What did you think would happen?
Asylum
Admiral Biscuit
Rick Dicker looked at the man standing before him. Having a person who wasn't his secretary in his office was somewhat rare, but this was a momentous occasion—practically a diplomatic crisis—and so his presence was warranted.
Rick tapped his pen idly on the desk while he took another look at his visitor. Clothes disheveled, although that was to be expected, given the circumstances. Smelled vaguely like a horse; also to be expected. And a slightly wild look in his eyes . . . which, unfortunately, was also expected.
“Let's start from the beginning, Joe.”
The man standing in front of him withered slightly. “Again?”
“Last time, I promise.” Rick clicked his pen, a bad habit he'd had since college and never quite gotten out of. “I just want to make sure I've got all the facts straight.”
Joe sighed, and then began his sorry story one more time, while Rick dutifully took notes. And then when Joe had finished, Rick clicked his pen back shut and tapped it on the legal pad while he skimmed over what he'd written.
“I'm going to take your word that all the paperwork was in order. I could pull it, you know.”
Joe nodded. “Yeah, as far as I know everything was good. We got the visas, vet inspections, the whole nine yards. Weren't going to take any chances on it.”
“Of course not.” Rick looked down at the legal pad again, even though by now he had the second half of the story in triplicate. What he was really lacking was the first half, and although he could guess, it was better to hear it straight from the horse's mouth, so to speak.
“What exactly happened out there, Joe?”
“They took them! Andy and Baron and Jake and Mark and—“
Rick held up his hand. “I got that. I get that. That's why you're here. Something led up to it, and if you don't tell me, I can't help you.”
“Well, it was our first night in Canterlot. . . .”
• • •
It was their first night in Canterlot and it was a stunning success. Ponies filled the bleachers, many of them sporting brand-new Budweiser merchandise. In a massive marketing coup, the Anheuser-Busch company had seized upon the potential new market just the other side of the portal and while they couldn't export beer there yet, that was going to happen eventually. Equestria was simply too big an untapped market to ignore, after all, and it was vital to be first, to be the name on everypony's mind when they wanted an ice-cold beer after a hard day's work, and they had printed their logo on everything that they thought a pony might wear or carry.
And the culmination of their efforts were a demonstration by the world-famous Budweiser Clydesdales.
Everything had been going according to plan. When the Clydesdales came out onto the parade ground, there were gasps of awe from the crowd, flashbulbs popped, and little Budweiser flags were waved enthusiastically. The drover put the team through their paces, and perhaps inspired by the all-pony crowd watching, had the team kneel as their encore. The hoof-stomps and cheers from the crowd were so loud that Joe thought there was every chance that the entire grandstands would simply crash down from the physical and sonic assault upon them, and he was further convinced that if that did happen, it would not diminish the cheering one bit.
He could still hear it as the Clydesdales were led back to the trucks where they'd rest for the night, since they had been unable to locate any stables big enough to accommodate them.
Unhitching the team was an involved process. First, they split them into pairs and gave the commands to move forward a little bit, separating the lead team from the body team and the swing team and the wheel team, and then they had to unhook the chains, eveners, and doubletrees from each horse before they could begin removing the harnesses.
Each piece of the harness was inspected for wear as it was removed, and it would be inspected again before the horses were re-harnessed for their next show.
Once the horses were unharnessed, they were led by their bridles around to a washing area, and Joe supervised the whole process, making sure that things were running smoothly, which thankfully they were. None of the equipment had damage, and all the horses were in high spirits; perhaps they had been inspired by the large equine crowd.
He had stepped into his office/bedroom at the front of the trailer and was in the process of unlacing his boots when a knocking at his door made him curse under his breath, and he quickly re-knotted his laces just enough so that he wouldn't trip over them and opened his door, nearly tripping over his visitor as he leaned out to see who was there.
Joe still hadn't gotten used to how short the ponies were.
He wasn't sure if he should crouch down or lean down, and he wasn't sure if they did handshakes or what, so he kept his hands loosely at his side while the mare introduced herself and held up a shiny badge that he couldn't read at all. It did look suitably official, and her request wasn't that unusual: she wanted to inspect the boarding arrangements.
Things went downhill fast from there, and Joe felt a growing sense of unease as he awkwardly explained why the horses were gelded to the stern face of the mare. And she questioned him about the partitions between the stables, the halters that the horses wore, the road apples on the floor of some of the stalls, and the buckets of hay, and they hadn't even gotten to the end of the trailer when she stopped in the middle of the aisleway and announced that she'd seen enough, and demanded to know why the horses were kept in such deplorable conditions.
