A Rich Equestrian Family
A light tan pony looked up at the building ahead of him. Barnyard Bargins, it proudly proclaimed. This town of Ponyville may have many fantastic stores. Sugarcube Corner, with it’s constant custom pastries, both delicious and good looking. Carousel Boutique, a dress shop whose owner was turning heads even in places like Canterlot and Manehattan.
Each of those places was special in their own way…
But Barnyard Bargins was special. It wasn’t just a store in Ponyville. It had been there right at the beginning. It had been his father’s. It had been his father’s father’s. It had been his father’s father’s father’s, even! It was a cornerstone of Ponyville, even though there were now stores in many cities around Equestria.
And it was his. Filthy Rich puffed out his chest in pride. Years of successful business sense and work built his store out to be one of the biggest chains in Equestria. It had history, it had prosperity. It was wonderful.
The sign labeled “open” flipped to “closed”, and a reddish pony stepped out, locking up. “Oh!” The pony coming out of the door reared back in shock. “M-M-Mister Rich? What are you doing here?”
Filthy looked down beneficently at his employee. “Just comin around to take a look after a long day.”
The employee breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh. That’s good.”
Filthy smiled. “You don’t have to worry, Russet. You’ve been doing good work and Bargains has been booming. There’s no reason to fear.”
Russet laughed bashfully. “I’m sorry, Mister Rich. The boss showing up unexpectedly is usually a bad sign.”
Filthy laughed right back. “I understand that. Head on home, Russet. Thanks for the good work.”
Hopping up and clopping his hooves together, Russet started trotting off, before turning back. “Have a good evening sir!”
Filthy Rich waved, but his smile turned wan as Russet walked away. ‘I hope I can have a good evening.’ He shook his head, disappointed in his own pessimism. ‘Get it together, Rich, he thought. This is your family you’re talking about. They may be going through a rough patch, but the worst is already over, I bet.’
He trotted on home.
By the time he got home, the sun was deep in the horizon. It cast a golden hue across his large estate, another sign of his family’s prestige and prosperity. He trotted in like he owned the place.
Because, you know...
On the inside he saw the familiar form of the light blue butler he had assigned to his daughter with a cart laden with confections.
“Ah, good evening, Randolph,” Fithy Rich said, loosening his tie.
Randolph closed his eyes in a nodded bow to greet Mister Rich.
“How are things going at the house?”
Randolph pursed, then bit his lower lip apprehensively.
“Not good, huh?”
Randolph sadly shook his head.
Filthy Rich sighed. “Is this cart for my daughter?”
A nod came as a reply.
Filthy Rich gestured to the cart. “Mind if I take it from here?”
This time a shake was the reply.
Filthy Rich stepped behind the cart. “Get some sleep, Randolph.”
Randolph bowed and hobbled out back to his quarters, and Filthy Rich pushed the cart to his daughter’s room, and knocked gently on the door. “Diamond Tiara? Are you awake?”
“Daddy?” a muffled voice came from inside the room.
Pushing the door open, Filthy Rich wheeled the cart into Diamond Tiara’s room, which was filled with fancy furniture, a huge bed stacked with pillows and a large dollhouse stacked with dolls in the corner of the room. All in pristine condition courtesy of the Riches’ staff.
And sitting right in the middle of those pillows was Diamond Tiara, sulking.
“Hi, Daddy,” she said, muffled by the pillows.
“Good evening, sweetie,” Filthy Rich replied. “Randolph passed me some treats to bring here.”
“Really?!” Diamond Tiara sat up quickly. Looking at her father’s raised eye, she blushed and sat herself back down. “I mean… that sounds… good. I might have… one.”
Filthy Rich gave Diamond Tiara a knowing look. “I certainly didn’t bring them here not to eat.”
Diamond Tiara squeaked in excitement. “Thank you, Daddy!” She hopped off her bed and fetched the nearest cupcake she could find, starting to eat it up.
Filthy Rich also grabbed a cupcake and took a bite. “So, sweetheart,” he said. “How have you been?”
Diamond Tiara stopped mid bite, choking it down. “Everything is fine…” she managed.
“Are you sure?” Rich pressed. “Because I know that late night snacks from Randolph aren’t what happens when you’ve had a good day.”
She looked around hesitantly. “I didn’t win anything at the art show,” she mumbled quietly.
