Chapter 14
Max bit back a yawn whilst she stared at the contents of her mug. In the dim, yellow light of the café, the remaining cider at the bottom of the cylinder looked like a deep, dark well. Her dishevelled mane hanging over the mug like roots added to the effect, and she could almost hear something swimming and gurgling in the depths of her drink.
Ooh, it’s going to eat me…
She grabbed the mug with a wobbly hoof and then chugged it to the last drop.
Not if I drink it first!
Max hiccoughed and thumped the mug back onto the table, perhaps a little too loudly, judging by the mixture of annoyed and worried looks she got from the rest of the patrons. Not that she cared all that much.
Her legs felt like jelly, and she was sure that her brain had turned to mush after sitting for hours asking and answering questions at the fanfiction writers’ panel. And that was after going for a third round on the dance floor whilst flirting with overeager fans hoping to get their OCs a cameo in her stories. And that was just the third day. The two before that had been just as much of a blast with all her friends and acquaintances in the obstacle courses, games, arts n’ crafts workshops and plain old socialising during mealtimes, including after-hours suppers and drinking, which incidentally left very little time for sleep.
Between that and the myriad food and emotions she’d stuffed herself with, she felt like a churning cauldron that could erupt or fizzle out at any moment…
In short, one did not simply participate in three full days of Daring Do convention without consequences.
The harvest was good, though.
Max groaned softly into her mug and smiled; she didn’t think she could take another sip of love for a couple of weeks.
She’d need it.
Post-con depression would be setting in very soon, and she planned to be up and on the road home before it weighed too heavily on her. She could already taste the chalky, heavy tang of dreariness coming from several of her fellow con attendees who’d chosen the same café as her to wind down after the convention had closed its doors. It would probably be even worse in the eateries right next to the convention centre, a couple of blocks away.
At least they had buddies to help take the edge off, though. She had no such advantage, given that Top Edge and Quibble Pants were already on their ways home.
Max waved to get the waiter’s attention and signalled for another drink.
“Another cider, miss?”
She hesitated, staring at the stallion’s hooves whilst she evaluated her body’s functionality. “Actually, maybe not. Gimme a coffee and some fries. Extra salty.”
He nodded and gave her a quick smile before briskly trotting off. “Coffee and fries, coming right up!”
Whilst waiting for her stimulants, Max allowed herself to stew in the heavy atmosphere of the café. The bell tinkled when more customers entered, and a chill draft followed, along with the pitter-patter of the light midnight shower outside before the closing door abruptly cut it off.
The thumping of the new set of hooves got closer and closer, until she reluctantly reached out with her consciousness to probe the mind of its owner in case she had to forestall somepony’s advances. Under most circumstances, she wouldn’t turn down a chance to feed, but she’d already had her fill and just wanted to relax.
The mind she touched brimmed with some purposeful intent, but it was hidden beneath an impenetrable layer of cold, almost stony confidence and stoicism. Max almost felt like an infiltrator-in-training back at the hive, having accidentally walked in on her superiors planning for something way above her rank and right to know.
That pony was definitely up to something…
Before she could speculate on what exactly she might want, the clip clop of hooves stopped right by her side, and she heard a mare’s scratchy voice say, “Mind if we share this table? The others are already taken.”
Max pulled her muzzle out of her mug and blinked as she turned to look at the mare.
A squat, middle-aged batpony with a purple coat and bluish-grey mane gave her a fanged smile that didn’t match the guarded silence of her mind. Max tensed up just a tiny bit, even as those deep, blue, mesmerising eyes and the silky smoothness of her voice implored her to relax. She reminded her an awful lot of Queen Chrysalis when she was feeling particularly magnanimous, which usually came at someone else’s expense.
It’s okay, maybe it’s nothing. Just take it nice and easy…
“Suit yourself,” Max said aloud with a shrug.
Though, she noted that the mare had begun moving before she’d even given her consent to do so.
“Thank you,” said the mare, smiling as she seated herself on the opposite side of the table from Max.
A quick taste of the sparse emotions leaking through the mare’s mental guard confirmed that her gratitude was genuinely nourishing, so she wasn’t a changeling in disguise. Max returned her smile with a half-hearted one and went back to staring at her empty mug, hoping that the mare would take the hint.
Unlikely, though. She seemed to know what she was doing.
Somepony trying to butter her up before asking for an autograph? Or maybe to convince her to trade some of her merchandise? One could never tell.
“I’m Starshine, by the way.” The mare leaned closer and then whispered, “You’re Sunny Spring, right? I’ve read a few of your stories. They’re really good!”
Max looked up to meet her eyes, and then stared when she saw Starshine’s silky mane sparkling in the dimness of the café. Her next blink banished the sparkly effect, leaving her wondering if it might’ve just been a trick of the light.
“Uh, yeah, that’s me,” she said.
Starshine’s smile widened. “I really liked The Elder Isles. Best work of fanfiction I have ever come across!”
In spite of herself, Max immediately warmed up to the notion of having an extended conversation with Starshine. She didn’t see any reason to get in the way of somepony who wanted to stroke her ego; she could always break it off if Starshine overstepped her bounds.
She grinned and gave her a wink. “Oh, yeah. That’s one of my better works. What’d you like about it?”
“Oh, just the way Daring Do was able to convince the seaponies to unite with the cursed skeleton griffons in order to fight off the Lord of Storms.” Starshine shuddered as she stared off into space. “I simply can’t imagine how terrible it must be to live as outcasts for so long, shunned because of how you look and for crimes your ancestors committed…”
“Well, it’s something you can get used to,” Max murmured.
“I suppose. But I was really touched when most of them decided to remain allies even after they had defeated the Lord of Storms.” Starshine’s awed expression slowly eased into a comfortable, almost imperceptible smile that showed more through her eyes than her mouth as she turned her gaze to Max. “It was really inspiring.”
Something about Starshine’s gaze looked a little too pointed to Max.
Frowning, she leaned back a little to recover some personal space and said, “What’re you getting at?”
Starshine’s smile didn’t waver. She stretched a webbed wing over the table, reaching for Max’s idle foreleg, and gently rested the warm membranes on her hoof and said, “I’d like to know: to what extent does your writing come from your heart? These seaponies and cursed griffons in particular, are they perhaps based on… personal experience? Or perhaps desires?”
The heck is up with this mare?
Max kept a neutral expression and attempted to probe Starshine’s mind again for more information, but she only came up that formidable wall of stoicism and silence, save for a little mirth that leaked through this time. It tasted like… triumph? Her smile was as friendly as ever, but Max could’ve sworn that she’d seen a steely glint in her eyes just a moment ago.
Her blood chilled a little as she slowly, carefully tugged her hoof out from under Starshine’s wing, all whilst maintaining eye contact. “Well… it’s a little personal, yeah.”
Starshine’s gaze bored into her soul. “But you do believe in what you write, do you not? That harmony is something every creature should aspire to despite their differences?”
Okay, this is getting too weird. I’m out.
