Chapter 13
“Like I said, the series is taking a turn for the worse,” said Inky Quill as he brandished his copy of Daring Do and the Forgotten City like a dangerous implement. “Seriously, if you’d told me about the plot without letting on where it’s from, I’d call it somepony’s first attempt at fanfiction without a second thought.”
“Yeah, and with a pretty blatant self-insert, too,” Double Space murmured, frowning at the artist’s rendition of a changeling on the cover of her book. “No subtlety whatsoever.”
Babble Scribe snorted. “Girl, if it’s subtlety you’re looking for, you’re in the wrong fandom.”
Double Space rolled her eyes. “Yeah, well, it’s pretty on the muzzle even for Daring Do. Spectrum Lash in the Ring of Destiny was annoying enough, but this… this little bug called Nix embodies a total loss of restraint.”
Max squirmed in her seat and felt her ears flatten at the mention of the alias AK Yearling had bestowed upon her.
It’s like she didn’t even try.
To be fair, she’d at least had the sense to leave out the part about her being a Daring Do fanfiction writer from the get go, but still…
For the umpteenth time that day, Max found herself second guessing the wisdom of her decision to convene with her usual gang of fellow fanfiction authors smack in the middle of Daring Con in Baltimare, especially considering she knew exactly how most of them were going to react to her appearance in the series.
Even though she wore her usual disguise as Sunny Spring, an unassuming earth pony mare of typical earthy colouration, she couldn’t help feeling a few phantom eyes lingering on her back. She could practically taste the judgement dripping in their voices, even though it technically wasn’t aimed at her. It didn’t help that she could hear echoes of their deconstructive assessments of her character coming directly from the brains in her vicinity.
“Let’s face it, ponies. The series is going down the drain,” Double Space growled.
“Agreed. She totally overshadowed Daring for most of the climax. It’s kinda disgraceful, especially once you consider the fact that Nix did nothing to earn her ridiculous powers.” Inky shook his head and sighed. “Author’s pet, indeed. You’d think that an experienced author like AK would know better than to create an unrealistic character like that.”
“You don’t even know the half of it. My cousin was in Canterlot during the attack, and he said that changelings are nasty, but nowhere near as powerful as Nix and Drax.”
“I dunno, it’s working out for her so far…” said a skinny, teal pegasus colt – Fleet Stroke, one of the newest members of their group, if she remembered correctly.
He wilted under the collective gaze that turned to him and then chuckled nervously as he pointed a few feathers at the crowd bustling around them. “If my eyes are working right, they seem to be okay with the addition of a somewhat overpowered character…”
Ponies, zebras and even a few griffons streamed around the convention hall around them, clutching books, posters, knapsacks and various goodies as they went about their business. At least half of them carried soft toys of some kind, and at least half of those in turn were changeling plushies of varying degrees of quality. And if the colour schemes were any indication, the ratio of Nix to Drax plushies was approximately ten to one.
Daring had been right; Max’s stand-in character was a hit with the general populace.
So why did she feel so… dirty?
Inky snorted and scratched away on his notepad, no doubt working on his next scathing analysis of the latest instalment. “Well, it’s not like you’d expect the general audience to have a firm grasp of the finer aspects of storytelling. Who do you think we have to thank for Fifty Shades of Hay being a thing, hmm?”
“Hey, that’s different. That one’s only because of all the naughty stuff!” Fleet Stroke protested.
Babble Scribe gave him a half-lidded stare and jabbed a hoof over her shoulder, towards a massive banner soaring above the vendor stalls for comfort wares, featuring Nix with a flirtatious grin as she lay sensuously spread out on a bed, with certain anatomical features clearly effaced to comply with only the most generous interpretation of convention rules for public decency. The pink-tipped tentacles coming out of her back had somehow gotten a pass from the con staff, too.
Fleet Stroke turned bright red and grinned sheepishly. “Oh… right.”
“Sunny? What do you think?” asked Inky when he turned to Max. A broad grin split his muzzle when he addressed Quibble Pants as well. “You two have been awfully quiet today… I was expecting an epic, hour-long rant at the very least!”
Max flicked her gaze to Quibble Pants, who sat next to her with a pensive frown. Their eyes met, and for the briefest of moments, she saw an intense spark of understanding in his eyes that mirrored her own – eyes which had seen absurdities defying logic in a way that only Daring Do could. Eyes that had been opened, and a mind that had been expanded to accept the nature of this particular aspect of their universe.
She blinked.
He blinked back.
Oh, hayseed. He knows, doesn’t he?
No words needed to be said. They both might’ve had different pieces of the puzzle, but each had seen enough to come to the same conclusion. The books were based on real events, and they knew better than to try prying into each other’s experience, lest they tempt fate into entangling each other in another life-threatening adventure.
Mustering up an aggressively neutral smile, she shrugged and twirled a hoof vaguely in the air. “Well, you know, considering how long the series has been going, I guess it’s inevitable that AK Yearling’s going to try and see how often she can get away with scraping the bottom of the barrel. It’s not great, but hey, what can you do about it? We can let the colts and fillies enjoy a bad OC every now and then, right?”
“You mean the uncultured masses with poor taste…” somepony murmured.
“Okay, here’s the thing…” Quibble Pants leaned forward and held both fore hooves above the table, as if presenting everypony with an invisible, illegal object for sale. “The way I see it, it’s actually a good thing for Daring Do to have an absolutely awful story or character once in a while.”
“Heresy!” Double Space hissed.
Inky grinned. “Oh, this had better be good.”
“Wait, wait, wait, hear me out!” Quibble threw up both hooves to placate the half dozen squints and glares that came his way. “You see, whenever you get a series that’s been running for as long as Daring Do, you’re eventually going to get fandom fatigue from the sheer amount of content that’s being put out, especially for something so formulaic. Ponies get tired of the same stuff over and over again.”
Fleet Stroke quirked an eyebrow. “What does that have to do with—”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m getting there.” Quibble cleared his throat pointedly, then continued, “I think we can all agree that we’ve been getting a slump in con turnout for the past year and a half, which can be interpreted as fandom fatigue. Now, a good book is fine for getting ponies back into Daring Do, but nothing gets us going like a really controversial creative decision.”
“Like writing in a bad OC?”
“Exactly! Ever since this book hit the shelves, everypony’s been constantly analysing and complaining or debating about Nix’s merits as a character! A truly awful character has the power to shake up the fandom and force everypony to re-evaluate their understanding of what makes a truly great character and story.” Quibble mimed clutching his head and frowned deeply, as if straining to comprehend some unfathomable conundrum. “For many of us, Nix might be so irredeemably awful that we’re subconsciously forced to recall everything great about Daring Do in previous books and the best of all the supporting characters she’s ever met just to clear the bad out of our brains. And when we next get back together to talk about it, bam, instant rekindling of passion in the fandom!”
He then grinned. “So long as AK Yearling doesn’t make a habit out of this, and so long as we keep discussions civil about Nix’s terribleness, it’s the perfect stimulus package to get us all raring for the next book.”
