• Member Since 6th Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Grave Walker


"War may sometimes be a necessary evil. But no matter how necessary, it is an evil, never a good." - Jimmy Carter

T
Source

I remember that fateful hunting trip. It was just me, my rifle, and the prey. That was supposed to be it. Score a big buck and come home with the kill. That was not the case here as nothing could have prepared me for the outcomes of that day. As I was following a trail, I stumbled upon a cave of sorts. Curiosity got the better of me and I found the most beautiful crystal I had ever seen. And like a moth to candle flame, I touched it. And man, as soon as I laid finger on that stone, everything changed. As cliche as that sounds, it’s the truth. Stranded in the middle of no where, I am now the chosen light among the chaos in this new world. Armed with nothing but my rifle and my wits, a world of wonder and magic is up for the taking. Thus my new life and adventure begins. And before I go, know that I’m in this game till the end.

- Jack Cobalt


Note of 11/29/18. Made it briefly onto the Feature page. I am very happy for how long I earned said spot. Even though it was shortly lived. 😁

Chapters (6)
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Comments ( 113 )

wow, amazing quality. can't wait for the next chapter

You had my curiosity. But now you have my attention.

Warning: This is a joke! :derpytongue2:

Prey ~ noun
1. an animal that is hunted and killed by another for food.
Pray ~ verb
1. address a solemn request or expression of thanks to a deity or other object of worship.

It's not just any ordinary nowhere; it's A nowhere!

I was expecting a human turned into X story, what I got was a "If I was there with every gun and weapon I liked with kickass armor" all in one chapter :I

I think you forgot the Abrams Tank and the Laser Guidance System for the Satellite Laser, you might actually feel threatened by something.

I have never seen so much gun porn in a single chapter before, and while I'm not against having some gun porn, there is a point where you need to ask "how does he even carry all of this?(and fly!)".

Still, first chapter and all, I'll give it some time before I make any calls.

8123496 Next chapter will be posted soon. If that makes it any better?

8123846

I think you forgot the Abrams Tank and the Laser Guidance System for the Satellite Laser, you might actually feel threatened by something.

lol. I guess I crammed too much guns then? That is, if that can ever happen. Yet I understand.

"how does he even carry all of this?(and fly!)".

Well, if you read it, he glided down. And it also depends on his size, which he is big compared to these humans... I was going to touch on the subject in Chapter 3 if it makes it any better. :/

Still, first chapter and all, I'll give it some time before I make any calls.

Thank you, I appreciate good criticism and any suggestions or questions you have. I not one of... those authors.

8123859

Well, one thing I would be wary about is how to handle writing kids. Tiny Tim here is alright so far, but ya gotta remember that kids are a bit less one dimensional than they seem. Outgoing ones like Tiny Tim tend to have Very Important Opinions and really want to share them with you. Things like "walking is so slow, why can't the caravan fly!" and "[Insert Superhero Here] is the best hero ever! and can totally take you in a fight!". They might not know much, but will want to relate everything new to what they do know and let you know about all these "cool facts" they already know.

Basically what I am saying is: writing kids is hard, they are like people, but less predictable.

Comment posted by Grave Walker deleted Apr 27th, 2017

hmm great chapter but I hope he doesnt get too op

8124592 Oh good. I thought you were reporting my story! :twilightsheepish:

8124606 XD NAH your story is one of the few that cought my eye!

And then the hard vore begins... :fluttershbad:

"But Mister Alien-in-a-griffon's-body, we can TALK!!" says the pony poorly named Magically Delicious.

"Yosh! And I'm totally getting hard over the idea of eating you while you scream in agony!" declared the twisted maniac who found Hannibal Lecter really hot.

This is going to be fun... :pinkiecrazy:

It was the ROCK! Goddamnit! I know better then to touch magical glowing rocks in creepy caves! It’s so cliche that a child knows better!

Alondro finds a glowy rock in a cave. He squeals with glee! "Oh joy! A magical gem thingey that will transport me to Equestria!" He grabs the rock without hesitation.

Six months later, Alondro dies from radiation poisoning after carrying around the concentrated radium ingot for weeks like a retard.

:facehoof:

8123846 He totally needs a gatling gun from an A-10 Warthog. Then he can mow down an army of chernglerngs while shouting with joy, "It's like shooting xenomorphs in "Aliens"!"

And I'm sure he'll be able to fly perfectly well with it because 'screw it, magic'. :rainbowlaugh:

:trollestia:

8124677 Oh the things I've seen on the Internets... Lovecraftian horrors got nuthin' on furries. :pinkiecrazy:

I mean other than the feeling that the main character is a bit OP...it's pretty good. You got me hooked.

8125292 uhhh. Yes. Duh. Don't rush it though. That never turns out well.

And also one weapon would be enough. You don't need to give him everything that looks cool. It's like you went all kid in a candy store: 'I want this, and this and that and this, ooo and that thing too!'

That fight was epic!
Keep up the awesome work.

I just took an arrow to the knee

Does he get a shout now? Lol Oh and please add a part where he meets a griffin that tells his story of being an adventurer, until he took an arrow to the knee! Please for the love of god do it! I shall praise you :pinkiecrazy:

Before I read this, what is the Gore tag for ?
And how bad does it get ?

Yeah, this is showing all the signs of a stomp fic. OP protags can work, but it requires taking them out of their comfort zone and placing them in situations where sheer firepower can't fix. This... isn't doing that. Sure the protag is confused, but it was already established in chapter 1 with the through description of his gear and the quick takedown of the manticore that combat wasn't ever going to be a problem for him.

And then this chapter comes along and just tosses another MotW at the meatgrinder that is the protag. and he gets the loots and it is all set up to talk about how he is "the special" who is going to do the thing.

Ehh, not my cup of tea.

So far it's a Mary Sue story... and I like it^^

Everyone who doesn't got these Elder Scrolls Reference should be ashamed of himself and never be allowed to use a PC again!

8125966 Not too much gore is detailed. After all, this is a TEEN rated fic.

8126965 It's definitely 'Gary Stu', but as long as it doesn't start to take itself too seriously, it can work.

This needs to be just the right sort of silly. An "Ash Vs Evil Dead" or "Big Trouble in Little China" sort of crazy to make itself lovably stupid.

8129241 Not to forget a little bit of "Deadpool" can't hurt^^

Also, anybody catch that Elder Scrolls reference?

Reference? Dude, I think we can all agree that it was a bit more than just a reference.

8131056 Not the dragon born parts freind, I'm talking about something different. Can you find it?

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