• Member Since 22nd Nov, 2013
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I used to question the MLP FiM show, but one episode and I got hooked on it. See my Fanfiction account ChaosMagemon for more than just MLP fics. Joined the Herd Nov 5, 2011

Comments ( 574 )

Have you ever saw an anime called Shimoneta?

Hm, a bit of a supernatural spin to this one?

You better show up." she warned him.

"Trust me, you better." Bonbon added.

What would happen if Spike didn't show?

Anyway, good way of starting off the story.

Professor Flintheart: WHAT THE DEVIL IS GOING ON HERE?!

I`m glad u made this story Wildcard :twilightsmile:

You never disappoint me, Wildcard25

*Favs and follows this story*

Nice beginning. I will follow this.

Fav and follow.
So no Mane 6-7 ?

At least Spike didn't wake up in bed with the sirens in the nude.

Alright, you just keep giving us great stories. Will Twilight go all over protective sister on Spike?

5:17am wow my sleep schedule has been derailed

Hmm kind of makes me think of Kobayashi's Dragon Maid in a way.

This reminds me of My Bride is a Mermaid.

7975053 just replace the mermaids with sirens. This won't end well for poor spike I just know it.

And Of course, that "oh shit" feeling creeps into his life!

Nice premise, but execution's a bit choppy and grammar is kinda poor, not bad, but far from good

At the end of the chapter you could have said "Something seems 'fishy'."


I like the premise, but it's a bit awkward to introduce a girl by her cup size. Try to give descriptive words like slender, voluptuous, moderate, modest, full, bouncy or others instead of just a straight up size. In fact, it's not really necessary to go straight to her chest at all. A brief description of the face and maybe body type is fine. I would suggest saving the breast size talk until it actually comes up in situations like when Twilight was hugging Spike from behind.

Keep up with how the characters interact with each other and don't worry too much about giving a detailed body description until the story itself calls for it. You certainly didn't feel a need to describe Pip or Spikes other male friends in great detail.

Well this is going to be fun and FINALLY A DAZZLINGS STORY!!

7976393 Sure it would be, but it would be so corny it is funny! :rainbowlaugh:

7976431 it is not the first. the first was in spike's gals.

Looks like it is going to be me asking, but are they in the mod? Because they can not be yacuza.

7975480 no that is a "oh god why have you forsaken me so!" Moment.

Oh boy oh boy.

I can't wait for an update! :D

7986301 That was a chapter. We've never seen a story with Spike X Dazzlings as the main plot.

Comment posted by Phantom-Dragon deleted Mar 5th, 2017

Phew, I'm glad Spike's not going to get himself drowned or killed by the Dazzlings, or any of their merfolks. Now the story is really getting interesting.

Lovely chapter!

I love the H2O reference and I'm loving this story.

KO awesome chapter, Spike found his saviors from years ago and had found out that he's also married to them. It's gonna be a very difficult high school for Spike. :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::rainbowdetermined2:

Nice chapter. One has to wonder how much of the Dazzling's culture will clash with that of the surface world. It will be interesting how much Spike will have to guide his new brides in ways of humanity.

BTW, since the Dazzlings are a century old, would that make the MILF's in teenage bodies?

Shenanigans abound!

"Listen, could you three let me up? This situation is an inappropriate moment in school,"

Seems like kind of an awkward way to phrase that. Maybe something like "This isn't the kind of place to be doing this," or something like that.

have previous

have a previous

"In the water?" Spike repeated, "Impossible. If I couldn't swim out there no way any of you could."

Yeah, but you were six. Six. Besides, there's always the possibility that others have a better swimming ability than you, even if they aren't supernatural.

"Ok... Wait, what?" she asked, before Aria restrained her from behind, as Adagio pulled out a water bottle from her backpack, "Hey, how come I have to be the one to give proof?"

Anyone else reminded of that one show, H20: Just Add Water? It was an Australian dramatic fantasy program about these girls who could turn into mermaids by coming into contact with water after going into a pool under a dormant volcano as it's illuminated by the full moon. It was kind of ridiculous, but it was still an interesting show from what I remember.

