The End is Always a Beginning in the End

by Tom of Bedlam

Grief and Fear

Darkness crept over Ponyville on the night of Applejacks funeral; Tough and trusty she had been the last mortal to go of the Mane 6 but a sudden heart attack mid harvest will get anyone, the stubborn foal never could pace herself during apple-buck season. The founders of the knights of harmony, or the CMC as they still called themselves had long since thanked everyone for coming out; The hangers on had drifted out of the orchard, Inky and Blinky had helped uncle Pound pack up, all that remained was a fifth stone on the family grave plot.

The shadows lengthened over the crystalline peaks at the castle of harmony. It's usually busy halls were silent as the grave, disturbed only by the mournful hum of wind rubbing the spires like a hoof on a wineglass.

Twilight sat slumped in her throne staring at the flat glass top, it was a strange feeling; she should've missed them but their cutie marks shone out from their chairs with a soft light and they felt as present as they had ever been. In a way they had never left, their elements had started to find new bearers but their mark on the world would never fade.

Also in her heart was the dread that as an immortal this would one day be all she had; an empty table. New friends would come, stay for a moment, grow old and die each leaving their own little wound on her heart. Even Spike in the fullness of time would leave her, how long could she go on before the pain of separation became too great for her to bear. Her responsibility's had always driven her and they were greater than ever, but now she couldn't see the point, helping them today only to bury them tomorrow.

She pointedly ignored the thump on the balcony door and the magical fumble before the Prench doors swung open with a blast of wind and the smell of cheap moonshine. There was an inebriated dance on the Crystal and Celestia hissed out a sorry before securing the door behind her, she stumbled over to the table.

"Do you mind if I sit in Pinkies chair? I'm Sure she wouldn't mind..." Celestia trotted to the throne of laughter and sat opposite from Twilight who stewed in stoic silence "...well that's that then, if I had the power I'd made them all Alicorns, it's certainly going to be duller without them."

Twilight sat dead eyed still staring into space, Celestia took a slug from her hip flask and sighed "Please Twilight, being sad I could understand and being angry I could take, but don't shut yourself off from the world. You saw how that worked out with Luna, I'd rather you lose your temper than give up on the world and bottle up your feelings."

Twilight looked up at her mentor, she wasn't used to seeing her without her regalia, the sun Princess had drowned out her regal mask with cheap booze and wore the bitter scowl of regret and self loathing. "I didn't know you cared about them enough to go so far off the wagon" Twilight murmured.

"If I'm honest.." Celestia took a Swig "...I don't, not that much, it's sad but they were your life partners not mine."

Twilight closed her eyes in pained disappointment "So you took a little Dutch courage in case you needed to banish your crazy ex-student" Celestia never changed.

"I got ratted so I couldn't banish you anywhere, even if I wanted to..." The solar monarch slurred.

Twilight flicked her eyes opened in surprise, Celestia was playing with her hooves like a naughty filly "...Faust I'm tired of screwing over my love ones for the good of the country, it's bad enough I led you to this sorry impasse without punishing you for being rightly upset as well. Just send me to the moon, I won't stop you, I've done enough damage to deserve your hatred."

Twilight looked away "I'm a hurt that you would inflict this on me without even a warning and angry that you didn't even give me a choice. But what's the point in hating you, in a few centuries you, Luna and Cadence might be my only company. If you're feeling honest I would like to know what compels you to use and hurt the ones closest to you."

Celestia gave a snort "Equestria..." She waved her hooves half-heartedly "...maintaining peace and harmony requires I do some pretty evil things, I don't have the luxury of personal feelings or being 'nice'..." She Swigged again "...I manipulated your destiny to free my sister and Cadence's to save the Crystal Empire. But more importantly I could feel myself slowly getting more bitter and cynical, so I figured it would be prudent to have a couple of Alicorns on hand in case I became the cold tyrant Equestria wants to make me."

Twilight huffed at her hair "I was expecting an apology at least."

Celestia leered incredulously "Oh? 'Dear my most faithful student, soz that I made you the avatar of friendship in the full knowledge that you'd lose all your friends eventually, I know I'm basically giving you wings to slowly rip them off later but here's a bunch of flowers, were cool now right?'. No Twilight I'm not going to apologize to you, sorry just doesn't cut it and this isn't going to go away, it's going to be a long time before I can make this up to you, if that's possible."

A quiet moment passed as Twilight lay her head on the freezing quartz table top, when she spoke again she seemed dreamy and distant. "I thought I would miss them more, but I feel like they're all still here..." She gestured around the empty seats "...I suppose in time that will fade."

Celestia took another drink and shrugged "Why should it, they and you are part of Harmony, that will be around long after we both and even Discord have gone to dust."

They sat in silence again, Twilight croaked "I worry that with each new loss a little of me will die with it, eventually I'll become a hollow shell" Celestia fixed her with a appraising look and knocked back another shot "Then you'll become me; I only really had four friends, my sister who I banished, Starswirl who stopped talking to me and died..." she took another strangled gulp "...Discord who betrayed me and you who I betrayed, how I got the elements to work at all is a mystery."

Twilight twisted her head to look at Celestia who was slouched misty eyed in the throne of Laughter, her face was pained and lonely. If she had been unsure about how she felt about Celestia now the mask had been shattered it was clear now. Nothing is worse than finding out your parents were as fallible as you. "Were still friends Celestia, I just am very angry with you and need some space."

The solar Princess closed her eyes to hide her tears "If it means anything, I'll sleep better tonight for hearing that, thank you."

Twilight slumped back down "Will we ever die? is there an afterlife?"

There was a bracing humph from the elder Alicorn "Don't bucking know and don't bucking care, I've got enough to worry about right now in Equestria without setting time limits and adding avoid damnation to my to do list...." The Solar monarch turned the flask upside down over her mouth "...bah empty...If I burn for my crimes so be it, as long as I can walk the streets and see my little ponies happy it's worth it"

Celestia began to rise, stumbled back into the throne, then stood again. "Well I'm out of booze so I'm gonna climb into bed, the people will be wanting to see their perfect Princess bright and early for sunrise not the washed up actor that plays her..." She staggered towards the door "...when you feel like you can stomach talking to me again or if you want to throw some rocks at me after all you'll know where to find me, chained to the damn throne like a slave."

Twilight sat up and rose from her throne as well "Celestia..." the white Alicorn paused half way out of the door "...maybe it's time you took a vacation?" There was a flicker of a genuine smile and her former teacher was gone.