Chapter 1
“Just so you guys know,” said Twilight, “I've decided to turn evil.”
As she watched open-mouthed expressions of bafflement cross the faces of her five best friends, Twilight began to wonder if weekly brunch was the best time to drop such momentous news.
“I'm sorry, Twilight.” Rarity picked up a napkin and dabbed at the corner of her mouth, where crumbs of cinnamon roll certainly had not tumbled out when her jaw dropped. “I must be going deaf in my old age. It almost sounded like you said you were going to turn evil.”
“That's what I said, yes.” Twilight nodded.
“Hold on!” Pinkie Pie held one hoof up, and then used the other to pour the better part of a carafe of orange juice into her mouth. This done, she reared back and turned her head to spew the liquid out in a steady stream before she looked back at Twilight, wide-eyed. “WHAT?!”
Rainbow Dash ducked beneath the spit-take (if barely) and then let out a titter of nervous laughter. “Ha ha. Good one, Twilight! Had us all going there for a sec. With your joke. Because that's just a joke. Right?” Her voice cracked. More than usual.
“I'm deadly serious.” Twilight said.
“Deadly?” Fluttershy murmured from where she took refuge behind her chair.
“It's just a figure of speech.” Twilight said.
“Turnin' evil is a figure of speech?” Applejack planted her front hooves on the table and tensed her shoulders for a brawl. “Ain't one I ever heard.”
“Oh! No, it's not.” Twilight said. “I meant the 'deadly' part of deadly serious. In fact, I'm turning evil in order to make sure nopony dies, or even gets hurt!”
Applejack squinted. “Now you're just talkin' nonsense.”
“It makes sense, I swear!” Twilight said. She pulled in a steadying breath, and leaned back in her chair. “Just hear me out, okay?”
“Oh man, supervillains love explaining their evil schemes!” Rainbow Dash squeaked. “Maybe Twilight really did turn evil!”
Applejack facehooved. “Rainbow. Think. Twilight's always liked explainin' things.”
Rainbow paled. “So you're saying she's been evil this whole time!?”
“I'm not evil!” Twilight huffed. “Not yet, at least. That's the problem.”
“How is that a problem?” Rarity said. “A dearth of villainy sounds like the exact opposite of a problem, from my point of view.”
“That's what I thought, until recently.” Twilight nodded. “I mean, I've told you guys about Sunset Shimmer, right?”
“Oh, oh, oh!” Pinkie Pie held one hoof straight in the air, as if she were in class. “I remember! She's the pony who stole your magic crown thingie and then went through that magic mirror to weirdo hu-maan land but then you chased her and stopped her and saved the day!”
“That's right.” Twilight nodded, approvingly. “But that's not all of it. The important part is, even though Sunset Shimmer dabbled in dark magic, and nearly turned an entire school into her mind controlled minions, she got better after that, and went on to make friends and do a lot of good in that other dimension. She keeps me updated, through a magical diary that allows us to correspond across the planar barriers. And, y'know, for someone who once tried to take over the world, Sunset is actually doing really, really well. Also she may be dating the human dimension's version of me and I'm not sure how I feel about that.” Twilight furrowed her brow as she trailed off. “But that's beside the point.”
“And the point is?” Rarity said as politely as she could.
“In her last letter, Sunset mentioned getting a flu shot.” Twilight said.
“Ugh. Needles.” Rainbow Dash shivered, and pulled her wings tighter around herself. “You really are turning evil.”
“It wasn't the needle part that got me thinking.” Twilight's eyes took on a familiar, half-mad gleam. “It was the inoculation.”
“Twilight said a dirty word!” Pinkie Pie said with a blush and a giggle.
“Inoculation, Pinkie. Not … whatever you're thinking.” Twilight shook her head, and busied herself pouring a fresh cup of tea. “I'm talking about the practice of exposing someone to a weakened version of a disease, in order to grant them immunity from the greater form. It's actually a rather fascinating subject-- Princess Celestia herself made it a point to have herself immunized against ponypox when a scientist named Sawbones first developed the practice. Admittedly, Princess Celestia probably didn't need it, given her nigh-immortality, but she actually launched a fad amongst Canterlot's nobility where immunization became the most popular thing, to the point where ponies would wear the bandages over the needle-sticks as a sort of fashion accessory.”
“Now that's just silly.” Rarity mused. “White gauze doesn't go with anything.”