Any attempt at explanation was quickly forestalled, and finally Joe pulled what he thought was his trump card:
“Listen, missy, I appreciate you taking the time out to come over and make sure that we take good care of our horses, and I assure you that we do. This might not seem like the best arrangement and perhaps it isn't, but I promise you that they're very well taken care of—they're very valuable animals and cost tens of thousands of dollars each, and—“
“You own them?”
“Well, not me personally, but the Anheuser-Busch company does, yes.”
Her ears flattened back and she stormed out of the wagon, her clipboard floating obediently along behind her, and Joe shook his head and went back to his office, but he wasn't there for very long.
• • •
“You told her that you owned them.”
“We do own them.”
Rick leaned across the desk, his pen clenched like a weapon. “You went to Equestria with your team of horses, and when someone asked you told her that you owned them. Do you even know what that sounds like? How that would be interpreted? What on Earth were you thinking? 'Oh, yes, they're our slaves, so it's doesn't matter that you're not happy with how we're keeping them.'”
Joe had the decency to hang his head. “I guess when you put it like that it does sound bad.”
“You think?” Rick dropped back in his seat. “Okay, so what happened next? Was that when the Guards came?”
“Not right away,” Joe said. “It was maybe an hour later? I didn't look at my watch, you know.”
Rick nodded. “You weren't hurt, or anything.” It wasn't really a question; Joe hadn’t mentioned being hurt in his arrest in any of his tellings of the story.
“They took us back to a detention center, and we each got our own cell—“ the irony of that hadn't entirely escaped Joe— “and the next morning, we got deported, and, well. . . .”
“Here you are.” Rick tapped his pen on the notepad idly. “Well, I'm sure we can get the trucks back. And the wagons, for sure. The harnesses, probably. Can't imagine that they'd want them. As for the horses, I hate to say it, but you're not going to get them back.”
“What? Why?”
Rick permitted himself a small smile. “Princess Celestia granted them asylum.”
• • •
Getting the horses out of Canterlot had been a major undertaking. Luckily, they were docile and didn't object to being led around by their halters, and they got in the train cars willingly enough. They were far too large to fit in passenger cars, so the railroad ponies had provided four box cars with temporary fences built across the doors to let air in, and the horses had gotten up in them willingly enough.
Inside, fresh bedding had been laid down for them, and net bags full of fresh pasture grasses hung from inside the box cars, should they want a snack. Large wooden buckets full of water were lashed to the floor, and due to their sheer size, each box car only held one pair of horses, along with two ponies as traveling companions.
Much to everyone's relief, the trip had gone without a hitch, and a large crowd had gathered at the Ponyville train station to welcome the new citizens home. Nurse Snowheart was at the head of that welcoming committee, already examining her new charges as they emerged from the train, their enormous hooves shaking the platform with each step that they took.
The procession took on a parade-like feel as it went through town, each horse led by a pony with a lead-rope. Snowheart's teeth gritted at the thought of it; she'd seen their eyes and knew that there was a spark of intelligence deep down. Perhaps it had been suppressed by their years in servitude, but she was determined to bring it back to the fore.
Their medical files were woefully thin. All she really had was names, and those were nearly unpronounceable, and worse yet, they weren't even proper names. They were slave names, and the sooner they were forgotten, the better.
A large spot of vacant land had been set aside for them, and it had everything that a pony could want. Good grazing, a stream for fresh water, a pond to cool down in, trees for shade, and a quickly constructed house which was really more of a barn, but it would do for now.
As each horse was led through the gate, Fluttershy flew up to their heads—slowly, to avoid spooking them—and unfastened the hateful bridle, casting their final bonds of servitude to the ground.
At first, the horses clustered by the gate, unsure what to do, until at last Sammy finally began exploring his new home and before too long Commander followed, and Nurse Snowheart's spirit lightened as they spread out in the field and began grazing.
She stood with her forelegs on the hastily-constructed split-rail fence and watched them graze, and watched them spread out and explore their new home, and she almost cheered when Captain dropped to his knees and then rolled on his back in the field, stretching perhaps, or scratching an itch.
It was going to be a lot of work—years of work, and she'd already steeled herself to the possibility that they would never be able to live without supervision. Sometimes that happened; sometimes something went wrong inside a pony's head and it couldn’t be fixed . . . but other times, the years of slow teaching, of gentle instruction paid off.
Snowheart eyed the herd, taking their measure. Sooner or later she was going to have to assert dominance, to get them to obey her and listen to her, and that was hard. She didn't like doing it, but she knew how to apply pressure when needed and release when it was earned; she knew how to cut off a drive line and make a pony come to her, and it didn't matter that they were ten times her size and could easily crush her with their enormous hooves, she could get past that. She would get past that, and then she'd teach them to be ponies.