"You didn't deserve to drown like that," Adagio began, "Many people have died out at sea the way you have, but we couldn't let someone so young go the way others have."

I know now's not the time, but I can't help but think about all the old people who didn't get saved just because they were getting on in their years.

"You see over the years mankind has hunted our species intentionally or unintentionally." Aria elucidated.

Is it because unintentional antagonists want to prove to the world that mermaids exist by capturing them like in Thirteenth Year? Or is it because consuming their flesh brings about immortality if you don't turn into a monster like in Mermaid Saga?

"But we can't just mate with any human," Adagio continued, "The one of our choosing must be pure of heart in order for us to give birth."
Aria added, "If the chosen one is not worthy or pure, then it is our law to drown them."

Well Spike, there's only one thing to do. Act like Goku for the rest of your life and hope you don't botch it. Although, it'd depend on how you define "pure". Is it "pure" as in you never have ill intent or bad thoughts? Or is it "pure" in the sense that you have bad thoughts, but you'll do the right thing in the end?

Spike remembered that sound from the beach last night, "That singing was you three?" he asked, before groaning as his mark started to glow like before, "Oh, man that stings!"
The trio stopped singing, "It also means you're pure of heart.

Oh, okay then. I guess Spike's pure of heart, you guys!

"What?" Spike asked, and suddenly to his surprise found Adagio claiming his lips in a passionate kiss. It happened so fast, Spike couldn't protest or resist. When they parted, Aria smirked and threw her arms around Spike kissing him as well. After Aria, Sonata pulled Spike close and gave him a kiss too. When they parted, Spike stood bearing a flabbergasted look on his face before speaking to the three, "I got to go." he ran off not wanting them to see the blush on his face.

I feel as though there should be slightly more detail. Like, some description to distinguishes the differences in how they kiss, which in turn reflect more of their personality.
Anyways, I thought this was an okay chapter. I'll see you next time.

Long, complicated, and freakin' sweet!!!

This story definitely shows promise. I will have to keep reading.

Hold it. If Spike's already betrothed to the Dazzlings, then what does that make Moondancer, Lyra, and Bob Bon? Bridesmaid?

8001868 That's the juicy part, they also start developing feelings for him.

8001873 *gulps* The Dazzlings won't be too happy about that.

8001873 Any form of punishments in accordance to mermaid law for winning hearts behind the brides' backs?

8001883 That's something you'll have to find out how it goes down the line.

Other than the massive levels of jealousy around Spike, the little guy should also watch out for the likes of paranormal investigators, agents of unapproved-undersea royalty, and time-traveling cyborgs.

One's enough for me, don't want to play X-Games with Tony Hawk...

What the-
What's going on here?!?
It's like one of my Japanese Animes!?!:pinkiegasp:

They drown people who aren't pure of heart? That's kinda cruel. How exactly is pure defined? Can you act like an asshole and still be pure? Like dr.cox, dr.house, vegeta, seto Kaiba, and many many tsundere anime characters? Would they be drowned because they aren't nice on the outside?

Also, why would the mark stinging indicate him being pure? I would think it would be the opposite, if it doesn't hurt, then your pure. It hurting him just kinda seems like a punishment for being nice.

"In the water?" Spike repeated, "Impossible. If I couldn't swim out there no way any of you could."
Wha? He was six. Apparently being pure also includes being a sexist.

Anyways, I'm enjoying this story so far. But I suggest reading your stuff a few more times before posting or getting someone else (not a family member, you'll get biased feedback) to read it.

Ps: I was joking about the sexist thing

It's kinda awkward to introduce a character by chest size. Wait to mention it when something actually happens like when twilight hugs spike. You don't even have to say the exact size, just a descriptive word. The cup size thing would work in something like high school dragon because spike is a pervert and his mind would immediately go there. But here it kinda comes off as bad taste.

Oh and its hilarious that Lyra just automatically assumes that spikes mysterious shoulder pain is connected to some random singing. If it's meant to be a shot in the dark that turns out to be true, have one or two of the other characters look at her like she's crazy.

Other than that this chapter is a fine start.

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