A Rich Rainbow Teaparty
Filthy Rich looked forward to throwing himself into his work the next day.
He had a lot to keep track of, even on days when he had no major decisions to make. Making sure the books were being handled by his army of accountants, ensuring deliveries and shipping lines were stable, and the lion’s share of his work, maintaining the variety of professional connections that made him one of the most trusted and well-liked businessmen in Equestria.
It was easy to keep his mind off his family with a full day of work.
Of course, today it isn’t quite so easy, Filthy Rich thought, as he watched the trees fly by. He set his chin on the train’s window sill. Starting the day off with work was hard when it started with a 3 hour train ride.
And business talk with his personal assistant, who was currently sitting across from his employer, biting his lip, couldn’t fill the whole three hours. Filthy Rich sighed. “Argyle, you clearly have something to say, what is it?”
“Forgive me if it’s… prying, sir, but you seem… very distracted. Are you going to be okay to deal with Miss Fillygree today?”
“Of course, Argyle. In fact, I’m looking forward to it!” Filthy Rich put his best winningest smile on, his dour expression evaporating immediately… before he let it fall again, as he rubbed his eyes. “Anything to get my mind off of my problems.”
Argyle shifted his eyes to the left and right. “Do you mind if… I ask what they are?”
Filthy Rich smiled inwardly. Argyle and he spent a lot of time together, and even though it was a strictly professional relationship, details about each other’s lives slipped through and he considered Argyle a friend as well. “I am having… an argument with my wife. We are disagreeing over how to best raise Diamond Tiara.”
Argyle nodded absently. “I… oh… Perhaps it could be helped by getting her into a good mood?” Argyle offered. “We’re on our way to Rainbow Falls right now, and I’ve heard it’s very romantic.”
Filthy Rich chuckled. “I’m not so sure this problem can be fixed with a romantic dinner, but thank you for your suggestion.”
Argyle tried to offer an encouraging smile. “I’m sure Mrs Rich will forgive you. From the way you make it sound, the two of you are very close.”
Filthy Rich looked out into the countryside again. “Well, maybe I simply haven’t noticed how distant we have become.”
They fell into silence again, as the train began to slow down. Finally, something to get my mind off of this.
Exiting the train station, he took in the beautiful view of the falls, trotting to his destination with his assistant in tow. “You know, maybe you’re onto something, Argyle,” Filthy mused aloud. “Maybe taking a bit of a sabbatical would be a good idea. Something to reconnect with Spoiled and help us to understand each other again.”
His assistant laughed. “That’s the Filthy Rich I know! Undaunted by adversity!”
He joined his assistant in laughter.
Reaching the restaurant, Filthy Rich parted ways with his assistant, who went on to handle other business in the town, as he was led to the private room on the balcony. It was looking over part of the falls itself. A beautiful view, a fantastic restaurant… It would be romantic, wouldn’t it?
But today it’s just a meeting for business, instead. So he sat down to wait, watching the rainbow falls, cascading beautifully over the rocks, with it’s vibrant red, orange, yellow, purple, green, and blue.
Wait… Filthy Rich took a double take. Yes, purple was there nestled between yellow and green, instead of where it belonged on the other end. His jaw opened as he stared at the errant color stripe. It wasn’t just one, either, as he started to look around, the falls were all disordered. Every single rainbow stripe had their colors in the wrong order.
There was a faint clinking on the table, catching Filthy Rich’s ear and eye. A fork was vibrating on his plate, and he clamped down on it with a hoof, stopping the vibration. Abruptly, the forks on every other table started clinking loudly.
In short order, there was a rumbling coming from the direction of the falls itself. They were gushing out at a volume Filthy had never seen, the rainbow spray shooting everywhere. A waiter ran by, struck by a bit of rainbow from the falls, and that little bit of rainbow flowed over the waiter, halting him in place, turning his colors into a rainbow mishmash as he slowed down to nothing. There was but a moment before Filthy started screaming, alongside everypony else in the restaurant.
Filthy Rich started pumping his legs, galloping out of the restaurant, as the spray continued to consume all the ponies struck by the spray of the falls. But, amazingly, he was not frozen in place as as he sped out of the restaurant.
He stopped for a moment to catch his breath, turning around to look at the restaurant behind him, alongside a growing crowd of gawkers. Everything was… wrong. The border between the white fluffy clouds and the blue sky turned magenta and started bleeding into both. The restaurant was wobbling around. And of course… the falls gushing out into the restaurant itself.
There was a tremendous rumbling, before a huge blast of rainbow liquid erupted from the front door, petrifying a swath of the gathered crowd. The rest panicked and scattered, and Filthy Rich was no exception.
He pushed himself hard, his hooves beating on the ground as he sped at full speed. As he reached the edge of the falls, and almost to the escape that the nearby forest must represent, the sounds of the world died away.
