Let Amber live. Poor kid needs some hope.

8132166

I'm glad that you share my view, honestly I want to make his life better, but I like the idea of giving the commenters a voice in my story, so that's why I ask. Also don't forget the polygamy question, with no one saying anything about it I'm leaning towards just going with it.

Maybe let her die and that will cause him to kill the ones who killed her and also they could have gained power to have revenge on him. Also it will make it his mission to become stronger. And for the polygamy idea mabey have Luna, nightmare moon and chrysalis because they may also experience the death or a lover

8132686 If it's well written and fleshed out, then multiple partners is my preference. Keep the "herd" under 8 members. It's not a harem-fic, right?

8132784
I suppose I could have Chrysalis redeemed, though in case you don't remember she's currently in the canterlot dungeon, While I like the idea of having Luna and nightmare moon (also my main idea was that if Amber died it would cause him to seek revenge, obviously, but it would also destroy his drive to have a relationship and he would likely push everyone away out of a paranoid fear that he would lose them).

8133024
I already planned to keep the size under 8, 'cause I do plan for it to be herd, not harem (though if people want harem, then I can put harem).

imo both this story and amber need to die

8133988
I thank you for you're opinion, and it can go directly to my complaint department *points to trash can*, If you don't have anything constructive to say, then just don't say fucking anything .

8134008 *your

8134080
As much as I want to be mad, 'your' sarcastic response was constructive, SO THE POINT GOES TO YOU ON THIS DAY GOOD SIR!

8134350 *SO THE POINT GOES TO YOU ON THIS DAY(comma) GOOD SIR!

8138438
I really do mean this, I can only take such sarcastic BULLSHIT for so long before I lose my cool. Stop trying to piss me off, this is your warning, continue to do so and I will block you.

8138619 I was merely fixing your mistakes. :)
You should get an editor, for your writing is jumbled, incongruent, rushed, and lacks any evidence of any large effort.

Good day.

On a side note, your MC (main character) lacks any real personality. He really should be fleshed out, and you should stop pushing and forcing things on your audience.

This story's events occur in quick succession, with not a ton of time that you could use to give this story and its characters life. You could also fix the grammatical flow (as opposed to the chronological flow) and spelling errors.

8138741
Thanks for that advise. On the note of my character though, he is meant to be that way, as he is meant to be emotionally unstable. Not only that, but he is also slightly insane, I mean, who the hell else willingly fights a small army of changelings in damaged clothing, no armor, and with no weapons other than his body. His personality is that he doesn't have one that's all that clear cut, as it can shift based on his mood and the circumstances that put him there, like how he goes from paranoid, to happy, to angry, and then to sad/depressed in the latest chapter (which only spans over the course of a day).

Thought I'd give this a reread, maybe I was too dismissive the first time around.

Still an awful read. Your "OC" is an unlikable chump that can die a horrible death and still not elicit sympathy or satisfaction.
This "plot" is stale cancer that reeks of wish fulfillment.
The dialogue reads like it was produced in a fifth grade writing class.
The supposed "romance" was flat out cringe. I couldn't do anything but skip those "parts".
...
I'd provide advice if there was any to give. Maybe a better writer than I could salvage...this, but I would just delete it and run a magnet over the device used to write it.

8464797
That would honestly hurt if I held the capability to feel most common emotions at the same level that others do. Honestly I already see the places I went wrong and could fix them if I spent the time, which I actually do plan on doing at some point, but for moment I have been more focused on my other story "Accidental Warriors" so I haven't spent the time to fix it. Sorry for the waste of your time, I hope you have a wonderful day.

8464824
So you're a self diagnosed sperg.

That actually explains quite a bit now.