• Published 10th Mar 2017
  • 12,269 Views, 813 Comments

Discord's New Business - KnightMysterio



Discord's opened a new shop. He did it legally. This will end well, I'm sure...

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Customer 9: Fancy Pants and Fleur Dis Lee

Discord's New Business
by Jonathan “KnightMysterio” Spires
Customer 9: Fancy Pants and Fleur Dis Lee

All characters are copyrighted to their original owners. If you like my work, please support me on Patreon!

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Royal Palace...
Canterlot...
A day after the incident...
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Celestia was busily going through forms, signing them and organizing them into piles. She was grumbling to herself the entire time. A sound came from nearby, and she looked up, smiling when she saw Luna coming into her chambers.

“Feeling better?” Celestia asked.

“Indeed,” Luna said, the dark blue alicorn stretching her wings. “The physical damage was undone upon my transformation, so I am fully healed.”

Celestia smiled. “Good. I'm glad you're okay,” she said.

Luna nodded. “The question is, are you?” she said.

Celestia blinked. “You are well. Why wouldn't I be?”

Luna frowned. “You turned into the Voidmare, Tia,” she said. “You haven't done that in centuries.”

Celestia flinched, closing her eyes and sighing. She turned to the pile of paperwork in front of her. “Multiple counts of assault for Jet Set, Upper Crust, and those guards, as well as charges of forced brainwashing, illegal use of memory charms, as well as charges of tribalism, racism, and classism. Discrimination charges to file against those businesses who turned you away,” she said. “We STILL don't know who all of the victims of Jet Set and Upper Crust's group were. Canterlot General Hospital is going over their records to see who might fit the criteria. None of those bastards knew the names of their victims, and can't even remember all of the species... It's like they have forgotten the Windigos completely, sister...”

“Time has a way of turning history into quaint legends, Tia... Like it did with me...” Luna said softly, sitting down next to her sister.

Celestia shook her head. “That was different, a deliberate act on my part,” she said. “I didn't want anypony to associate your name with the Nightmare's. I wanted to make it easy for you to come back. It didn't entirely work...”

Luna sighed, nuzzling her sister. “You tried. That is what is important,” she said. “It's all we can do in the end...”

Celestia just grunted in frustration..

“How are the other guards taking this revelation?” Luna asked.

“There is fury,” Celestia said. “Calls for harsh punishments for the 'oathbreakers,' and calls for charges of treason.”

Luna frowned. “While what they did is beyond heinous... to be fair, they didn't know it was me,” she said. “Treason would be an unjust charge.”

“I'm sorely tempted...” Celestia muttered. “But you are right. Still, this has shaken up the Guard badly. Captain Barricade reports that nearly all of them have come to her to retake their oath of loyalty.”

“We'll have to keep an eye on that,” Luna said. “The last thing we need is unrest in the Guard...”

Celestia nodded. “Indeed,” she said. “To make matters even more aggravating, Shining Armor is coming from the Crystal Empire.”

“Why?” Luna asked.

“He feels betrayed,” Celestia said softly. “One of the guards that were a part of Jet Set and Upper Crust's little group was a close friend of his in basic training.”

“These trials are going to be a headache...” Luna muttered.

“And investigations must be conducted into the nobility as well, to see if they had any connections to Jet Set and Upper Crust's little group... Not Fancy Pants, of course, but the rest...” Celestia shook her head. “I wish I knew why my city was like this...” she said. “After all my efforts...”

“We are spoiled, dear sister,” Luna said. “We sneak out from time to time, but always we stick to comfortable places, familiar ones. We are detached from this city and her people because of our own personal biases, too used to the comforts of the palace and the comforts of familiar friends. Because of that, we have allowed too much pride to fester in Canterlot. Pride, when left unattended, can become arrogance.”

Celestia thought for a moment, and nodded. “You are right, of course,” she said. “We'll have to try harder to connect with our little ponies. It's just...”

Luna looked up, worried. “Tia?”

Celestia shook her head. “Ponies turning ponies away because of their class or tribe... Entire races being excluded... Is it so wrong of me to want to dream of a better world, Luna? To believe in an Equestria where everypony, everyONE is treated fairly?”

Luna kissed Celestia on the cheek. “No,” she said, smiling sadly. “But that world is one that must be worked towards.”

“A never-ending effort, it seems...” Celestia said, nuzzling Luna.

“Indeed...” Luna said. “I regret that I didn't have the chance to fully explore my zebra form's magic.”

Celestia chuckled. “You were rather busy, Lulu,” she said.

“True...” Luna said. “But I think, after this experience, if I do go try Discord's services again, I think I'll become a thestral.”

Celestia nodded. “I can see that.”

“And go on a date,” Luna added, smirking.

“...That's fine,” Celestia said, frowning.