… All the sounds of the world, actually, except for the gushing and rumbling sound. Filthy Rich chanced a look behind him, and uncomfortably close there was a huge gushing wave of liquid rainbow…
With the balcony that had the table Filthy Rich had been sitting at just a few minutes ago on top of it, and a large creature, made of multiple colored and mismatched limbs, on top riding it like a surfer would.
The wave lunged forward, crashing to the left of Filthy Rich, and surrounding him, but not actually reaching him on the ground, like the liquid rainbow was avoiding him, forming a large whirlpool with him at the center, still on dry ground. The balcony flowed around and settled down in front of him, the creature appearing to be seated at one of the seats at his table.
The creature beckoned him over. Filthy Rich took a step closer, and the rainbow whirlpool moved a foot closer alongside him. Getting a better look at the figure on the table explained everything that was going on, though.
“Discord!” Filthy Rich called out. “What are you doing?!” he yelled, trying to put some force into his voice, despite that he just watched the entire town get flooded and petrified. He stomped up onto the platform.
An unfamiliar but distinctly male voice came from the figure ahead of him. “I’m afraid you have me confused for… someone else.”
Filthy Rich took a moment to actually look at the figure… and while it had many similiarites to Discord… the hunched form, the mismatched limbs, a brown grey head… it was also very different. Instead of a deranged (or smug) smirk, this creature’s head practically looked like a skull, with a large sinister grin. The limbs were wrong, too, with a huge red minotaur like arm instead of the lion’s paw, and some kind of duck foot.
And even then… that everything was… knobbier. The arms were splotchier. The hair was coarser. He was just… a bit less smooth. Filthy Rich shuddered as he noticed more and more details. He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. You can do this. He opened his eyes anew, trying to give direct eye contact to the horizontal pupils and skull-like visage of the creature seated at the table.
The grin on the creature stretched wider. “You may have noticed that I’m from out of town.” He gestured to the seat across from him. “Take a seat, Mister Rich.”
Rich did as he was asked, but followed it up with, “I’m afraid you have me at a disadvantage, Mister…”
“You may call me Mister Tacit.” He picked up a teacup. “Won’t you join me for tea?”
Lifting the teacup, Filthy Rich placed it at his mouth… and no tea poured into his mouth. In fact, the tea didn’t move at all, as it was a solid block stuck in his teacup. Across the table, Tacit bit into the side of his cup, loudly crunching as he chewed both it and the solid tea.
Instead, he picked up his fork and went to cut himself a piece of the spongy tea cake in front of him. As soon as his fork touched the cake, however, it lost all of it’s consistency as the tea cake turned into a smooth liquid, neatly filling up the small plate it was placed on.
So instead instead, Filthy Rich looked up at his… host? “To what do we owe the… pleasure of this visit?”
His mouth still full, Tacit said, “I’ve been looking for a good excuse to visit, but I couldn’t really find one, so I just decided to come anyway.” He gulped loudly. “And what am I to find but a forlorn businesspony sulking in a beautiful resort? Did your date stand you up?”
Filthy Rich pursed his lips. “I was waiting for a business contact.”
“You certainly seemed forlorn for somepony just going out for some business. Are you sure you’re not having any mare problems?” He pointed at Filthy Rich and waggled his finger. “I’m usually so good at guessing that sort of thing.”
Filthy Rich gritted his teeth. “I assure you whether or not I’m having any marital problems, it is none of your business.”
“Nonsense!” Tacit said. “This is a land of ugh, Harmony--” He spat the world as if it were a curse “-- isn’t it? Why would a handsome young stallion like yourself possibly have an argument with his wife? That sort of thing should be fixed posthaste.”
“Well sometimes problems are---” Filthy Rich started to protest, before Tacit reached out a red finger, and poked a hole in… the air beside him. Dragging it down, a blue hole appeared, and he plunged his muscular red arm deep into it, fishing around.
His grin widened once more, and he yanked his arm back out, to reveal Spoiled Rich. He sat her down in the seat next to Filthy Rich. “There we go, the whole happy family!”
Spoiled Rich blinked after she was set down. “What… What is going on?!” she practically screamed.
Looking across from her, only one explanation jumped out: “Discord! You just wait until Princess Twilight hears about your behavior! You’ll be back in stone faster than you can say ‘Elements of Harmony!’”
Tacit raised an eyebrow, somehow his solid-seeming skull face easily contorting. “I must meet this Discord. He seems like the right kind of fellow. But no, I am not he.”
Spoiled Rich turned up her nose. “Well, Discord or not, I definitely don’t have to sit around for this.” She stood up and started marching away from, eyes closed.
Her shoulder was grabbed roughly by a hoof. “No!” Filthy Rich shouted, as he pulled her away from the edge of the rainbow liquid.
