Ya Can't Be Bad at Fashion if There Ain't no Fashion.
Applejack sat at the breakfast table, eating some freshly made pancakes. Apple Bloom, who sat across from her, was also enjoying such a breakfast, but doing so much more loudly. The older sister was about to put a pancake in her mouth when she noticed the younger one's uncouth mannerisms.
"Ya know, if Rares saw ya like that, she'll tell ya something," Applejack chuckled.
"Heck yeah she would!" Apple Bloom answered with a full mouth. "But she ain't here, so why worry!"
"Yeah, guess so."
"How did that fashion show thing with Rarity go?" Apple Bloom asked.
"Oh, it went well, for the most part. Still don't understand a lickin' of fashion though," Applejack shrugged.
"Fashion can be pretty interestin'! Sweetie Belle keeps showing me some stuff and boy, it can be mighty fascinating. Bows, ribbons, dresses, boots, and all sorts of hats!"
Applejack downed a pancake before continuing. "Yeah, but it's still mighty impractical. Ya should have seen some of the designs. By Celestia, they were awful!"
"I still think we should try our hoof in it. I mean, ya know some Manehatten fashion and ya can be a stunnin' model. Ever since you had your time as Apple Jewel, I always wondered if ya could make it as a super model!" Apple Bloom beamed in excitement.
"Probably not. I may admit that I got some skill, but nothing near to compete. I'm pretty content being a farmpony with my family. That fashion life can be too much of a hassle."
Apple Bloom did not seem convinced. She peered at Applejack with curious eyes, rubbing her chin with a food-ridden hoof. The older sister was starting to get nervous as she wondered what the younger was thinking. Suddenly, with a gasp of awe, Apple Bloom slammed her hooves on the table and gleamed with enthusiasm.
"That's it! We can start our own fashion line!"
"Say what..."
"I say we're fashionable. I mean, we follow the hottest trends in Equestria!"
"We do? What the hay will that be?"
"We wear nothing! Look Applejack, most ponies don't wear a cotton-pickin' thing! That means that nudity is mighty popular. We can hop on that trend and become fashion stars!"
Applejack's jaw opened. "Ya right, Apple Bloom. Never thought about it like that. Selling no clothes for a fashion line is brilliant!"
"Now why didn't we think 'bout this sooner?"
The two Apple sisters set up coat hangers, clothe racks, and nude mannequins in the barn. The loose hay on the floor was swept and replaced by old rugs. A cash register was mounted on a crooked red table. And banners that said "Apple Family's Nothing-At-All Apparel Shop" were hung on the outside doors. It all had the makings of a proper fashion boutique, only it lacked any sort of apparel whatsoever. Now all it needed was a slogan.
"How 'bout we use some sort of catchphrase like 'No shoes, no shirt, no problem?'" Apple Bloom suggested to her sister.
"Naw, that may already be taken. Here, how about 'Be the fashion!'" Applejack said while waving a hoof dramatically though the air.
"Wow! That's amazing!"
"Hehe, yeah, being with Rarity so much, I get the gist of how she does things. Rarity may be all haughty, but she knows what she's doing."
They both went out of the barn-turned-boutique and rested on a bench right outside. No customers had arrived, so it was quiet and a bit lonely. Apple Bloom seemed flustered at the lack of business. Applejack, however, leaned back and smiled.
"There ain't any customers yet, but they'll come. Ponies are the best consumers in the world. All we need to do is get our name out there," Applejack told her calmly.
"But how?"
"I got an idea..."
"Ya want me to go spread these posters around town?"
"Ya the fastest flyer in Ponyville and I need them up pronto."
Rainbow Dash blinked in confusion at the posters in her friend's hoof. It was easy to tell the gears in her head were still churning in the attempt to make sense of it all. She flicked her tail once and then snatched the posters.
"Are you selling....nudity?" she asked with a raised brow.
"Why, RD, that makes it sound so...uncivilized. I'm selling the fashion of the body. It's the hottest trend these days," Applejack could not help but chuckle at the end.