Everypony stared at him in silence.
Eventually, Max blinked and said, “That’s a very… interesting perspective.”
Double Space snorted. “Honestly, I can’t tell if what you said is incredibly poignant or stupidly pretentious.”
“I’m leaning towards the latter,” muttered Inky.
Quibble shrugged. “Eh. You can’t deny that everypony’s talking a lot more about Daring Do than usual this year, though.”
“It’s all politics. Princess Twilight made peace with the changelings, and AK’s trying to be inclusive.”
“That just proves that she’s good at capitalising on opportunities.” Quibble directed his gaze to the vendor stands, where a couple of ponies dressed in changeling costumes were standing in line to buy cotton candy. “Whatever the reason, it seems to be working in her favour. Ours too, since we’ve got a whole new race to work with in our stories.”
“Yeah, but there’s a price.” Babble Scribe made a face. “I can already see bajillions of awful changeling OCs spawning from this…”
“To be fair, it’s not like there isn’t already an army of bad OCs in the fandom. Nix is small fry compared to the classics,” Fleet Stroke retorted with a shrug. “Anypony remember Deathwing Blaze? Or Midnight Shadowsong? Doughnut Steel?”
Max suppressed a wince and sniggered along with everypony else.
Go me. Woohoo.
Double Space hadn’t joined in, though. And once everypony had quietened down, she folded her forelegs and said, “You forget one crucial problem, though. Nix is canon, and no matter how you dress it, she’s a permanent flaw in the series. Even if AK Yearling takes the time to flesh her out in subsequent books, nothing can change the fact that she’s totally undeserving of her power and status!”
Just then, another group of fans passing by their table halted with a collective scuffling of hooves and scowled at them. “Hey, are you guys seriously dissing the new best character?”
Max flattened her ears as a cacophony of opinions and assertions erupted between their parties, and before anyone could drag her into it, she hopped out of her seat, gave Quibble a discreet nod and said, “Gonna take a walk, see if I can find anything interesting. Fill me in on anything important when I get back?”
He nodded. “Yeah, sure.”
Retreating from the growing cloud of simmering tempers, disdain and outrage helped to clear the bad taste in her mouth, and Max made sure to stay clear of any similar altercations as she navigated the convention hall. Although she couldn’t help but agree that her characterisation in the book deviated greatly from conventional wisdom of storytelling, the general emotional ambience provided by the attendees highlighted one inescapable fact: the masses loved her. Or the book’s representation of her, at least.
Ponies of all ages exuded excitement and wistfulness as they mingled and explored the hall filled with a dragon hoard’s worth of Daring Do merchandise. Books, posters, figurines, saddlebags, props and so on. Colts, fillies, mares and stallions hugged their plushies, and Max barely had to expend any effort in skimming off some of their adoration for personal consumption. And since most of it was meant for their fluffy facsimiles of her, it came with practically no guilt at all, so it was probably one hundred percent Daring Do approved.
The cosplayers apparently had had a field day with her character as well. Dozens of fake changelings roamed the hall, basking in the amusement and approval of their fellow fans. She made sure to snack on some of that, too.
And if she ever felt the need to sup on something a little more… spicy, she only needed to wander over to the pillow vendors. The vast majority of fans there might’ve been able to maintain a respectable degree of physical decorum as they browsed the rows and rows of ponies and changelings with bedroom eyes laying on sheets, but Max could taste – and to a lesser degree, hear – the furious fantasising going on inside their heads.
Yum.
As she trotted past another row of artists peddling their wares, her eyes drifted up to the two huge balloons of Daring Do and Nix floating overhead. The latter looked slightly overinflated, bobbing and creaking as two giggling pegasus fillies bounced on top of it whilst their earth pony guardian anxiously called to them from below.
Yeah, that’s your figure in a couple of weeks if you keep feeding like this. And your ego is halfway there already…
“Miss Spring! Sunny Spring! Over here!”
Max flicked her ears in the direction of the familiar voice – a boisterous one that was just on the verge of shedding the last of its foalish squeakiness. She then turned around and saw a colt nimbly zigzagging through the crowd with leaps and short bursts of flight, despite the somewhat oversized pair of saddlebags he wore. He had a charcoal-grey coat, ashen mane, ruby eyes, cute little fangs and webbed wings, and he wore a cap of similar colour scheme with the words ‘Top Edge’ embroidered onto it.
She grinned when she tasted the boundless adoration of her Number One Fan and protégé in the fanfic community. Also, a little busybody who’d accidentally stumbled onto her secret double-life when he’d stalked her into her home and found her without a disguise.
“Heya squirt,” she said as she turned to give him a clear shot at her back. “Been wondering where you were.”
Top Edge leapt onto her back and giggled when she tousled his mane, then whispered in her ear, “Hi, Max.”
“What’ve you been up to?”
“Got a bunch of new stuff!” he said, beaming as he peeled back the cover of a saddlebag to reveal a folded Daring Do blanket, a hardback copy of the latest volume in the series, a squished changeling plushie and a painted replica of the rune stone that had started everything. He then flipped over to the other saddlebag and showed her a well-worn notebook with thick scribbling on every page. “I also finished another story, and it’s like, twenty thousand words long! Can you help me proofread it?”
“Sure thing. We can go over it tonight in my hotel room.”
“Yay!”
Max scanned the hall. “Anything you want to check out? I’m just wandering around.”
Top Edge shook his head. “Nah, I already had fun in the bouncy spike pit. I wanna hang out with you. Finished the new book yet?”
She picked a random direction to trot in and then snorted. “What do you take me for, some second rate fan? Hah! Of course I’ve finished it.”
“Nix is pretty cool, huh? She’s a lot like you! Do you think AK Yearling interviewed a changeling before writing it? She got so many things right!” He then gasped, splashing her with a burst of insight mixed with a smattering of suspicion as he rapidly tapped on her shoulder and whispered, “Do you think she might be a changeling, too? Like, maybe she only pretends to be a pony so she can go out in public like you do!”
Max briefly wondered which would be considered more mind-blowing: AK Yearling being a changeling, or the actual Daring Do…
Outwardly, she shook her head and said, “Nope, not a changeling. I can tell. AK Yearling’s a pegasus pony, all right.”
Top Edge slumped a little. “Oh. Too bad. Would’ve been cool to ask her what’s the deal with the new changelings.”
“Eh?”
“Over there!”
He reared up and leaned against the back of her head as he jabbed a foreleg over her field of view to direct her gaze. With his guidance, she edged away from the pressing throng of ponies to get a better view of the main entrance and—
Max came to a screeching halt.
Oh, hayseed.
A very distinct party had just entered the convention hall, and it comprised mostly of chitinous, equinoid figures bearing disturbingly similar qualities to the rainbow-hued crimes against nature she’d fought in her nightmares, though they weren’t quite as flamboyant. She hadn’t actually seen an undisguised changeling since her adventure, and she had a niggling feeling that it probably should’ve stayed that way, if their lively prancing and happy chatter was anything to go by.