“With several of my guards,” Luna continued, grinning. “At once.”

“Luna...” Celestia said, aggravated.

“Did you know that thestral matings can go on for...” Luna said, a teasing expression on her face.

“LUNA!!” Celestia said. “If you choose to use your second transformation for such things, that's fine. But I do not need to hear the details of my sister's sex life!”

Luna nodded, smiling at the flustered look on Celestia's face.

There was a long pause. Celestia, curiosity overcoming her, sighed and asked, somewhat sheepishly. “...How long can they last for?”

Luna laughed.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Ponyville...
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

“I must say,” Fancy Pants said, “I'm surprised you're so angry about this.”

Discord snarled, his eyes glowing red. “No one torments Sunbutt and Moonbutt but me,” he muttered. “And even then, when I do it, it's FUNNY! Harmless little pranks! General annoyance! Just BEATING someone for being different... No class, no class at all. It's RUDE.”

“The priorities of a chaotic being...” Fleur said softly.

Fancy Pants gave Discord a curious look. “You claim rights to annoying the Princesses?”

Discord nodded. “Well sure. They're my friends,” he said with utmost sincerity. “You're allowed to pick on your friends.”

Close enough, Fluttershy thought. She sighed, shaking her head and smiling, while Fancy Pants and Fleur traded amused looks. Discord looked back and forth between the ponies, confused.

“...Am I missing something? Did I get a friendship detail wrong? It's so annoyingly complicated at times...” he asked.

“You're learning,” Fluttershy said. “That's what is important.”

Discord grumbled to himself. Fluttershy smiled, and then turned to Fancy Pants. “How's Luna doing?”

“She's better, thankfully,” Fancy said. “Changing back undid all the damage.”

“That's good,” Fluttershy said. “Twilight will be glad to hear that.”

“Indeed,” Discord said. “The rest of the mane characters (typo intentional) have been with her all night since she found out, trying to keep her from flying into a panic attack and tearing a hole in her own castle. It'd be hilarious if the situation wasn't so serious.”

Fluttershy nuzzled Discord, and flew off. “I'd better go tell her,” she said, flying off.

“Why would the others keep her at her castle, though?” Fleur asked.

“Because Twilight, when she panics, makes things worse,” Discord said. “They're trying to calm her down before she literally goes crashing into Canterlot.” He snickered. “I should show you a recording of the time she tried to babysit her super-powerful niece while also keeping to a whole day of personal appearances. It's one of the funniest things ever.”

Fancy chuckled. “Indeed. We all need a laugh after this. Which is why, I think, Fleur and I will go with something less dramatic than a species change this time,” he said.

Discord looked interested. “Oh? What did you have in mind?”

“I think perhaps...” Fancy Pants said. “Switch the genders of Fleur and myself. For three days each.” He hoofed over the bits, smiling.

Discord looked thoughtful. “Hm... Might as well add it to the regular lineup. I've gotten enough requests for it.” He manifested a marker and wrote 'genderswap' on the list of offered forms. “Gotten some permanent change requests, but I'm not licensed for that.”

“Surprising that you haven't just done it,” Fleur commented.

Discord scoffed. “You have any idea how much chaos I've caused just from doing this legally? No way I'm giving this game up by breaking the law.”

Fleur giggled.

“Anyway,” Discord said. “Genderbend ho.”

He snapped his fingers, Fancy Pants sneezed, his mustache shooting off as he changed to female in a poof. “My word,” Fancy Pants said, rubbing her nose. Discord picked up the mustache and placed it on Fleur's muzzle. With another poof of magic, Fleur became male.

The husband and wife looked at each other, at their transformed state. Fancy Pants was slimmer, with more pronounced curves, her mane becoming longer and more flowing. Her body had also lost some height, and her muzzle was shorter. Her coat, once fitted perfectly, now hung loosely off of her frame.

Fleur was the same height, although he now sported a pink mustache and was bulkier. His mane shortened, his bangs growing out into a stylish curve. His muzzle was boxier as well, his jaw more square. “Goodness,” Fleur said, looking himself over. He blinked, and laughed at his new voice, deeper voice. “My voice is much deeper now! Haha!”

Fancy giggled, amused at how high her voice was now. “Dear me. I've become a soprano!”

“Well done, Discord,” Fleur said. “We look fantastic.”

“We here at Discord's House of Messing With You And Getting Paid For It pride ourselves on quality customer service. Please see our branch offices on Mobius, the Mushroom Kingdom, Runeterra, Azeroth, Cybertron, Eternia, and Care-A-Lot,” Discord said, smiling.

Fleur and Fancy chuckled, trotting off to enjoy the rest of their day.

“Where to first, my love?” Fancy asked.