Rainbow Dash chuckled as well. "Heh, wow! This is so brilliant! And ya do realize selling my body's fashion will be too expensive to put in stores, right?" she rubbed a hoof on her chest. "I'm invaluable!"
"Yeah yeah, how 'bout gettin' them posters up?"
"Already done," Rainbow said after she flashed away in a rainbow-colored blur.
"That's my gal."
Applejack and Apple Bloom sat in the barn. The empty shelves and the nude mannequins creaked with the quietness. The younger sister was ready to give up the crazy business, but Applejack leaned back in her chair. She was a patient mare, so she was willing to wait.
The hooves of a pony sounded right outside the door. Apple Bloom's heart leaped in her chest and she jumped out of her seat. With a giant smile, she waited by the door. Moments later, the door creaked open and a young punk mare was there.
"Welcome to the Apple Family's Nothing-At-All Apparel Shop! Please look around!" Apple Bloom practically shouted at the potential customer.
"Oh!" the mare jumped back. "Well, at least I know I'm in the right place. A new fashion store? Usually nopony ever challenges Rarity's Boutique."
"Well, all she sells is Canterlotian expensive stuff. Not usually what the average pony can afford," Applejack told the customer. "We got stuff more in line with Ponyville's fashion."
The hesitant mare began to look around the empty store. She stared at the nude mannequin, looked at the shelves, and even slid the hangers along a rack. She seemed confused, yet fascinated with the store's unique products.
"I'm not sure..." she said.
"Why, ya need to just try 'em on!" Applejack said with a smile.
The farmpony brought a large mirror out and faced it at the mare. The mare raised a brow but said nothing.
"Ya may look simple now, but wait until now. Now ya look a whole lot better," Applejack nodded.
"You're right!" the mare gasped. "I look beautiful in this! I'll...I'll take it!"
"It's just 8 bits."
"Only 8 bits?!?! Wow this is a steal! I'll tell everypony about this place!" the mare beamed.
Applejack smiled. "Thanks for the business!"
Rarity was humming a lovely Canterlotian tune as she strolled down the path towards Applejack's farm. She was heading over there to have tea-time with her friend. They had been trying to make a weekly get together for about a month now, but for some reason, it seemed Applejack's schedule was becoming consistently tighter. So, trying to force the tea time, Rarity was going to her herself.
"Oh, Applejack is most likely just busy as the harvest season is fast approaching. She wouldn't dare reject me otherwise. Perhaps I could lend her a hoof on the farm? Well, only with the apples. Anything involving those farm animals would be just too messy."
So after she was done talking to herself, she continued humming to the trees that flanked the trail. In her lovely purple sun dress she had made just yesterday, she was ready to impress anypony she came across. She went along with such confidence and grace! All of it came to a crashing halt when she rammed into the rear of a standing mare.
"Hey, watch it!" the beige mare yelled back at her.
"Bon Bon?" Rarity said in shock. "My, what are you doing here at Applejack's farm?"
Bon Bon rolled her eyes and pointed a hood towards the barn. A line of mares were ahead of her, going in through the open red doors. A low chattering went among the ponies, all sounding very excited to be there. This all made Rarity even more confused.
"Is Applejack having a party and she didn't invite me? The nerve!" Rarity stamped an angry hoof on the ground.
"No she isn't having a party," Bon Bon rolled her eyes. "It's her new apparel store!"
"Yeah!" a mare in front of Bon Bon beamed. "This is the hottest store. Nothing-At-All Apparel! Best fashion shop in Ponyville!"
"WHAT?!?!" Rarity shrieked. "This can't be! Let me through!"
Rarity then forced her way through the waiting mares. Many of them protested being pushed and shoved but all knew better than to test the fashionista's ire. When she entered the store, she was met by customers running through the barn, gleefully looking at all the empty hangers and shelves with unbridled enthusiasm. Applejack, Apple Bloom, and even Big Mac were handling the cash register as customers bought their products.
The fashion pony angrily walked over to Applejack. The farmpony, upon seeing her friend, waved at her. Rarity did not smile and when she reached her friend, she could only glare at her.
"What. Is. This?" she growled.
"Why, it's my family's newest business. Apple Bloom wanted to go into the fashion business, so we made our own line of clothes. Pretty neat, huh?"