Hayseed, most of the surrounding ponies didn’t even give them a second glance, let alone flee in terror like the good old days.
She suppressed a shiver. Oh, how the mighty have fallen…
Granted, it wasn’t as if they were all that fearsome to begin with, considering how they’d technically been defeated at Canterlot by the power of their own food, but still…
Max frowned when she touched their minds with her residual telepathy. The excitement and curiosity radiating from them almost matched the ponies’ in intensity, far greater than the output of any traditional changeling.
Her heart nearly skipped a beat when she realised that their emotions didn’t actually have the taste of old, dead ash that she remembered. A quick sip confirmed that they even provided some form of nourishment, but the cloying, overripe flavour didn’t sit well with her, and she thought better of taking any chances in the middle of a crowded convention. There would be time to investigate their new feeding habits later.
Two changelings in particular stood out from the throng, having the appearance of royalty with their secondary horns, alicorn-like stature and a greater mix of prismatic colours across their chitinous segments. Males, judging by their voices which rose in volume as they approached her position.
Max squinted at the taller of the two royals. Smooth voice, friendly tone with an undercurrent of petulance that could turn into a whine at any moment.
The second royal didn’t look quite as garish as the others, but that vocal rasp brought back flashes of dizziness and phantom pain as an older and far stronger sibling swung her around by the tail like a ragdoll, all for daring to muscle in on his territory. Only Pharynx got to make fun of Thorax.
Yikes. It really is them…
In that instant, she realised that they weren’t accompanied just by any bunch of random ponies.
Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash trotted alongside Thorax and Pharynx, gushing on and on about trivia and all the fun that was to be had in the biggest Daring Do convention in Equestria. Also, an odd assortment of creatures lagged a little farther at the back of the party, which included a yak, a bright blue griffon and what looked like a pink cross between a pony and a griffon.
Is that a hippogriff?
“Max?”
“I need to get out of here…” she muttered under her breath.
“You know them?” asked Top Edge, tensing a little as he perched on her back. “Are they trouble?”
She shook her head. “N-nah. Just thought I recognised someone…”
A whole lot of someones who can kick my flank…
Max blinked and stopped backpedalling.
Who used to be able to kick my flank, a little voice at the back of her mind corrected her. I’d like to see them try now.
Although she wouldn’t have minded if she never saw them again, their presence was an opportunity for her to find out more about the hive and their new place in the world since her exile. With Ydrax’il’s warning about safeguarding the survival of her species still hanging over her head like a boulder, she figured it wouldn’t hurt to gather some intel on how she might eke out a little piece of the world for herself – and her offspring, if she ever got that far. King Thorax – ugh, king… – seemed to have led the hive reasonably well thus far if he’d managed to secure an alliance with Equestria; she just needed to figure out if the princesses hadn’t completely neutered their collective power in the process.
Max huffed through her nostrils and casually approached them at an oblique angle, only occasionally flicking her gaze over to keep track of their movement as individual changelings dispersed to explore different parts of the convention on their own. Rainbow Dash eventually broke away from the group as well, with the diverse bunch of oddballs in tow like an excited hen and her chicks. Thorax, Pharynx and Twilight kept a more sedate pace and seldom strayed from the main walkways, which suited Max just fine in her efforts to stalk them.
“What’re you doing?”
“Checking out the competition,” she mumbled.
She felt Top Edge’s weight on her back shift as he tilted his head. “Huh?”
“Oh, nothing. I just want to get a closer look. The changelings have never had a king before.”
Getting close enough to eavesdrop on them also allowed her to touch the surfaces of their minds.
Twilight Sparkle’s mind had very few defences to speak of. Her thoughts flowed so freely that once Max had tuned in to listen, she couldn’t help but pick up on the plans for checklists and checklists for plans she had for the day, hour by hour, ranging from household chores to conversation topics and lesson plans for her school. And beneath that somewhat manic chatter was an undercurrent of immense knowledge, which reminded Max a little of Ydrax’il. But whilst his mind was akin to a forbidden archive sequestered in the confines of a dark, fortified tower, Twilight’s was tinged with a warm glow like a hearth fire – an unguarded library inviting others to come in and learn everything she knew.
Pharynx didn’t interest her much; he guarded his thoughts well and only allowed his general mood to filter through, tasting mostly of mild annoyance and boredom.
Thorax, on the other hoof, projected a heck of a lot more confidence than she’d expected, though he still hadn’t completely done away with his pervasive anxiety. But for the first time, she could actually taste happiness coming from him, and it echoed in his ongoing thoughts of how to get more changelings to be friends with ponies.
No wonder he gets along with Twilight Sparkle... They were practically made for each other, politically speaking.
“I don’t know about this,” she heard Thorax say as he glanced around the hall with a wince. His gaze lingered on the veritable horde of dark changeling costumes on display. “Why does everypony like our old appearances so much?”
Pharynx snorted. “Maybe it’s because even they can see that we actually looked better with holes.”
Thorax sighed. “We’ve been over this. It’s not a healthy state; we were always so hungry and mean, and it’s how we looked when we used to capture ponies. That’s wrong!”
“Yeah? But at least we looked good doing it.”
Thorax’s frown deepened. “Which we don’t do anymore.”
“Uh, guys…” Twilight raised a hoof, but she let it drop with a sigh when she realised that they had no ears for her.
“Maybe not the capturing part, but as king, you at least need to be able to intimidate others if the moment calls for it,” Pharynx growled. “I’m not always going to be around to do it for you.”
“I can be scary when I want to!” Thorax protested.
“Without wasting energy on shapeshifting.” Pharynx grinned when Thorax’s indignant frown gave way to a nervous chuckle. “Come on, then. Show me your war face.”
“What, right now? But…”
Pharynx swiped a hoof through the air. “No buts!”
“Ugh, fine.”
After glancing around to make sure there weren’t too many onlookers, Thorax planted his legs in a wider stance, puffed up his chest and glared at Pharynx. Or at least, what he probably thought was a glare. Max sniggered; with his narrowed eyes, tight lips and clenched muscles from the neck down, it looked more like the face of a constipated pony.
Pharynx apparently thought the same, except that he responded with a deadpan sigh instead of a fit of giggles. He then grimaced and bade Thorax stop with a wave of his hoof whilst he began scanning the crowd.
Max felt her hackles rise when he swept his gaze past her, and then her heart rate climbed up a notch when he flicked his eyes back to her. And before she could sidle off and disappear into the crowd, he jabbed a hoof in her direction.
“Seriously, I’d bet even that grub could put up a better war face than you,” he said to Thorax with a grin.
So much for blending in…
Worse still, if they paid enough attention to her, they might just notice the dry absence of nourishment in her emotional output.
Max racked her brain for a way to excuse herself without making a scene, and then froze stiff she heard a blood-curdling hiss just above her ears. For just an instant, she saw an eyeless face with pale skin stretched tightly over its jagged bones open its maw, baring a thousand pointy teeth at her. A second later, the image vanished, dispelled by Top Edge’s pleased giggle when Pharynx sent an approving grin their way.