“Did everybody liquor up their mornin' coffee 'cept me?” Applejack looked down at her mug. “'cause none of this is makin' a lick of sense.”
“It will make all the licks of sense!” Twilight pounded a hoof on the brunch table, hard enough to set plates and cutlery rattling. “Once I finish explaining, that is. Because the important part is, once I got to thinking about Sunset Shimmer and immunizations in the same context, I had an idea.” Twilight settled back in her chair, and lifted up her teacup with magic. “What if the same principles behind medical conditions could be applied to psycho-magical ones as well?”
“Sorry Twi, that still sounds like crazy talk.” Applejack said.
“That's what I thought at first.” Twilight took a prim sip of her tea. “Until I started to really mull it over. I mean, there's Sunset Shimmer … but there's also Princess Luna. Or even Discord! Each one of them has menaced the whole of Equestria, and each one of them has turned away from such a dark path, and proven themselves a better pony for it. Or, uh, a better Draconequus, in Discord's case.”
“But that ain't everybody we've blastified.” Applejack said. “Whattabout that queen bug-lady? Or King Sombra? Or Tirek? Y'know, the big demon-centaur that blew up your house n' smashed you through a mountain n' tried to eat your soul? I don't see anypony invitin' any of them to Hearth's Warmin' Eve dinner anytime soon.”
“Aha!” Twilight smiled, teacher-proud. “That's a very, very good point. One that I kept in mind when I started kicking this idea around. But when you think about it, they might actually support my theory. If Evil is a disease, then the likes of Queen Chrysalis are when it becomes terminal. Which makes building up a resistance all the more important!”
“Resistance?” Pinkie Pie said.
“So, uh. You guys know I don't like bragging or anything, but on an objective scale, I'm … pretty powerful. Magically speaking, that is.” Twilight flared her princessy wings out, as if to prove her point. “And, uh, with my current course of study and learning, it's only logical to assume that I'm going to keep amassing more and more magical potential for quite some time. I'm not saying I'm going to be as powerful Princess Celestia or anything, but … um, I definitely have the potential to at least make it within a tier or two of her level. So logically, it's better that I turn a little bit evil now, in order to immunize myself against it, instead of running the risk of an exponentially more powerful future version of myself really going bad and tearing the fabric of space-time apart or something.” Twilight drank the last of her tea, and then set her teacup down on its saucer. “Which is why I've decided to turn evil. Starting this afternoon, I think.”
“And what, pray tell, has Spike said about this?” Rarity said.
“He's actually all for it.”
“Mwa ha ha ha ha!” Spike's laughed nearly drowned out the pitterpatter of his scaled feet as he dashed into the room. With his black top hat and cape, he looked as if he'd just come from the opera-- one where everyone died at the end, to judge by the way he twirled the ends of his glued-on mustache. “While you were having brunch, I rearranged the entire library! Now, everything is shelved by publication date, and not by subject or author's name! AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!”
The little dragon swept his cape through the air, and dashed off, cackling.
“See?” Twilight said. “It's better he get all this out of his system now, rather than in a century or two, when he's a couple stories tall. Can you imagine how much havoc he'd wreak if he were fully grown? If Spike really turned evil, he might forgo a cataloging system entirely!”
“Question.” Rainbow Dash said. “If Spike's already evil, and you're gonna do the same thing, does that mean the rest of us should go evil too?”
Applejack turned her ire onto the pegasus. “Rainbow, that's the dumbest thing you've ever said.”
“Is not!” Rainbow Dash huffed. “Besides, there's no such thing as stupid questions. Twilight told me that.”
“That's true.” Twilight said. “A healthy and unhindered sense of curiosity is essential to proper personal growth.”
“Besides!” Rainbow Dash said, “I'm supposed to be the Element of Loyalty, right? There's no way I'm gonna let Twilight go through an evil phase all by herself!”
“Thank you, Rainbow.” Twilight reached over and patted her friend on the shoulder. “I really appreciate that.”
“And when I go evil, I get a cool costume, right?” Rainbow Dash grinned in eager anticipation.
“Nevermind, that was officially the dumbest thing you've ever said.” Applejack grumbled.
“Like, something really cool and scary! With skulls! And spikes! And skulls on spikes!”
“Mmmm, I'm afraid I'll have to veto that, darling.” Rarity said.