Max flicked her eyes to the clock on the café’s mantelpiece for a couple of seconds, then stood up with a sheepish grin and slowly backed away from the table. “Sorry, I just remembered that there’s somepony I promised to meet tomorrow, and I need to get moving if I want to reach Manehattan by morning. Gotta go, bye!”
She whirled around to start off at a brisk trot, but then froze before she’d even put two hooves forward.
Half of the café had apparently emptied out in the middle of their conversation, and the only patrons left were ponies scattered in groups of two or three throughout the place. She recognised at least seven of them as fellow con attendees, and a couple of them quickly averted their eyes when she caught them looking. A little too quickly.
Max also couldn’t get a good read on their thoughts or emotions, apart from a pervasive tension in the air. On average, she would’ve expected to encounter no more than one or two unreadable minds in a group like that, but not every single one of them, and she tasted no cheer, affection or weariness between them, despite their outward appearances of being engaged in conversations, games of cards or just plain sleeping off their drinks.
A pit opened up in Max’s stomach when she noted that every window had at least one patron seated right next to it.
Oh, hayseed. They found me…
She knew she shouldn’t have attended the convention disguised as Sunny Spring! Not when Galleon and Daring Do knew what she looked like.
Idiot!
Max dug into her reserves and channelled power into her hidden horn. She probably had enough energy to incapacitate them all at once if she really had to, but the ensuing collateral damage and probable injuries would only mark her as a greater threat, and she had no intention of letting things escalate like that. A sufficiently bright flash and a burst of noise might suffice, stunning them long enough for her to bust into the kitchen, shapeshift into a rat and then make her escape through the drains or vents.
“Be at ease, my little pony. We have no intention of harming you,” said Starshine. “Or, should I say: my little changeling?”
All at once, Max felt the direct attention of nearly every patron in the café harpoon right into her, even though physically, most of them managed to show it only in sidelong glances or slightly perked ears.
No, no. Keep it together… There’s no proof. Deny, deny, deny!
“I… what?” Max whirled around and cocked an eyebrow. “What’re you talking about? What’s going on?”
Starshine eased back into her chair and smiled. “Am I not speaking to Maxilla, the brave changeling who played sidekick to our mutual acquaintance, the esteemed adventurer and archaeologist, Daring Do? I hear that you made quite the impression, assisting her with a most perilous and insightful expedition into an ancient city.”
Max stared at her for a moment as her thoughts whirred in her mind, until inspiration struck, and she forced out a chuckle as she shook her head and scoffed. “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me. Are you role-players seriously doing this out in public? The con’s over, and I don’t RP anyway. Find somepony else to be Nix for you. Been nice chatting with you, but I’ve got to go.”
With a huff, she turned her back to Starshine and made for the door.
An odd sense of déjà vu plagued her, though. Hadn’t she already played that exact ruse recently?
But she’d only made it a couple of steps before Starshine hummed thoughtfully. “Interesting. I didn’t call you Nix.”
Max froze.
Did… didn’t she? Oh…
Her ears wilted.
Oh, that’s just great, you stupid bug! Blew your cover just when you had it in the bag…
“Horse apples,” she said through gritted teeth as she swept her gaze across the stallions and mares sitting throughout the café. Though casual almost to the point of placidity in their body language, they all had their eyes focused on her like hawks. Max swallowed discreetly and whispered, “They’re all yours, aren’t they? How long have they been tailing me?”
“Throughout most of the convention, as it were. We succeeded in partially replicating the properties of certain artefacts you acquired in your adventure; when so outfitted, a pony of sound mind and training can apparently elude your heightened awareness, at least until your suspicion is aroused.”
Starshine’s scratchy voice had smoothened out to that of a youthful mare’s, though it had a subtle undertone of authority that hinted of a low tolerance for disrespect and even less so for physical assault. Fighting was off the table for now; if she got lucky, she might just manage to sweet-talk her way out of trouble…
Max slowly turned to face her, half-expecting to feel the crack of a hammer on her skull or a dagger embedding itself in her back whilst Starshine whispered, “Caballeron sends his regards”, or something along those lines.
No such thing occurred.
Instead, Max felt her jaw drop when she beheld a regal visage framed by a starry, ethereal mane that waved in an intangible breeze. Said visage was propped up on a fetlock whilst she rested her elbow on the table, gazing at Max with a smirk on her muzzle and twinkles in her bright, teal eyes. She wore purplish, metallic shoes, a black tiara and a peytral gilded with a silver crescent moon, which made her look almost comically oversized for her seat when combined with her half-spread wings and immensely long horn.
“Princess Luna…” Max bit her lip and shrank away. “Oh. Oh, crud. I’m totally freaking bucked, aren’t I?”
Princess Luna chuckled. “Hardly. I am not here to apprehend you, and far be it from me to resort to such a crude solution when your former hive mates have shown that changelings can be very reasonable. Even if you are far more dangerous than they, I have first-hoof experience of Friendship’s power to change even the hardest of hearts.”
Max stared.
Five seconds passed. Then another five, until Princess Luna sighed and magically nudged a seat towards Max.
Sensing no magical wards on the chair or bursts of emotion from anypony that might suggest an imminent ambush, Max inched forward and planted her rump on the seat, then allowed herself to be magically tugged back to the table, stiff as a board.
“Let’s begin anew.” Princess Luna inclined her head forward and beamed. “I am Princess Luna, Steward of the Moon and Guardian of Dreams.”
“Maxilla. Ordinary changeling and… uh, author of Daring Do fanfiction?” She swallowed, wondering if she’d already dug herself deeper by lying about that first part. “I guess you already know who I am.”
“Indeed. But this is merely a formality, and now that it has been observed, we may dispense with it as befits the circumstances. Call me Luna.”
“Max.”
Luna chuckled. “Not one for lengthy words, are you? I would have expected more from an accomplished author.”
Max flicked her gaze to the side when she noticed movement from the corner of her eyes, but it turned out to be just one of the stallions getting back to playing cards with his partner. Luna’s supposed entourage of bare-coat guards all remained alert and ready for action, though. Their bodies and minds alike felt like coiled springs, waiting for the slightest excuse to jump her.
Luna raised an eyebrow, and her smile faded when she finally caught on. “Ah, my apologies. I am not being fair to you.”
She raised her right wing and snapped her primaries the same way a griffon or diamond dog would with their fingers, instantly drawing the attention of all the mares and stallions around them, and then flicked her feathers out twice in a dismissive motion. All at once, they stood up from their tables and trotted out without a word. No hesitation, no doubt; only total obedience.
Okay, that’s pretty cool. I’m totally doing stuff like that once I have a brood of my own.
Wait… no! No mommy thoughts. Out, out!
“Better?” asked Luna.
Not having a café full of plainclothes guards watching her every move was a marked improvement in her situation, but it probably wouldn’t make much of a difference if things went off the rails. Getting into a fight with Princess shatters-bricks-with-her-voice Luna ranked very, very low on the list of things she wanted to experience first-hoof.
“Yeah, I guess.”