"You're selling nothing," Rarity pointed out the extremely obvious.
She barely finished this statement when a blue mare forced her way to Applejack. "Here, I'll take this!" she said and held up nothing to the farmpony.
"That'll be 10 bits, honey," Applejack smiled.
"Here, and thanks!" the mare gave her the money and rushed out of the store, letting another mare take her place.
"This makes no sense," Rarity rubbed her temples.
Another mare squeezed between them. "This really speaks to me. It fits me perfectly! I'll take it!" and she gave the store owner 25 bits and left.
"Just go along with it, Rares," Applejack advised.
"I can't. I just can't, darling. How is this working?"
Applejack grinned. "Wearing nothing is Equestria's top fashion trend. I'm giving what the ponies want."
"These look great on me!" a mare said and threw bits at Applejack's face.
Rarity was about to pipe up when Apple Bloom popped in out of nowhere. "AJ, we need to resupply. They're clearing the shelves!"
"There's more in the house. Get to it," Applejack ordered her little sister, who promptly ran out.
"You know what, I don't care!" Rarity huffed. "This is just a trend. You'll learn that trends are fads and one must evolve her business to keep relevant. Have your fun now, but my store will be back on top!"
Rarity held her head high when a mare came by and slammed some bits into Applejack's chest before scrambling off. She tried to leave in dramatic fashion, but that had to wait, as the barn was too clogged with mares.
*1 month later*
"I can't believe this..."
Applejack and Rarity sat together in the stands. Before them was a fashion runway. Mares not wearing anything at all were strutting down the line, receiving praise from all the onlookers. Bright lights and pop music made the place lively, but the clothes lacked everything.
"Don't be so upset, Rares. Ain't it great to know ya got a fashion tycoon as a best friend?" Applejack chuckled.
"Perhaps, but I never thought it would be this easy!" Rarity huffed and crossed her legs.
"Beautiful! Amazing! Chic! Magnificent! Ze magicks!!" cried the watchers.
"You made it to Canterlot by selling ponies nothing! It's hard to think Discord isn't behind this!" Rarity rubbed her temples.
"It's rather simple, Rares. I appeased to the masses. I didn't just make products for the rich bur go see."
"It's 'bourgeoisie,' darling," Rarity corrected.
"It's so brilliant! This is a great fashion statement!" Hoity Toity yelled across the room.
Applejack laughed. "Well, at least he sees my genius."
~~~
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This is the stupidest idea ever.
I friggin' love it.
Heres the only spelling typo I noticed.
8182139 Part of Bloom's slang, I swear
It's a pretty decent concept, but I couldn't really get behind it.
I think where this story goes wrong is characterization. This whole story relies on Applejack being rooted in a place of dishonesty, which would be swindling ponies, and I think she has too much integrity for that. I could never see Applejack making money off of lying to ponies especially with the Flim and Flam call back episode in Season 4, with the curative tonic, pretty much showed her dispelling the integrity of con-artists. She's just really out of character, and that episode really supports me feeling the way I do.
Apart from that, I really don't care for the character's dialogue. At least early on I didn't care for it. It just seems... off, I guess.
It's a good attempt, but unfortunately, when you get the characters wrong, the rest just falls with it. It's not a bad fic, it just didn't work for me.
Finally an answer to the question. "What do you get the pony who has everything ?"
Answer [ ] and for the one or two of the humor impaired that are visiting us here is what is between the brackets [ Nothing ]
8182151 AJ isn't being to dishonest. She is telling the 100% truth she is selling people Nothing. just what everyone sells. I still laughed pretty hard.
8182151 Well, she never lied to anyone. I understand where you're coming from and I tried my best to come across that it's more of the stupidity of the situation rather than dishonesty. Applejack makes a business by selling nothing. Ponies, being the consumers they are, buy nothing. Applejack never told them that they were wearing something or that the clothes were invisible.
If ponies buy all those hideous costumes, why can't they buy nothing? Either one is fashion to one's perspective. So this looks at the stupidity of Equestria's fashion line.
