Paradox in a Box, without the box
“SCREWBALL!” George shouted as he walked into the dining hall where his student was busy entertaining the castle staff with her juggling skills. She would take any nearby object that wasn’t nailed down -and a few that were!- and utilize it in her act. “Get your stuff together! We’re going on an adventure!”
“Really!?” Screwball said excitedly as she turned away from the crowd, leaving the objects to continue their juggling pattern as they spun in circles in the air even without her actions being used to keep them in line anymore. After the crowd realized they had been had, they all stiffly walked away, somewhat disappointed in having been so easily fooled. “Where are we going?”
“In whichever vague direction I decide the sphinx will be.” George said, planting one foot on a nearby bench and placing his hand into his coat pocket, causing it to rest across his chest.
“Sphpppp... The what?” Her tongue sputtered helplessly for a moment as she looked at George, waiting for her answer with a helpless expression.
“The sphinx. Giant eagle, hawk, lion, chimera things. Ya know, like to tell riddles to travellers because they are useless slouches who aren’t good for anything besides furry pillow down?” He was met with a confused look, as he expected, and shrugged. “Come with me and I’ll give you ice cream that is more wonderful than you can imagine.”
It was at this point that Celestia teleported into the room and looked toward George with a panicked expression. “George, I need your help! Twilight was kidnapped by a sphinx!”
“I know. I was just going to go track it down.”
“You know? How do you know?”
“Future me came from the past -he was early you see- to tell me that she was. Apparently, it’s screw with people who don’t like paradoxes day and I can’t wait until its my turn, so I’m heading out as soon as Screwball is ready.”
A slow blink from Celestia. “Alright, well, good luck, then. I hear she got taken eastward.”
“This isn’t my first day of tracking; I know how to hunt. The thing is, she’ll be expecting us to walk straight to her, so we’ll go so far west that we end up going east.”
“Ooo!” Screwball jumped into the conversation. “Maybe we could go so far up that we go down and get the sneak attack on her from beneath her.”
“I like the way you think, Screwy. Let’sa go!”
“I thought my nickname was Screwb,” the earth pony answered, seemingly slightly upset at having to use a different name. So much so that the propeller on her hat stopped spinning.
“Sorry, I got confused. See, the alternate universe version of you that is male is called Nailgun and his nickname is Naily.”
“You just made that up didn’t you?” The propeller was starting to spin again and the man smiled in return.
Instead of answering her though, he snapped his fingers, a cotton candy cone appearing in front of Screwball and distracting the filly from what they had been talking about. “Hey, look! It’s runaway cotton candy! Catch it for the good of Equestria, Screwb.” The filly immediately took off after the sugary treat, tongue stretching to comedic lengths as it flapped in the air next to her face. The man was not far behind as he followed her out of the door, leaving one very confused Celestia standing in the wake of the chaos.
“I think... I should go talk to my sister about those new laws that we’ve been meaning to pass... or something.”
“Right. We’re about to get attacked by the sphinx, but she doesn’t know we know. And by all the rules of epic adventures, that means that I now have to go into the details of things that other people might be curious about,” George said, tapping a pen against a hardbound book resting in his palm while he looked at the air with a curious expression. After a moment, he turned to Screwball. “So I suppose I’ll just ask you what the trick behind using chaos magic is, and then you’ll say...”
“The trick to using chaos magic is to make sure that you are having fun with it,” Screwb answered readily, an empty cotton candy cone on the end of her muzzle.
“Yup, and now-”
“HALT, TRAVELERS!” A sphinx descended out of the sky, flapping loosely in the air as it slowed its descent. A minute later, and it landed in front of the man and his student, a smug smile on its face. “If you wish to save the hostage, you must answer my riddle.”
“I accept. Tell me your riddle.”
“What-”
“A party,” Entropy answered immediately, a paper flapping in George’s hand that hadn’t been there a minute ago.
“How did you- Fine, one more riddle, then.”
“Go ahead.”
“How do you get out of a room that has no doors or windows? The only things you can use are a table and a mirror.” As she finished, the creature seemed relieved that the leather hat hadn’t taken the opportunity to interrupt her this time.