Max forced out a weak smile, fully expecting Luna to press her advantage and dive right into interrogation mode, but she seemed content to sit comfortably whilst the waiter trotted over to their table. He set down a plate of fries and a mug of coffee before Max, and then a dainty little bowl of fruit salad for Luna before retreating with a friendly smile.
Luna gestured magnanimously with a foreleg. “Please, do eat.”
Max nodded stiffly, but remained right where she was.
Was she supposed to offer some to Luna? Or would it be an insult because it was common fare? It certainly looked like crude cooking next to Luna’s gourmet salad… Or was there some other formality they had to observe?
She’s just letting me stew, isn’t she?
Thankfully, before things got too awkward, Luna made the first move and levitated the dainty cutlery that came with her fruit salad, slicing pieces of apple, peach and bananas into even tinier pieces before poking them with the fork and nibbling away.
Fine dining etiquette?
Max didn’t see the appeal, but she didn’t want to look like a barbarian in front of the princess, either. So instead of grabbing the fries directly with magic or her hooves, she used the fork and poked at them with as much grace as she could muster under the circumstances.
Luna made no comment at Max’s first, somewhat stiff mouthful of delicious, salty potato goodness. Not for the second, either, nor the third one after that.
Each subsequent mouthful became a little more relaxed, and before long, Max found herself eating to sate her ravenous belly instead of just giving herself something to do in order to avoid a panic attack. All the while, she remained acutely aware of the alicorn sitting opposite of her, though she did her best to avoid staring or looking like she was listening to her every breath for the slightest sign of an impending assault.
Luna’s demeanour shifted when the waiter brought her a large tankard filled to the brim with frothy brew. Barely an instant after nodding her thanks to the retreating stallion, she took the tankard and chugged away with enough gusto to make a minotaur blush.
By Max’s reckoning, she couldn’t have taken more than five seconds to down the whole thing, after which she slammed it back down onto the table and wiped her muzzle with a fetlock, barely muffling the guttural belch that escaped from her lips.
And now she’s trying to throw me off the game, isn’t she?
Luna grinned when she caught Max staring whilst self-consciously sipping her coffee.
“Now then, down to business, as they say.” Luna leaned closer and stretched a wing out to Max. “Would you consider a more official alliance with Equestria?”
Max blinked and carefully set down her mug to buy time whilst she fumbled for an answer. “That’s… awfully direct. I mean, what does that entail? And why me?”
“You’re a good person. That’s reason enough for us.”
“What makes you so sure?” Frowning, Max leaned back and shook her head. “You don’t know me.”
“No, but I’ve spoken to a pony who does, and she has vouched for you.” A smirk crept onto Luna’s muzzle as she withdrew her wing and waggled a couple of her primaries at her. “Besides, I’ve seen you playing with grown-ups and children alike for three whole days, and my sources have confirmed that you genuinely enjoy our company. They could sense it.”
“Wait, you had other changelings spying on me?”
“New allies, new assets. Friends help one another to the best of their abilities, do they not?”
“I, uh…” Max slumped in her seat and sighed. “Okay, fine. Guilty as charged. So where does that leave me?”
“I merely ask you to consider this: Equestria is broadening its horizons, and that naturally comes with new dangers. As wonderful as Friendship may be, sometimes, other means are required to keep the shadows at bay until Harmony is established. We need allies to stand against the darkness, and we are always on the lookout for uniquely qualified individuals to protect those who cannot defend themselves.”
“I’m just one changeling.”
“Thorax was just one changeling, too, and yet he was pivotal in resolving a conundrum that had plagued your hive for centuries. You might not share his outlook on life, but your gifts can be used to benefit both your kin and ponykind. There is so much we could learn from each other.”
Max averted her eyes whilst a bleak, barren field flashed briefly in her mind. On one side stood a vast army of indistinct, shadowy figures, whilst on the other was a column of colourful ponies and changelings fearlessly charging headlong into danger. At the head of the formation was a queen, graceful in her Equestrian-forged armour, menacing in her Arthraki-gifted power over mind and matter, smiting all who opposed her and her children with righteous fury.
She had to admit that the idea made her feel warm and giddy inside, but it also seemed exactly like the sort of thing Ydrax’il had warned her against.
Max swallowed slowly, hoping that Luna wouldn’t see it going down her gullet. “And what if I… what happens if I choose to, uh, decline?”
“Nothing, then.”
“Nothing?”
“You hide amongst ponies, ponies tolerate your existence, and we will find other ways to fend off the darkness without you. Life goes on.”
Max averted her eyes, and her gaze slowly drifted down to her plate. A few fries remained. One lay off to the side, alone and wrinkled and probably cold. The rest were bunched up together and looked substantially more appetising, with tiny wisps of steam still wafting up from them.
“But a more pertinent answer to your question,” Luna continued, “would be this: I will not hurt or detain you, no matter what you decide here and now. Even if you decline, perhaps time will allow you to change your mind to something more favourable.”
Max took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Then, she met Luna’s gaze and said, “I’m not your enemy.”
Luna smiled. “That is good to know. But it isn’t what I asked.”
In spite of herself, Max frowned and grabbed her mug to down the last of her coffee. She had a feeling she would need it – the bitterness washing away the last blotches of lethargy clinging to her mind.
Together with her mounting irritation at Luna’s pedantic insistence, that last gulp filled her with a boldness that allowed her to scowl at the alicorn, despite a little voice at the back of her mind frantically hissing at her that it was suicide.
“Does it really matter if I say yes or no? You know I can lie or change my mind. It’s kind of our thing.”
Luna cocked an eyebrow, but her smile didn’t go away. “Words hold power, power over others and over ourselves. It is what separates us from beasts, who merely act. And it is by comparing words and actions that we will see each other for what we truly are.”
Max stared.
Okay, I’m totally stealing that phrase for my next story.
The seconds ticked by. Luna’s smile had relaxed to a more neutral expression. A patient one, but clearly one that could go either way depending on what she said or how long she took to say it. There was steel underneath all that fuzziness.
She took another deep breath and let it whoosh out.
You’re playing with the big mares now.
“I want to say yes, but I’m not ready to make that commitment,” she murmured. Then, when she saw the tilt in Luna’s tilted head and swivelling ears, she added more loudly, “I… I suppose I may have kids one day. I need time to think about what my decision will mean for them.”
Luna nodded. “A reasonable request. Very well, I—”
She paused in mid-sentence, flicking her ears as she stared at something just above head height. Max glanced upwards and twisted to look behind her back, but found nothing suspicious in the dimness of the café. No emotional pings to suggest an intruder, either, so what was she so worried about?
Max turned back around, mouth half-open with a question forming on her lips, but froze when she saw Luna’s grim expression.
“We must cut our meeting short. You may be in grave danger.”
“Eh?”
Max threw another glance around, but despite an eerie chill that had suddenly descended upon the café’s interior, she couldn’t sense anything or anyone who might pose a threat to her—certainly not with Princess Luna in the room.
That was, until she looked down and felt a pit open up in her stomach when she saw an endless void underneath her chair, which hovered over empty space. Dark clouds and flashes of lightning swirled in the depths beneath her dangling hooves.