She made a very outraged noise. “Filthy! What is the meaning of this.”
Casting a quick glance at Tacit, he pulled his wife down to his head conspiratorially. “Don’t touch the rainbows!” he hissed. “When you do… something happens to you and you are frozen in place. And we’re surrounded by it.”
His wife looked around, finally taking in the scene around her, from the mismatched sky forming bizarre magenta and blue swirls, and the veritable lake of liquid rainbow swirling around the small balcony in the center of it all. “What in the devil is going on?” she hissed back.
“The rainbow fluid doesn’t actually petrify people,” Tacit added, whispering to them from up close. “It simply slows them down quite a bit. All of this has happened in less than a second, to them.”
“Well, that hardly sounds be---AAHHHH.” Spoiled Rich screamed as Tacit’s large skull like face had suddenly appeared as part of their huddle merely inches away from her and Filthy Rich’s. They both reared back, scampering a few feet away from the interloper.
Tacit rose back up, and floated his way back to his seat. “Now. Please take a seat.” For the first time, his face didn’t look like it was smiling with glee. “It’s very rude to not accept the generosity of your guests. These are very hard seats to get reservations for, after all. All that red tape that I had to get through.”
Filthy and Spoiled Rich gave each other worried looks, and they went back down and sat at their respective seats.
The rictus reappeared on Tacit’s face. “Excellent. So” --He rested an elbow on the table-- ”I hear there is trouble in paradise.”
A nasty look was sent Filthy’s way from Spoiled, but Filthy Rich held his composure. “We were having a minor disagreement on how to raise our daughter, isn’t that right dear?”
Spoiled Rich looked at Filthy suspiciously, but looked back to Tacit with her best comforting smile. “That’s right. These kinds of arguments happen from time to time, but I’m sure that he’ll both go back to realizing which of us is correct in time.”
Filthy Rich had to stop himself from screaming ‘You’re really doing this NOW?!’ Instead he put on a smile. “She’s right. The two of us are just havin’ a little bump. Nothing to be worried about.”
“Oh, but I can practically feel the stress between the two of you, and I am just sure I have the solution to all of your problems,” Tacit said, from behind his usual grin. “A romantic secluded getaway!” he announced, splaying his arms high into the air.
There was a scoff from Filthy Rich’s side. “Absolutely not,” Spoiled Rich said. “We just cannot jaunt off randomly. Elections are practically around the corner for the Ponyville council.”
Filthy Rich nodded. “Absolutely. And I have my business to think about. Not to mention,” he said pointedly. “We have our daughter to consider.”
A nod came from Spoiled. “Absolutely. We cannot leave her in such a state as she is now, fragile and uncertain.”
“Oh come now,” Tacit said. “Surely you can see the draw of having some time together, with no distractions to come between the two of you? Just the two of you versus the world! Getting to know each other like the good old days! Wouldn’t it be grand? Surely your daughter could stay with family friends, or some relatives”
Spoiled and Filthy Rich shared a look and a slight nod. “I’m afraid we are going to have to be firm on this, Mister Tacit,” Filthy Rich said, firmly planting his foot on the table for emphasis. “We absolutely must decline.”
Tacit’s crazed grin fell. After he picked it back up off the ground and replaced it on his face, it was a somber frown. “Is there really nothing I can do to change your mind?”
“Absolutely not,” Spoiled Rich said.
Tacit gave a huge melodramatic sigh. “Well… too bad.”
He snapped his fingers and the three of them blinked out of existence.
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I think Discord would like this guy but I get the feeling that Princess Luminace will not be happy that Unspoken pulled this. I don't feel sorry for Spoiled Rich yet, hopefully she grows up a bit on this adventure.
The Riches fighting marriage problems and hobgoblins simultaneously? Sign me up!
8043103
Well, he did talk about "red tape", so maybe he got permission?
Or, more likely, he exploited a loophole.
8045040
The promise of marital strife is what bumped this idea from a silly notion about a businessman being dragged to another world to one I was interested in.
8045581 Since a heal spell removes all mental disorders, would a pair of them improve the Riches attitudes towards each other? What about an atonement spell?
"You never take middle watch dear, even though I need 8 hours uninterrupted sleep to regain spells."
"Well you never take 20 when checking a door for traps!"
8045917
No easy solutions for these two.
I don't see "marital relationship neglect" on the list of conditions that Heal removes.
Either way, those are way funnier than they should be.
Funfact: Filthy Rich is Lawful Neutral, Spoiled is just Neutral.