“Oh, sweetie,” Rich said. “But you worked so hard on your painting.”
“I’m sorry, daddy.” Diamond Tiara looked away.
“Now now,” Filthy Rich said, patting his daughter on her shoulder. “I know it’s a shame you didn’t win, but I thought it looked lovely anyway.”
“You’re… not mad?”
Filthy Rich smiled a broad smile. “Now why would I be? My daughter tried her best, and still produced something lovely.”
Diamond Tiara wiggled on her bed and looked away.
“Tell you what, how about I take you to the toy store tomorrow, and we pick out something to cheer you up.”
Diamond Tiara looked over to her opulent dollhouse… that had not been played with in weeks. She wiggled and looked away. Finally, Diamond Tiara spoke up. “It’s not just that… Mother didn’t see it that way,” she grumbled.
Filthy Rich pursed his lips and inwardly sighed. I don’t know what set this off but this has been getting worse. Hardly a week goes by without an argument.
“Now, Diamond Tiara,” he started. “You know your mother loves you and just wants what’s best for you, right?”
“She doesn’t know what’s best for me,” Diamond Tiara spat out. “She wanted to hire a professional painter to do the work for me!”
Filthy Rich pursed his lips. “I see.” He got up and started walking to the door. “Well, I’ll talk to her.”
A quiet voice came from behind him as he left. “Thank you, Daddy.”
He turned around and gave his daughter a quick smile before gently closing the door.
It was late enough that Filthy Rich’s wife, Spoiled Rich, would be preparing for bed, so Filthy Rich, after picking up a light dinner, also decided to turn in for the night.
He didn’t bother to knock, it was his room after all. It too was spotlessly clean, pristine and dusted by their cleaning staff, and in addition to that it was huge. The walls had beautiful paintings, the floor expensive rugs, and the bed was opulent as ever, and there was an extensive pair of walk-in-closets and a grand bath attached, but beyond that the room was bare of actual usable objects, and was a lot of very fancy space. His wife and walked in on the sight of his wife in a white robe, just exiting the bath, her face purple with her favorite lavender masque.
“Good evening, Spoiled,” he said, trotting up to her for a kiss.
Spoiled acquiesced with a quick peck on the lips. “Good evening, Rich.”
Removing his tie and collar, Filthy cast them into the clothes bin. “How was your day?”
She groaned. “Exhausting. The Zoning Board meeting was just awful, today. That Bon Bon is really starting to get on my nerves. A small-time candy shop owner does not have the authority to make the decisions she is demanding. Acting like she knows better than the Board about our planned expansions near to the Everfree forest. She’s standing in the way of our city’s growth!” She humphed. “Opening the board to the public to discuss the zoning changes is just a formality, Bon Bon should know that.”
Filthy Rich busied himself rinsing the pomade out of his hair while his wife complained about her day. Raising his head up, he spoke. “That does sound frustrating, dear. But I was wondering about Diamond Tiara.”
Groaning even louder, Spoiled Rich exaggeratedly rolled her eyes. “Don’t even get me started,” she said, as she got started. “The art show was finally today, and, like I expected, her mediocre painting didn’t win any prizes.”
Filthy Rich raised an eyebrow. “Forgive me… but I am not sure why it matters. It’s just an art show.”
Spoiled Rich groaned yet again. “How could it not? Your daughter has been losing the respect, losing the submissiveness of her classmates. If she really is a ‘leader’”—she produced airquotes with her hooves—“as she now claims her cutie mark indicates, she will need to wield authority among her classmates. Which she cannot do unless she proves she can do things they can not. Winning this competition would be an important step for her to showing her superiority over the normal ponies of this town.” Placing her hoof to her chest. “I offered to fetch her a skilled artist to help improve her work and push it over the top.”
That wasn’t quite what Diamond Tiara said… “And what would this… improvement involve, dear?”
“A comprehensive rundown of her work, of course, from the ground up.” She turned up her nose. “My carefully selected artist would help her choose a successful subject, composition, and make sure her technique was correct with careful guidance.”
“Honey, it sounds like the artist would be doing more work for it than Diamond Tiara would. That it’s everything but the artist actually painting the painting herself.”
Spoiled raised an eyebrow. “The artist would probably do the lion’s share of the brushstrokes.”
Filthy Rich groaned and put his hoof to his forehead. “Dear, that’s cheating.”