“What the hay?” she cried.
“My apologies for the deception, but you must wake. Now,” said Luna, and she reached over the table with a wing and pressed her surprisingly robust feathers against Max’s chest.
Max screeched and flailed as she tipped over backwards, but instead of smashing the back of her head against the invisible floor on which her chair stood, she plummeted right into the writhing abyss. Her heart leapt into her throat as gravity accelerated her into a speeding projectile. Shapeshifting didn’t work, and no amount of twisting, twirling or flailing she did offered any appreciable degree of air resistance to slow her fall.
“What the actual, fluffing hay!” she screamed at the shrinking speck of Luna peering over the edge of the abyss.
The wind’s roar in her ears grew louder and louder, and every fibre of her being strained with unbearable tension as she fell deeper into the void. Surely it had to have a bottom, right? It had to end. She could feel it coming, the instant that would see her turn into an unrecognisable coating of changeling goo on the ground.
Not like this. Not like this!
A silent scream tore out of her mouth as she spun out of control, until—
* * * * *
Max thumped into something soft whilst her heart hammered away in her ribcage.
Darkness surrounded her. Luna was gone. Nothing made sense.
It was pretty warm and snug, though, so she stayed put.
After a couple of seconds, comprehension slowly seeped back into her foggy mind.
She remembered the meal with Luna. And all the crazy stuff she did yesterday at the convention. Coffee. Plushies. Princess Luna. Fries. Obstacle course. All of it.
Too much of it.
Max scrunched her eyes and slowly peeled them open, and the first thing she saw was the green, almost bioluminescent glow of the numbers on the alarm clock in the darkness. A quarter past two in the morning.
It didn’t look like her personal clock, judging by the silhouette. Not her lamp, either.
Then, it hit her.
Hotel room.
All of that was a dream?
Max almost wanted to cry with relief. So much for worrying about Princess Luna dragging her off to a dungeon. She hadn’t even left the hotel yet!
Then, a decisive click pierced the silence, followed by a soft creak as someone opened the door to her room, briefly allowing warm, yellow light to spill in from the hallway. But that soon vanished when the intruder gently shut the door.
Max tensed, but didn’t move.
Her brain still felt too groggy to read the finer details of the intruder’s mind, but she could tell from the sinister, vengeful flavour that it didn’t have anything pleasant in store for her. Certainly not from the way it gracefully padded over the carpeted floor like a prowling cat, followed by the almost inaudible clink of a glass object.
Not yet, she thought as she forced herself to breathe softly and steadily.
The intruder edged closer and closer, until it stood right next to Max, on the side of the bed.
“Galleon sends his regards, abomination,” whispered a familiar mare’s voice.
Max rolled sideways away from the mare the instant she heard the pop of a cork. The thick covers slowed her a little, but she got enough distance to see the glowing, purple fluid streaming out of a phial and onto the mattress, right where her head used to be.
The fluid hissed and frothed when it came into contact with fabric, and a plume of acrid smoke and steam rose into the air as it ate into the mattress.
Green flames then engulfed Max as she shed her pony disguise.
Momentarily nonplussed, the intruder stared at the empty phial in her hoof for a second before tossing it aside. She then drew a knife and lunged forward to take a stab at her, and Max had to transform a foreleg into a razor-like gnathopod to slice her way out of the covers in time, which had bundled up around her. She deflected the blade with her gnathopod, rolled farther away and flipped onto the other side of the bed, slipped over the edge and then landed on all fours in a wide stance to steady herself.
“Furlong?” she murmured.
The thestral on the opposite side of the bed said nothing. Instead, she scowled and then flared both of her wings outward with blinding speed.
Max barely had enough time to flinch and shield herself from the flurry of knives that came flying out from the folds of her webbed wings. Two or three bounced against the hardened chitin on her gnathopod, whilst a few more embedded themselves in the wall behind her.
Phew. Close one…
She briefly weighed the merits of screaming to alert the sleepy minds in adjacent rooms, to use the ensuing chaos to make good on her escape, but thought better of it when she remembered that Ocellus already knew about her presence in the convention. If ponies got hurt and she—plus whoever else she might’ve blabbed to—put two and two together that a rogue changeling was involved, things could get a lot more difficult for her down the line…
“What would Daring do?” she whispered through her teeth.
Furlong answered with a hiss and lunged at her, a knife held in each wing.
Max dove aside, but not quickly enough. Furlong’s hoof smashed into her shoulder, and one of the knives grazed her barrel as they tumbled on the floor. They came to a halt with Furlong on top, but after a bit of flailing and parrying a knife with her gnathopod, Max then managed to get her hind hooves under the mare’s belly and bucked her off.
It didn’t knock her clean across the room, though. Furlong pumped her wings and halted her arc in mid-air, then kicked off from the ceiling to dive straight at Max.
On reflex, Max shapeshifted a pair of tentacles into existence from her back and arrested Furlong’s forward momentum by wrapping them around her midriff and tensing them up. She still crashed into her, but with only enough force to knock the wind out of her lungs.
Furlong furiously pummelled and clawed at her with every available limb, and Max was forced to grow more and more tentacles to restrain them, heedless of the toll the took on her reserves, until she pretty much had the thestral tightly ensnared in a tangled mess of writhing flesh.
Her captive snarled and bit on the tentacle nearest to her muzzle, but Max kept a firm grip on her despite the sting of fangs sinking into her flesh.
Then, Furlong’s pupils shrank to pinpricks as she released her. “Oh, gross!” she spat, retching as bluish blood dripped from her fangs.
Max already had a smug grin half-formed on her muzzle, but it wilted when heavy, muffled hoofsteps pounded in the hallway outside the room. They belonged to a wary, determined mind, which probably meant…
Security. Oh hayseed, this is going to be awkward…
Then, the deadbolt’s anchoring shattered when a brown pegasus mare came bursting into the room, and a very familiar one at that.
Okay, so it is backup. Just not for me…
“Let go of her, freak show!” Wind Shear growled as she charged at Max.
She didn’t comply. But restraining Furlong with so many appendages made it rather difficult to concentrate on a defensive spell or telekinesis, let alone breach their mental defences in order to pacify them. So that left Max with a fizzled-out spell and a resigned sigh when Wind Shear barrelled right into her, pinned her against the floor and began raining a barrage of punches onto her skull.
Twinkling stars and sparkly doodads popped in and out of her vision with each blow, and in between her yelps, grunts and interrupted spell-casts, she could feel her grip on Furlong gradually slipping.
Then, inspiration struck.
Max spent a generous helping of reserves to transform her changeling body into an amorphous blob of flesh, which did wonders for absorbing Wind Shear’s punches as she pushed her mass along the length of her tentacles. Each appendage swelled as she traversed them, until she finally reached the coiled tips and merged into a suit of carapace with Furlong snugly encased within, wings pinned to her sides.
Outwardly, she probably would’ve looked like a mare wearing a changeling-themed suit of armour, except that it was less of wearing and more of being imprisoned. She could feel Furlong’s panicked breathing as she strained against her interior surface, but Max had enough surrounding musculature to move her like a puppet. Even if Furlong could muster the strength to move of her own will, she probably wouldn’t be able to keep it up for long, not when Max had opted to let herself weigh as much as a full-grown pony in that form.
