• Member Since 3rd May, 2012
  • offline last seen May 10th, 2017

Nexas


Just another writer on the internet, trying to make good times happen.

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Source

It's nearing the summer sun celebration, one year after Twilight arrived, and things are not going according to plan.
Preperation is behind schedule, supplies are still needed,
And to top it off, Twilight has accidently turned her friend's pets into ponies!
Without an easy antidote and time growing short, the mane six decide to let the pets help them in the celebration.
And they'll need all the help they can get.

Chapters (20)
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Comments ( 1195 )

interesting concept. i like it. tracked...

and FIRST!!!!:pinkiehappy:

You have my attention. Please continue.

Good idea, the grammar just needs to be better.

You had me by the intro. I was rolling my eyes at the cliché-ness of it until you put in that rather clever twist once we get to the action. That was very clever of you, taking the expectation of an amateur way to start a story and making it rather stylish.

But unfortunately, you lost me with everything else.

Simply put, there is too little purple prose here. With not many specifics to paint me a pretty picture of the story, I can't really sink my teeth into the scenes. I can understand what's going on, and therein lies the problem: the whole thing is similar to a skeleton missing the skin, in that it has form, there is understandable movement, but no covering to make it attractive.

A particular grievance to the description of Owlowiscious. A tip for you: try to describe things from a second person perspective, unless a third person perspective makes more sense or is more dramatic. A reader likes to feel like he's part of the story, seeing the world through the character's eyes, or through a particularly attractive filter. You just describing things like it was an exposition is... boring.

Kudos to the Twilight vs Simplicity joke. I found that rather clever, though I would have preferred it if somewhere along the way there was more of "Ha ha... yeah, that's the ticket!" to really hammer in the point that Twilight, for all her intelligence, can get REALLY fucking stupid some times.

Might I suggest this tactic? Show, not tell. Do not say it was a moonlit night; describe the pale glow of the room as the moon bathes it in its glory.

Huh......sure, why not, I'm down for some crazy today, and where's PeeWee? Why does everyone keep forgetting him? Was he hit by the blast as well? For half a second I was expecting Spikie to be turned into a pony and that would have made me leave, as it is....don't turn a dragon into a pony and keep the aimals true to who they are.

For example: Angel is a rude, selfish bastard that for some reason may love or hate his owner, Fluttershy....keep him as such.

This is going to be good:eeyup:

No peewee? :( I would love for him to be a pony. I mean a fire pony it just spells coolness. Still a nice story.

Hmm... I think it would have been funnier if Owlowiscious's first words were 'Hoo'

Anyway how will she turn all the other pets into ponies?

1217856
But of course.:raritywink:

Yes. All of my yes.

Please don't forget Tank.

CDR

Owlicious - Owl - Pegasus
Pee Wee - Pheonix - Pegasus
Opalecence - Cat - Earth Pony
Gummy - Alligator - Earth Pony
Winona - Dog - Earth Pony
Angel - Bunny - Earth Pony
Tank - Tortise - Earth Pony

this cannot possibly go FURBAR.

...

(do it anyway):trollestia:

Fav before even reading. You are a genius! A very original and interesting idea!:twilightsmile::pinkiehappy::yay:

i want to see Gummy the sage and angel bunny :twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile:

Just a little advice: try making your chapters a little bit longer.

Other than that, I like it! Nice interesting premise, good action. Good Job!

THEN APPLEJACK CHOKES ON THE MUD!

She subsequently dies and Twilight realizes it's her fault, Winona also knows this.

Shit happens.

1250144 It would be the epitome of awesome if Gummy was a genius.

Query: Is this gonna turn ALL the animals into ponies, or just the pets?

'Cause that'd be some weird precision for a random accident. :trixieshiftright:

PeeWee! Seriously, everyone seems to forget must because..... Well, because the writers did, too

i'm definitely looking at this later. Intriguing.
watched:coolphoto:

"Unknown to the two, the storm outside was also getting worse, lightning bolts striking closer and closer to the tree house.
Owlowiscious stepped
"Okay." Twilight grunted. "Just one blast and the entire storm is gone.""
The grammar needs a bit of adjusting, but great story. :D

I demand Gummy-pony next chapter!

So far, so awesome.:pinkiehappy:

Okay, this is a bit random, but does anyone else think that pony-Opal and Blueblood deserve each other? ya know, one pain in the flank (metaphorical) deserving another pain in the flank (literal)?:trollestia:

Y THERE NO TANK!?!?

1250508
THERE WILL BE
EDIT: SORRY ABOUT THOSE GRAMMAR PROBLEMS, ALWAYS MISS A FEW.

i loved that u added peewee i hope that u add peewee into the picture but why an alicorn but nevertheless i LOVED THE STORY i cant wait for more so glad u got it into the feature box u deserve it :ajsmug::yay::pinkiehappy::rainbowkiss::raritystarry::twilightsmile:

CDR

PeeWee is a damn alicorn. You magnificent bastard you.

1250277 ... Meh, easy. Elements of Harmony being connected, blah blah blah. You know, the usual crap. XD

(Also, Alicorn Peewee? WIN!)

good story, have a moustache :moustache:

what the, (statters). the what, turtle, monkey, duh!

THAT IMAGE! it really throws me off guard! turning into, De-

:derpyderp1:DERP!:derpyderp2:

Great story to be poasted on my birthday, yes September 9th is my birthday! I wish :pinkiehappy: would break the fourth wall and throw me a party, inviting :ajsmug: :applecry: :derpyderp1: :derpyderp2: :derpytongue2: :flutterrage: :rainbowlaugh: :rainbowdetermined2: :scootangel: :trixieshiftright: :twilightsheepish: :unsuresweetie: :trollestia: :moustache: :facehoof: :eeyup: :duck: :trixieshiftleft: :rainbowdetermined2:
dtlux1
PS: Rainbow = best pony!
Twilight = 2nd best pony!
Applejack = 3rd best pony!
Happy birthday to whoever may have the same Birthbay as me and good night!

This is going to be good:rainbowkiss:

This is certainly going to get weird for the rest of the town.
Nicely done.:moustache:

1250692
Thanks, I just figured that the pheonix is the alicorn of the animal world.

curious... wheres tank?

Of course someone will have to find Applejack lovingly curled up around a unknown mare. Possibly scarring applebloom. :applecry:

Me: PeeWee! You were not only remembered but also alicornified! You've gone far, kid. By the by, great chapter! You have impeded my scheduled sleep for school. I say damn you, and thank you as well.

Damn, if I could draw, I would draw an Alicorn foal PeeWee.

1250211 I love that idea, and PEEWEE!!!!!! Thank you so much for adding him, made my entire night, this is going to be so awesome damn...that sucks for AJ.1250861 Happy birthday.

Hmm, the way Twilight acts after seeing Owilicious (jeez, it's worse than spelling Hanukah) seems a little OOC. Why would she automatically jump to assuming he's dangerous? Or hiding in the book fort? The latter one just seems silly and not in the good way.

Other than that I'm liking what I'm seeing so far.

1218735 How would "hoo" be any different from "who?" Honestly, "who" does make a lot more sense now that he's a pony and in my opinion is in much better taste, but either way, all the characters in the story hear is "hoo."

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