8045994 Interesting. I love alignments. I agree on Filthy. Despite some people wanting him to be a hero, he's never really come off as focused on anything but earning more money. I would have pegged Spoiled for Neutral Evil. But then again I guess that depends on where the line between neutral and evil really is. If you're an unrepentant narcissist but you don't actually break any laws, can you be evil, or do you remain neutral? If Spoiled was on her way to a spa appointment and found a dying child that she could revive with CPR, but it would make her late for her spa appointment, and either way no one would ever know, would Spoiled let the child die? (I can't make up my mind on the answer to this question for her).
8045999
Well, we also know very little about them. They've been in only a few contexts, that it could go many different ways... I think Filthy as explicitly good is a stretch, but only a stretch not a breaking of his previously established character.
In this story Filthy is a fundamentally decent person. He likes being liked and prospering. He even wants to do the "right thing" most of the time. He would feel bad if he were to accidentally make the world a worse place with his actions. But he lacks the sort of drive to really go out and make the world a much better place. He leans to good, I suppose, but lacks commitment and conviction.
The answer to whether Spoiled would save a child or not is really down to interpretation, and giving my interpretation (as used for this story) here would probably spoil things.
8046124 Ok, fair enough. I love your description of Filthy Rich's morality. I always figured most characters (80%+) were neutral, and most of them think of themselves as "good." Having a general positive hope that things will go well for everyone, but absolutely no desire to put in significant effort to make it happen, sounds like a solid summary of neutral.
Can't wait to see the tear-jerking story that is Spoiled's Choice then!
YO.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/7/23/53557__safe_solo_twilight+sparkle_animated_reaction+image_big+eyes_the+stars+will+aid+in+her+escape_relevant+to+my+interests.gif
Hold the phone. Now give the phone to me.
Did somebody actually write a story about the Riches and Spoiled ISN'T a henpecking she-demon who eats live puppies for breakfast with a side of children's tears? A story that still keeps her in character? A story where they're two ponies with a struggling marriage but said marriage isn't a Tennesee Willaimseqsue carnival of misery? All the while, Filthy is still a decent dude who actually loves his wife?
AND on top of all that, Filthy and Spoiled Rich get to go on an adventure to potentially save their marriage, like are you kidding me over here? It's not my birthday for another six weeks but apparently my present came early. Grand Rich adventure/marriage therapy, hell. to. the. yes.
8045999
Now, what I find interesting in that scenario is that Spoiled took classes to learn CPR in the first place because that's something that you need to know how to do, or risk doing someone serious harm. The fact that she took the trouble to actively learn CPR feels like it'd be a boost to the general alignment... but on the other hand, it IS a bit of a nasty process that could potentially ruin her outfit/hair/coat/whatever. I feel that if she DID pass by the dying foal, it would be more for that reason and less for being late. (Ponies build their schedules around her, not the other way around after all)
On the OTHER hand, if she were going to the spa anyway, they'd probably fix her up anyway (and it's not like she can't just do a walk-in, I mean do they even know who she is?). Still, it's a lot of effort.
If anything, what I see happening is one of two equally possible results:
A) A debate (ranging from two seconds to two minutes) involving a menagerie of
excusesperfectly good reasons andliesjustifications for why she could totally still keep walking and not feel bad, resulting in a hesitant abandonment of the kid.And then quietly feels horrible after the fact. Maybe sends some flowers to the family on the down-low.
or
B) She feels bad after walking five steps, then turns around and grouchily gives CPR, then yells the kid's parents' ears off as soon as they show up because "your son coughed up on my dress do you know how much that COST."
So... I'd call it a maybe,
8046637
I expected normal fans of Rich Family stories to more or less steer clear, because I'm taking them out of their natural environment of Equestria (and interacting with their daughter) and putting them in a completely different one.
So, I'm glad to see someone enthusiastic about the Rich family characterization, here.
Fanfiction is already pretty far down on the long tail of Internet storytelling, and this story is closer to the tip than most.
I also laugh whenever I read "Tennessee Williamsesque carnival of misery."
8046637 Glad to see you here, Patch. Yeah, as I was writing that hypothetical (which is my go-to for defining in RPGs if a character is neutral or evil), I realized that Spoiled probably doesn't know CPR. Let's say she wanted to exploit her position as head of the school board to be a chaperone for a class field trip to Canterlot or Manehatten where she could boss everyone around for days at a time, but chaperones need CPR.
I like your answer, I'd probably call that "neutral with evil characteristics," which is how you fudge things.
Please? No? Oh well, tried to give you a say...
I like your Unspoken.
This story moves along at a slow pace, not that that's a bad thing, but it takes a while for the tale to pick up. How Rich is dealing with his family life and throwing himself into his work makes him relatable, and the encounter with Discord was a pleasant surprise.
Onto the next chapter!
And so it begins. Right now, my biggest question is who this Tacit is and where he comes from. I feel like the name is a clue, but I'm quite tired at the moment, I'm afraid.