I was cautious at first due to the OCs, alicorn and zebra OCs are often done badly, but you did a great job of characterising them and they sure are fun to read about.

What I don't get is why this is a prelude and not the first chapter? Unless there's a difference between a prelude and a prologue that I'm not familiar with, this doesn't have anything that would look out of place as chapter 1. If anything, this completely contradicts the tags for your story. It sets up the story as a light-heated comedy adventure and not the M-rated dark and gory fic your tags say it will be. So I honestly don't know what to expect.

I think one of your problems is that many people don't want to read m-rated dark and gory stories featuring OCs. They're often badly done. But from this start, this one is good and entertaining. It's well written although it has a few formatting errors, and I didn't notice any grammar or spelling errors either.

Although, I am unsure about the first two paragraphs. I'm in two minds about them. On one hand, I think that it's a interesting opening as I want to see what events it is talking about, on the other hand, it isn't all that grabbing of a start. It's got a bit too much telling in it. Although, in the style you have written this that does work.

So, to conclude, I think your issue is one of advertising and setting the scene rather then a issue with the story itself. But you have got yourselves one new reader.

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That is an emboldening statement sir. And I thank you for it. I have had trouble with titling for a while, but have no better solution as of yet. Anyway, I never said this won't be funny. Or that the entirety of it is exclusively gore and action. Perhaps I should change tags. Idk. But there are decidedly very visceral scenes and sometimes chapters entirely devoted to describing battle or torture...but I digress. You can't create a story, even a specifically gore fic without a plot or a meaningful set of characters that are entertaining outside of killing each other, especially on the scale of what I am doing. You can't feel how they feel, hurt like they hurt. So I suppose the style is more sinister than i gave it credit for, thanks for the food for thought! Hope you continue to enjoy!

Internet has been terrible, and I just got back on now. Seems the other guy already gave it a review, but after reading this prologue I'm starting to agree with him, minus his demeaning choice of words.

I see the description has been fixed. It was terrible before, and now it's pretty good, but I'm still not hooked on one of the characters being an alicorn OC. There have been enough bad stereotypes of alicorn OCs that people avoid them like the plague now, and this applies to Zebra OCs too, to an extent.

There are two writers here, both write, edit and proofread the story but there are still quite a handful of missing punctuation marks in this prologue chapter alone. Gutsy Twilight is too erratic of a character for me to feel invested in. She feels like the distilled unbridled ridiculousness of Pinkie Pie became an alicorn with the mental age of an 10yo. Zeccaran has his own set of inconsistencies that make him unappealing, which coupled with Gutsy's cons are the most detracting things about this story. 1st off he talks about the world as if he can see through all the bad things happening in the background, and this is setting him up as some sage character with lots of depth and background. Giving him a timberwolf companion was a surprise to me and lent some credence to his character, in a way (I have honestly never read a story with a tame timberwolf before.) But then you immediately have him being dragged around by Gutsy into shenanigans right off the bat. He's being a pushover, and he himself falls for the ol' windowsill pie cooling gag, albeit the pie is an oven. It was good at the beginning, but pretty downhill when Gusty starts talking. So combining this with the fact that I wasn't able to latch any investment on the characters themselves, I can't help but feel like I was let down from the get-go.

As for tags, tragedy dark and gore are misleading already this early on. Adventure might be the more fitting of the 3 and maybe there should be a tag for comedy instead of those others. But it isn't very encouraging that the author can't confidently pin down the identity of their story with tags. And considering DnD shenanigans, while there may get dark and gory in the future, this bad 1st impression is gonna stick and dampen the story from here on out.

So yeah, it's a big stretch to start a premise off DnD characters. I'm guessing, you guys have the entire story down already or are still playing through it. Either way, you only have to write the narrative down, but I can't really change that if you're set on adapting it faithfully, and if it's more or less chocked with similar shenanigans, I'm likely not reading on.