George snapped his fingers and a large black board materialized out of thin air. Taking a piece of chalk in his hand, he immediately put down a diagram of the room that the sphinx had described. Then, he started listing symbols off to the side whilst talking to Entropy all the while. The more he wrote, the wider the sphinx’ smile grew. At last, he placed the chalk on the board and snapped his fingers again, sending the board away to wherever he had conjured it from.
Taking a deep breath, George turned towards the sphinx and, after a pause that made Screwball lean forward in a chair she had conjured, he began to rattle off. “You look in the mirror to see what you saw. You take the saw and you cut the table into two halves, and as we all know two halves make a hole so you jump out the hole.”
“What- But- How did you- ARRRGGGGH” the sphinx shouted, jumping off the mountainside and towards a sea cliff below.
As it collided, the sphinx turned to sand and began to waft away on the wind. Not wasting a second, George leaned over the ledge and shouted to the fleeing riddler, “Jokes on you! I can’t marry my mom!” which drew an odd look from Screwball and the vast majority of the nearby wildlife. Meanwhile, Entropy only started chuckling.
“I’m not even sure Discord would have gotten that joke, George.”
“To Twilight Sparkle!” George shouted, ignoring his hat’s quip. With all due haste, he grabbed Screwball’s forelimb and broke into a flat footed run into the distance with her trailing behind.
After a few minutes of running, they came to a steep cliff, and George slowed down so Screwball could get her feet under her. With that done, the trio started their climb. Not wanting it to get boring on the climb up, Screwball decided to speak up.
“How did you know the answer to the sphinx’s riddle before she finished it, Entropy?”
“Ah yes, that’s right. George, if you would be so kind.”
“Right, almost forgot. Thanks, Screwb,” George said before pulling a paper from his pocket. After scribbling ‘a party’ on it, he snapped his fingers and the paper disappeared in a yellow flash.
“So you... told yourself?” Screwball asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Yes and no.”
“But why did you have to have Entropy read it?”
“Because I can’t read my own hand writing.”
“Whew, I thought that was just me! It’s good to know you have that problem, too.” Screwball’s hat began to spin and she took to the sky, flying towards the top of the cliff. Below, George paused and looked up. However, her excitement was cut short for a moment and she flew back down to his level again. “But then, how did you figure out the answer to the second riddle?”
“It was just basic math. Hardly a riddle at all, really.”
“Oh,” was all the filly said in return before flying out of sight at the top of climb.
As she disappeared from sight, George thought of something that froze him in his tracks. With a uncertainty building in his heart, he glanced slowly towards his talking hat. “Why didn’t I just teleport? This is stupid, walking all this way for no apparent reason...”
“I have no idea, George. The concept didn’t come to me until just now, either. Maybe we were too set on adventuring?”
“Huh,” George answered, following the accelerating filly as she appeared above for a moment before disappearing behind the rock once again. With a sigh, the man started up the mountain on foot once again. “May as well finish the way we started, then.”
After everyone had reached the top of the stone pillar, George looked around, trying to find Screwball and Twilight. In the meantime, a movement near the bottom of the nest caught his eye. Reaching down to brush aside the straw, it wasn’t long until a young sphinx lunged from its cover, fitting his entire arm into her mouth. George paused for a moment, looking at the creature. “Kinda cute, isn’t she, Entropy?”
“I guess you could say that.”
The creature let go of his arm, surprised by the talking hat as it was, and dove back into the dried hay of the nest. George flexed his muscle, happy to be free of the constriction, only to be tackled from behind.
Pushing off of the ground, he looked in the direction of his attackers and spotted Twilight in the grasp of Screwball, both of whom were flying recklessly through the air. Jumping to his feet, his eyes flashed with realization. “WAIT!”
Screwball froze and lowered Twilight into the sphinx nest once again. Both of the females looked toward George expectantly until he finally snapped his fingers, summoning the text he had been tapping with a pen earlier into his grasp. “Argh, how could I forget such an important thing?!”
“What’s the matter?” Twilight asked, slowly approaching the madman.
