Track 3: I Want Out
Limestone blocked-out most of Pinkie’s litany of questions on their drive home, preferring to wait until the morning to go on the warpath. Consequently, she slept poorly, and had dreams involving far too much of herself and a shirtless blue-haired idiot.
In those dreams, Maud invariably watched the goings-on from a less-seen vantage point, but Limestone somehow knew where she was every time.
The net result was that, when morning made itself known by the high-pitched chirping of her alarm clock, Limestone was both tired and angry. The feeling made her smile, as she had long since learned that this could be an even more incendiary combination than just being angry by itself.
She started by pounding on Maud’s door, which was next to hers; but Maud had clearly anticipated this and wasn’t there. She then thumped down the stairs, wondering belatedly if she should’ve put something else on other than her black tank top and red flannel jammy pants.
“Daughter,” Igneous Rock said from the dining room. “Surely thou art not going out wearing that.”
Limestone sighed, then turned and headed toward him. She found a large skillet full of eggs and potatoes on the table, along with a small stack of plates and utensils, and a half-empty pitcher of water with some glasses. Someone had clearly put a dent in the food, but there still looked to be enough left for at least one person.
“Maud did this,” she said, pointing an accusing finger at it.
“And why wouldst thou say that, daughter?”
Limestone scowled at him, but plopped down in a chair, grabbed a plate and a fork, and started scooping. “Maud’s not exactly subtle, Dad.” She paused, then gestured at her face. “Well, except for the whole… you know, Maud thing.”
Igneous gave her a small, amused grin, and took a sip of his coffee.
“No, she clearly set this up for us to talk about the boy she wants me to go out with for her. And before you get started on me, I want you to know that this whole thing is Maud’s idea. I want no part of it, and I wouldn’t have agreed at all if she hadn’t practically had me at gunpoint.”
Igneous’ eyebrows quirked upward. “Gunpoint, daughter? I heard thou wert the one who nearly smashed the boy’s guitar.”
She frowned deeper, then took a bite of eggs. “Figuratively speaking. You know how Maud is.”
“Verily, I do. And I know how thou art, as well.” He reached across the distance between them, and set his hand on hers. “And I would encourage thee to date this boy in good faith, for thy sister Pinkamena speaks well of his character.”
Limestone choked on her food, started coughing, quickly filled a glass for herself, and downed it. She came out spluttering a single, forceful word: “Date?!”
Igneous looked around nervously, then leaned closer and dropped his volume. “Now, let us not excite thy mother… but yes, daughter, I have long felt thou wert holding thyself back unhealthily. Recall that, by thine age, thy mother and I had met each other, married, and had brought forth both thyself and Maud.”
Limestone sat back in her chair. “Oh my… Dad, come on! I’m twenty, not eight hundred! I’ve got time!” She shook her head. “Not that I care, anyway. I’m busy! Who do you think’s gonna keep this place running if I’m out running around with… boys.” She scowled, and took another sip of water. “Besides, this is a high schooler. It would be weird.”
“Pinkamena says he is eighteen and-a-half,” Igneous said, giving a quick waggle of his eyebrows. “Do not forget, thy birthday was just two months past…”
“Dad. Stop. I don’t care if you’re my flesh and blood; I’m going to hurt you if this doesn’t end. Now.”
He broke into a huge grin. “Daughter, I would like to see thee try. Although, perhaps sometime after thy date, out of deference both to thyself and to thy man-friend.”
She shook her fists in front of her. “Dad, do you know how messed-up this all is? It’s Maud who really likes this kid, and… somehow I guess he kinda has a thing for me? Tell me how that’s going to end well.”
Igneous’ look became serious. “Limestone, thou art well aware of thy sister’s great anxiety. She and I have long discussed her fears about dating, and I judge that doing it even vicariously is a step for her.”
Limestone gestured indistinctly toward the hall. “Why can’t it be Pinkie or Marble who go set some big example for…” She paused. “Well, okay, I know it won’t be Marble…”
“Pinkamena has not found ‘the one,’ or so she tells me. But I have every confidence in her. Thou knowest Pinkamena; wild horses could not hold her back once she has set her heart to loving something.”
“Yeah, but… I don’t know, aren’t I just going to let this kid down in the end? How’s that fair to him?”
“Well, well. Good heavens. Look at that.”
Limestone scowled, and looked down at her shirt. “What, did I spill or something?”
“No, daughter.” Igneous’ eyes twinkled. “Thou hadst a charitable thought about someone, and placed their feelings before thine own.”
She stared daggers at him. “Dad, you make me sound all heartless and terrible.”
He shrugged, and took another pull of coffee. “I don’t think thou art half as heartless as thou pretends to be, daughter.” He chuckled. “Nor am I half the invalid thou seems to think I am. I can run the quarry perfectly well if it means my eldest daughter has a chance to go be young for once.”
Limestone gave him a low growl, then set about eating again, venting her frustration through the sheer force of her chewing.
“Lousy Maud,” she grumbled.
“The boy will be fine,” Igneous said. “Though Pinkamena tells me he has been somewhat unlucky of late. If thou dost not click with him, try to make thyself known gently.” He smiled. “Or, take it as a challenge to get him and Maud together, if thou hast the guile to do so.”
The two sat looking at each other in silence for a long moment. Eventually, Limestone sighed, looked away, and scooped more food onto her plate.
“This is actually kinda good,” she said.
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I am the fish. This story is a hook.
I am going to spend my last moments being photographed by people as I gasp for air.
Also, I am hooked.
