• Member Since 1st Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen Jun 24th, 2013

Icewind505


I'm an awesome person with an awesome personality. I like pie almost as much as MLP and my favorite pony is Fluttershy. Yeah, I don't know what else to say, except to read my fanfics!

T

Discord wakes up again and this time sends the pony gang to the human world so that they can't ineterfere with his plans. The gang wakes up in the middle of a field and they walk to a small town. They get adapted to human life and make new friends, including boyfriends. After realizing how much trouble Equestria is in by watching MLP, they go on a quest to get back. Will they be able to leave their new friends behind to save the home they love?

Chapters (12)
Comments ( 56 )

Awesome first chapter! :pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy: I know there is still 2 more so far but I :heart: it!

RJ~

Me again hehe :heart: it! Sorry I love doing the pony emoticons :facehoof:

Haha funny AJ you gotta :heart: her but I might suggest making how she says instead of 'I' maybe 'Ah' since it sounds a bit more country but thats all I suggest :pinkiehappy: Love it

RJ~

Interestinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng......:pinkiecrazy:

Kinda short chapters but VERY interesting.

Okay, I fixed kiss to kick, big misunderstanding.

874266 Thank ya kindly for the comments:ajsmug:
Darling, you are simply a gentlecolt:raritywink:
Shh, not now, I'm reading:twilightsmile:
I should throw you a party!:pinkiehappy:
You're almost as awesome as me! Almost:rainbowlaugh:
Yay!:fluttershbad:

Could you at least refer to the boys by their real names cuz it's gonna get real confusing soon.

Agreed. Maybe just call them "Brony Dash" etc. Not sure if "natural-born human AJ" is a Brony or not, but for Dash, the blue clothes, rainbow hair, and cutie mark sneakers? Dead giveaway. :rainbowlaugh:

I wonder why Dashie isn't more annoyed though. As in "Hey, you need to be WAY cooler before you get to wear MY cutie mark." :rainbowhuh:

874689>>875252 all will be explained soon

lovin this fic! 5/5 derps!!
:derpytongue2::derpytongue2::derpytongue2::derpytongue2::derpytongue2:

894029
Thank you, read the other chap. tell me what ya think. Thanks for likin' it BTW.

Wow, this story keeps getting better! I'm glad that you put other names to the boys, because it is less confusing :pinkiehappy:

894506 THERE IS GONNA BE A CHAPTER 7! CAN YA BELIEVE IT!:raritystarry::pinkiehappy::derpytongue2::rainbowkiss:

I love this story!! I can't wait for the next chapter :rainbowkiss:

894538 i just put it up now.:rainbowwild: you have been trolled. kinda.:yay:

894604 Wow! The story keeps getting interesting! I just passed the link to a group of bronies, this is definitively my favorite fanfic until now!! :rainbowkiss:

894729 i'm gonna write more chapters, so i need you to read them and tell me what ya think

894734 Cool! I will be more than glad to help you :pinkiehappy: So, do I send you my e-mail adress in a message??

894750 um, sure, ya, do what you want:twilightsmile:

Ok, you asked me to give a few pointers, so... Here I am!:pinkiecrazy: All these are based on a personal profession, so in no way should you think that this is putting down your style, it's just what I see as small things that tick me off when I see 'em...:raritywink:

I have to say that your formatting is... strange... The second paragraph isn't double spaced and looks to run on with the third, and just because they speak doesn't mean you have to COMPLETELY seperate what they said with the other sentences.
Ex:"Fluttershy, I don't mean to laugh but *giggle* it's impossible for Discord to escape."

Fluttershy opened her mouth to speak when a dark cloud began to swirl around the ponies. Everyone stared at it then shot a glance at Rainbow Dash. She shrugged, they hadn't planned any storms today.

Well, PERSONALLY, I think it'd be best written as so...

"Fluttershy, I don't mean to laugh but *giggle* it's impossible for Discord to escape." Fluttershy opened her mouth to speak when a dark cloud began to swirl around the ponies. Everyone stared at it then shot a glance at Rainbow Dash. She shrugged, they hadn't planned any storms today.
And then you would double space to indicate that somepony else was speaking.

Also, you could refer to the ponies other than a she or their names when describing them, though the last paragraph gives enough details to what happened to each of them, so I guess that fine for now...

About Rainbow Dash refering to Discord's rear as an 'ass' seems SO out of character in my opinion. She wouldn't say flank, but doesn't it seem more reasonable if she said "I'm gonna kick your tail!" or something like that?