“Thanks, Rarity.” Applejack didn't bother hiding the relief in her voice.
“You'd do much better with something clingy and form-fitting. Better range of movement, you know. Not to mention the sex appeal.”
“What.” Applejack whipped her head around to glare at the white unicorn sitting beside her.
“If she's going to do it, she might as well do it correctly.” Rarity flicked a meticulously curled lock of hair out of her eyes. “Besides, this could be a rather interesting opportunity. Black is 'in' this season, didn't you know?”
“I didn't.” Applejack shook her head. “I can't believe y'all are just going along with this. I know I ain't the only one who thinks this is just a pile a' horsefeathers. Pinkie—”
“What?” Pinkie Pie said from the other side of the room as she pushed a large cannon into place. Somewhere along the line, she'd donned a domino mask and a black shirt with 'HENCHMARE' printed across it in large block lettering.
“Fluttershy.” Applejack looked over at the still-cowering pegasus. “C'mon. You're the nicest pony any of us know. Tell Twilight this is a bad idea.”
“Oh. Um. Okay.” Fluttershy grabbed the back of her chair for support, and slowly peeked up over the top. “Twilight, all this talk about evil and stuff is really scary.”
“See?” Applejack said. “Anythin' that's got Fluttershy that worked up has gotta be a bad idea.”
“That doesn't mean anything!” Rainbow Dash pointed an accusatory hoof at Applejack. “Fluttershy's scared of everything! Like, one time I saw her hide under the table because of dessert!”
“Only because it was on fire.” Fluttershy murmured.
“It was supposed to be!” Rainbow said. “That's what makes Bananas Foster cool!”
“Shouldn't that technically be hot?” Pinkie Pie scratched her head.
“All I'm saying is just because Fluttershy's scared of something doesn't mean it's a bad idea.” Rainbow Dash zipped over to Fluttershy's hiding place, grabbed her, and plunked her back into her chair. “It might even mean it's an awesome idea.”
“I don't think I wanna be evil.” Fluttershy said.
“I knew I could count on you, Fluttershy.” Applejack tilted her hat back slightly.
“But, um. If you need an army of animal minions, Twilight, I could help with that.”
“What?” Applejack said.
“Like, sharks? Every villain needs a bunch of sharks, right? Or how about weasels? I could get you a basket of flesh-tearing weasels in an hour, if you asked.”
“That. Is. Awesome.” Rainbow Dash stared at her friend with newfound admiration. “You sure you're not good at this evil thing, Fluttershy? Because, like, what if you got a bunch of sharks, and then I got a tornado, and--”
“And nothin'!” Applejack said. “I'm tellin' you, Twilight, this is a bad idea. You guys are the best friends a gal could ever have, 'cause you're all so nice n' stuff. Ain't right to just turn your backs on the things that make y'all such good ponies to begin with. I don't want anythin' to do with any of this.”
“Oh, Applejack!” Rarity's eyes glittered. “This is even better!”
“Huh?” Applejack peered at the unicorn sitting next to her.
“It's just such a delicious narrative! You, betrayed, alone, forced to stand against your five best friends as we walk down the path of villainy!”
“But only a little bit.” Twilight added on.
“Yes, that.” Rarity noted, and then launched back into her rapturous debate. “But think, Applejack! It'll be like one of the great stories of old-- two ponies, their hearts entwined, separated by circumstance! Perhaps your inner goodness will shine through and redeem us all … or perhaps I may yet tempt you to the proverbial dark side?”
“Tempt me.” Applejack said, deadpan.
“You know.” Rarity made a weapons-grade flutter of her eyelashes. “Perhaps with my feminine wiles?”
“That's it. I'm done.” Applejack shoved herself away from the table, and pulled her hat down over her eyes. “I'll be back at the farm. Y'all lemme know when you're done bein' dumb n' crazy.” She wasted little time in stomping out of the castle dining room, and slammed the door behind her.
“Oh my.” Fluttershy stared at the door Applejack had stormed through. “We made her really mad. Does that mean we're evil now?
“It's alright!” Twilight forced a smile. “I admit, this is one of my … wilder theories, which is saying something. And if Applejack doesn't want anything to do with it, that's her decision, which is perfectly acceptable. Plus, um, it gives us at least one data point towards a control group.”