8182166
I still think it's dishonesty, because it's taking advantage of someone's ignorance.
8182151
But.. she isn't being dishonest about anything. She openly advertises that she sells nothing. It is, in fact, within the name of her store.
8182171
Like I said it's a pretty decent concept. It's funny. Just couldn't get behind it.
Thanks for writing though. I do like your writing enough to check out some of your other stories when I get the chance.
This was just so silly! It was awesome, too. I laughed and laughed! Great job!
8182173 Making business off of other people's ignorance is not dishonesty (and not a factor here either).
Electricians make a business off of the average person being ignorant in the ways of technology. Carpenters make a living off of people being ignorant in wood workings. Most people can do these things if they learn themselves, but choose not to.
If one sells a product that says "buy this and you'll be in pain" and someone buys it and is in pain, was it dishonest? The person knew exactly what they were getting. There's no trick.
And, of course, this is a stupid silly story. I chose Applejack to be the store owner because of the recent Rarity/Applejack fashion episode. And thanks, I didn't try my hardest with this, but I always like doing something silly every once in a while.
8182198
Agree to disagree.
And maybe lack of my appreciation is partly because I've not seen the episode.
Still, I hope your story does well.
Not a bad idea. I treat fashion as a four letter word that is inappropriate to say around children. It is also the reason I just don't get Rarity.
Tsk tsk Applejack. You wear a hat, don't you?
8182344 And she's got 30 of them. Maybe that will be her new branch "Nothing-On-Head Apparel"
This is gold!
Was good for a couple chuckles in the end
Found two mistakes of note:
rubbed a hoof on her chest.
Can't tell if that's a typo or just Applejack being Applejack,
Already laughed at the short description. Definitely gotta read it at some point.
Something tells me the Flim Flam brothers would be proud of Applejack right now...or curse that they didn't think of something similar before she did.
8182151 I haven't actually read the fic, but from the description and the comments I think you're kind of missing the point.
The story sounds like it's essentially an extended version of this:
Woah...Aj took the Emperor New Clothes linestyle and took it to a whole new level
8183164 I had actually never heard of that story until my brother came in while I was writing this and told me I was retelling that story. So, at least I learned something from this
The sad thing is, I could totally see this happening.
8183164
8183230
Actually, I'm not getting the "Emperor's New Clothes" feel from this. In that story, it was very clear that everyone (particularly the Emperor) was being made a fool, by pretending that they could see the clothing that wasn't there. Applejack, on the other hand, was quite clearly selling nothing--she wasn't trying to hoodwink anyone, she just showed each pony their own body, as it was, and they found it beautiful. That may not have been the point of the story, but that's how I read it.
8183614 Well, said, I never heard of the story until my brother told me. And so I read it and yeah, it's not like it.
And well, I was gonna add some cheesy "body-positivity" in the story but felt I rather just keep it at level stupid and not go deep with it.
8183070 Well, I know there is one thing you can sell...
You're mom!
if
8183756 My mom's dead.
8184235
Oh, sorry for your lost
Hey look! A dinosaur!
c1.staticflickr.com/9/8384/8567227100_9b8ae429fd.jpg
*Flee*
8184343 (sees abomination)
derpicdn.net/img/view/2017/2/26/1374245__safe_edit_edited+screencap_screencap_queen+chrysalis_to+where+and+back+again_spoiler-colon-s06e25_spoiler-colon-s06e26_animated_changeling_cha.gif
Feels like I'm wearing nothing it all... nothing at all... NOTHING AT ALL!
This story.
It was tagged as comedy and random and I say it fit that perfectly. I had my laughs so take my upvote.
8182173 I can see where you are coming from though. Techinically there is no lying involved but it still feels like a scam. (Kinda like a pyramid scam. Those are not lying either but are still considered a scam.)
And the moment AJ asked her first customer for the 8 bits I was taken aback a bit as well. It feels like AJ just put a value to that mare's beauty. (Which is kinda contrary to the (un-)inteded moral of "everyone is beautiful as they are".) And that really does feel out of character for AJ. I would have liked for her to tell her customers to pay her what they think is appropriate. The story could still ride the stupid train and make ponies throw money at AJ and make her rich. It could still make ponies swoon all over it but it would feel a lot less like a scam.