"eachother" should be spaced...:twilightblush:

And so far, that's about it for chapter 1. Grammatically, I think you need a few commas within a few phrases to indicate a pause if this was being read to somepony else, otherwise AWESOME JOB! I really like the concept and will definately be reading on. (That is, if you don't mind the criticism...):fluttercry:

*Common tips* Never put a period before the word 'but'. Instead, a comma would suffice to indicate that momentary pause. Never start a sentece with the word 'and' either... Just a few common mistakes I see a lot, like how alot isn't a word, but a phrase that should be seperated and how you shouldn't use numbers, but spell them out when refering to literature...:twilightsmile: Other than the number thing, none of this other stuff was found. I was just warning you against such easily made mistake...:scootangel:

Remember, this is all my personal opinion and is derived from what I know about writing.:ajsmug: I am doing as you asked, therefore I hope that you forgive the length of this reply to JUST chapter 1.:twilightblush: I await your response to thins before I decide to review another chapter...

899232 thank you for the comment and stuff, but I choose not to change some of those things, as it is my style, but thx for the criticsm I suck at grammar and stuff so I apologize. I'm not good at spelling either, thank you for your time and consideration. I hope that you enjoy my next chapters.

899281 I will take that comment into heart as I read on.:pinkiecrazy: Ever need an editor by the way, hit me up.:ajsmug: ONWARD!

899315 k, thx! you're awesome! you deserve these. 20 moustaches!

:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:
:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:
:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:
:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:
:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

ME AGAIN! Well, I have to say that other than a spot or two I would have put a comma, I couldn't find anything wrong.:twilightsmile: The concept is still interesting and I'm moving to the next chapter! YAYZ!:yay:

This pony again...:pinkiecrazy: A few things...

"The sun had set and the girls had been walking a few miles now and they looked worse for wear." Could you... restucture this? The consistant use of 'and' when it should only be used within the same sentence once just... well, I'm just picky...:derpytongue2: *GASP* This is done twice!:raritycry:

'eachother' :ajbemused: Should be spaced...:scootangel: Also done twice!

"Even the energetic Pinkie Pie had run out of energy and was panting on the ground. But something peeked her interest." You put a period before 'but'........:fluttercry: Why......... *GASP* More than once too!:raritycry:

Other than those few things, I saw nothing out of the ordinary. Not quite following how the first human they met was so nice and willing to let them stay at his house, it ALSO being a mansion! Interesting none-the-less and will continue on with the reading of this fic at another time, seeing as I have negleted mine ALL day and need to return my attention to it. I'll be around if you need me again. Remember... editor... look me up!:pinkiehappy:

899397 okay, you don't have to repeat anything, but I'll take your advice and change my new chapter accordingly but I'm not gonna change my old chapters. Like I said before, I'm not gonna change some stuff at all, because it's my style.

899405 Oh, I don't blame you. My first fanfic? :rainbowlaugh: Still has every error I ever committed.:pinkiecrazy: Don't change your style on my account, I know what is and what isn't.:derpytongue2: I didn't want to strike a nerve or anything...:fluttercry: Sorry if it felt like I tried to impose anything on ya...:scootangel:

899434
:pinkiegasp: that's not what I meant, I mean, the advice is great and all:pinkiehappy: but I just have a certain style like everypony else, so. It's just something.:twilightsmile: I guess:twilightsheepish:

899443 I understand. Listen, if you want, I won't look for anything but spelling errors and largely common mistakes...:ajsmug: Keep the story going though, LOVING IT SO FAR! (Sudden realization that I'm neglecting my fic again.) I'll... be around...:twilightblush:

899455
Yeah, you're a nice guy. Thx, I might Private Message you.:pinkiesmile: MAYBE:rainbowwild:

899477 You know where to find me!:twilightsmile: I'll be up a few more hours today if ya need me within that time.:ajsmug: Also, why not give a chapter or so of a story by me a try?:pinkiecrazy: "Just an Old Ponytale..." seems to be my best from what everypony tells me.:derpyderp1: Remeber... editor...:pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy:

*reads about perezz for the first time*
"Perezz.......hmm...i like that name":moustache:
*reads how Perezz acts*
"now i REALLY like Perezz!"

Putting your head in a girl's breasts is the best way to know her :rainbowlaugh: I love this story so far :rainbowkiss:

when's the rest coming? i'm really enjoying this...but they all seem a bit too welcoming, can't wait to see who Fluttershy's guy version is...

can you please update this ASAP!!! i wanna keep reading

I love it. WHY DID YOU STOP RIGHT BEFORE FLUTTERSHY THOUGH?!:fluttershbad:
Please update:fluttershysad:

MORE!!! I NEED TO SEE FLUTTERSHY'S GUY

needs more this is gold Its ultra fascinating

guys! Icewind505 hasn't been on for 19 WEEKS! What if the story never gets updated? :rainbowderp::ajsleepy::applecry::derpyderp1::fluttershyouch::fluttershbad::fluttershysad::fluttercry::flutterrage::pinkiehappy::pinkiegasp::pinkiesad2::pinkiecrazy::raritystarry::raritydespair::raritycry::twilightsmile::twilightsheepish::twilightoops::twilightangry2:

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