She did remember to leave holes in the head section for her to see and breathe through, though.
Meanwhile, the manoeuvre had apparently left Wind Shear at a loss as to how to proceed, since hitting Max also meant transferring some of the impact to Furlong.
The brief lull gave her just enough time to sucker punch Wind Shear and beat a hasty retreat to the corner of the room. Too late, she realised that she should’ve gone for the door, but Furlong’s furious struggling and heaving breaths were rather distracting.
“Full of surprises, aren’t you?” Wind Shear muttered as she wiped a trickle of blood from her nostril.
“Mmph! Do somethinhf!” Furlong cried through Max’s makeshift muzzle.
“Galleon was right.” Wind Shear pulled a glowing phial of purplish fluid out of a pouch and brandished it the same way Short Fuse would’ve a stick of dynamite. “You’re too dangerous to be allowed to live.”
Furlong suddenly stiffened inside Max. “No, waitf. Waif!”
Wind Shear uncorked the phial and stalked closer. “Sorry, Fur, you might have to take one for the team.”
Oh mare, that’s cold…
Too late, Max realised that she’d inconveniently forgotten to include a horn in her transformation. She widened her stance and tensed up, ready to dive in any direction depending on how Wind Shear threw her deadly concoction. Worst-case scenario, she’d have to risk a migraine and repel the stuff with a psionic barrier.
Something at the corner of Max’s vision made her pause, though.
Did that shadow just move?
In spite of herself, she flicked her gaze over to the opposite corner of the room and felt a chill in her spine.
The shadows flowed across the floor like wispy smoke from the darkest nooks and crannies of the room, eventually coalescing into a vaguely equinoid shape right behind Wind Shear. It swiftly sharpened and solidified into a distinct silhouette, dark and foreboding against the orange-yellow light that flowed into the room through the busted doorway. It was mostly solid-black, save for a wavy, translucent cloud from the neck up that gently billowed in a non-existent wind.
Wind Shear must’ve noticed it, too. Her eyes narrowed, and she discreetly re-corked the phial as she turned her head ever so slightly, ears a-twitching.
“That is quite enough,” the figure said.
“Says you,” Wind Shear growled as she flared her wings and spun to deliver a flying roundhouse kick.
Max cringed when her hoof struck the figure’s cheek with a loud crack. She would’ve expected anypony to reel and collapse from such a blow, but the figure didn’t even totter. Only its head had twisted to the side, allowing her to see the profile of its feminine muzzle and the elegant, clearly-too-long-to-be-a-unicorn’s horn.
Something metallic produced a dulled clatter when it struck the carpeted floor, followed by silence for a couple of seconds as everypony stared at the figure. Then, a brilliant, blue corona blazed to life on its horn as the figure straightened up once more, and the room’s light flicked on, revealing a rather miffed Princess Luna massaging her cheek with a hoof.
Max could feel Furlong shivering inside her, and if she still had a mouth, she would’ve been grinning.
Ooh, busted!
“Oh, pluck me,” Wind Shear muttered, frozen to the spot.
Meanwhile, Max heard dozens of pounding hooves approaching from the hallway, and several burly stallions and mares thundered into the room soon after. None of them looked surprised by the scene before them, and her suspicion that they were bare-coat guards solidified when Princess Luna swiftly dismissed them with a snap of her primary feathers, presumably to secure the building and to escort bystanders out of harm’s way.
Either that, or she just wanted to take them on all by herself.
Once satisfied with their renewed privacy, Luna cricked her neck and then shook her head as she gave Wind Shear a sour smile. “Such talent, wasted on criminal enterprise.”
She then plucked the glowing phial out of Wind Shear’s grip with magic and clicked her tongue as she examined its contents. Her horn flashed, and the phial vanished in a puff of teal smoke.
“Arcanised basilisk venom? Your employer has certainly spared no expense in their attempt to exact revenge upon a single changeling, and a rather unpleasant end it would have been. Would you care to explain yourself?”
Wind Shear pressed her lips together tightly and stood defiant, but Max could see her hind legs trembling.
“No matter. We shall have plenty of time to discuss your misdeeds,” said Luna as she pressed a hoof to Wind Shear’s cheek. “Sleep, child.”
Her horn glowed softly, and Wind Shear’s eyes rolled up into her head as she collapsed like a puppet with its strings cut.
Luna stepped over the snoring mare without so much as a parting glance and strode gracefully towards Max. She then stood in front of her for a couple of silent seconds, until Max remembered her manners and hastily dipped her head in deference.
One of Luna’s eyebrows arched as her eyes scrutinised her from head to hoof. Or rather, from helmet to boot.
She didn’t voice any opinion on Furlong’s half-hearted attempts to wriggle out of her skin-tight prison, but the waves of amusement and intrigue she exuded made her sentiment pretty clear.
Useful. And maybe just a little bit kinky…
“Maxilla, I presume? You may release the mare,” said Luna.
After taking a moment to mentally visualise uncoupling herself from Furlong, Max shivered as her chitinous exterior rippled like jelly before she sloughed off the mare’s frame, smooth as molten chocolate. After pooling at Furlong’s hooves, she reformed next to her as a regular changeling in a burst of green flame, quickly and efficiently now that she no longer had to worry about injuring the mare whilst her body was in a state of flux.
Furlong prostrated herself at Luna’s hooves the instant she realised she was free. “O Princess of the Night, I am so, so sorry. We didn’t mean to hurt that guy. Please, just don’t tell my—”
“Hush,” whispered Luna as she pressed a hoof to Furlong’s lips. Her brow had a stern crease on it, but Max could taste an undercurrent of compassion in her voice when she continued, “Long Watch will make a full recovery, but there will still be consequences for your actions. You may at least take solace in the fact that I intend to give you a fair trial—certainly more than your employer intended for your target.”
Luna’s horn lit up, and Furlong went out like a light.
Max could only stare in silence whilst Luna retrieved her tiara with magic and daintily set it back atop her head, as if she’d only just finished dolling herself up for a party. The only thing that really ruined the impression was her left cheek, which had swelled up a little after Wind Shear’s brutal kick.
Huh, would’ve expected alicorns to be tougher than that…
“Pardon?”
Max flinched. Did she broadcast that telepathically?
She racked her brain for a change in subject and voiced the first thing that came to mind. “Uh, who’s Long Watch?”
Luna sighed and cast a glance out the doorway. “One of my guards tasked with keeping an eye on you. He intercepted your assailants in the hallway when he suspected ill intent, and apparently did not expect to find their training to be on par with his. Those fractured ribs and cannons will serve as stark reminders not to underestimate anypony.”
She whistled sharply, then smiled reassuringly at Max. “You have many questions, I am sure.”
Max stared whilst several guards wordlessly marched in to tie up Wind Shear and Furlong before carrying them off like a cult of undertakers.