“So now what?” Pinkie Pie said from atop a pile of ominously blinking machinery with 'M.A.S.S. DEVICE' stenciled in a military font down one side. “Because seriously I've had a bunch of this mad scientist stuff laying around for a while now and I've been waiting for the chance to use it! Like, I'm pretty sure I have a mega-laser in the basement somewhere-- we could use it to draw our faces on the moon! Wouldn't that be fun?”
“That's … tempting.” Twilight mused. “But remember Pinkie, we're only trying to be a little evil. So we should focus on something a little bit smaller.”
“Like what?”
“Well.” Twilight shrugged a little bit. “I thought we could start by taking over Ponyville.”
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I lol'd.
But seriously, good chapter. I look forward to more; have an upvote.
Applejacks accent was a bit thick at times though, but got better.
This reads like something Argon would write, and I mean that as a compliment. Have my upvote and watch.
8017115 Slight dialed back from Aragon's full insanity I'd say, but definitely has that flair to it.
Looking forward to more of this.
And then the murders began.
lel
this story 2 crazy 4 meh
i luv it
Ah-hah-haaa!
This is looking very promising indeed. Twilight's logic, mad though it is, is impeccable, and the rest of the girls are getting into the mood nicely.
Except for AJ. Which makes sense, and is a good thing overall, because with her pragmatism and everything, Applejack would be competent evil, and then nobody would have fun. "If y'all want a vision of the future, imagine an apple stampin' on a pony face -- forever."
You monster!
I am getting serious Venture Bros vibe from Pinkie here.
This is going to be awesome
My word, I do believe this is gonna' be good. Let's have some more!
if five of the six has decided to spend the afternoon becoming evil and taking over ponyville, please tell me that celestia is going to form a task force to investigate/ contain this.
AKA: what are you going to do with trixie & glim glam
or even better, twilight sent a letter to celestia explaining her reasoning, and celestia also thinks its a good way to entertain her self.
This should be amusing.
I look forward to seeing what's next.
Oh my, this story looks *delightfully* silly/demented!
Carry on good sir!
I like Twilight's inoculation argument, but isn't that what Discord is for? To give Equestria a constant low-grade magical pest that keeps everyone on their toes?
8017988 It shows a dedication to petty villainy which is impressive. You can do that sort of nonsense easily in a relational database, it's trivial. Actually doing it with a card system and shelves of real books, that's hardcore librarian wickedness right there.
And I've always said that Twilight was one magitech lab experiment short of a supervillain origin story.
Applejack's got the right idea there.
I honestly hope there is more to this.
Also sorta have a headcanon already of AJ going to the barn, opening a secret hatch and meeting Granny Smith and Big Mac.
'Twilight darn near blew my cover by asking me to turn evil.' Applejack stated.
'Well ya can't turn evil if ya already are!' Said Granny Smith.
'Eeyup' Big Mac agreed.
'Speaking of, has Applebloom managed to stir up a working mind control potion yet? Looks like we need to add it to the cider soon. Before Twilight decides to mess our plans up.'
Hoh, looks promising. Going to have to keep an eye on this one.
...The town you are already basically the princess of?
Ye olde Canterlot Voice:"WHO DARES!"
This, good sir, is awesome. Have an upvote and a favourite. And a moustache.
pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw10936-full.gif
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw9352-crisisaverted.gif
Whew! This story got really horrifying for a second there...
8020481
I haven't seen such an act of malevolent bibliothecography since the great Dewey Decimation!
img.memesuper.com/223be9e1aba6b49c79fde1eb12013f96_-metals-and-dr-evil-mr-evil-memes_625-324.jpeg
Awesome intro, really good work.
MEANWHILE IN CHICOLTGO
"Damn, what am I going to do with all these surplus waterproof miniature laser cannons?"
"You're listening to 95.5 the Weasel's metal hour: Flesh-rippin' Weasel! Stay tuned, folks, as we head on over to the dark side."
Well, Applejack already has given into anger. She's well on the path, I say.
However, perhaps Twilight should have thought of a slightly different H L Mencken quote:
For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong.
Rarity is the only Unicorn at that table. Just a quick heads-up to avoid Lavender Unicorn Syndrome before it can break out.
norvillerogers.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/Sharknado.jpg
8025735
"Lavender Unicorn Syndrome"? Please elaborate on this neat-sounding 'disease' or 'argument' or what have you.