But those are just my 2 cents on it.
8184373
img11.deviantart.net/4d79/i/2015/151/4/4/twilight_sparkle__shocked_scared_vector__by_davidsfire-d8vikqz.png
*Eep*
You wouldn't hurt Twilight, would you?
derpicdn.net/img/2012/9/21/103125/full.png
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/fb/87/bf/fb87bf00f94354b5c0471366370f2789.jpg
img05.deviantart.net/9b13/i/2016/253/1/a/twilight_sparkle_vector___16_squee_with_flower_by_cyanlightning-dah4s1g.png
Would you?
*cackling*
My word, it's like you created an MLP version of The Emperor's New Clothes. This is so stupidly ridiculous and I kind of love it.
No way, José! It's like that their bodies are naturally beautiful and they haven't realized it until now!
8182198 Yeah, but I think what she/he is trying to say is that lying in front of somepony's face what the price worth is even when the person "know" what they're getting is still dishonest. If you sell a completely color blind pony a white ball and say it is special because it's a blue ball, you're being dishonest because you're not telling them the truth they can't see and can never tell by themselves. Using electrician and mechanic as examples, it doesn't seem like you're showing the full picture. If they're an candid folk, they would charge less on simple, necessary, and easy to fix stuff like oil changes and electricians with replacing outlets. Sometimes, they charge higher on basic stuff and tell you that you need expensive parts replacing replacing even when the parts work perfectly fine. If they're doing this, they're not being honest. The burden of honesty relies heavily on the shoulders of the person selling/repairing the product, not the person who's ignorant about whatever electronics they have. If that's the case, then technically everyone who was ripped off from the product was the dishonest one, and that's not frank.
The analogy of the pain thing really doesn't work either, as this is suggesting that it's the buyers who's being dishonest to themselves. Applejack or any other honest pony, while knowing the true price of the product, should've not played into their ignorance and idiocy. At least mechanics and electricians put real effort for doing work that no one else is willing to do or learn, the Apple sister are just straight up pricing nothing as something, which really sounds less like a ploy and more like a sign of desperation
Which leads to this video here:
8186116 (squints)
i.imgflip.com/1pnsny.jpg
Hmmmm... Spike, whadda you think?
...Welp, you heard the sleep deprived drake. *cocks shotgun*
8186691 I am not going to argue with you mainly because you are taking the story beyond it's point. But I will say that you in no way disprove my points. All you say is that my examples don't work for the broad picture. You bring up points that have no correlation with dishonesty but business practices. It's not about the price when I talk about ignorance, it's about knowledge. Over pricing doesn't exist. It only exists when competition companies sell the same thing for less. Bread for example can only be ruled "over priced" when the average bread is much cheaper. However, despite the increased price, it's not dishonest, just a bad business move.
Dishonesty implies lying and cheating. There is none of that in the story. The literal thing is that nothing is for sale and ponies buy literally nothing. I cannot put it in simpler terms. This isn't like Emperor's New Clothes where the tailor tricks him with invisible clothes. If the tailor tells him "you're naked" and the Emperor's buys "nakedness" the tailor did nothing wrong. The emperor is just stupid. And that's this story. It's completely stupid.
And also, I'm sure most colorblind people can tell a blue ball isn't perfectly white. And again, there was nothing like that in the story.
Also, don't flood my comment section. If you reply to several people, just make one big comment. I don't like having several notifications just from one guy. Just a pet peeve
Heh, the funniest part is that this could happen in an episode
This was delightfully absurd.
8182406
Just so you know, I lol'd throughout the entire thing. Have a moustache.
8715714
Glad ya liked this preposterous story that somehow came from my mind...
The Emperor’s Clothes influenced this Mildly, I presume?
9529324
Absolutely not. Never heard of it until everyone told me that this was akin to that story.
But sure, let's just say it did.
9529884
Totally.
It is, but who's stealing from whom?
This is both brilliant and mind-bogglingly stupid at the same time. Hats off to you, sir.
this fic is the embodiment of big brain