“I forgot to anger a god. This hasn’t even been an epic journey. Maybe if we did something to Celestia...”
“I can help with that!” Screwball said, spinning around in the air as she flew circles around the chaotic being.
“I know just what to do!” George said before turning to the flying earth pony. “Here’s what I want you to cast...” After whispering something to Screwball, he suddenly reached into his coat and pulled out an eight foot tall skeleton bearing a black afro.
“YOHOHOHOHO! I can’t believe my eyes. Oh, but, I don’t have eyes, because I’m a skeleton. SKULL JOKE!”
“PLAY US OUT, BROOOOOKE!” George shouted as he pointed to the odd creature, whom immediately broke out into a song on his violin.
“BINKUSU NO SAKE WO, TODOKE NI YUKU YO!...”
As they approached the castle, George was glancing around fitfully. He had taken care of all the time travel issues before he had gone about approaching Canterlot. His face was full of joy when he had returned from the trip through time, but it had swiftly shifted to fear and uncertainty about what would happen next.
So here he was now, watching for an angry alicorn that could harness the power of the sun if she willed it. A yellow flash encompassed the group and they all teleported directly in front of Celestia, whom was decorated with black asymmetrical spots on her normally white coat. To top it off, her rainbow pastel hair had taken the form of an afro, leaving George with the monumental task of NOT laughing at her.
“Can you say ‘afro circus’ for me, Celestia?” George asked, an impossibly wide smile covering his features.
“No.” The response was immediate and magic began to wrap around the man’s limbs. “And you’re gonna fix this, now,” she said before dragging him away with a look that could have freed Discord, and then put him back in stone again.
Realizing his fate, George let the magic drag him backward, only doing one thing to show he was still alive. “Cruella De Vil, Cruella De Vil. If she doesn’t scare you, no evil thing will.”
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I haven't seen this story in a while.
This story is so awesome! Thanks a ton for the chapter!
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25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m540j7Km6G1ru5991o3_1280.gif
Discorderly Conduct Tumblr
I've found that the following .gif reflects my reaction perfectly in almost every circumstance.
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw7539-FillyDerpy.icantstopwatchingit_77470b_3990615.gif
And I feel as though it found a home here.
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Cutest gif I have ever seen, I'm adding it to my collection.
i cant even form a proper response to what just happend
Oh god, its TOO funny! i can't stop laughing!
Love the poem. Tracking.
Oedipus. Most disgusting story ever.
AP English class. Best class ever.
Nice Brooke reference to OP, stopped watching the show after they started so many random characters to go along with the new boat and stuff.
yey more randomness!
I am entertained.
still one of, if not my fave comedy fics here
To see her is to take a sudden, chill. Celeste, Celestia.
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WEWT, I'm not the only one who does that!
i just figured out cruella de vil is cruella devil. devil....why havent i seen this before. you know what brain, fuck it, your fired. imma find myself a new brain
1215896 best... gif... EVAR!!!!
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You still get points for knowing it. These points are redeemable at any castle run by a diarchy.
SKULL JOKE!!!!
Cruella, Cruella De Vil~~~~~~
darn, now I have that song in my head, with the accompanying image of Spotted Afro Celestia!
Yon memes be discordant, consarnit!
This chapter moved too fast.
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CHAOS KNOWS NO CRUISE CONTROL!
YES GODAMMIT YES!
downloadanime.biz/images/wallpapers/one-piece/brooke.jpg
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I like you.
this is probably already suggested somewhere but i could see you(george) doing a music man sequence titled "Starts with G which rhymes with T" referencing the song "trouble in river city"
You truely capture the essence of madness my freind.
i feel like this explains the chapter perfectly denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw3343-1330498067209.gif
"Apparently, it’s screw with people who don’t like paradoxes day and I can’t wait until its my turn"
Paradoxes, he shouldn't of been able to see himself....
Brooke.... George Summoned Brook? OMG THIS THE THE MOST WAWESOME GOD OF CHAOS I HAVE EVER SEEN... OR READ ABOUT... WITH MY EYBALLS.
Brooke was summoned , that was amazing
Wait... what? I kinda got lost in the process..