Oh. Phew…
Pharynx hooked a foreleg around Thorax’s shoulder, pulled him close and then pointed at the little colt riding on her back. “Hah! See that? Bared teeth and fire in the eyes, like you mean it! That little grub’s got what it takes!”
“To be fair, most ponies don’t have fangs,” Thorax mumbled. “Also, they’re called foals.”
“Hey, I’m not a foal!” Top Edge cried indignantly. “I’m a grown colt; I’m old enough to be out on my own!”
Pharynx chuckled and whacked Thorax on the shoulder. “You’ve even got the little ones talking back at you. Not a good sign.”
Frowning, Thorax opened his mouth to argue, but Twilight Sparkle hastily trotted between them and gently pushed them apart with her wings. She then gave Pharynx a conciliatory smile and said, “Well, although intimidation might have its uses, we generally try to avoid needing it in the first place by being friendly. I’m not sure that looking scary is as important as you’re making it out to be.”
Pharynx raised an eye ridge at Twilight and squinted at the crowd, apparently having forgotten about Max and Top Edge. He then smirked at the princess and said, “Heh. I beg to differ.”
Twilight tilted her head. “Why’s that?”
Still smirking, Pharynx pushed past her and out into the middle of the walkway. He then buzzed his wings and hollered, “Hey, who wants to see something awesome?”
Nearly every head in their immediate vicinity turned his way, and after a moment’s worth of murmuring amongst themselves, ponies came trotting over to form a circle of curious faces around Pharynx. He stalked within the confines of that circle, apparently gauging his audience, before vanishing in a flash of green fire. When the flames died down, they revealed him in his old, familiar form, with dark grey and purple chitin and scarlet crest. He then struck a menacing pose with his fangs bared, like a surrounded fighter eager to take each and every one of his opponents to the grave with him.
Silence reigned for a couple of seconds whilst Max tensed up in anticipation of a stampede, but she soon found herself caught in a deluge of glee and excitement as ponies squeezed past her to get a better look. The murmurs rose to a chorus of ‘oohs’ and ‘ahs’ mixed with a few whoops and cheers that completely drowned out the smattering of ponies who were unnerved by the display.
“So that’s what a proper changeling looks like!”
“So cool!”
“It’s just like how I pictured Nix!”
“Totally badflank!”
A few pegasi hovered above the crowd and snapped a couple of photographs, which then prompted a frenzy of ponies crowding in to do the same. Some even trotted right up to Pharynx to get their pictures taken with him.
Pharynx shot a fanged grin at Thorax, and Max barely heard him over the crowd, shouting, “Oh yeah, that’s the good stuff! These ponies know how to appreciate a warrior!”
Whilst Thorax fumbled for a response, the rest of his sortie began murmuring amongst themselves, which soon led to scattered bursts of green fire in rapid succession as more and more of them transformed back into their old selves.
Pharynx cackled maniacally, surrounded by his newfound fans whilst Thorax and Twilight gave each other befuddled looks.
Max pinched some of the adoration they sent his way.
It’s not like he can eat all of it himself, she thought.
The rest of her siblings seemed to be thoroughly enjoying themselves, too, basking in the admiration of congoers as they transformed into whatever was asked of them. With so many fans and no shortage of monsters and characters in the series, Max suspected they were already stealing the spotlight from the con’s official artists and performers.
“Why aren’t you joining them?”
“Eh?”
Top Edge shifted on his perch so he could speak more clearly into her ear. “Looks like everypony here is okay with changelings. Don’t you want to go around without your disguise?”
“Uh, I think I’ll pass on that.”
“Why?”
Because I’m an exile and a potential fugitive, and it’ll be super-awkward once they recognise me.
“No reason. Just don’t feel like being the centre of attention right now,” said Max as she spun on her hooves to make a quiet retreat. With the way her siblings were fanning out from the group, she preferred not to risk any of them bumping into her and noticing the lack of nourishment in her emotional output.
She had barely gone twenty metres in the other direction before she abruptly bumped muzzles with somepony awfully familiar.
A pair of magenta eyes, narrowed in scrutiny, bored right into her own.
“Gah!” she cried as she jumped backwards, nearly knocking over a figurine display case and dislodging Top Edge in the process. He had to bite down on her mane to keep from toppling off.
A second later, her brain finished taking in the rest of the owner of those eyes. Sky-blue coat, a mane in every colour of the rainbow. Hooves a-tapping and wings restlessly fluttering with barely contained excitement. Ears perked and mouth set to a wide grin, bordering on manic. An ego the size of a hot air balloon, and just about as empty in terms of calories.
Rainbow Dash practically broadcast her thoughts like a herald’s proclamations – though, whether they warranted such prominence was another matter entirely – and despite the distracting amount of ego permeating everything, Max had no difficulty in piecing together the fact that she’d been scanning the crowd for changelings in disguise, absolutely confident in the knowledge that ‘Nix’ was an alias that Daring Do had written in place of a real bug she’d dragged along in her adventures.
Apparently, Rainbow Dash had also been running around confronting any earth pony mare that resembled Sunny Spring, because Daring Do had seen fit not to deviate all that much from the real thing when describing Nix’s equine disguise…
“Sup. I’m Rainbow Dash.”
Max took a couple of steps backwards. “Uh, hi? What are—ack!”
Rainbow Dash hooked a foreleg around her shoulder and pulled her close, ignoring Top Edge’s indignant protest at nearly getting dislodged from his perch again. She then grinned at Max and whispered, “So, I bet it was pretty awesome tagging along with the big Dee Dee, right? Oh mare, I’m pretty bummed I missed out on that one. What’s it like being a super-changeling?”
What?
Max blinked at her and worked her mouth like a landed fish.
Rainbow Dash’s brow knitted into a frown for a fraction of a second, before she winked and said, “Hey, I get it, Nix—or, whatever your real name is. Nopony believes you. But I will! From one legit Daring Do sidekick to another, this has got to be like, the most exclusive honour in Equestria!”
When Max continued staring, she thumped a hoof on her puffed-out chest a couple of times. “C’mon, you see the resemblance, right? Spectrum Lash? Rainbow Dash? You totally know that’s who ‘AK Yearling’ was really writing about.”
Figuring it out wasn’t the problem. Quibble Pants being in on the secret probably wouldn’t come back to bite her in the flank, but the Element of Loyalty? Acknowledging that to her was practically an invitation to get arrested and thrown into a cell. Or maybe even a lab, if the Purple Menace had no qualms about secretly conducting questionable experiments on creatures of interest…
But before Max could find a way to excuse herself, Top Edge saved her the trouble and whined, “Can we go to the ball pit now? You promised!”
Heh, smart colt.
Rainbow Dash’s eyes then flicked up to Top Edge, and then one eyebrow rose as she added, “Hey, kid. This mare your foalsitter or something?”
