Student Debt

by AsiagoUnicorn

Chapter 1

Dim candlelight flickered over Celestia's desk, illuminating her bedroom in a living orange glow that she had always preferred over the sterile light of a spell. The desk itself was hewn whole from a living tree as a gift from the ruler of the elk lands. She dipped her quill pen in an ever-filling ink well, both a gift from a teacher from long ago.

Celestia eyed her soft bed cautiously. It was a simple bed, relatively unadorned and functional. It didn't have a story or hold magic, but yet at the moment it held more power over her than any other object in the room. Its siren song grew louder with every passing moment, and she feared she would not last much longer. She could not give in.

Before her lay the ever present mass of paperwork and correspondence, the chaff carefully pruned away by her personal scribes. Only matters of the utmost importance remained: Personal matters, and taxes. She slipped a sheet of paper, reviewed and signed, into an envelop, sealed it with the royal seal, and then, with a flash of magic, delivered it to the castle post for mailing at dawn.

It began with a lapse of focus, her strained eyes reading one thing where there had been another. Her tired mind was unwilling to question it, and evidence against was corrected in error with a brief flash of magic and the swish of her quill pen. Where there had once been a perfectly reasonable number there now was a massive figure. Where there had once been the name of a young unicorn, there was now the name of one slightly older.

She rolled the letter into a scroll and stamped it with her personal seal.

✱ ✱ ✱

Twilight Sparkle awoke to the pleasant smell of pancakes wafting through the air. Still half asleep, she rolled out of bed, her hooves hitting the crystalline floor with a sharp clack. She groaned, trying to make sense of the blurry world her bleary senses presented to her. The wash of colors and sounds stubbornly refused to coalesce into something identifiable.

Spike's voice pierced the haze with a single word, “Breakfast!”

Twilight shook her head, freeing herself from the last dregs of sleep. Her stomach growled and an intense desire for pancakes resonated within her. She followed her nose almost as much as her immaculate knowledge of her castle's layout to the kitchen.

“You're up early,” she remarked as she cantered in. Her words were rough and drawn out, her voice still waking up.

Spike stood on a stool in front of the stove, the counters to either side of him covered in a thin coating of flour and other baking detritus. In one of his little claws was a half empty mixing bowl, the other a spatula, and atop his spiny head was a well loved chef's hat. A pancake sizzled in the pan before him, and a stack of steaming golden brown perfection rested enticingly on a plate to the side.

He yawned in response, gesturing to the plate. “Got a letter from Celestia in the middle of the night and couldn't get back to sleep. Those are yours by the way.”

Twilight lifted the plate with her magic, and half waltzed half stumbled her way over to the little table in the corner. She could never bring herself to use the dining room— just a door away from the kitchen— when she didn't have guests over. Something about it struck her as just a wee bit pompous.

She meticulously sliced a sliver of pancake away with her fork and lifted it into her mouth. It was fluffy and buttery with just the right level of sweetness. Every book she had ever read on dietary sciences warned her of consuming such a breakfast on a regular basis. Those were one of the few kinds of books she didn't take to heart.

“What was the letter about?” she asked through a mouthful of pancake. The scroll in question was in the center of the table, atop a pile of more conventional mail.

“Something to do with school?” Spike scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. “I couldn't make mane or tails of it.”

Exhibiting a mastery of magic nearly unparalleled, Twilight moved the scroll with her lavender aura over to where she could read it. It was unheard of for a unicorn to levitate two whole objects at the same time, the fork and the scroll. Before their morning coffee, that is.

She skimmed the letter quickly, set her fork down, and then read it again more carefully. “This can't be right.”

Starlight Glimmer's yawning figure appeared in the doorway. She shambled over to the counter, took a second plate of pancakes that Spike had prepared only moments prior, and found a seat at the table, all the while oblivious to the mounting panic attack in her mentor.

“Hey, Twilight,” she muttered, her gaze drifting slowly away from anything that might be considered eye contact in her sleep addled haze.

“Oh horseapples,” Twilight murmured under her breath, ignoring her student. “Spike!” She leapt out of the chair, and bolted over to the door before pausing and finishing her sentence, “I need to go out for a bit. Maybe longer.” She paused and thought for a moment. “Actually yeah, it could be quite a while. Give Starlight her friendship lesson while I'm gone. Use uhh...” She trailed off. “Whatever you can find.” The mare vanished in a brilliant flash of magic.

All traces of drowsiness instantly vanished from Starlight. “What.”

Spike echoed the sentiment.

Surreptitiously, Starlight lifted the letter Twilight had been reading up, and read it. “Oh,” she said, succeeding where the dragon had failed and understanding the contents of the letter instantly, “She is 1.2 million bits in student debt.”

“What.” Spike repeated himself.

“Twilight Sparkle owes the Equestrian government 1.2 million-”

“I know what it means,” Spike held up the spatula to stop her. “Just... What.”

✱ ✱ ✱

The clouds parted the early morning sunlight turning themselves a radiant gold. Birdsong filled the air, and a gentle breeze rustled the leaves of the trees below. Morning in Ponyville was calm and laid back, the townsponies preferring to spend their mornings relaxing with breakfast and family.

Rainbow Dash grumbled, and bucked a cloud into fine mist. “Stupid morning shift. Why is there even a morning shift?”

