Octavia has a hard time opening up. Who could blame her? Vinyl doesn't--but it doesn't stop her from trying.
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A short style experimentation.
Chapters (1)
Bandy
Joined 24th Dec, 2011 ·
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I really like the style and the descriptions, but the story has a complicated chronology that I can't assemble into any connected narrative. It seems to be an opening, then a shift to a vague diffuse past, then back to the narrative present, then a flashback, then a reference to a kind of event that happened often after the flashback but before the present, then a dip further into the past from that set of events to some specific time earlier on, then back to--the present?--then a flashback to a pub in Ponyville where something mysterious happened, and then that last line which might be returning to the narrative present of the first paragraph, but if so, I don't understand what the line means.
(Also, usually they're human, but sometimes they're ponies.)
8152543 Thank you for your comment! My goal with this was story was simply to establish a vibe and try to create within it without sacrificing style or feel. As you pointed out, the narrative is pretty warped. I wasn't too concerned with the narrative of this story--though I don't disagree with your statements.
I feel kinda bad, in a way. You've been very encouraging by posting comments on a lot of my recent stories, and they've just so happened to be the strangest I've ever wrote. I just hope I'm not giving off the impression that I've fallen off the boat. I'm a firm believer in practicing writing, and these stories are a way of practicing stuff I believe I can do better at (in this case, consistency of style).
Why is "spring" the only capitalized season?
Anywho, I have to echo a lot of what Bad Horse said. Stylistically, I found your writing rather entrancing, but with no coherent story to follow, it didn't seem to amount to much in the long-run. But hey, you already know that, so just keep writing and getting better.
8154247 Oh. Personally, I don't post practice stories. I suppose whether to do so depends on what you want to give to or get from your readers. Author's comments at the start would help us know how to respond.