“Uh huh, I’m with her. But I’m not a foal,” Top Edge huffed. “And I’m bored.”
Max quickly shored up the façade with an apologetic shrug. “Sorry, girl. I don’t roleplay. Love to chat, but, as you can see, my nephew’s been waiting all day to have some fun. Bye!”
She spun on her hooves and made to leave, but instead of hearing the clip clop of her hooves on the floor, Max’s ears filled with a dull roar as the world turned into a blur of smudged colours and shapes. Wind blasted against her face, tugging at her mane and rippling her cheeks.
In the next instant, the world abruptly slammed to a standstill with enough force to drive her breath out with a whoosh, followed by a wheeze as she tried to suck some air back in. Steam rose from her hooves, hot from their friction against the floor.
Max glanced around, and then blinked stupidly when she realised that Rainbow Dash had carted them off to the other side of the exhibition hall with what had felt like enough thrust to send a train to the moon in short order. Said mare tossed her prismatic mane as she sauntered back into Max’s field of vision with a smug grin on her muzzle.
Top Edge coughed on her back a couple of times, then bounced giddily and cried, “Whoa. Do that again!”
Rainbow Dash winked at him. “Maybe later, squirt.”
She then turned to the gaggle of oddballs standing before them, whom Max recognised as the youngsters originally trailing at the rear end of Princess Twilight’s sortie. An air of varying degrees of embarrassment, exasperation and boredom lingered around them, which turned into wariness and curiosity when they noticed Max and Top Edge.
Max plucked their names from Rainbow’s mind easily enough, and then stiffened when Ocellus’ wide eyes focused on her.
“What d’ya think, Ocellus?” asked Rainbow Dash, grinning like a colt proudly showing his friends something gross he’d dug up from the garden as she pushed Max towards the little pink and teal changeling.
Surprise, delight and confusion radiated from Ocellus—was she actually her sister?—followed by a hefty dose of apprehension and a very distinct reverberation of ‘Why?’ in her mind as she stared at Max.
Oh, hayseed.
“Uh, Teach, don’t you think you might be taking the book a little too seriously?” said Gallus after giving Max a sidelong glance. “I mean, even if we believe that Daring Do is real – which we totally do, by the way – it’s not as if absolutely everything in there is real, right? How do we know that this is one of those things?”
“Because she looks exactly like Nix’s ponysona?” said Rainbow Dash, waving a wing at Max as she bore down on the griffon, muzzle to beak. “C’mon, even a blind bat will say I’m right!”
Gallus blinked and shrank away from her. “Okay. If you say so…”
Max bit her lip.
No, no, no, you’re losing ground! Take charge of the narrative!
She took a deep breath to steady herself, then stepped forward and cleared her throat. “Say what now?”
When everyone turned to her, Max schooled her face into a vacant gape, staring Rainbow Dash for a couple of seconds.
Then, she threw her head back and guffawed so hard that Top Edge had to flutter his wings to stay balanced on her back. “Hang on, hang on. You do realise that Daring Do is a work of fiction, right? And even if her changeling sidekick was real, do you really think Nix is dumb enough to hang out in a convention hall filled with ponies who’ve read about her specifically? No one’s that stupid.”
Ha. Ha. Ha. Go me.
“Playing hard to get, huh?” Rainbow Dash’s grin didn’t waver as she sidled up to Max and draped a wing over her back. “C’mon, your secret is safe with me! If you’re okay in Daring’s book, then I’ve got no problem with you, whatever bad stuff you’ve done before. Water under the ledge, right?”
“Bridge…” Max murmured with a frown.
“What was that?”
“Nothing.”
Is this a ploy to make me reveal myself in public? It totally is, isn’t it?
Max could neither taste deceit nor read anything shady in her mind that might suggest an attempt at subterfuge, but then again, she wouldn’t put it past some of the smarter cookies in the Equestrian hierarchy to keep Rainbow Dash in the dark whilst using her as bait.
She discreetly flicked her gaze around the hall and could’ve sworn that the pair of burly stallions standing at the entrance to the food court had averted their eyes the moment she spotted them…
“I don’t know about that.”
Max tore her eyes away from the stallions and saw Sandbar flipping through his copy of The Forgotton City with his muzzle. He then frowned and added, “She’s kinda mean. And selfish. I’m not sure I’d peg her as someone I’d want watching my back at all… I mean, Daring Do could be wrong about her, right?”
Smoulder folded her arms and raised an eye ridge. “Does it matter? It’s all fake, anyway.”
Sandbar turned to the others. “Silverstream? Yona?”
Silverstream giggled and hopped in place like a foal on a sugar high. “She was so exciting! And awfully mean, but also exciting! Wish we had someone like her when the Storm King invaded!”
“Yona bored! And hungry! Going to see if food stands got anything worthy of yak stomach!” the yak announced before lumbering off. Then, just before merging with the throng of ponies around them, her parting words reached their ears. “Nix just okay. Five out of ten, not enough smashing.”
“Still a cooler character than Spectrum Lash in Temple of Chicomoztoc,” Top Edge murmured.
Rainbow Dash choked on a gasp as she whirled around to face Top Edge, then pouted and said, “Ouch, kid. What did I ever do to you?”
Smoulder interrupted the tirade with a gravelly cough, and when all eyes turned to her, she patted her belly and stalked off after Yona, saying, “You know what? I’m hungry too. I’ll be way, way over there with everyone who’s got their priorities straight.”
“Yeah, yeah, sure. We’ll catch up!” Rainbow Dash called after her. Then, she rounded back up on Ocellus and grinned as she nudged Max’s ribs with an elbow. “Hey, you’ve been holding out on us. What’s the verdict?”
Ocellus shifted on her hooves. “Well…”
Max briefly considered clawing her way into the little one’s mind in order to force a confident denial out of her lips, but her psionic potential had greatly diminished due to a lack of brain matter in her diet, which meant that direct mind control was a feat far beyond her ability to reliably pull off at this time. And a botched attempt would only confirm Rainbow’s suspicions, not to mention give her a splitting headache on top of potentially bringing the wrath of the Purple Menace down upon her…
So that just left her staring at Ocellus whilst she mentally scanned her surroundings for the quickest escape route.
“She’s a pony, Professor Dash. Just like the six mares we’ve already… uh, inspected,” Ocellus eventually said.
Eh?
“Hah, I knew it—wait, what?” Rainbow Dash’s smirk cracked, and she blinked a couple of times before frowning at Ocellus. “You sure about that?”
“Yes.”
Rainbow’s eyes narrowed further. “Absolutely sure, huh?”
Ocellus didn’t miss a beat. “Positive.”
Silence reigned for a couple of seconds, during which a few more ponies turned curious eyes to their little impasse. At least, until Silverstream leapt into the air with a gasp.
“Oh my gosh, is that what a body pillow is supposed to look like? I’ve been hearing so much about them!” cried Silverstream as she pointed a talon at a very detailed artist’s rendition of Daring Do. “It looks so realistic!”