Then, after realising that she had voluntarily backpedalled from Luna until her rump touched the wall, she gave her a sheepish grin and cautiously stepped closer. “Umm, so, the last time we spoke—that was actually a dream?”
“Indeed.”
The bitterly pungent smell of basilisk venom and corroded bedding still lingered in the room. She buzzed her wings in an attempt to drive away the offending scent and wrinkled her muzzle before adding, “This isn’t another dream, is it? I’m not going to wake up again?”
“No, you are not trapped in a recursive dream.” Luna chuckled as she fanned her more impressive wings to help clear the air. “Would that have been preferable?”
“I’m not sure, but…” Max drifted off and stared at the floor.
Something seemed a little off about the whole concept, and then she blinked when it hit her.
Frowning, she locked eyes with Luna and said, “Wait, how did you even get into my dream? I’m not a pony!”
Luna’s smile widened. “Well, you know that they say: you are what you eat.”
Max snorted. “No, seriously. How? I’m pretty sure there would’ve been reports of this if you’d done it before!”
“Oh, but I have. You simply did not receive word of it from your reformed brethren,” Luna said with a devilish grin. “It was gruelling work attuning myself to minds such as yours, but King Thorax was a very supportive and insightful colleague in this endeavour.”
That dumb grub…
“That’s… kind of a cheating power,” she murmured out loud.
“Hah! Says the changeling who by all accounts is capable of bending minds and matter to her will in addition to her vastly improved natural abilities.”
“Hey, I—” Max raised a hoof, then lowered it when she realised she didn’t want to sound stupid. “Okay, you’ve got a point there.”
“Apparently, becoming more like us has made it easier for me to find you in the dream realm, though it is certainly much harder than for a pony.”
Max winced and flattened her ears. Oh, hayseed, it’s happening… I’m turning into a rainbow-beetle-reindeer!
Luna stepped close and placed a wing gently on her shoulder. “I know it may not mean much coming from me, but you may rest assured that my power over you is limited. Our meeting tonight was possible because I knew exactly where you were, and your dreaming mind – formidable though it is – was not guarded against my intrusion. Furthermore, I have no intention of hounding you in the dream realm, not unless the safety of Equestria depended on it.”
It wasn’t exactly what she was worried about, but it was better than nothing. Small mercies and all that.
“Also, my apologies again for the deception, but I chose your dream for our first meeting because I believed it the safest option for all involved.” Luna’s ears drooped a little, and Max caught a tart whiff of remorse from her as she continued, “Not the fairest of introductions, and it didn’t take me long to conclude that you are worthy of better. I was on the verge of revealing the truth to you when we were interrupted by those miscreants assaulting my guard.”
“I… I see.” Max scratched the back of her neck, then glanced at the wrecked door and ruined bed. “Uh, I’m not going to have to pay for that, am I?”
“It is taken care of. You are free to go as you please.”
“Just like that?”
Luna smiled and spread a wing to gesture magnanimously at the doorway. “Just like that, unless you have changed your mind about my proposal.”
Max opened her mouth, then paused when a tiny voice at the back of her mind whispered that maybe the whole assassination attempt had been orchestrated by the Equestrians in order to scare her into siding with them immediately. But then again, it seemed like an awfully convoluted sort of plan that relied on too many things outside their control. It wasn’t really their style, either, and after all she’d seen and heard, Max felt that there might’ve been something to Daring’s claims about Harmony watching over ponies after all…
And there you go, taking another step closer to rainbow reindeer-hood…
She banished the thought and gave Luna an apologetic shake of her head. “I’m not ready yet.”
“Very well, then. I shall take my leave.” With a nod, Luna turned and began making her way towards the door. But after taking a couple of steps, she slowed, turned to look back at Max and said, “You need not worry about being waylaid by hotel staff when you leave. They will neither ask questions nor demand pay for what has transpired here. However, should you choose to remain and catch up on lost sleep, you will find a suite prepared for you on the top floor. It will be open to you for the next forty-eight hours.”
“Oh, um… thanks!” Max managed to scrape together a half-smile and bowed awkwardly.
“Just bear in mind that I will still have my subordinates following you from a discreet distance, simply as a precaution against further incidents like this,” Luna added. “I only ask that you tolerate the inconvenience, for the safety of bystanders. They will not follow you beyond the city limits.”
“Yeah, I can live with that.”
Luna smiled warmly as her horn lit up, and something popped into existence before Max, held in her magical aura. “Here, have a cookie.”
“Eh?” Max blinked and automatically accepted the baked treat with a hoof. “I mean, thanks.”
“Do try to savour it. It wasn’t easy to pilfer from Tia’s personal stash.”
Max frowned as she stared at the ordinary-looking chocolate chip cookie. Tia? Who the heck is Tia?
Then, her jaw dropped. Wait… Tia, as in, Princess Celestia?
She looked to the doorway, but Luna was already gone. She couldn’t even sense her mind anymore, save for a lingering trail of mirth amidst the sleepy backdrop of the hotel’s occupants. The ones far away from her room, at any rate. The guards and staff had effectively vacated anything within what felt like a hundred-foot radius from her.
How does everypony but me know how to even do that?
After her scowl had subsided, she felt her eyes drawn back to the cookie in her upturned hoof. It had a warm and rich, sugary scent that made her mouth water, and she thought she could actually taste love in it as well. It was enough to make the void in her heart peckish, despite her substantial feeding at the convention. No detectable enchantments on it, either.
Feeling very much like a filly opening somepony else’s Hearth’s Warming gift, she took a bite and involuntarily moaned when a cocktail of sweet and nurturing flavours exploded in her mouth. Her wings buzzed whilst she chewed, a tingly shiver went down her spine as she swallowed, and she found herself rubbing her belly as it somehow filled both her stomach and the void itself.
She’d heard the phrase ‘made with love’ before, but she’d never thought that it could be applied that literally to baked goods.
Oh grub, forget the Canterlot Wedding. We should’ve invaded Equestria for this recipe!
She briefly considered saving the rest of it for later, but…
No, no, she couldn’t.
It was the best thing she’d ever tasted in her life.
“Should I come back later?” somepony asked. “You look like you’re in the middle of some special alone-time.”
“Gah!”
Max jumped into the air and spun around to find a female pegasus sitting in the chair by the dressing table. Upon landing, she immediately engulfed herself in green fire and turned into a random male pegasus. Not that it would do her much good right then, but if she needed to flee…
“Wait a sec,” she muttered, narrowing her eyes as she peered at the intruder.
The mare wore a rather scruffy red hoodie with crudely-cut slits for her wings, and a pair of brown, thick-rimmed glasses sat on the bridge of her muzzle. Before her little adventure underground, Max would’ve simply passed her off as a cosplayer trying to stand out by wearing an unconventionally modern outfit on top of the standard dye job, but she had already learnt to recognise that mental signature anywhere.
“How’d you get in?” she demanded.