Fluttershy flew up to her, eight halters held against her chest. “Um, should we put these in the barn for them?”
It was tempting, but Snowheart shook her head. “Burn them.” She pointed her hoof to the open pasture. “They're free now.”
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Budweiser is ungodly pisswasser, but that superbowl commercial about Adolphus Busch that got conservatives' panties in a twist was rather heartwarming.
On a related note, my state is finally abolishing the medieval Blue Laws. To be honest, I'm a bit sad future generations won't know the time-honored ritual of hopping the border into Wisconsin to stock up on a Sunday.
Well, you've inspired me. The next time the lizard-man circus comes through town, I'll make sure their giant, carnivorous apes are properly informed of their rights.
Fun story, and an interesting look at human pony relations.
Would this be in the same 'verse as Silver Glow (I guess the exchange-verse) or just a stand alone?
8002723
8002730
It's really just a standalone. It was inspired by comments on Silver Glow's Journal, and it doesn't directly contradict anything in that story, so you can certainly see it in the Silver Glow 'verse.
8002717
And I do like their Clydesdales, too.
We've relaxed ours, too. You can now buy early on Sundays, so you can get lit before going to church.
indeed what did you think would happen.
Doesn't matter what name you give them if it doesn't fit into thier world view thier panties are in a twist
And after the diplomatic fallout, Australian beer brewers were able to step up...
8002749
I can see how something like this could be what causes them to start up the exchange program something like this doesn't happen again.
Some canny diplomacy and scientific evidence might get the horses back, after all earth horses aren't sapient(sapient is different from sentient) Though I doubt Joe isn't going to get fired and shunned for causing interdimenshional incident for not explaining to Equestria that "earth horses aren't people". What did he plan to do as a follow up, eat a hamburger in front of them? Joe why you no think?
Good ole diplomatic incidents. Pff. Heh.
Urge to write story about the years-long rehabilitation of the Budweiser Clydesdales...
Rising...
And now I just developed a new piece of headcanon.
Considering the amount of sapient species in Equestria, and how through history each one of them had been considered just animals (the Princesses made a drinking game out of it, then stopped after an embarassing morning involving a pool of custard, three minotaurs, a seal wearing a clown wig an no memories about the evening before), Equestria abolished directly the concept of owning living beings. They have now in place a complex system of rules regarding living conditions and advocates who can challenge the current host of animals if they are acting against the interests of their tenants.
This works through a collection of precedents and because we are talking about ponies.
In the customs forms there was probably a field regarding "responsible" or "steward" and the idea of ownership got lost in translation.
BTW, I liked the story a lot
8003008 Agreed...After all they are suffering from PTSD.
8003023
Saying this phrase would save so much time on so many stories.
Next chapter: Applejack vs Diamond Dogs aka the legal fight over Winona.
If the ponies don't view them as animals, why were they brought to Fluttershy for care, instead of, say, some sort of mental health long term care facility?
The story has a lot of promise but I feel it ends before it even gets started.
Needs moreeee :)
Harts Fire takes a wing to the back of Admiral's head. we need to talk about the sequel as I have a idea.
8002886
Because people that work in stables have practical experience in diplomacy but not theoretical. Donny gets to deal with the fallout
Well, these sorts of hiccups are all but inevitable during first contact (and second, third, fourth...) At least it didn't end in declarations of war.
Most entertaining all around.
8002717 Except it wasn't true. Busch was a from a well off family and immigrated to a well known German community legally. There wasn't even anti German sentiment at time he came over, so the scene where he's getting yelled at "Go back home!" Is bs.
If you're going to stiggit to trump, at least get your facts right, or better yet, just focus on why your product is great and leave politics out of it.
Local mega brewery to me that still has display Shires, is Thwaites. The local pubs aint the furthest they delivered, at over 6 miles, or the worst hills, approaching thousand foot climbs, but they give a good example of just what these horses could go through. And then theres the weather. Theres a reason the area is classed as Temperate Rainforest. And yet theres Hares. Which apparently are Arctic Hares that decided to stick around when the permafrost melted.
But my first thought on the story?
None of them recieved a heros welcome.
8003403 Given how most stable owners treat their horses like their own I almost expect them to fight tooth and nail to try and get them back.
Of course given the sort of divide I would wonder what would happen when Spike the Overworked BABY assistant would come to the opposite end given Child Labor Laws.
8003475
Who said anything about Trump? He "stiggits" himself enough without outside help.
Wait wait wait....
How'd they even get as far as TO Equestria, shouldn't there have been some sort of customs?
What do horses have to do with beer?