Gallus pounced and yanked her back to the floor by her tail, at which point a red-faced Sandbar came to his aid and ushered her away from puzzled onlookers, though some sported knowing grins. Max heard a lot of flustered whispering between the trio, mostly along the lines of keeping things low-key and not going near the kinky stand until the teachers aren’t looking, as they attempted to make a stealthy retreat.
Once they’d vanished into the throng, Rainbow Dash gave Max another once-over, pouting with flattened ears like a filly who’d just dropped her ice-cream on the ground. Then, when their eyes met, she gave Max a sheepish grin and patted her on the back, saying, “Ookay, my bad. But hey, if you still wanna chill and talk about the books and stuff, I’ll be around. Gotta go!”
Max blinked, and she was gone with a whoosh, leaving ponies clutching their bags, posters and toys – and in one’s case, foals – in her windy wake. A couple of seconds later, they heard her accosting another mare some distance away.
“She crazy. I like her,” said Top Edge.
Max snorted as she stared at Rainbow’s next victim. “Can't argue with that, I guess.”
Daring Do sure knows how to pick her sidekicks.
She then flinched when she felt the soft, warm touch of a chitinous hoof on her shoulder and turned to find Ocellus looking up and giving her a small, encouraging smile. The kind that a teacher might give to a foal walking into kindergarten class for the very first time, dripping with nurturing care, concern and just a little bit of anxious hope that she wouldn’t accidentally push too hard and give the foal a panic attack in front of everypony else.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to show yourself if you don’t want to.” Ocellus glanced at some of her hive mates in the distance, then turned back to her and sighed with her ears laid back. “I know what it’s like, being afraid to reveal yourself.”
Max blinked. “What?”
“I was scared at first. It’s so much easier to stick to the old ways and hide…” said Ocellus as she pawed at the floor. Then, she looked up to Max and smiled softly. “But things are different now. We’ve made peace with Equestria, and I’ve made friends at Princess Twilight’s school. Maybe someday you could come back to the hive or visit Ponyville, and we can show you how much nicer it is than being alone. If you open your heart and share love like we do now, you’ll never have to go hungry again.”
Ocellus gave Max a little wave, then turned and flitted off to join her companions.
That left her standing in the middle of the hall, feeling strangely alone despite being surrounded by hundreds of ponies.
At least, until Top Edge shifted on her back and said, “She’s weird. Changelings shouldn’t sound like normal fillies. Can we go do cool stuff now?”
Max didn’t answer. Wails and screams echoed in her mind as Canterlot’s gleaming towers crumbled under the collective might of the swarm. Those equine screams then rippled and shifted into screeches and keening as thousands of armoured hoof knights charged into a crowd of mismatched bodies with spider-like heads.
They will fear you. Hunt you down…
“Hello-ooo?” He reached around and waved a hoof in front of her muzzle. “You okay? She didn’t put a curse on you or suck out your life force, did she?”
The sweet flavour of his concern mixed with a hint of sour exasperation brought her back into the present with an almost-audible thump. When she craned her neck around and saw him stuck halfway between a pout and a worried frown, she chuckled and playfully ruffled his mane.
Buck that doom and gloom horse apples. I’m not falling into that sinkhole again.
She wasn’t alone in the world, and she had no intention of letting some ancient geezer haunt her into fretting about what-ifs and has-beens. If someone like Thorax could be king without immediately sending the hive spiralling into disaster, then she had absolutely no excuse. Probably.
“Sorry, just got a little distracted,” she said. “If you want, we could—”
The screechy crackle of static from speakers throughout the hall cut her off, followed by a mare’s voice that said, “Oops, sorry about that. Ahem… Fillies and gentlecolts, and every creature from lands far and wide, it is our pleasure to announce that the Daring Delver Adventure obstacle course is now open in Hall Three! Get your teams ready and register at the counter for a chance to test your teamwork and skills and win amazing prizes!”
A murmur rose from the gathered crowd that gradually rose to lively chatter, and Max allowed herself to be swept away by the excitement as ponies began streaming in droves towards the next hall to watch or participate.
She grinned at Top Edge. “That sounds like something right up our alley. You game?”
“Yeah!” Top Edge bounced on her back. “Let’s go, let’s go!”
Max cricked her neck and broke into a canter, cackling as she easily outpaced any would-be competitors on their way to the obstacle course.
When she passed Quibble Pants, who was still caught up in an attempt to mitigate a rather heated discussion of Nix’s terrible OC-ness, she all but yanked him up from his seat and cried, “No time for chit chat, there are flanks to kick and prizes to win; adventure awaits!”
My apologies for the long wait. 
On the bright side, it's not quite over yet, if you were hoping for something a little more substantial. There's still a little more that I couldn't justify putting out together with this chapter.
I did agonise quite a bit over whether to include Top Edge in this chapter, since he's technically from a spinoff to this story's predecessor rather than a proper prequel. I hope his presence wasn't too off-putting to anyone who hasn't read Top Edge.
Edit: Altered Rainbow Dash's scenes to make her a little less obnoxiously aggressive.
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I rather loved seeing top edge here. His presence just brought a lovely sense of continuity to everything. And this chapter was wholesome fun that lampoons, and plays with the story so well.
Well done chapter! I had a blast reading it.
Chapter...
So meta...
Blacking out...
Man, great jokes just kept rolling off the presses nonstop. And you did a nice job of capturing everyone's character well to boot.
I would like to see Twilight take Max aside and talk to her about this. Daring Do may not have outed her, but Thorax almost certainly noticed her and would have told Twilight so she could help.
I had actually thought that this story was finished. Imagine my pleasant surprise when I find out I was wrong.
Great chapter, here's hoping for more interactions between Max and Occelus in the future.
(here's also hoping Max retains some dignity and doesn't become one of the "new" changelings)
wait so, does she look like a queen in her natural form? because if she does I would love to see the reaction of the other changelings when they say "you can drop the disguise we wont judge you!"
*drops disguise*
changelings:
thumbs.gfycat.com/AbleFirmCero-small.gif
Top Edge is the best sidekick since Short Round.
You have no idea how happy I am for seeing that incomplete tag
Her reveal will also be hilarious when it finally happens
The whole scene with ocelus was well done.^^
Top edge was cute. The meta was intense. The students are going to cause such shenanigans at the con and it will be hillarious if we see it. Yona has her priorities straight.
‘Nix’ lucked out incredibly, but she’s acceptable because she suffered and got blown up a few times and we saw it on screen. So there.
Max just needs to embrace her inner jewel bug. Imagine the new op ways her metamorphosis will interact with her new genetic optimization!
We do have to get to the part where Max actually brokers the beginning of peace talks with the Crown. D:
Also, great incorporation of Ocellus. Looking forward to seeing what Max decides to do in the long term.
Great chapter, and I'm glad there's still more to come.
memegen.com/m/olw1g6.jpg
I'll be honest I thought this story was complete because the ending to the last chapter seemed like such a perfect ending to me. I'm still happy to see this chapter though, it was fun.