“Diamond Tiara would retain full creative control over the commission,” Spoiled Rich said and turned her nose up even further. “In fact, I would say my plan is a better showcase of her leadership talent as applied to an artistic medium than actually painting it herself.”
He pointed at his wife in an open, hoof gesture. “And that doesn’t make it not cheating.”
“Hmph. I should have known you”—she jabbed at Rich’s chest—"wouldn’t understand. Firstoff, it is only cheating if the ruling council can prove it. Secondoff, this is too important to her future to be worried about the rules!”
Filthy Rich held his hooves out in incredulity. “It’s just an art show!”
Placing her hooves in her lap, Spoiled glared at her husband. “It is a symbol of her success in her class. Unless your daughter can shape up, Filthy—”
Filthy Rich winced.
“Then this downward slope she is on will be unstoppable. She will fall to the depths of disrepute and could quite possibly stay there for the rest of her life.”
Filthy Rich paused and pursed his lips. “She’s your daughter too.”
Turning away from him his wife said, “No daughter of mine would be so senseless as to throw this opportunity away.” She turned off the lantern on her bed stand, and the room went dark. The conversation was over.
He could feel her lay down, and after his eyes adjusted it was clear she was facing away from him. Laying down as well, Rich looked over to his wife. Less than a foot away, but she might as well have been across the room.
Years ago it wasn’t like this. She was just getting into local politics, he was building his first stores out of town. The two of them were a team. They made plans. They relied on each other. They worked out conflicts with their plans. They built their influence, on the firm foundation of the Rich family reputation in Ponyville, to both be important pillars of the community in politics and business. And when Diamond Tiara came along, well, even though they were busy they both made time for her, trying to guide her the best way.
But now… his wife was a mystery to him. He didn’t know how she had been raising Diamond when he wasn’t around. And, to be frank, she was around Diamond much more than he was, even with local politics keeping her busy, because she never really had to travel to do it. Why is it so important to her that Diamond succeed at this?
And whatever it was was hurting both his Daughter and his relationship with his wife.
Filthy Rich sighed. He couldn’t make any progress like this, though. Not when Spoiled was sulking like this. He’d have to wait on it, address it later. Of course, he was going to be busy at work all the next day, and he’ll have to make time.
His family would get through it. The Riches always had before.
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An everglow crossover fic?
Okay you have my attention. lets see where you with this
Let's see how ol'Spoild takes to Everglow. Hopefully she matures or many Filthy can bring over a new mom for poor Diamond Tiara.
I love the emoting you have. I need to work on that... Good start!
I love this premise. I'm eager to see where it goes.
The exposition is telly, which is a shame because its premise is interesting.
The scene with the employee is forced. Why not begin the story already in the conversation, where the exposition, fears, and characters can be revealed/shown, while keeping a forward motion?
The second scene needs to do a better job of painting a scene. You show enough to invent a blurry image, but then just get on with it. Taking a moment to immerse the reader in the location would benefit the scene, or you could just skip to the meat of the scene—the interaction between Rich and Tiara.
I adore this interaction. While it feels a little rushed—something remedy by re-write—it establishes the relationship and the current issues within the family. That, and father and daughter moments tend to warm the heart.
The third scene is also well done. It makes sense that the mother of this type of family would behave that way, and her reasons are at the very least believable.
Overall, the premise of the story is interesting enough to get through the telly prose. A nitpick is that, sometimes, you go through the effort to describe things, but you don't go all the way. You just say enough for the reader to get the idea—fancy paintings and such—but you never take it far enough to establish an atmosphere.
All this, however, can all be remedy through a re-write.
Onto the next chapter!
~B_25
I wonder how intentional this word choice was. It almost gives me the impression that she's doing it more out of obligation than because she wants to. Am I reading too deeply? Possibly.
8867656
No, you have the right of it. The term is chosen to seem like she's unenthusiastic.
Okay, real talk? I kind of like this guy! Just by his actions here, he seems like the kind of father that everybody should have.
And spoiled sounding like a mother that nobody should have.
I know that your mother is supposed to teach you to question, but jeeeeeez!
Does this take place soon after "Crusaders of the lost Mark"?
It seems like Diamonds relationship with her mother is suffering the after effects of Diamond becoming her own pony.
Anyhow, I thought this was a real good start and looking forward to reading more.