8021657 She is a princess, who resides in Ponyville, but I'm pretty sure Mayor Mare still holds office.
Technically, Mayor Mare would have to cede to Princess Twilight's wishes, but for the most part, Twilight's not really interested in 'ruling'.
So Twilight would have to 'convince' Mayor Mare to 'hoof over' the town.
Maybe Midnight Sparkle will rise again? This time in pony form?
8025891 while that isolated incident is hardly an example, LUS is a writing error stemming from almost entirely foregoing a character's name, such as Twilight, and constantly referring to them by a physical trait, such as coat color and species (before S4, here)
While not only using a character's name to refer to them is a good thing, at a certain point it kinda gets to be annoying and tedious to read. This has been dubbed "Lavender Unicorn Syndrome" by the fandom.
8025910
I would not have dinged it were it not for the fact that there is literally no need to mention that Rarity is white. She's the only Unicorn there. If Starlight were there, I wouldn't have brought it up.
“That. Is. Awesome.” Rainbow Dash stared at her friend with newfound admiration. “You sure you're not good at this evil thing, Fluttershy? Because, like, what if you got a bunch of sharks, and then I got a tornado, and--”
Im pretty sure this is a Sharknado reference.
There are beautifully absurd bits in here, like Sharknado, but on the other hoof, Twilight clearly is a silly mare, seeing as how she is acting evil with no real malevolent intent.
Silly mare.
Oh hell no, not Sharknado.
Rainbow Dash would make a great initiate in a chapter of astartes in the imperium of man, if she wasn't a heretic xeno scum
What the story isn't showing you is the amount of tears pouring from AJ's eyes as she turned down her one true love.
Also,
*Discord cackles while Celestia face-hooves after watching all of this in her magical spy device thingy*
8027551 Burn the Heretic!!! Purge the galaxy of these Xenos filth!! For the God Emperor!!
Twilight could totally win against Celestia. You guys agree with me on this one. Right? I mean we haven't seen Celestia do anything herself. Without the Elements of Harmony.
P.S. Are magical, important, items, like the Elements of Harmony, capitalized?
it would be funny if twilight sent celestia a letter...
dear princess celestia; I've decided to turn evil! just a little bit. I'm going start by taking over ponyville. I hope this isn't too upsetting. but if it is, then i'm already doing well as a villain! your faithful student, twilight sparkle.
twilight, you basically already run ponyville. sheesh. you could at least try dodge junction. or appleoosa. some place that doesn't have your giant castle in it. whatever; I've got cake to eat. luna! get out the forks!
Oh man I havent laughed like that in a good long while! Excellent!
The craziest thing is,
There is a spot of truth in all this, it's called feeding your inner demons. You do it by engaging in harmless or low damaging activities that are some how negative, going from burning your last year's school work that gave you such a hard time, to imaging yourself killing your boss. This are activities that tend to help blow up steam while having no one actually getting hurt.
But I wouldn't recommend someone to engage in less offensive activities unless one is already wanting to engage in greater ones like Twilight is trying to do here. Since without experincing the potential damage that is uncostructive and most likely is to frequently temp someone into doing worst and worst activities overtime.
What I would recommend to anyone however is to let oneself run their minds down the rabbit hole and think about ill and negative actions in detail so that one is well aware not just of the good parts of the things you are not supposed to do, but also the bad parts which are the reason you wouldn't in your right mind actually want to do those things.
In my experience, this tipe of exercise helps to solidify ones awareness and understanding of right and wrong. It also can be used to get rid of unnecessary temptations that just might cause trouble someday if not dealt with.
~Leonzilla
I see I'm not the only one that saw the Sharknado reference, and yes AJ, that is a stupid fucking idea.
SHARKNADO!!!!!!!! YEAH, BITCHES!!!!!!
They don't have to imagine it since it already happened.
Fucking perfect.
A great premise with great writing.
Look, Rainbow, you're possibly my favourite of the Mane Six, but please...just...don't...for all our sake.
This is going to be hilarious, dumb, or hilariously dumb. I look forward to it either way.
This looks to be very interesting. I am slightly surprised everyone sans Applejack agreed so quickly to experiment with being evil. I am curious what each of them will view as taking over Ponyville and what that will look like. I also wonder if any of them might take it to far and might regret it later.
It's brilliant! Brilliant! BRILLIANT! I tell you! Genious I say!