is getting to the point where the story is hard to follow.

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