8003567 The Clydesdale is the symbol for the Budweiser brand beer.
8002717
I find beer in general to be disgusting, honestly. My family and friends who drink it tell me that "I just haven't found the right one." Like they're talking about getting a girlfriend or something. But every beer I've tried, I thought was just plain gross. I'd rather drink cough syrup than beer.
8003119
I'd read it.
8003403 Some how I doubt Joe was a stable worker, I like to think people who work with horses might be better at dealing with sentient ones.
8003567
What 8003587 said. Specifically, breweries used to deliver beer to bars and restaurants in heavy carts drawn by teams of draft horses, of which Clydesdales are one of the best known breeds. So big draft horses have become linked with the idea of beer.
8003602 It`s like black coffee. unless you acquire a taste for it you will hate it forever.
It had been years in the making, but Snowheart felt nothing but swelling pride as the giant Earth horse made an awkward attempt at a formal bow before the Princesses. Finally, one of them could speak, and now the real work of reaching out to the rest of the Earth horses could begin. But this moment... this glorious moment was the culmination of Snowheart's hopes and dreams.
Barkback - Fluttershy's nickname for the former 'Commander' - opened his mouth. "Can I go home now?" A pin dropping would have been like a cannon shot in the stunned silence. "I miss my friend Joe."
Discord: *leans back and eats popcorn* I could tell them they're basically pets, but this is going to be so much fun to watch
Good luck with that.
Isn't Troubleshoes the Equestrian version of a Clydesdale?
This is begging for a sequel! Clydesdale adventures in Equestria! Want moar!
He should have explained the difference in intelligence between the two (Equis ponies and Earth horses) before saying anything else.
The potential sequel to this where enough exposure to Equestrian ambient magic turns them into awakened equines would be equal parts disturbing and hilarious. After all, Equestrian wildlife shows considerably more intelligence for their brain sizes than Earth ones do, and the obvious explanation is "magic".
And yes, if this is the same setting as Silver Glow's Journal, it'd be even MORE so. She made friends with a fair number of Earth horses, after all.
8003567
Original method of delivery. Horse-drawn wagons.
saintpaulalmanac.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/p54-keg-delivery-cart.png
This does still make me wonder about Applejack's farm animals. The cows and sheep can talk, yet are treated like, well, animals, as opposed to Iron Will's goats who don't talk but seem to be employees. And I don't know why AJ keeps pigs, unless she goes hunting for a lot of truffles.
Only issue I see is the Horses would have to ask for asylum before it could be granted. It can't be just given to someone because there from another place. In fact if you consider the Horses to be from another world than the pony's essentially kidnapped them.
"We've made a ...discovery."
"Yes, Counselor?" Celestia nodded for him to continue.
"One of our volunteer helpers, a mare named Pole Dancer, somehow managed to make one of our new guests her ...special somepony, and now she has a foal. It seems interbreeding is possible."
And that's where the nation of Clyde began.
(The ponies there are huge and a bit dim, but they brew a decent beer>
8003891
Depends if they classify them as the equivalent of minors or infants, incapable of providing for themselves. In that case, this could be considered as freeing them from slavery. In which case they would probably get somepony to administer their interests until they are capable of doing so alone.
8003890
Probably for fertilizer.
This is interesting, not mentioned concepts in equestria meets earth stories. I wonder how ponies would react if they were to observe industrial animal husbandry or classic husbandry?
8003702, I am now imagining the Clydesdales to sound like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ukpnHh4eEeQ or maybe with a Midwestern US accent (the stables are in St. Louis)
On that note, an interesting story idea would be if the soon-to-be sapient Clydesdales were angry upon realizing they they had essentially been kidnapped. It would also be nice to see the sapient Clydesdales interacting with their former owners.
---------------------
It makes sense that Snowheart actually uses horsemanship techniques to deal with mentally retarded or otherwise brain-damaged Ponies. After all, what is an MLP Pony but a sapient horse?
On that, I am now imagining horse trainers in Equestria getting jobs as orderlies and guards in mental health facilities.
8003532 You were talking about the commercial ad that was clearly aimed at his anti "illegal" immigration platform and threw conservatives in the mix. There's this big push to conflate all immigrants togther and make those who support controlling immigration as big bad nationalist bigots, when that clearly isn't the case.
It even fails more so when AnheauserBusch is pandering to that sentiment using its founder as a story of coming to America full of hate and adversity when the actual truth is complete opposite. Look, I get it, it's a group of people you politically disagree with but at least praise something that has truth or real basis in its Ad. The super bowl commercial is factually incorrect and it's political pandering in the hopes to score more revenue.
Something documenting Snowhearts attempts at rehabilitating the Budweiser team would be amusing.
8004018 Well AJ's farm does own Sheep and Cows..