“Well, there’s this amazing new invention called a door. I hear it’s incredibly useful for getting into places.” Daring Do grinned and pointed a feather at the splintered panel hanging valiantly on its mangled hinges. She then casually made her way to the bed and perched on the corner of the mattress. “Also, that must’ve been some cookie if you didn’t notice me waltzing in like I owned the place… You know, there’s an old myth saying that Princess Celestia created all the best things in the world for ponies to enjoy. Wanna know what I thought the first time she offered me one of those?”
Max snorted. “And anything better, she kept for herself, huh?”
Daring snapped her feathers. “Got it in one.”
“What’re you doing here? We missed you at the con,” she asked as she trotted over to sit beside her on the bed.
“I was busy with work. But after hearing about what happened, I thought I’d drop by to see how you were doing,” said Daring. She then patted her on the back and asked, “How’re you holding up?”
“Okay, I think…”
“Princess Luna is really something, huh?”
Max nodded. “Yup.”
They sat together in companionable silence for a while.
With the dust settled, Max’s brain felt a little overwhelmed everything that had happened on top of coming down from an adrenaline rush. They’d tried to do her in. Again. It almost felt like she’d gone for another round of spelunking in the Arthraki city, even though this romp came nowhere close in terms of actual danger. She somehow felt tightly wound up and crumbly at the same time.
“You sure you’re okay?” Daring asked as she leaned forward to peer into Max’s eyes. “Want to head on over to your suite? You look like you could use a nap.”
Max turned to the window. It was still dark outside, and a quick glance at the clock told her that they had a few more hours to go before sunrise. She craned her neck around to scowl at the gaping hole in the bed and said, “Nah, there’s no way I’m going back to sleep right now. What’re we going to do?”
Daring grinned as she hopped off the bed and trotted over to the window. “I know just the thing.”
Max first thought that she meant a breath of fresh air when she shoved the window open, but soon realised that Daring had other plans when she perched on the sill. A cold draft ruffled her feathers, bringing with it the dry scents of the urban landscape. Smoke, concrete and a whiff of whatever the nearest kitchen vent was spewing out.
She frowned and asked, “Isn’t that against hotel rules?”
“I won’t tell if you don’t.” Daring winked back. “C’mon, I’ll show you the best place in town for a late night snack—only ten minutes away. We can grab a coffee or tea, and you can tell me all about your harrowing experience as the living embodiment of a bad OC surrounded by my fans. I’ve been hearing all sorts of things, let me tell you.”
Max rolled her eyes as she shuffled over to the window. “Oh, you have no idea.”
Daring leapt into the night sky, and Max followed suit.
Jumping from the fifteenth floor gave her a clear view of the main street cutting right through to the heart of the city, and in the dark, the streetlamps and windows of buildings on either side made it look like a festive runway. The eastern horizon had the faintest hue of pre-dawn blue over the blackness of the sea, intermittently flicking in and out of view as they lazily glided past tower blocks. All was quiet, save for the breeze playing on their feathers and the flapping of the sleeves and cowl on Daring’s hoodie.
It almost felt like she was going on another adventure, just the two of them, whilst the rest of the world slumbered in peace and ignorance.
Speaking of which…
She flew abreast of Daring and said, “I can’t believe you still put in the part where I swallowed the bomb. Like, just about everypony was pointing out how stupid I was! And even that doesn’t come close to all the snide remarks about my new abilities. Couldn’t you have toned it down a bit, made me less of an obnoxiously overpowered self-insert?”
“Girl, I tell it like it is. You are a bad OC,” Daring shot back with a smirk. “But you’re also my friend, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Whilst Max basked in the sweet fondness radiating from her friend, she sucked in a deep breath and imagined exhaling all of her weariness and pain through her nostrils. Whatever new world her actions had thrown her into, she would face it with somepony who had her back.
She then grinned and bumped hooves with Daring Do.
Yeah, totally worth it.
Man, I started writing this nearly two years ago... 
How time flies.
I don't know if it's the proper sendoff you were expecting for this story, but I hope it's at least a satisfying one. In a way, it's kind of a relief to be able to finally say it's complete and move on to other, hopefully greater things. 
Hope you enjoyed the ride, and thanks for sticking with it to the end! 
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But...What about the eating brains? ^^
This was a fun and nice end. Something a little different, but it felt like a good ending point.
I was very happy to see this pop up, sad to see complete, but happy to read none the less.
Well done!
This story is like a limo that keeps coming, at times it stops and you think, "oh that's the end of the limo and someone is about to get out finally!" and then the rest of the limo keeps coming.
weird analogy but that's what it feels like.
ANYWAYS, amazing story! this ending was great because you gave yourself space for a sequel while also ending it nicely with a little bow on top!
NOOOO!!!!
A thoroughly satisfying capstone. After last chapter, I was getting a touch worried you were dragging it out too much, but you brought everything to a natural and satisfying conclusion. The Nerd Hive may yet ally with Equestria. Just give the queen time to figure out who she is now. And maybe go on a few more exercises in dynamic archeology.
Thank you for a fantastic read.
...Sequel?
9459738
"I thought you could only enter the dreams of ponies."
"Well, you know what they say: you are what you eat."
"...you mean pony emotions?"
"Pony brains, from what I've read."
"I haven't eaten a brain in over three months and... that sounds kind of terrible out of context, doesn't it."
9459797
From what I recall though, all the powers are reliant on BBBRRRAAAIIINNNSSS....
I kind of want this to be a 'verse? Like, we need more stories in this setting.
Dude.......Pony Avengers....lets do it.
9459738
I mean...maybe she's been eating squirrels or something for lunch, they specified what type of brain she had to eat.
Personally, I really enjoyed this ending. It was certainly interesting to see Luna making an active appearance. And that end bit with Daring was just perfect. I do have to wonder if Max's worries about becoming a skittlebug are unfounded, given her extensive physiological restructuring. Then again, she does still feed on love...
Anyway, I loved this story, and it's nice to see it end on such a good note. Until next time, cheers, mate!
Good chapter to wrap it all up :)
This was an amazing ride, one that I both loathe to see ending and am happy to see reach a satisfactory conclusion.
Would love a sequel with a new adventure and little grubs, though
Had an irrational fear that Max would turn into a rainbow reindeer-beetle, glad it didn't turn out like that
Anyway, the ending was nice, and being a bit of a Luna fan I'm glad to see her in this whole thing.
The assassination attempt was a bit odd, though I guess Galleon can take this a little personally.
Would love to see more in this setting but I can wait. Well done and congratulations on finishing a 2-year-project.
This was a wonderful wrap up. Thank you for doing so much to demonstrate that, as they say, Tropes Are Not Bad. Max is an excellent and fun protagonist who, if you looked at the summary, would make you run away screaming. And it's glorious.
Oh, and you definitely have Luna as Best Princess. I wonder if Luna's guards were also in the dreamscape with her, in case of Things sneaking up on her while she was distracted or a lucid dreamer getting cute.
Now I'm imagining Max guiltily trying out a Skittle-Moose shape to try it out before a 'What am I DOING' moment...
Oh, and Max doing her Symbiote routine. That's definitely someone's fetish. Her next improvement to the technique? Paralytic stingers on her inside surfaces.