“Well, my dear Fancy Pants... although perhaps Fancy Dress would be a better name now,” Fleur quipped, giggling. “Where would you like to go?”

“Fancy Dress...” Fancy said softly, grinning. “That actually sounds like a wonderful idea!” She nodded. “To Carousel Boutique!”

The two trotted off, going to the distinctive home of Ponyville's resident fashion designer. “Miss Rarity? Are you home?” Fancy said, knocking on the door.

The door opened, revealing a large, white dragoness. “Welcome to Carousel Boutique, where everything is... Fancy Pants?”

“Well, certainly I do enjoy a fancy pair of corduroys, but I'm in the mood for women's wear today,” Fancy said, grinning.

Rarity blinked, and chuckled, motioning the two of them inside. “Making use of Discord's services, I see?”

Fleur nodded. “It's certainly different,” he said, twitching his nose. His mustache felt weird. “I'm still not completely used to my new center of gravity. Plus, this thing on my face itches.”

“Oh, tish tosh,” Fancy said. “You didn't mind it when it was attached to my face.”

“Well yes, but then it tickled, and only when applied to certain areas of my body,” Fleur said, smirking.

“Now now,” Rarity said, blushing a little. “As amusing as this is, let's show a little bit of propriety, shall we?”

“Forgive us,” Fancy said. “Merely a bit of fun.”

Rarity chuckled. “Quite all right,” she said. “Now. What can I do for you?”

Fancy smiled. “Well, since I seem to be Fancy Dress now rather than Fancy Pants for the next few days,” she said, tittering at her joke, “I believe that a new outfit is in order?”

Rarity rolled her eyes. The joke wasn't that funny. “Well, come this way,” she said, “and stand on the platform. As I don't have magic right now, I'm going to be getting a little handsy with you to get your measurements.” She flexed her claws, and pulled out a measuring tape.

“Whether dragon or pony, you are a lady, Ms. Rarity. I trust you not to be inappropriate,” Fancy said.

“Even after I tried to add you to my harem hoard?” she asked quietly.

“I consider it a compliment that a dragon would consider me handsome enough to be worthy of being called a treasure,” Fancy said.

“Honestly, I'm a little offended you didn't take me as well,” Fleur teased.

Rarity blushed, coughing. “Yes, well...” she said. “Let's begin, shall we?”

Fancy nodded, discarding her coat. “Mind if I just leave this here until I change back in three days?” she asked, setting it aside.

“Certainly,” Rarity said as Fancy stepped up onto the platform. “Don't be surprised if I make an adjustment or two to it.” She whipped out the measuring tape and began to take Fancy's measurements, humming to herself and going back and forth from a notebook. Fleur and Fancy watched in fascination as Rarity's quill darted back and forth across the paper, creating a new design out of nothing.

Once it was done. “Oh wow...” Fleur said.

Rarity beamed. The new dress was a simple, flowing number, one lined with gems down one side. It would accent Fancy's curves, while highlighting her best features.

“Exquisite as always,” Fancy said.

Rarity grinned toothily. “Not bad for just off the top of my head,” she said. “I may make a few additions here and there, but this is a good preliminary sketch.”

Fancy smiled. “Shall we pay you now?”

Rarity looked confused. “Why? I haven't given you the product yet,” she said.

“I always admired your integrity in your business, Rarity,” Fancy said. “We'll stop by later to pick it up.”

“I'll send you a telegram. It should be ready by tomorrow, as I recently caught up on my backlog...” Rarity said, looking thoughtful as she studied the design.

“Very well,” Fancy said. “Fleur, darling, shall we be off?”

“See you later, Rarity!” Fleur said as the couple trotted out of the shop. “So now what, Fancy?”

“A good question,” Fancy said as they trotted along. “Our transformation was a rather simple one. And I still feel pretty much like myself.”

Fleur grinned, blushing a little. “I can think of one thing I'd like to try, but we'd have to wait until we get back home.”

Fancy giggled. “Well, if nothing else, we can simply enjoy the Ponyville sights and sounds,” she said.

“And maybe make fun of gender stereotypes as well?” Fleur suggested.

Fancy smirked. “Naughty boy,” she said.

Chatting casually, the two of them made their way to SugarCube Corner. As they did, though, they were spotted by a trio of Earth pony mares, each the color of the flowers they had in the carts they brought with them.

The cream colored mare with the rose colored hair stepped forward. “I'm sorry, but are you new in town?” she asked.

“Indeed,” Fancy said. “I'm Fancy Dress, and this is my husband...” She hesitated, and said, “Frank.”

Fleur blinked. Frank? Really?

“Not many ponies with donkey names,” the cream-colored mare said. “My name is Roseluck. My friends are Daisy, and Lily. We're with the Ponyville Alertness Committee!”

“Oh?” Fleur said. “I was not aware that Ponyville had such a thing.”

