Sometimes the challenges we face are of our own making and sometimes they step out of the shadows and draw a line to cross.
Follow a pony on a night out at their favorite spot. It was only going to be a night like all the other nights at the club. This pony planned on dancing the night away to some groovy tunes and maybe catch a glimpse of the most famous of DJs but when they have a chance to actually meet their hero; life opens new doorways into adventure.
Come on the pony's adventure of discovering one's self as they fight for their right to party.
In a nutshell, this is a story told in poem form all about a club, a random OC blank flank, and the finding of their special talent as a late bloomer.
I was challenged in a workshop to do this. Enjoy.
This was one poem that sang inside my head while I read.
A fitting close to my day, I reached the end with dismay.
Too short I do feel, "Add more!" I appeal.
Ten hundred is far too small, "A doubling," I do call.
For your verses ended too quick, but a winner I still pick.
Your efforts I do thank, they were better than a spank.
Well done.
The only line I had an issue with was :
No matter how I read it, I couldn't get it to click. Perhaps a punctuation is missing?
You know, I sort of want to think of this more as a ballad than a poem. I suppose the two are similar, but a ballad has more to it, and I feel like that's where this is going. There's a definite story here - a picture to be painted, and I got that loud and clear as you went into it. It has all the structure of a narrative and would probably make for a good episode of the show. (Even better if it goes entirely without dialogue!) I'm not big on tight rhyme schemes in poetry (or really any rhyming at all), but that's a personal preference and you seemed to adhere to the one generated pretty well.
I appreciate the Magic of Friendship bit at the end. You could have ended this in many other ways, but you kept to a good ideal, and one I wanted to see. Good show!
Thoughts:
Perspective keeps changing between 'I, me, my' and 'you, yours, etc'. Am I, the reader, the pony in this story, or is the narrator telling me about their own experience?
Heavy on the 'tell' - I felt a little led at certain points. I would have enjoyed more feeling and less fact - a dance in the words themselves, if you will.
The sudden bit of romance at the end seemed to come out of nowhere and I wasn't sure how it connected to the rest of the story.