Not to nitpick, but is this perhaps supposed to be amused? Because bemused means confused, bewildered, lost in thought or preoccupied.
s6.postimg.org/5ul2jmext/continue_Monkey.jpg
AHAHAHA! Oh, that was good! I like this story a lot already! Though I have to say...why does this have 3 downvotes?! This is great!
8040323 Thank you for pointing that out. I had three editors, two rounds of editing, countless times going over it myself, and yet things still can get missed.
Why does he sound like he's Amish?
8040422 That would probably be because he's Amish.
I'm even more interested now. Please continue.
8040435
There are two more chapters slated to go up later today, three more tomorrow, and... I forget the rest of the schedule, but the nice thing here is that it's all written, so it's just a matter of hitting the post button.
8040362
Yes sir, ma'am sir!
8040251
8040264
Delightful to hear! I hope the rest does not disappoint.
8040415 Thank you! I've been wondering about that myself. Without intending any sour grapes toward readers who might legitimately find the story wanting, I've known since day 1 that I was facing an uphill battle by casting everyone's least favorite blue-haired waifu stealer as a romantic lead. But I believe even more strongly that he's the right choice for this story, and I hope to bring people around by the end.
8040422
8040424
All I can say is that he talks that way in Hearthbreakers, so I made him talk that way here as well. But the things he says are actually pretty normal for the most part; it's just that he says them in an unusual way.
8040594 I hate to say it but those downvotes are probably people who didn't even read the story.
8040594 Yes! I'm so excited.
You missed a golden opportunity to use "begat" here.
"Especially when she becomes like unto a wild horse herself."
"Yeah, the whole mutation thing's kinda weird."
In any case, interesting to see Limestone already have some glimmer of sympathy for Flash. That could develop into something much greater.
Also, I can understand how this is progress for Muad, but it's still kind of creepy.
8040641 Maud has always been best creepy pony. You just usually don't realize it.
8040641 Of course. I totally should have used "begat." Wasted opportunity!
I may have to go back and put that in. Also:
8040669
An inevitable part of being a dad is giving out advice. That doesn't always mean it's good advice, mind you. Sometimes things can backfire even if you have the best intentions...
Maud likes Flash, too? Does he have a thing for older girls!?
8040722 True. Very true.
8040723 I think older girls have a thing for him actually.
8040723 Fundamentally, the story asks readers to accept one bit of background headcanon: Maud nursed a crush on Flash for a couple years in high school but never acted on it. Flash himself was with Sunset for however long, and likely didn't break things off with her until after Maud had graduated. There's some other headcanon floating around in here, but the bottom line is that if you can accept that one, not much else should faze you.
Does Flash have a thing for older girls? I dunno.
Probably not necessarily. Some of the roots of this story come from my wife and I's relationship, where we met pretty young and she was a couple years older than me, which of course is a much bigger deal when you're young than when you're not. In that case, she was the right person even though our ages didn't quite line up. So in this case, I'd say that age is a factor that they'll have to deal with eventually, but it's neither a specific turn-on nor an insurmountable impediment.
8040594 - I was disappointed to see the early downvotes as well, but, like you said, it's the risk a writer takes when they cast Little Boy Blue in a lead role, especially if it's romance. I worried the same thing when I wrote my Flash story, and in the extremely likely event I put him in another story I expect it to happen again. A shame, really, as I enjoyed writing him.
I'll take the blame for the lack of "begat". I did a lot of checking and tweaking of Igneous Rock's KJV-style speech and, even though I tried to do the research, my Bible-speak is certainly not up to snuff (I feel particularly dumb as I read Matthew 1 in a previous life, so I should have caught that).
8039214 - Like Coffee said, wonderful horsebucks
(legal tender only in Equestria). On a more serious note, he asked me to help with this story, and I ended up penning a one-shot story about burritos in return.
8040759 I don't mind if the couple is five years or even eight years apart, but I do care if a ship has a very significant age difference like one of those marriages from the Middle East.
This was a fun chapter. Poor Limestone... she never knew that in reality Maud is the
8049185 You have no idea how close this came to being the chapter title.
There was this big long process (in my head, at least) of figuring out which band had a song that could go with each chapter, and chapter 3 was pretty much locked-in as MoP until S&D emerged as the winner for a later chapter.
Also, my enduring shame is that Motorhead and Anvil don't end up getting chapter titles.
There was a huge tossup over chapter 11 (again, in my head at least) but in the end there was another candidate that I felt fit better from a title perspective, if not quite from a lyrics perspective.
Bonus random fun fact: When I originally wrote chapter 2 I was thinking about Manowar's album, not Motley Crue. It was only toward the end that I adopted the track motif and had to go digging.
Dubid Aud!
8059236 Yes it's very much a callback to Baby Limestone!
These gals are too much fun to write for.
8040422
Actually, the Amish don't speak like that. They have their own dialect of German ("Pennsylvania Dutch") which they speak. The "thee" /"thou" stuff was once part of the speech of Quakers, though I think they've long since abandoned it.
Still, in pop culture, it seems appropriate to have ponies/people who act and dress like that using Jacobean "Biblish."
Igneous Rock is hilarious!
Igneous Rock showing a sense of something other than having a rod up his rear? Well now, you certainly are subverting my expectations.
Limey is so wonderfully grumpy.
When your old-fashioned, Amish-like father is telling you get a life...YOU REALLY NEED TO GET A LIFE!
Good story. Good story.
very genre-savvy, this one!
ha, an appropriate phrase here
it is nice to see Igneous being a supportive dad here! though of course it makes a lot of sense for him to be with his motivations, it is fun to see the entire Pie family uniting behind this ship