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Three Ponies Walk into a Bar

Proofreed and edited by https://www.fimfiction.net/user/Dreams+of+Ponies

Cheese Sandwich while coming back from a party he had planned goes to the local tavern for a drink. He later finds that he is not the only pony who travels across the country and has been affected by the mane 6. Though we know doesnt mean he does.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 4 )

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RandomPen

RandomPen #1 · Mar 8th, 2017 · · ·

Interesting story, I think the characters are written very well. I do wish there was more of a plot to it, but for a simple conversation at a bar it's good. Good description and grammar, as well as a natural conversation flow.

grouchopony

grouchopony #2 · Apr 4th, 2017 · · ·

I liked your story. It showed some good character development.

But I did notice a couple little errors. Somewhere near the third or fourth paragraph you have -

Now, my job is done and I should be heading out on my way.” Cheese smiled, adjusted his hat and then strode out. while the party went on, he had lose track of time.

'lose' has the wrong tense. It should be 'lost'. And check the capitalization of that same sentence.

Those things don't bother me. But I mention them to you because I know from firsthand experience that some readers go crazy over that sort of thing. Causing them to overlook the good aspects of your story, and even 'dislike' it.

Epic Fable