“We're not official,” Lily said, digging through her flower cart. “But we're definitely needed.”

“Do you know how many dangerous things there are in Ponville?” Daisy said, shivering. “We're right next to the Everfree Forest! Monsters! Scary voodoo zebras! Rabbit stampedes!”

“Rabbit stampedes? Really?” Fancy said in an amused tone.

Roseluck nodded. “Do you have any idea what a swarm of rampaging bunnies can do to your garden?! Oh, the horror...” she said, staggering and almost fainting.

“On top of that, we have Crusader antics to worry about,” Lily said.

“Don't believe them when they say they've changed!” Daisy said. “They're just spreading their madness to all the other foals in town.”

“How scary,” Fleur said in an almost bored tone.

“It is!” Lily said, pulling out a pair of pamphlets, giving them to the two unicorns. “And on top of everything else, we've got the Lord of Chaos himself living here!”

“Oh my,” Fancy said, looking through the pamphlet, a long list of 'dangerous' things to watch out for. “Thank you, dears. We'll be on the lookout from now on.”

Roseluck, Daisy, and Lily beamed happily. “We're proud to be of service!” Daisy said, giving them both one of each of their namesake flowers. “Here. A snack, on the house.”

“Please come to our flower stands if you need anything from arrangements or catering!” Roseluck said. “Also, we have meetings of the Awareness Committee twice weekly! We can give you updates on the dangers of this town then!”

The three mares trotted off happily, thinking they had just saved another couple from the dangers of Ponyville.

Once they were out of view, Fleur folded her pamphlet into an origami crane, casually eating her flowers.

Fancy giggled, crumpling her pamphlet up and disposing of it in a nearby trash can as she ate her flowers as well. “I see we've met the town paranoids,” she said.

Fleur snorted, setting the crane down at a doorstep. A blankflanked child who lived there would find it later, unfold it to learn how to make it, and discover his talent for origami artwork shortly after.

Fleur, getting a silly idea, said in a comically heroic tone, “Fear not, dear lady! For I will always protect you! After all, protecting mares is a stallion's work!”

Fancy giggled as Fleur puffed his chest out, acting macho. “Yep,” he continued. “Because I'm a macho, rough and tumble stallion! I get in fights! I drink beer! I lift heavy things!” He looked around for something heavy to lift. He saw Big Macintosh unhook his apple-filled cart nearby and head into SugarCube Corner, and went over to try and lift it.

“Macho stallions lift, bro!” he said, attempting to lift the heavy cart... and failing miserably. “HNNGHHH!” He strained, making a general fool of himself.

“No cheating by trying to use magic, dear,” Fancy said, watching with amusement.

Fleur tried several times to lift the heavy cart, from several different angles, but it was just too heavy for the spindly stallion. He lay down next to the cart, panting for breath.

And then a small, pink filly with a porcupine cutie mark, one who'd been watching the whole exchange, came along and lifted the cart easily into the air. With one hoof. She then set it down again, making sure not to spill any apples, calmly walking off.

“...” Fancy said.

“...Well now I just feel inadequate,” Fleur said. Fancy collapsed with laughter. Fleur fumed. “It's not THAT funny.”

Fancy tried to get control of herself. She really did. But after all that effort with no result, a tiny filly comes along and lifts the thing with one hoof...

Fleur huffed, turning away. “A fine thing. I try to impress my wife and then she goes and laughs at me,” she said.

Fancy nuzzled him, finally getting control of her laughter. “I'm sorry, dearheart. But really, what were you thinking? That strapping young lad guiding the cart is obviously a farmer, judging by the muscle and the wear on his hooves. You were a supermodel before I married you.”

Fleur blushed. “I don't know, I just... I wanted to do something impressive while I was transformed...” he said.

Fancy chuckled. “You never have to worry about impressing me with your deeds, Fleur Dis Lee,” she said. “You won my heart with your kindness, your brilliant mind, and your wonderful sense of humor.”

Fleur smiled warmly.

“...That, and you have a nice butt,” Fancy added.

Fleur rolled his eyes. “Stallions are pigs. Even when they're women,” he said.

Fancy giggled. “Come! Let's not worry about such things anymore. This is our day to enjoy, my dear. Let's journey to yon bakery and partake of its wares.”

“Goodness knows I could use some cake after THAT fiasco,” Fleur said, chuckling as the two nobles went inside.

TO BE CONTINUED...
Next time: You pick who transforms, and what they transform into!

Author's Note:

Sorry for the late post. Yesterday was a painful day for me, and I just needed time to myself...

ANYWAY! I hope you enjoyed this silly little chapter. Genderswap won the vote with 52% of 381 votes.

Gonna do something different this time. You pick not only what the transformation will be but who will be transformed as well! It's a total mystery!