• Published 28th Feb 2017
  • 1,537 Views, 88 Comments

Report on the Occult Energies of Equine Commradery - SaltyVampireHorse

Peridot is stuck in Equestria, good thing shes got her handy-dandy tape recorder!

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Log Date: 7 33 3, Subject: The "AppleJack"

Log Date: 7 33 3

Subject: The “AppleJack”

Audio Recorded by: Peridot Facet-2F5L Cut-5XG

“The “AppleJack” portrays a much more expected image of an Earth pony than the “Pinkie Pie” does. Biologically speaking, the “AppleJack” is a very impressive specimen, my hypothesis was that the “AppleJack” might have perhaps been a Jasper locked in a shapeshifted state: her coloration matches that of most well-bred Jaspers and her physical strength is nearly unmatched especially among other Earth ponies of her size and mass. I chose to take the “Twilight Sparkle’s” advice and merely ask her beforehand as opposed to making distant primary observations. Upon asking her if she was actually a Jasper, the “AppleJack” merely laughed and claimed that my accusation was preposterous. She explained that she is just a regular Earth pony and member of the “Apple Family”, hence her name. I was intrigued by this “Apple Family” and decided to investigate further.”

“My research on the “AppleJack” and her family has revealed some shocking discoveries. The “AppleJack” and her family are one of the largest crime syndicates in Equestria! Their network is expansive, organized and meticulous. While on the surface they may seem like dull, one dimensional and rather ignorant agriculturalists, this facade is the perfect cover for their conspiracy. They grow the addictive “Apple” fruit and convert its nutritional contents into various foodstuffs such as confectioneries and fermented beverages which they sell at exorbitant prices to profit off of their victim’s newfound addiction to their wares. They have been able to successfully root out almost all other “Apple” based competition in Equestria due to the brutal efficiency of their network. The legal bodies have done nothing to halt the spread of their influence, my guess is that the officials have been silenced and bribed. The “Apple Family” could very well conquer all of Equestria if their malicious plans are not stopped.

“What in tarnation are you talkin’ about Peridot?! Don’t you go spreadin’ rumors about me and ma family ya hear? Here allow me to give you the honest and true history about the Apple Family… uh Peri?”

*running footsteps and panting*

“They found me! They know I am conspiring against them! They’re going to wipe my precious grin off the face of this planet!”

“Now hold on there sugarcube, I just wanna clear some things up with yall. C’mon Winona!”

“Aaaaaaaaaahhhh! They’re going to wipe my memory! She’s sicked her beast on me! Steven! I want a traditional Gem burial!”

-Transmission cuts out

-Transmission resumes

“Apples… Apples… Apples and more Apples! That’s all this family of clods is capable of understanding! *deep breath* Resuming my report with some major redactions. Firstly, the “Apple Family” is not a metaphorical name, they are a legitimate, genetically related family. Secondly, they are not a crime syndicate but merely agriculturalists who make due by preparing and selling their harvest. Third, their business is not illicite. While initially I took the “AppleJack’s” demeanor for hostility, she merely seeks to preserve the integrity of her family. Her two and a half hour lecture on her apples, her family history, business, apples, work ethic, core values, and more apples, revealed that she performs her duties with utmost honesty, truthfulness and integrity. She has also made her adoration for her family abundantly apparent. I wish to apologize to the “AppleJack” for nearly defaming her and her family’s reputation. I will say though, her interrogation skills would terrify even the most aggressive Agates on Homeworld. Peridot out”

-Transmission ends

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