As much as I want to, I can't argue that point.
He totally doesn't. I know sucking up to a teacher when I see it, Gallus.
Actually, I was wondering awhile back if Top Edge was going to make an appearance, or at least get a direct mention, so if anything, that's fan serve for me.
Much like last chapter, I totally would've been content if this was the final chapter...but I certainly won't say no to yet another too!
As Max, Top Spin, And Quibble Pants. made there way to the event. Quibble turned a knowing look to Max "So what was it like traveling with Daring Do?" he asked with a grin causing Max to suddenly Face Plant into the dirt.
LOL Sorry couldnt resist!)
Ya! Top Edge gives us more Bat pony wubs!
Okay, this was adorable ... Top Edge is always a win, Occellus is precious and Thorax and Pharynx make for a fun duo.
That being said, time to point out some things ... I just can't stop myself ...
like a dangerous implement
epic, hour-long rant
is a small fry
pretty sure that's supposed to be undeserving
make that 'had apparently had'
even if her changeling sidekick was real
Intrigued where this will go ...
Yes.
We even got some Top Edge. That's a plus.
Why am I getting the very distinct feeling A.K. Yearling is going to get roped into whatever her sidekicks are doing at the convention.
... That wasn't an insult to Past Sins' Nix, was it?
9278545
Sorry, but I disagree with the necessity of some of these corrections. There were none where I think your correction is wrong, but two where I think the original is also acceptable. On the others—good work!
I believe this comma is optional.
I think the other way is also common usage—perhaps even dominant usage. From a small amount of research, it seems to be mostly used in a plural context, but Collins lists it as "uncountable noun", also "plural noun, sometimes singular". One of the quoted examples is used on a singular subject without a preceding "a", as in this story.
He was very small fry compared to some that fouled and then fled your nest.
There were none provided that used a preceding "a".
9278714
Pretty sure it's just a not!Max name, like how Spectrum Lash is a not!Rainbow Dash name.
9278247
Ocellus was the only one to notice that Max was a changeling, though. But the idea of Twilight pulling her aside for a talk does have merit...
9278251
Oh, no worries there. No self-respecting Bad OC would want to look like the rainbow reindeer.
9278254
She doesn't. Well... not yet, anyway.
9278394
Whether it's a teacher or a king, a good griff always knows whose hoof/claw to kiss in order to get a leg up in the world!
9278714
Nope. It was a choice between Nix, Nux, Nax and Nox as 'lazy' aliases for Max, and I just went with the one which I felt rolled off the tongue most easily.
I had forgotten this was in progress and was pleasantly surprised at this chapter. Also, this chapter is beautiful in every way and I adore it to its core.
I really want to see an awesome (and/or embarrassing) reveal while at that convention. Perhaps the villains have also stopped by...?
I'm not sure if that case should end in them getting wrestling-hold convinced to grit out "And that was our new live-action skit..." or not, though. Or whether it should actually convince anyone. Kinda hoping it doesn't, because Max is too awesome to hide. Perhaps it should end with getting yelled at by Dash because she's more awesome?
This is a really great coda for the story; hoping the incomplete tag means there will be more.
This chapter.
9279002
I'm afraid I'll have to disagree on the first one, that comma is most certainly necessary.
That being said, you may have a point on the second one. However, as you mentioned yourself 'small fry' is usually only used in plural so the easiest solution might be to simply say 'characters like Nix are small fry' and avoid the problem entirely.
9278545
Fixed all of them save for 'had had' and 'small fry'. I'm quite sure that the former is still grammatically correct, whilst the latter just sounds more natural to me in spoken dialogue.
Thanks for spotting those!
9279739
Yup. There's still a little more to come.
9278631
Very tempting... Gah, but this is supposed to be denouement, not more rising action!
This was a wonderful chapter's worth of wrapping up and smoothing edges. Like a nice after dinner mint.
9280164
Who says this needs to be rising action? You have an obstacle course. You have the most competitive pony in Equestria most likely about to drag the Princess of Friendship into competing with her in the same competition Max and Quibble Pants are competing in as a team.
This is a recipe for comedic hijinks which might or might not involve bruised egos, exposed secrets, and massive amounts of property damage. :P
After all the heavy action and adventure this story has been filled with, releasing all the tension with comedy might just be the perfect release valve to settle everyone for the finale.
9280596
Hmm, fair enough. I'm not sure if I can fit that in with what I've already written for the next part, but I'll give it due consideration.
9279945
When a noun is modified by two and only two adjectives, I see using the comma to separate them as optional when no ambiguity is introduced thereby. But this is admittedly a stylistic choice and I cannot find a style manual in under five minutes of searching that supports it. It's sort of like omitting the Oxford comma, which is funny because I never do that.
However, I do think you erred by using a comma in, "I'm afraid I'll have to disagree on the first one, that comma is most certainly necessary." It appears to me that this is a comma splice.
Great stuff to be sure, but if there's going to be more then I really think this should be in a new story since the tone is so different than the rest of the story.
9281965
There'll be more, but if I do it right, it should wrap everything up nicely without feeling too much like its own spin-off. The remainder most likely wont be substantial enough to be its own story, anyway.
This chapter though
You really nailed Pharynx alright 
""stumbled onto her secret double-life when he’d stalked her into her home and found her without a disguise"" --Might've been a bit off putting for anyone who thinks breaking and entering or stalking is wrong.
Hm, I'm not sure how to feel about this one. On the one hand the chapter is very well written overall, Top Edge is awesome, and the humor is on point. That said, I do have three problems with it I want to bring up.
First, in the debate at the beginning, while Quibble does have a good point about the occasional smallish problem being good for healthy discussion (e.g. Trixie in Boast Busters), the meta aspects had some serious problems. The show went from the occasional problem to a total disaster years ago, and a lot of what was said in defense of "Nix" is uncomfortably reminiscent of the attacks on people who point out the problems with the modern show. This wouldn't be a problem if you were writing a standalone work, but fanfiction is inherently tied to the source material and fandom so what would otherwise have been a great scene invoked a lot of the worst behavior of the fandom and suffered badly as a result.
Second, Rainbow was really poorly written. I get that the show has been doing a terrible with her (and everyone else) for years, but that doesn't justify you doing a bad job with her. This didn't wind up hurting the chapter all that much because she is largely irrelevant to the story, but it was still irritating.
Third, I think you overloaded this chapter to an extent, and it wasn't in the way you were concerned about. Top Edge fits in great because of his existing relationship with Max, but many of the canon characters felt like they were just there because you wanted them to show up. I think this is also why it felt like this was the start of another arc with the obstacle course. You introduced a bunch of new characters to the story, and in doing so you created the expectation they would be used for something. If you had limited it to the group of fans at the beginning, Top Edge, and maybe a little bit of Twilight and/or Thorax (since they were introduced earlier) it would have felt like you were tying up loose ends and hinting at Max's general path forwards, but with all the other characters involved and you pointing them at the obstacle course at the end it came off more as you setting up a new cast for a new arc than anything else.