Her motions were slow and uncoordinated as she sluggishly worked to complete her task. The early morning had robbed her of the usual vim and vigor that permeated every action. Against all odds, the pegasus had yet to discover coffee.

A purple blur rocketed past her face, and suddenly her world was upside down. Instantly awakened by the danger of flying with one's only method of propulsion driving one towards the cold, hard ground, she quickly reoriented herself and scanned the skies for what had sent her for a whirl. After a moment she spotted the rapidly shrinking lavender dot on the horizon.

Was that... Twilight?

✱ ✱ ✱

“So, about time for that friendship lesson,” Spike announced. He held a selection of manila folders in his claw which, until moments prior, had been carefully sorted and cataloged within a filing cabinet in the library.

The two found themselves in the castle's impressive octagonal library at one of the crystalline tables. The early morning sunlight streamed in through the high windows, and the smell of musty paper filled the air. It took Starlight every ounce of her self control to pay attention to the baby dragon, and not start reading any one of the thousands of magical grimoires.

“Are you sure you can handle this, Spike?” she asked, “Last time you had a full checklist to guide you. This time Twilight couldn't even select one for you.”

“Nonsense.” Spike waved a claw dismissively. “We've got a lot of fun options for us today. Sewing with Rarity... Digging for gems with Rarity... Going to the spa... With Rarity.” The dragon chuckled conspiratorially to himself.

Starlight raised an eyebrow. “I think your selection might be a little... biased.”

“Ooh, look at this! Grueling farm labor with Apple Jack. Let's do this one.”

“No, no, we can do one of yours.” Starlight's eyes widened in panic.

Spike opened his mouth to speak, when a loud thump interrupted his thought. The thump resounded through the library again, followed by a shout of frustration. He looked up in horror as a rainbow maned pegasus crash through the window hooves first, sending shards of glass flying through the room.

“You girls need to stop locking your windows.” Rainbow Dash remarked, oblivious to the shower of painful slivers she had just subjected her friends to.

Spike thanked his hardened dragon scales with a kiss to each of his arms, and Starlight slowly lowered the protective bubble she had reflexively erected.

“Rainbow Professionalism Dash!” Spike scolded loudly with the sternest voice he could manage, placing his claws on his hips for emphasis. “We could have been seriously injured! Not to mention the cost of replacing another window. What do you have to say for yourself? I mean honestly what were you-”

“Relax, Spike,” Starlight Glimmer interrupted his tirade, “I've got this.”

She took a determined stance, and her horn lit, weaving raw magic to form a spell. Her mane waved in an ethereal wind as power gathered. The glass began to pick itself hesitantly up off the ground, tracing backwards the path it had taken bursting outwards from where the window had once been. Finding their way back to their places, the cracks began to melt away until there was no sign the window had ever been broken.

“Just a little mending spell mixed with some simple localized time distortion. Nothing complicated,” Starlight boasted.

“See, Spike.” Dash finally landed on the floor and gave the little dragon a demeaning pat. “Glim Glam's got this.”

Spike brushed her hoof off and pointed a claw accusingly. “That's no excuse to go around breaking ponies' windows.”

Dash snickered. “I'm not going to go around breaking everyponies' windows.” Spike gave her a stern glare and almost seemed to grow a few inches. She stammered out, “Okay, okay, maybe I was going to break one or two. Geeze, does Twilight know you can be this scary?”

“That's why she left me in charge,” he answered smugly, pointing towards his chest.

The trio stood in and awkward silence for a moment. “So, friendship lesson,” Spike spoke, attempting to get the meeting back on track. “I was thinking we could-”

“Say, Spike,” Starlight interrupted, her voice taking on a somewhat pleading tone, “You know what's better than a prepared friendship lesson?” She paused for a moment to give the dragon a chance to answer the rhetorical question, “Making our own. Let's hang out with Rainbow Dash today.”

“Oh boy!” Dash exclaimed, “I am so up for that. You think you can fix more things?”

The two mares launched into a heated conversation that was some mix between bartering for magical favors and an informative lecture on why that particular blend of spells had a very limited, almost nonexistent, application in repairing bones.

Spike drooped dejectedly. “But Twilight left me in charge...”

Dash's ears perked up at the sound of her friend's name. “Ponyfeathers! I completely forgot to ask. What's up with Twilight? I think I saw her flying very fast towards Canterlot.”

“Oh, it turns out she has 1.2 million bits of student debt she didn't know about,” Spike answered.

Dash scoffed. “What's she worried about? You can dodge student loans for ages. I still haven't paid mine back.”

Spike and Starlight gave Dash a slack jawed stare, coming to a sudden and irrevocable realization about their friend.

“I didn't know you went to university,” they spoke in unison.

✱ ✱ ✱

A handful of miles away, Twilight Sparkle had the same slack jawed stare. The line for walk-in appointments at the department of Federal Student Aid stretched around the block. Why had the entire population of Equestria chosen the same day to contest their student debt?

Comments

[Brock Lesnar]

1.2 million!!!!! dang son!!

[Bojack H]

lol so topical as i just got started paying mine

[OmniFox]

1.2 million bits?!?!!?
HOW MANY BOOKS AND MAGAZINES DOES THAT WOMAN HAVE?!?!!?!!!

[Block]

“I didn't know you went to university,” they spoke in unison.

"Rainbow Dash has low IQ"
everypony liked that

[Block]

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