Adorable nerd fights. I resemble them, btw.
Stolen tia cookies! Om nom nom!
What an end ...
you'd've
just the two of them
Max!
Ah~ah!
Aww and here I was expecting her to be revealed at the convention, by Scrape, pointing and yelling, "That pony's a changling!"
To have it come around full circle.
Incredible ride, wouldn't have missed it for the world.
9459774
Heh, the previous chapter was originally supposed to be the proper end, but then I had to go and outright state that there was supposed to be one more after that when I didn't have a solid idea for this. Thankfully, it didn't slip too far into unnecessary padding territory.
9459801
Not quite all of them, but definitely the more powerful ones like mind control.
9459797
"That thing inside pony skulls? I've tried a few and honestly, calling them them brains is a tad generous in most cases..."
9459765
Just imagine passing on that level of insecurity to an entire hive.
9459786 9459802
Maybe... Can't make any promises yet.
9459823
It's admittedly tempting, though I'm not sure if it's really the direction I want to take for a sequel.
9459746 9459760 9459840 9459884 9459903 9460423
Glad to have had you guys on board. Was a pleasure writing for you all.
9460010
She helped ruin his plans for godhood. Anyone would be more than a little sour about that.
9460031
Yup. There are (usually) no bad ideas in writing, just poorly executed ones.
I've read good parodies of bad OCs before, but I wanted one that threw shade at those tropes whilst shamelessly indulging in them at the same time. Daring Do became the perfect accomplice for that when the show decided to make her real and run along with the joke that everypony in central Equestria thinks she's fictional.
Oh man, that would be hilarious.
9460332
Yeah, that would've been a nice callback to the original. Unfortunately, it just never occurred to me in time.
9460045
Fixed the second one. Not too sure if the first one is really incorrect. But in any case, I'm usually not to fussed about grammatically incorrect dialogue.
Thanks for spotting those!
9460447
It's understandable to not ask for one now...
But is it okay to consider at least for future times?
You write the lings so very very well! And one of the best ling writers here on site.
It's been a wild ride, i really hope this gets a sequel.
Max's new power level is kind of brilliant really, her powers sound really OP at face value, but in practice even at the top of her game, she hasn't felt any more powerful than one of the Princesses, and oftentimes not even that since all of her amazing abilities still depend on a limited energy supply, and even her new mental powers can be defended against.
Sounds to me like Luna was pulling some master level, subtle dream manipulation; edit a small detail to make a coincidental looking visual allegory, and then let the target notice it.
Beautiful.
9460467
It is, it's the difference between 'if you have done' and 'if you would have done', between fact and possibility. This isn't really a matter of grammar either, 'you'd've' is far from grammatically correct, but it would be the thing that would be said here
I'd ask if you had a sequel planned but it looks like someone already did XD.
Heh. How very pastel.
9460546
I'm not convinced. If we take the original and substitute your suggestion,
...it really does not look correct to me.
Edit: Come to think of it, it looks like you'd would be a better substitute.
9460484
Definitely considering one. I've got a few ideas, but I just want to be sure that I have enough material before committing.
9460503
That's what I like about Luna. Shouty in meatspace, tactful and delicate in dreamland.
I am very happy how this chapter turned out. It was a very nice and clean wrap up, just enjoyable entirely.
Though, I am still confused even after reading 9460461 whether or not you actually consider Max to be a bad OC or not. Because either she is not, or she is but enjoyably bad.
9460546
9460467
Have is the verb, would is an adjective. The difference is that without the adjective, it functions as a question without trying to state blame, but with the would, implies that the verb should have happened -- the former is more polite as the ladder is used to pass blame of the situation onto the target being spoken to, so I prefer to think that Max is naturally more polite
Triple contractions are gramatically correct, but uncommon. There is no limit on contractions in English, so saying you'd've't being a quadruple contraction when it makes sense is also grammatically correct.
9460671
If we get right down to it, I consider her a 'superficially bad' OC, in that she has easily recognisable traits of poorly written self-inserts. She's more powerful than the vast majority of characters in her universe, she gets to be best buddies with her idol, and she can get pretty edgy with her powers if she so chooses.
But I don't think she's really a bad OC in terms of her relation to the universe she inhabits. The universe doesn't bend over backwards to accommodate her desires, and she's still challenged by the situations she finds herself in. Fewer people seem to take this into account when discussing Mary Sues and the like.
I don't consider her enjoyably bad either. At least, not in the way that you might for something that earnestly believes it's good when it's awful, or a parody that drives the 'bad OC-ness' to ridiculous extremes to make it comedic.
9460695
Nice. I just like the character, so I was curious how you felt about the whole situation; interesting to know that tropes are more for shenanigans than defining characteristics.
It's curious that you mention that setting and circumstance make a large difference in how character could be good or bad, or Mary Sue. I've always been wondering how some things I've read turn out better or worse than others with similar characters being present, and that makes a lot of sense; how the scenario plays out to position and develop the characters.
Enjoyably bad -- I feel that there was some cringe in places early onSo... Next fic is gonna be Max interacting with Thorax and the other changelings right?
Is this the end of Max’s story, or will the bad OC be featured in more stories.
9460912 9460944
I'm afraid it's all up in the air right now. I don't yet have any solid plans for a sequel.
Well it was painfull to see that complete tag, waiting for more of bad OC'eing in possible new sequel!
9460622
Looking at the context again, I see now that it should actually by 'you'd done' short for 'you had done'
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It wasn't going to end in godhood anyway...
This was an excellent ending to a fantastic story. I do hope that you come back to more stories for Max in the future. Thank you for the time and effort put into bringing this wonderful story to us.
That was a very satisfying ending. I'd love a sequel or epilogue, but wouldn't be upset to never get one. Thanks for sharing such a solid story!
It wouldn't surprise me if Luna actually brags about that. That seems like something she'd do.
I loved how Luna just took that punch like a boss.
I liked this ending. Wrapped up the major plot points nicely to make a satisfactory enough of an ending, but still leaves things open enough that it doesn't rule out any possible follow-ups. The best kind of ending.
Luna is here with an offer that Max can refuse.
Good job punching the princess in the face, dude.
A cookie fit for a princess.
Yep, it was.
Wrapped things up nicely!
I probably mentioned it a few times before but this story was a lot of fun to read.
I can't say anything that's has not been said yet in these comments, but I have to: I loved this story and love the characters you created.
Yeah, I would love a sequel, but don't feel pressured to make one. This was clearly a work of love and that's what made it so enjoyable.
Ah, new chapter! There you are.
Hello, good content. You certainly gave everyone a scare. They're all just thrilled to see you in their notification boxes.
As for this unplanned, unconfirmed sequel of yours... thank the stars it might not be over! Will it be fun? Will you get it out of our systems?
Good, good. Everyone is so relieved. Welcome home, Max.
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Yes, it's one of the seldom-advertised perks of being an alicorn: +5 punch-resistance!
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Just one of the instances when being a 'buck first and ask questions later' kind of badass doesn't pay off.
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Glad you had a good time. Thank you guys for taking the time to read it!