General Sam

by Papa Krell

Impatience of a saint

"F A C K I N _l S P A G H E T T I."

Sam and Applejack walk along the surprisingly well maintained dirt road, but are stopped by the sight of a large brown bear.

Sam draws his sword almost immediately and readies what he's pretty sure is a spell in his left hand, but without the assistance of his partner in crime Belrand, he questions his ability to beat the bear's ass.
"So uh, you got any large-and-in-charge-horse magic you can bust out or are you useless for shit like this?" He asks, his eyes still locked on the bear.

"I reckon I've got a good kickin hoof, but there ain't no magic here big guy." She offers.

With an interruptive fury, the bear roars like a bipolar child and charges the two southern bells.

"WEAAH!" Sam screams in manly terror as the large bear lunges forward and decks him in the noggin with a powerful swipe of its paw, rendering the world black and soundless as unconsciousness is thrust upon Sam instantly, like views on a thousand degree knife video.

I just got knocked out by a bear. Fuck sake, where's Belrand when you need him? Dude's real good at goin ham egg and cheese on bears and shit while I watch and do fuck all. I mean, I wake up with all the skyguy stuff but I don't get Belrand? Fuck me that's some sort of tragic.

_______________________S A M M Y I S U N C O N S C I O U S ______________

Suddenly, a very disoriented and understandably frustrated Sam jolts awake and upon sitting up, realizes two things of moderate importance; all of his shit was gone, and he was sitting in a bed built to fit a midget dwarf little person

"Well this is some shit." He says with a sigh, taking in his surroundings. "Wait. How the fuck did I get here? I got Jimmie jammed by that bear and woke up here." Sam ponders aloud habitually, oblivious to the entrance of a small, lemon-colored horse with wings.

After a moment or two, the horse makes it's presence heard, it's voice effeminate and soft. "I...I told that bear to work his anger out elsewhere and to leave nice ponies alone. You weren't awake and I thought that you'd...." The small equine explains in what could be considered a whisper.

Even though it may have been but a whisper, Sammy's lil ears still heard it and sent him into highly aggressive southern panic mode. It was in this, a moment of pure surprise and fear, that he did something pretty baddass, if completely overreactive.

"Fus Ro Da!" With a word, the diminutive yellow horse is thrown into the air with a quickness thoroughly unfamiliar to her, and barely catches herself with a flap of her butter colored wings.

Sam sat in silence for what felt like forever staring with eyes wide and wild, until the lightly shaking yellow Pegasus finally meets his eyes and speaks again.

"S...Sorry.......I....I......sorry...." She apologizes sincerely, earning a double take from the human that now stood before her.

Holy shit I can shout like a big boy. Almost made glue from that pony though, so I guess I shouldn't go around shouting at everything like a deaf evangelical.

Sam shrugs and relaxes a bit as he looks over the harmless pegasus. "You okay....."

The mare blinks filling in the blank with a barely audible "Fluttershy."

Huh, that's a dumb name. Who the fuck names their kid Fluttershy?
Stepping forward, Sam bends down to her level. "Nice to meet you Fluttershy, my name's Sam. Sorry I caused a ruckus in your house," He says casually. "I didn't mean to scare ya like that. I get a bit loud when I'm surprised."

As if a switch was flicked, the shy pegasus turns to look him in the eye and speaks without the fear present a moment earlier. "Well it's nice to meet you Sam. I'm glad you're not really mad or hurt. Applejack told me what she knows about you and you seem okay but a bit rude."

"Yeah that about sums me up," he pauses, looking around at the well kept cabin. "Place is pretty clean and sturdy for a house made by hooves. I was worried I might've destroyed the entire place when I ripped the nasty just then but we ain't knee deep in rubble so that's pretty cool."

"Thank you, I try my best to keep it all tidy, but sometimes I have a little help from my animal friends or discord if he's up for it."

But Sam had basically stopped listening by the time she had finished the sentence, for a small white rabbit had hopped its way over and started tugging on his pantleg incessantly, gesturing to the front door as if suggesting Sam leave immediately.

If this rat doesn't fucking stop I think I'm gonna bust a fuckin lip.
"Hey is this your adorable bunny?" He asks, grabbing the animal by the scruff of its neck and holding it in front of him for Fluttershy to see.

The mare nods and smiles a bit. "Oh yes, that's Angel Bunny. He's my most special animal friend."

At that, the bunny squirms about in Sam's grip and bites down on his index finger, drawing blood with surprisingly sharp and pointy teeth.

"I'm leaving."

Fuck.

Sucking on his finger lightly, Sam locates his personal items and equipment, slides into his backpack and armor, and stomps out the door without another word.

Fluttershy watches the foreign creature gather its strange belongings and depart in silence, her sympathetic gaze turning hard and disapproving as a certain little rabbit hopped back into the room with a little look of guilt on its cunty little rabbit face.

Outside, Sam frowns and bandages his finger with a bit of cloth found in his backpack. "Wonder if they got some food in town."