• Member Since 8th May, 2015
  • offline last seen Apr 9th, 2020

Oldtakufanboy


Original username Zoddtheimmortalone. I'm a fan of anime, but I enjoy the classics more. As for My Little Pony, I may not watch it as much, but I do like the show and I also love EG

Comments ( 26 )

Not a bad start.Looking foreword to the real action.

I don't know how you do it I don't know if it's just some kind of neat Talent you have been setting FanFiction on fire. I've been seeing people on YouTube reading your story people talking about it on Tumblr at one time I saw stories on the front page of fanfiction keep up the great work.

8036416
Tumblr mentions me? I never knew that and thank you. I do my best and I get quite some surprises along the way.

Not a bad start, looks nice. And i saw what you did there with the jerking part, :raritywink: anime fans are gonna have a laugh for sure, lol.

four times Sunrise is called Midnight
was that intentional or just a mistake

otherwise, nice start love to see more

Lmao. This is some golden shit right here.

8037224
Thanks for noticing. Editing in Sunrise instead. Originally was gonna name him Midnight, but I got advice from someone saying that Sunrise makes a lot sense than Midnight

Great story so far, looking forward to more!

One note though, generally thoughts are placed in italics instead of "quotation marks" to visually distinguish them from normal speech.

Also, there is still at least one "Midnight" lurking in there.

(Feel free to pm for proofreading of future chapters if you wish!)

8038549

Thanks for the italics thing, but I did that once and someone complained about it.

before I read this, I have to ask if it goes from rape to consent a some point. Sorry, I just have a thing about clop fics I like that start with rape but turn into willing and consensual. Till I hear from ya I'l put it in my read later list ^_^

8039437
There will be a semi-rape scene in chapter two, but things will go better

8038985 Well, not sure who that was, but they were—if I may be frank—wrong. Without italics it is very difficult to tell whether he is thinking something or actually saying it out loud.

8039474
Thank you. I'll make sure to do that when I'm writing my next clopfic

Well then, this is intresting. Please let there be nipple suckling in this story.

Like this if you unf for forbidden passion.:flutterrage:

Not really to my liking. Not enough to give a downvote, but not really anything I liked. You had some great build-up to the idea, and it's kind of fun seeing indications that it will be more of a regular thing. The sex itself, however, was kind of disappointing, having almost no description and not lasting very long. Also, while I get you were attempting to emphasize the familial relation between the two, the constant use of "brother," "sister," and derivatives thereof were often awkward and out of place. More so when it's being used nearly every line. In an actual conversation, a person would not use the name of someone they were talking to every sentence, especially if they were the only two.

It's not really "bad," but it could certainly be better.

8048541

At least you're being honest and I'll accept it

Her mood did a pretty damn quick 180. From begging to stop, to tongue kissing within a paragraph.
Meh, clop logic. Have a Like.

It was okay but too many instances of Brother and Sister. Most people don't address their siblings via brother or sister.

I am a terrible person, have a like and favorite

Did you really have to reference the end of evangelion?

Alabama 100

(I'm from Alabama and I have successfully offended myself.)

There needs to be a sequel to this but he gets her pregnant accidentally.
https://derpibooru.org/images/1601893

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