Anyways, I think that's everything, and I hope you find this feedback helpful.
9284366
To be honest, I'm not really seeing what's so objectionable about their debate. The story isn't trying to 'take sides' in that argument; it's just there to show Max's discomfort, being smack in the middle of a debate between fans.
I don't think it's necessarily insulting or glorifying the behaviour, and I'm saying this as someone who thinks that Starlight was mishandled in her revenge arc.
In what way?
Hmm, I see what you mean with the obstacle course. I'm still on the fence as to whether I'm going to actually do something with it in the next chapter, though.
As for the other characters, do you mean Rainbow and the Student Six? If so, then yeah, guilty as charged. I did want them to show up; or rather, Ocellus, specifically. RD is pretty much a given, and I figured that it would be pretty natural for her to have a 'class trip' to introduce the whole lot of them to the madness that is Daring Do.
9285803
It's not that there's an inherent problem with it, it's how it interacts with the current fandom. If you were writing this during season 2 or writing original fiction the debate would have been excellent, but at this point there's too much hostility towards honest criticism in this fandom to ignore, especially when you are explicitly invoking meta themes in the story. Having had more time to think about it since I wrote that comment, I think it would have been much more effective to focus that scene on Max reflecting on the story through comments with double meanings like them saying her turning into a giant monster was stupid and her replying "yeah, that was insane" and pointing out that "https://www.fimfiction.net/story/343811/that-changelings-a-pony]That Changeling's a Pony!" in response to the costumes. That would tighten to focus to Max which inherently mitigates the issues of the larger fandom as well as help wrap up her arc in this story.
That badly flanderized portrayal where she is 100% aggression and competitiveness with none of the depth that made her interesting and lovable back when the show was well written.
I also came up with what I think is an excellent fix for this, but considering she's by far the single biggest offender on my third point due to her competitive nature making her an obvious rival in the implied obstacle course arc, I'm completely ignoring her presence in this chapter and assuming this is the start of the next Max story.
First, scrap the mindless aggression. Daring Do obviously trusts Max based on the book, so that should be more than good enough for Rainbow to trust Max as well. Rainbow's attitude should be a mix of excitement, curiosity, and affection, not the suspicion and hostility of the badly flanderized portrayal we usually see these days. That would also make for a much more interesting interaction with Max because she's used to suspicion and hostility, not that kind of openness, so Rainbow would totally confuse her by acting so radically different from her expectations.
Second, Rainbow should deliberately track Max down. The book should give her enough information through descriptions of things like terrain, rail lines, and bridges to deduce the general area of Max's house, and once she has that it shouldn't be too hard to figure out which one was both blown up and had an inhabitant that at least roughly matched Max's pony disguise. Rainbow beats Twilight in intelligence, she just usually doesn't care enough to think things through which is why she gets flanderized into an idiot, so if she's being written properly she'll track down Max fairly quickly once she sets her mind to it.
The net result is that Rainbow should show up at Max's door, confuse the hell out of her with her attitude, and drag her into meeting the princesses no matter how scared Max is of them. Add a bit of Top Edge for maximum shenanigans, and you have yourself a solid story.
Them and the other changelings as well. There's a case to be made for a brief appearance from Twilight and/or Thorax because they have relevance to Max and the story in general, but you definitely gave them too much attention for such a minor detail. The fundamental problem here is that you wanted them in as you said, so you shoved them in even though they have no place in the story.
Remember, just because they're at the same convention doesn't mean you have to show them interacting with Max. There are tons of other ponies there she isn't shown interacting with because they aren't relevant to the story, and the same should apply to Rainbow and the others regardless of their role in the show.
9286106
Whilst I agree that it's unfortunate how far people will go to excuse flaws in stories, I do not consider it sufficiently tragic to become a mood-killer if it's brought up in the story.
Fans will be fans, and I'm annoyed by this sort of protectiveness as much as the next guy, but I'm afraid I cannot justify walking on eggshells around this aspect of the fandom to the point of deliberately excluding them from a story that's supposed to be tongue-in-cheek with these things.
Hmm, I'd figured that Rainbow's mistrust of Max could be due to being a little protective about her status as Daring's best sidekick, especially if other fans are so vocal about preferring Nix over Spectrum Lash like Top Edge did. And as far as first impressions go, I think it's pretty standard for Rainbow to appear shallow the first time people meet her, especially in this instance. I think that's good enough for what ultimately amounts to a cameo.
Then again, I could be biased due to this being my story.
Wish this chapter was still actively being commented upon so that others might chime in on this topic.
To be honest, I'm still a little iffy on whether they stand out to the point of being intruders in the narrative, but as I said, that could be my bias talking. I'll be sure to keep this in mind for future chapters/stories. Thanks for the feedback!
Horay for the return of top edge!
This chapter had me laughing or smiling most of the way through. I like how you handled pharynx.
Since you asked for it ill throw in my 2 cents. Not sure if they'll be worth much though.
9287513
I thought that part was handled fairly well. It didnt swing too much into one direction. I wont go into this subject too much since i usually dont take part in fandom debates. Way i see it both sides of the argument tend to get a bit too entrenched to be able to have any meaningful discussion after a while.
While this makes a lot of sense reading it here i have to admit the story didnt convey this all that well or leave me with that impression. RD did feel a bit overly aggressive there. Though its hard to say what should have been different. At this point there are so many ways to interpret the main 6 that there will probably always be something a bit off to someone.
Honestly? i enjoyed their inclusion. Ill admit that the student 6 might have taken the focus for a little bit too long at points but there is nothing wrong with including existing characters that could believably show up in a place like this.
9288214
Your two cents are very much appreciated.
Duly noted. I'll have to keep an eye on how I write her in the future.
Alondro strolls in and simply says one word, "Bayformers", before vanishing as quickly as he came (that's what she said!).
Fleet looked thoughtful, "Ok, he's got me there. That's just pure glittery manure."
I'm with Inky. Considering what has become of "Soy Wors" and "Star Dreck" and "Doctor Who Cares"... it's usually a sign of the end when bad characters start taking precedent.
Despite the ridiculous conspiracy theories, no one deliberately creates a 'New Coke' with the intent of failure. Sometimes, realizing you goofed and doing a total 180 just happens to save something. Other times... well, no one remembers the countless failures for very long.
But suddenly she experienced a taste so foul, it made her literally begin to vomit pony emotion rainbows, "OH FAUST, GAHHH!! VORE?! REALLY?!"
9278315 And then Starlight gains Second Sight and realizes she too is a Bad OC.
"Well," she shrugs. "At least I'm not the Pony of Shadows or Cozy Glow!"
Everypony nods and agrees that, yes, Starlight is nowhere near that thinly-written.
*cringes at the memories*
I had already been wondering when we would see him again.
Okay, that is unexpected. I would have expected Celestia would have teached her to guard her mind; at least after she got her wings.
This would actually make an interesting discussion.